Chapter seven: The tale of a loss that was a gain

The dwarfs around them cheered for Thorin. They shouted words in khuzdûl, words Del did not understand. Their language was a precious thing to dwarves, meanings were kept hidden and fiercely protected from other races. Del did not doubt they encouraged Thorin. Their eyes were glued to each other, they slowly encircled themselves, swords lifted in front of them.

"Come on, Thorin! He is not even half your size. Be quick!" Dwalin gave a rough bark of laughter. Technically, he was right. Thorin was much heavier than himself, and though they were nearly of the same height, his trusts would be hard to take.

Suddenly and with a speed that surprised Del immensely, Thorin attacked. He barely managed to get his sword up in time and jumped back to prevent himself from tumbling to the ground. Dust whirled around their feet and Del quickly adjusted to Thorin's way of fighting. With the fading of the first speed of Thorin's attack it became easier for Del to fight back. He was faster than the dwarf. Soon Del did not block Thorin's hits anymore, that would take too much power from him. He ducked and jumped, completely avoiding being hit at all. With every passing second Dwalin's shouts got angrier, the spectators around them verbally pushed Thorin to finish the fight. Kili and Fili exchanged worried looks. Maybe their idea had not been so bright after all.

Del was covered in sweat and dirt, he was breathing heavily. His hands slightly trembled. In between he had forced a series of attacks on Thorin, but mainly he remained defensive. Dwalin started to furrow his brows, shouting words in the dwarven language. Few opponents, let alone a boy like Del, had managed to take their stand against Thorin. He was skillful, trained and apt. Yet they were still fighting. Del lacked the power to overcome Thorin, Dwalin knew that. But the boy stood his ground. He shouted again something at Thorin, urging him to end the fight. The people around got restless. It took Thorin too long. They wanted to see him victorious.

Thorin reached forward, binding their both swords. Their faces were close to each other, he could feel Del's rapid breathing on his skin. He stared into the mans' eyes. Del stared back. His dark eyes glimmered strangely. There was no sign of weariness in them, just caution and observance. He held his push, his hand shaking with the effort, but he did not back away. Angry shouts reached their ears. He was eager to finish the fight, to be the one winning. But he had to admit he could not. Del was too fast, he avoided many of his attacks. Therefore he was not growing weary too soon. Yet he would never be able to overcome him, he did not have the power to unarm him. They were an even match.

And just when the audience started to grow impatient, and Thorin was positive he would not win, the impossible happened. Del's shoulders fell, all breath seemed to leave him and he loosened the grip on his sword a bit. Thorin's eyes widened, with one last trusts he disarmed Del, his sword on the mans' neck. Screams of joy evoked, cheers and congratulations rose and many a dwarf clapped his hands. Dwalin beamed satisfied with Thorin winning. Del slowly lifted his arms in defeat. He looked up and met the dwarf's unbelieving stare.

"Congrats, you are truly an exceptional fighter..." Dwalin joined them and patted Del's shoulder roughly. He seemed to be more friendly towards Del now, and quite genuine.

"I have to admit that you do well, lad. If you had fought any other than Thorin you would have been the winner, I'd say. You lack a bit of strength. No surprise, you're skin and bones." he smiled broadly. Thorin did not say anything, he silently accepted the congratulations. His eyes never left Del. But the man just shrugged.

"Hopefully no other opponent will be as skilled a warrior as Thorin. So I'm very positive I shall stand my ground..." Dwalin nodded his consent and left the two alone. All others went to resume to their work as well, until it was only Thorin and Del, still facing each other. The silence pressed on them and Del felt uncomfortable.

"We should have an archery contest next time. Then I'll show you..." he was teasing, a lopsided grin revealing his true meaning, but Thorin did not smile back. He looked around to make sure nobody was close to them.

"You could have shown me here right away. You lost on purpose..." Del opened his mouth, but he found himself unable to say something. Did he? Had he really lost on purpose? The look on Del's face shocked Thorin to his very core. He saw confusion on his young face, his pale features remembering the fight, when suddenly realization hit him. Without really knowing why Thorin pressed his forehead against Del's.

Thorin wanted to be angry with Del. He wanted to ask him for another sparring. But it would only result in the same outcome. Del deeply inhaled. Both knew they were an even match. The one lacking the strength to end the fight, the other lacking the speed to finish it. And Thorin could sense the inner turmoil Del was in. And it was his fault. Del had never wanted to take up the sparring in the first place, but he had made him. And now that he had lost to him, rightfully or not, that was not the point, his people would remember that. Dwalin would make sure he never forgot. Del had his eyes closed, his forehead still against Thorin's. Again he thought of the feeling of his body in his arm.

"I'm sorry." he heard Del whisper. "I did not mean to." Thorin took his shoulders and made him look up to him.

