a/n: not beta read, sorry for this. I used spellcheckers so I'm guessing it helps a bit. Thank you for the reviews, Faves and follows~ *high fives*
CHAPTER SEVEN
"I did agree to Hinata, but I have no idea what to do?" Kageyama pulls his hair a bit on the restroom of his new part-time job as a cashier at a convenience store at the gas station. He's on a break, or rather, he's forced by his manager to take an early break cause he's been so out of it.
The idea's been plaguing him since yesterday, and the biggest question of all is will he be the bottom?
Kageyama did see some of the things Hinata have done in the video. It was clear that Hinata was the top, but when they dated before, Hinata is the bottom.
"Wait, did I just assume he is a bottom because he's smaller than me? But he didn't object when I lead the first time. I mean, he did seem like he was in pain.. Wait, wait, wait. He did bleed a bit. Is it because I suck at it?" Kageyama is starting to get dizzy. His face is getting hotter and he can feel himself sweating heavily. He acknowledges that he is having a panic attack so he removed his cap and splashed his face with water.
The most logically thing to do here is to watch the video again, and probably read up on the know how's of BDSM. Honestly, he'd rather read some article and not watch the videos again.
After a little self-reflection, he knew for a fact that he is still in love with Hinata. It's like a complicated feeling. Now that Hinata is done with porn, it's like he doesn't want to take him for himself, but he doesn't want him for anyone else. He wants Hinata to beg for him but doesn't. He is a sore loser that he's been played at, and will Hinata stop voluntarily if he didn't happen to discover it?
And what it is exactly that I want to do? I'm about to cheat with Hinata. Wait! I don't actually have a lover, so I'm not cheating. However, I forced Hinata to cheat with his.
Kageyama clutched his shirt, he feels sick so he opened the restroom door. He went back to the break room and called on his manager. He didn't need to say anything else, cause his face is all shades of pale. His manager called on to Tsukishima, since he was on Kageyama's person to contact to in case of emergency.
Soon after, Tsukishima arrived together with their Vice-Captain Sawamura and Sugawara. They were in a panic to be honest. Kageyama doesn't get sick, so they wanted to take him to the hospital. But he said he will be fine with some rest since he was just tired. They all believed him, at least a little.
Sugawara let him rest at their place for the evening. Him and Sawamura cooked Kageyama's favorite pork curry with egg on top. He did eat it, but not too much. The pit of his stomach hurts from stress due to over thinking about him and Hinata. And maybe because he has not eaten anything filling right after that confrontation with the redhead. Kageyama retired for the night and the two concerned senpais has no choice but to let him. They had a suspicion that Kageyama being the only setter from their team has taken its toll on him.
Their guesses couldn't be more off the mark.
As Kageyama stared at an unfamiliar ceiling with a softer bed on his back, he keeps repeating the stupidity he blurted out then. He was even more surprised about the fact that the redhead accepted his condition and that he is willing to go that far to protect his relationship with Kenma.
At this point, Kageyama thought he dug a deeper grave.
He wanted to escape from it, and maybe just accept that Hinata is happy now. Or accept that Hinata is trying to change himself and leave the past behind. However, a little thing has bothered him too- Hinata is willing to cheat - again.
Purely sexual, huh?
It's true, some people cheat because they simply fell in love with others, or unhappy about their current lovers, or just simply fell from lust. But why the redhead accepted him was to protect his current love life. And though Hinata did say that they should enjoy it a bit, it might be purely for revenge. Revenge at Kageyama for messing with him.
The raven-haired young man shuddered at the thought.
Honestly, I don't think I can escape this anymore. I should, but I'm fucking curious. This was Kageyama's excuse. By some lingering pride, he just won't admit that he loves Hinata too much, he's willing to go as far as manipulate the situation to have a chance to sway him. Or just to touch him once more.
"Shit." With a click of the tongue, he resigned himself to fate.
Kageyama stood up and opened the bedroom door, there was Sugawara, who is laying down their futon in the living room. The gray-haired man asked if he needed anything and he said he wants to know the WiFi password cause he's going to watch some YouTube videos to relax himself. When he got it, he went back inside the bedroom, right after he apologizes for causing them inconvenience.
