Fred was in the middle of the worst dilemma of his life. He sat on the sofa in Mickey's apartment, legs crossed and feeling hopeless. Natalie was playing beside the Christmas tree with the puppy Mickey had got her to keep her company while he worked in his study during the weekend. It was only a few days until Christmas and that made his predicament all the worse. He had to maintain a façade of usual Christmas jolliness and anticipation. The reason he was there and not with Lizzie, trying, no matter how much in vain to pull her back to him was that he had discovered that it was impossible to be more than a few metres away from Natalie at any time. He had tried once to leave and been thrown back. Whether he was tied to her or if there was some kind of force preventing from straying far away from his charge, he could not leave and that fact was almost solely responsible for his sense of utter uselessness. He did not know what had happened to Lizzie while he was there and after he left. For all he knew, she was still there, collapsed on the floor. This thought was the worst to cope with, that there was no one to help her. His hands were tied.
He had turned what had happened over in his mind, again after the incident, after he was done hurting himself trying to break through the restrictions set on him. He was sure that Natalie was aware that something was wrong; she was a very perceptive little girl. She knew that he was hiding deeper pain and hurt feelings. He had gone through all the possible things that they could have done to her. Whatever they had done to her, he could do nothing to help her.
"Fred, come and play with me. We want to play chase and you can be it."
"Is that so?" He gave her one of his trademark devilish grins, though it felt a little strained.
"Yes. You have to count to ten though because my legs are shorter than yours." Her puppy came up and put his nose onto the seat of, looking directly at Fred and whining. He could not hide himself from animals, especially dogs, though he had managed to convince the little dog that he meant no harm to his new mistress. He stood up and began to count. Natalie let out a shriek of both joy and fear before running out of the room. Fred sighed, counted to ten and ran after her, the dog excitedly following behind them.
Lizzie screamed into the blackness, her eyes of no use to her there. She wandered forward searching for anything, a light to lead her out of the darkness that never seemed to end. She had shouted for help first then curled up and cried a little. Each time she opened her eyes and failed to see anything sent her into fits of sobbing or rage. She had always been afraid of the dark when she was small. The primal fear had returned. She had long since gone hoarse from calling out into the dark. At first she had called for Fred. She was sure that he must hear her and he was the only one that could come to her here, he had been there when she fell. She knew that none of this was real; she knew that they had somehow trapped her inside her own head. She also knew that she couldn't get out on her own, just like she had been when drowning. This wasn't like when she shook herself out of a nightmare and she had only managed it once. This was a punishment intended solely for her. Goodness knows what would happen to Fred once his time was up with Natalie, if they hadn't taken him already.
"Do you hear me? I know you're watching. You won't break me, and I don't believe you can kill me so I am going to find a way out of here or Fred will come for me and then you will be sorry. Because if you don't let me out I will find you and I will destroy you." Her conviction was weakened a little by the sob that broke up the last word.
She had been walking for so long and it never seemed to end. There was nothing that her hands could feel for, nothing tactile at all. She had come up against no walls. There had to be something keeping her there.
"Come on, this is my mind, I can control it." She sat crossed –legged suddenly, seeing no point in her continued quest into the unknown. It might go on forever. She had to think. She closed her eyes so that she could pretend that the dark was of her own making. Besides the darkness had begun to feel as if it was pressing down on her eyes as she sought desperately for even a speck of light. She envisioned a door in the light, one that led if not to safety then at least to somewhere where she might hide. She cracked open one eyelid. Nothing.
She closed her eyes and tried again, this time focusing only on light. When she opened her eyes a second time, she was surprised to see a faint glow from the corner of her eye. When she looked that way, though, it disappeared. She turned her head again and saw the light. It would have to do. It was a comfort, and to her it might have been a beacon. She stood up and began to walk again, keeping the glow always in her sight.
Fred had just about reached his limit of patience. He had never had to face a difficult choice, to choose between love and duty before. Those two had always rather gone in tandem. Now they diverged so sharply that it almost made him dizzy. Of course, they had not given him much of a choice. All he could do was work around what they had decreed. They had given him the insurmountable obstacle of keeping him trapped next to his charge. Whether he loved her or not, the truth was the Natalie was no longer his only concern. And right now, Lizzie had the greater need of him. Natalie was growing happy. Mickey was dating her teacher, a woman that she loved and she had her puppy. She still needed him, though. His work was not done here.