"I'm sorry that I made you take up arms. I should have known better." Thorin drew Del into a tight embrace, allowing himself to touch his long, black hair on his back. Del relaxed into his chest and his face pressed into his tunic. In this moment he was weak. He was reduced to being thin and small and nothing compared to the strong arms that held him. It scared him more than anything else before in his life. Del found himself dreaming again. He snapped back to reality when Thorin pulled away. "We should clean ourselves and get something to eat, alright?" nodding slowly Del got a step back.

"I need a moment. I'll see you at dinner." Thorin gave the man a quick smile and left him standing alone. Del shivered and he looked down at his hands. He still felt Thorin's forehead on his, his hand gently stroking his hair. Or did he make that up as well?

Light footsteps made his head turn in alarm. Del relaxed when he saw it was Fili to approach him. Kili was nowhere to be seen. Fili gave him a smile and looked up into his eyes. Del could not help but muse about this young dwarf. He was not off age yet, and still he acted so mature. He was clever, and his eyes told of that.

Fili had been observing the whole scene. The arrow shooting with Kili when Del had thrown glances at his uncle every now and then. Then his reluctance to take up the fight with him and his defensive behaviour when they had started to spar. And finally when he had lost on purpose to Thorin. His uncle on the other hand was barely able to keep his eyes off of Del. He knew about those glances. Dwalin and Ori shared them. It was not common for a dwarf to choose a male mate, but it occurred. It was no problem. But for Thorin this was not true. He was supposed to take a wife. A dwarfish wife. For some minutes Fili had felt sorry for his uncle. He was sure he had feelings for Del, as well as Del harbored affection for Thorin. And then he had seen it. And he had to find out the truth. He would be straight on Del, telling him right away.

"I know." as simple a statement, Del paled even more to these words. Insecurity and uncertainty displayed in his eyes, he gave him a frightened look. "I won't tell anybody. I like you. And my brother adores you. And even Dwalin does not hate you fully. And my uncle... well... he does not know what he feels." Del's eyes widened and he took Fili's arm and dragged him along to the spring, pushing him into bushes on the edge of the water. Del made sure they were alone before he followed Fili into the green.

"Fili..."

"You are a girl." Del gaped at the young dwarf and fell to his back.

"How did you figure it out?" Fili grinned wickedly.

"You look too young. And you don't grow a beard. And during the fight you pulled up a bandage across your chest. But you are not injured."

"You are far too clever for your own good, little one... What now?" he skeptically frowned at the dwarf.

"Mother keeps telling me..." he grinned again. "Would you tell me why you disguise as a man?" Del sighed heavily and when he spoke he sounded somewhat defeated. He had not only lost the fight, he had lost his mask, his protection, his identity. And soon he would lose Thorin's friendship. And that would hurt the most.

"My father wanted to have a son. I grew up knowing that he hated me for being a girl. He never wanted to have me, so when I was old enough I left him. I could not stand it. I went to live with my cousin. He was a good man, though hard and unforgiving. He taught me everything I know, how to behave like a girl was not incorporated. I was raised a boy. And I did well. Really well I mean. I challenged every warrior and I defeated each and every one of them. I got the respect and acknowledgement for my skills I so dearly desired. Being a man means being free. I can go where I please and I can fight. I am accepted for my skill with the bow and the blade, I am allowed to fight! I could not do that if I traveled as a woman. This is my freedom. My sanctuary. I should have been more careful. I knew Thorin was going to change me. To change my life. When I first saw him that night I knew. But I could not tell him..."

"He likes you, Del. He would accept it. It would eventually ease his pondering. I... I think he likes you beyond the conventions of friendship..." Del's face displayed outmost shock, surprise and wonder.

"You are sure you are only 25, right?" Fili gave her a smile. "He would. But he would never have me fight beside him... or with you... or anyone else. Not even sparring. I know how decent men behave toward a woman when it comes to fighting. He would want to protect me, he would not want to see me hurt. And I cannot give up what I am. I would need to leave. I have to be selfish here. I cannot lose the only thing I'm good at..." she inhaled as if in pain. "I think I am falling for him. But I cannot allow that... I simply can't."

"If you two love each other, you should respond to that, don't you think so? It will only cause you pain. Uncle does not know how to act around you. I mean, he feels something for you and he thinks you are a man. And a relationship of that kind is considered improper... He is torn, it is unfair to let him believe you are a man. You need to tell him, Del."

"That means I have to leave you... and that I don't want...Will you tell him?" Fili shook his head.

"It is your secret and I think I understand your reasoning. It is up to you to tell him. I will not do it. But tell me, why did you lose the fight?" Del shrugged and rolled to his side.

"He is a prince. He is your leader. He cannot lose to me. I can live with the teasing. He needs to be strong, looked up to... they admire him. And if defeating me helps to secure his station, I will lose again... and it was hardly fair. He still is not fully recovered."

"Yeah, but you are a girl. So that does not count. Still I think your choice was honorable. And you are right. The victory only steadied his position... he was gone for a long time..." but Del frowned again and shot Fili an angry look.

"See? Now that you know I'm a girl the fight was unfair...My point." Fili bowed his head in apology.

"My bad."