Kageyama sat on the bed and placed a pillow on top of his lap, his phone has a little screen, but that would suffice for now. He researched the know how's on BDSM and skimmed a few blogs and post.
It's not like those he hears from the girls about a movie of a famous billionaire who likes kinky sex. He has seen a lot of BDSM hardcore or soft-core videos. Most of them doesn't really involves penetration of the sexual organ. Or maybe because he has no money to watch the full movie, but still, it's not enough just to copy from a produced adult video, those were professionals. He needs to know what he is getting himself into.
Kageyama felt the churning in his stomach again. Either way, he really has to read, or he will not at peace.
Kageyama opened up a blog about BDSM for beginners made by a gay guy. His blog page is linked to a clinic and support group who likes to ask them further about human sexual behavior.
"When you engage in BDSM plays, the first thing you need to prepare is yourself: Your physical and mental state is important." Kageyama likes to read out loud, but he makes sure he is not heard from the outside.
I understand mental, but physical? You have to be buff and fit for it? Kageyama frowns and pinch his chin to think.
"I made this blog to help gay couples who like to try fun stuff to escape mundane sex. This may be for vanity purposes, but I recommend both participating couples to clean their work area. It's only natural for the bottom to use enemas right before the sexual intercourse, but since you are getting in touch with your inner freak self, I advise you shave or wax the hair surrounding your butt-hole."
Kageyama felt awkward reading that out loud and he looked at the door to see if by chance it will open, and he will be caught by his two senpais. He continues to read it, now a little quieter than ever.
"Anal bleaching is to appease the partner. The top doesn't realize this, but he needs to stimulate his bottom through the eyes too, since the penis is not the only thing that turns on the Uke. Well, if both partners are into body hairs, then that's good too. But anal bleaching is definitely something you should try. Be warned though, porn actor/actresses use this and some medical research says it's not safe. In case you're interested and feel like it is a necessary, then you can click this link to read how to safely do it at home or go to a clinic that offers these services."
Kageyama feels funny when reading this. He now recalls the time when he and Hinata had sex first.
Shit! It's true! Hinata's butt seems so neat.. Should I bleach mine too? But I don't know if I can bottom for him. But it's said here that the top should consider it too. Maybe I should check my butt in the mirror.
He caught himself being stupid again and slapped his face. "The fuck are you thinking?" he berates himself and shook his head,
Kageyama continued to read the article. He was enlightened himself about the *Power exchange, Submissive and Dominant behavior, Various practices and Safety, Switching*. He admits that this is all complicated, but rather interesting. For now, he will just have to ask Hinata how are they going to this.
He remembers Kenma's face and leave a sour taste in his mouth again. He clicked his tongue and continues reading.
"Fuck the pudding."
"Ah, I don't feel good when we have a break from the club, it's like volleyball is essential so that I can function for the day." Hinata said to his new friend- more like agony aunt - Kenma.
Busy playing on his game console, Kenma glanced at Hinata and went back to playing. He doesn't mind his company, rather, he is enjoying it. Hinata has no boundary when it comes to sharing stuff, and though often times he thinks he is not following what the redhead is saying, Kenma likes how he can be himself and that Hinata continues to talk to him regardless if he is participating in the conversations or not.
"Kenma, since you said you were a previous varsity player, why don't you teach me how to receive, yeah? Come one, I have a ball here." Hinata opened his bag and showed Kenma that indeed he has a ball with him. The pudding head is curious about why Hinata is interested in volleyball since he saw him basically sucking even in spiking at the wall. He sighed and saved his game. He is free anyways and Hinata has given him food for the entire week now. Somehow feeling a little indebted to him.
"Alright. But only for fifteen minutes." Kenma said and Hinata cheered.
The two are playing behind the gymnasium where Hinata used to eat at lunch. They got closer over the weekend when Hinata saw Kenma shopping with his boyfriend. Though Hinata didn't ask, it's obvious that Kenma is dating that man cause he's been shooting glares at Hinata when he tagged along on the way home. Hinata decided to share his personal mess for them as they waited for the bus. It's more of a self-preservation. The man called Kuroo will surely be jealous of him if he wants to hang out with Kenma, and Hinata doesn't want to lose him. He likes how considerate Kenma is, even though he's practically annoying him every chance he could.