But he had to help Lizzie, she could be dying or in pain. He could not leave Natalie, whether he wanted or not. So, he must somehow get Natalie to Lizzie. He did not care what happened to him if he could ensure Lizzie's safety. They would not hurt Natalie for her part. But he would not trick her, he would ask her. She was warming herself by the electric fire, watching the false flames as they danced in an approximation of real fire. Fred popped over beside her.
"Natalie, if I told you that a friend of mine was in danger, someone you now, would you want to help?" She tilted her head in the same way that the puppy was prone to doing.
"Of course, Fred, but what can I do?"
"I need you to convince your father to take you to see Lizzie at her flat."
"Lizzie's in trouble?" Natalie was alarmed now. She turned around and looked up at him, the puppy leaning against her leg.
"I'm not going to sugar-coat it. Lizzie is in a lot of trouble and I can't get to her."
"You were with her before, when I couldn't find you." He closed his eyes.
"Yes, I was." He sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Do you love her?" She looked up at him, far too trusting. It made him feel like a bastard. There was only the truth.
"Yes, very much."
"More than you love me?"
"It's a different kind of love. The kind that your parents used to have, the kind that might be developing between him and your teacher." Natalie made a face.
"That's sissy kind of love. I thought you found that disgusting."
"I did once but not anymore."
"What changed?"
"Lizzie changed and I did. My charges, my maturity level usually changes with them. I didn't know it until I saw her again after being trapped in a jack-in-the-box for twenty years. I began to feel older more like I had been once upon a time. I covered it up with my usual charm." He smirked ironically. "Now that I'm with you, it's like I'm being tugged in two directions. I don't know how to be anymore. The thing is, we are not allowed to keep attachments beyond the time we are with our charges. Usually we don't fight the forgetting. But I did. I was sneaking away to see her."
"But you said only I can see you."
"That's true. I did not speak to her while she was awake. I could enter her dreams. It started by accident."
"But you've stopped leaving. What happened between you?"
"They found out about us. I don't know what they did but she fell down in my arms. I was holding her as she lost consciousness. I was pulled back here. That's was the last I saw her. For all I know she could still be there. I have a horrible feeling that she's still there unconscious and alone."
"They wouldn't kill her they?"
"I hope not, but I can't be sure. I've never seen anything like this before."
"Why don't you go see her now?"
"I can't. That's why I need you to take me there. I've been tethered to you. I don't know how. I can't go more than a few rooms away from you. I'm stuck here."
"Then we have to go. Lizzie was always kind to me. She believed me when no one else did. She remembered you." Natalie sat up and began to walk into the hall, across the room. She stood on a stool and got her coat. She then found the jar on the work top and grabbed two five dollar bills and the keys to the flat.
"Natalie what are you doing?"
"Daddy says I'm not to disturb him when he's working. Lizzie's flat isn't far. I know the bus to take."
"But it's not safe. You can't go on your own."
"I've been to the shops on my own, once."
"This is different."
"Anyways I won't be alone. I'll have you."
"There's only so much I can do."
"I know you can pick up things. If someone tries to hurt me. You can dump water on their head or throw rocks at them until they go away. Maybe you can hit them. "
"I can't touch other people, only objects or animals."
"You can still throw rocks."
"I suppose."
"Well, come on then." Fred had to act quickly. He went into Micky's study. He was hunched over some papers, looking absorbed. Fred looked for something to get his attention. They were not allowed to communicate with others. But since he had already broken the biggest rule, what was a smaller one to him. In fact, many time imaginary friends had been responsible for people believing in ghosts. Whether there were any actual ghosts, he could not say. He had never run into any. He knocked over the coffee cup that was long cold by Micky' arm. He sighed and went to fetch it, using a tea towel to mop it up. Fred tired again, knowing that Natalie was turning the key in the lock at that very moment. He pulled the papers off the desk. Micky didn't seem to notice. He attempted a last desperate attempt at getting his attention. He tried to yank the collar of his shirt. It wasn't a person, it was an object. Something made him miss. He tried a few more times and was in the middle of an attempt when he himself was yanked away, appearing in the hall. It appeared that Natalie had moved faster than he thought. He couldn't see her outside. He thought about her, sensed where she was and popped up right by her in the lift. She smiled.
"I thought you might turn up if I left. So it is true."
"I still think that you should bring your dad."
"There isn't time to convince him, if your Lizzie is in trouble." My Lizzie. He had a moment of fear that froze him in place.
"Ok. But if you get into any trouble. I'll distract them while you run." He took her hand. "Thank you for this. I won't forget your help." She smiled up at him.