"Bend your hips more, Shouyo." Kenma called out, sighing as he sees Hinata receiving his serve with a poor posture.
"Like this?" Hinata went on and did what his friend asked of him and Kenma served another one. Hinata received it a little better than the first tries and he got so happy. Making Kenma smile with him too.
"Yachi? What're you crouching there for?" Kageyama saw the blonde at the gym's entrance. This part of the campus is reserved for the volleyball clubs, both men and women. During breaks, there are only a few of them who uses it.
"I went to the back to check up on the things I washed earlier. I saw Hinata and his boyfriend playing volleyball and I felt uneasy." Yachi raised his head and her eyes followed Kageyama as he sits beside her.
"And?" Kageyama heard it from the gossips of the club members that Yachi is crushing on Hinata. He understood this part, cause Hinata is indeed friendly towards the little blonde. He doesn't see her as rival, not because she is no match for him, but because Hinata is gay and just naturally friendly towards girls.
"I don't know how should I feel about this. I know I like Hinata, but I didn't think I like him this much. When I saw Kenma smiling at him and playing volleyball; knowing that he said he finds it troublesome, I think they're pretty much in love.." Yachi folds her knees closer to her chest and rest her arms there. She hid her face from Kageyama, feeling so pathetic that out of all people, she's opening up to him.
Shit. Now I feel sad too. Kageyama sighed and pats his chest gently, which Yachi finds suspicious.
"Listen Yachi, Hinata is not someone hard to like. He's friendly, respectful, and fun to be with. Although he is stupid most of the times, he's just likeable by nature. So don't feel bad about it. You didn't know he's dating someone before, right?" the last part hurts Kageyama too, but he just rustled Yachi's hair and that shocked the blonde.
"This is the first time we talked this long, Kageyama-kun. You're surprisingly gentle." she giggled.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kageyama reached for her face and pinched her cheeks; pissed at her for some reason, but Yachi laughs some more cause the raven haired man is blushing. So unusual for him.
"Oops, sorry to disturb you guys." Hinata was passing by when he saw the affectionate display between the two. Behind him is Kenma, with game console attached to his hand.
"Ah! No! This is not!" Yachi panics and her ears became red from the embarrassment. She didn't want Hinata to misunderstand them, but Kageyama is saying nothing. His gaze was on Hinata and Kenma, even hiding his clenched fist on his side.
"It's okay, I won't tell a soul." Hinata added a zipping gesture on his mouth then he walked out there. Kenma bowed at them and walked together with Hinata.
"Sniff Sniff"
"Huh?" Kenma is startled by Hinata's sniffling sound so he went on and peeked at him. They were still hidden at the back of the gym; away from even the sight of the two they have passed by.
"Shouyo?" Kenma saw Hinata clutching his shirt around his chest, looking like he has difficulty in breathing. "Hey! You okay?" he shook Hinata's shoulder and the other one buried his face in Kenma's chest, surprising him.
"Sho-
"Kenma." Hinata interrupted him, and while Kenma is tempted to push Hinata away, for some reason his hands instinctively reached for Hinata's back and he gave it a sympathetic pat.
"I didn't know he was dating Yachi. Huu, I mean.. hic.. How can I compete with a girl? She's cute.. and nice.. hic. And they can pinch cheeks out on broad light." Hinata is shamelessly crying on Kenma's shirt.
The oddly colored haired boy had a hunch earlier, since Kageyama a few days ago has stared at him when they crossed each others path. He thinks it's because Kageyama is a setter and he is just jealous because the team has been relentless in recruiting him to join. But now he has connected the dots. Kageyama and Hinata has an unspeakable relationship.
Though Kenma is indifferent and socially awkward, he kind of feels sad for his new-found friend. He went and caress the redhead's hair and waited for him to calm down. Kuroo use to hug him too, when he feels down and it cheered him up. So he gave Hinata one, and the other one hugs Kenma closer. Grateful that Kenma is there with him. They were hidden from the eyes of the people so he let's Hinata be. His shirt is stained though, but he can just wash it or wear his spare jersey.
Though this was just a simple gesture, little did Hinata and Kenma knows- the little blonde and the raven haired followed them and witness the hugging.
For those two, it looks like Hinata and Kenma are so intimate.
Hinata went home around eleven that night, so exhausted from his shift. He has a paper due two days from now and he knew he needed to start working on it, yet he feels so out of it.
I'll cram that tomorrow.
He opened his fridge, ready to make himself a light snack. Maybe a sandwich with the left over pulled chicken meat he had.
"Ah, right, I need to email sis today." Hinata plug his phone to charge since it was drained earlier. He can't last through this day without listening to music cause Yachi's face came to his head. He admits that she is cute and he can't stand the fact that Kageyama is affectionate towards her. Even blushing when he touched her face.
He took a bath and relaxed, soothing himself on the bubble bath. After he felt the water is getting cold, he got up and made his sandwich. The time when he checked the clock is around midnight.
"Should be alright."
He opens his phone to message his sister only to find Kageyama's message to him.
"Hinata,
Let's meet up a day after tomorrow at XX hotel, near the train station. The time is your call.
T. Kageyama"
"Haha, this fucking Kageyama… he already has a cute girlfriend." Hinata gulped milk right from the carton, spilling it a bit. He is annoyed that Kageyama is going through this.
"Well, it's not like I can say I'm clean myself." He shook his head and laughed inwardly how messed up it has become. But what can he do? He likes Kageyama, so much that he feels grateful to receive any form of love from him. I didn't know how masochist I am. It's fucking ironic.
Who knows how long he laughed, but after he calmed down, he thought of Yachi again. She is nice and Hinata knows she will be hurt because of what he is about to do. But love is stupid, and so is he.
"Poor Yachi."
a/n: I'm sure that you all know what BDSM is, but for the sake of everybody- here's some terms of the basics of this play.
Power Exchange;
The term power exchange is associated with a submissive exchanging his/her authority to make decisions (either just for a scene,- or for his/her entire life -this will be called TPE- Total power exchange) for the dominant's agreement to take responsibility for the submissive's happiness, including his/her safety and health.
The nature of the power exchange varies greatly and can be explicitly negotiated or implicit in a consensual relationship. Power exchange can and should be discussed, else without the consent of submissive, it will fall on the category as abuse.
Submissive and Dominant behavior/roles;
A submissive person is one who submits their own free will and seeks to submit to another. This can be in the context of play times within a set scene, totally immersed within a power exchange relationship or anywhere in between.
A dominant person enjoys being with a submissive person, either just during a scene or as a way of life. Reasons for this include a desire for personal power; being the object of devotion; having the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal; sadism.
Switching positions;
Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy switching - that is, playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A 'switch' may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (two dominants, say), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realize his or her unsatisfied BDSM needs with others
Safety;
Some BDSM activities may be potentially dangerous if proper precautions are neglected. One aspect to make sure safety is to agree upon a safeword. If the Dominant and submissive are in a scene that causes unacceptable discomfort for one or both, a safe word can be uttered to warn the Dominant of trouble and immediately call for a stop to the scene.
Adequate care is prudent in bondage to ensure safety from injury. For activities involving bodily fluids, hygienic precautions should be duly considered for avoiding the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
Other points;
BDSM may or may not involve sex of any kind.
BDSM may or may not involve sexual roleplaying.
BDSM may or may not involve ageplay.
How dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not always determine their preferred role in BDSM play though many people do manifest these tendencies. Often people who express one role in their regular life, such as at work, strong desire to express the opposite role within their sexual life, as a kind of release.
BDSM play often includes the psychological pleasure of fetishes.
Some BDSM players are polyamorous, or are sexually monogamous, but engage in non-sexual play with others.
A couple may engage in BDSM sexually, and otherwise have a completely normal relationship.
When there is abuse in the relationship, the submissive is as likely to be abusive as the dominant
NOTE:*I have some sources for this, but since I can't link it here, feel free to search for it or give me a pm. :) But it's best to look for it yourself. Cause you know- anyways.. While it may be kinky and exciting, I advise you guys to read on BDSM on the know how's. There are books that deals with these kinds of things - THE NONFICTION ONES. Depiction of BDSM in fiction can and will be dangerous. [This fiction included.] So please, what I'm gonna write in the succeeding chapters: Do not recreate it. ^^
I will update this soon, since next chapters are already in drafts :3
-Rhye