"You're my friend." She spoke it simply, and then took hold of his hand. He was touched by her simple logic. They left the building and began to walk along the sidewalk towards the nearest bus stop. He hoped she knew what she was doing. He didn't even know what Lizzie's neighbourhood was called. He said as much. She told him that she always liked to read the signs when her father drove her anywhere in the car. She knew where to go.
"That doesn't mean you know which stop it is."
"I'll ask." She smiled innocently. "Bus drivers always know their way around the city. Even routes which aren't theirs." It wasn't far. Natalie knelt with difficulty on the slanted seats and read the timetable. "I think this is the right one." She pressed a finger against the plastic. She turned around and sat down on the bench. Fred perused the routes and sat beside her.
"None of those look familiar."
"Sit with me, Fred. There is one in ten minutes and I want to see it." He sighed and sat beside her. She swung her legs and kept a lookout for the bus. It came when she said. She had the coins in her hand jingling and scraping together. She hopped off and inclined her head to tell Fred to flow her. She stepped on the bus as it pulled up and the doors opened. It expelled air and she stood on her tip-toes to talk to the driver. "I need to get to a building in Stone Street. Do you go near there?" The bus driver frowned at her.
"Aren't you a little young to be wandering about on your own?"
"Nosy parker." Natalie whispered under her breath.
"He's just being a responsible adult." Fred frowned at her.
"When did you get so grown-up sounding?" She directed the question at Fred. The bus driver looked at her oddly. Puzzled. "Sorry. Just talking to myself. I'm meeting someone near there, my dad's girlfriend. She's picking me up. IS this the right way?" None of it was exactly true. But the bus driver shrugged and turned away, his responsibility no longer pressing to him.
He told her that yes, it was the right bus. She paid her fee and went to the back of the bus. It was a short journey. They recognised the building immediately, a few blocks away. Fred held back because Natalie could only walk so fast and he would not ignore his keeping her safe in order to get to Lizzie faster, though it physically pained him not to rush every step of the way.
Eventually they reached the building; Natalie had been quiet for the entire journey, not her usual rambunctious self. Fred was too preoccupied to ask what was wrong. Soon, they were at the building doors and it was no longer the time to ask. They went through the spinning doors at the front of the building.
There was a man at a desk. Fred baulked, In all this time, he hadn't thought about the natural obstacles that might prevent them from getting t their intended destination, instead he had been too preoccupied with thinking what he would do once he got there. Natalie seemed to have a plan though. She marched up to the desk and levelled a gaze at him.
"I'm here to see, Lizzie, in apartment 3." Whatever they had expected from him, resistance, questions, didn't happen. He just pressed a button and buzzed them through. Fred was up the staircase before the man had so much as a chance to look back at his monitor. Natalie ran up behind him. He was through the door in moments and by Lizzie's body. Though he longed to touch her, cradle her head in his lap, he knew he could not touch her.
"Fred. Can you let me in? What's happening?" Fred kept his eyes on Lizzie as much as he could as he unlocked the door. Natalie ran inside. "What's wrong with her? Is she sleeping? She looks like Sleeping Beauty did when she was cursed?" Fred couldn't really say much of anything, only returning to Lizzie's side and trying to think of what he could do. He had been so set on getting to her that he hadn't really thought about what would happen once he got there. Natalie went to the bed and got Lizzie's pillow, tucking it gently under her head and smoothing out her hair.
"Natalie, I am going to try something and you had better step back. If this works then I'll be gone for a while. If I'm not back in thirty minutes, call an ambulance, then your father." He knelt beside her and put his hands on either side of her head. He had been able to do it before. Why should it be any different now? Before it had been easy he had been virtually sucked in, but now it felt as if there was a block. She must be deep inside, or somewhere else. It was hard to explain, the sensation he was getting from her. He pushed against it, concentrating on nothing but getting into her subconscious. He began to feel something. "I think its working." He suddenly felt a force pulling at him inextricably. Then he was tumbling through the blackness again.
Lizzie reached the light and found little more than a tunnel. The light was very faint but she could just see the edges of the it. Shrugging, she stepped inside. It wasn't as if she wanted to stay there. It seemed as if the floor was sloping gradually upward and as it did, it grew smaller. By the time she reached the exit she was virtually crawling on her hands ad knees. When she reached it, the light blinded her for a moment. When she finally saw what lay outside, she gasped and then sighed.
She was not in her head anymore.