Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago or the Harry Potter characters or the lyrics. They belong to J.K. Rowling and the people that made Chicago. I'm just borrowing them for some fun. Homage to their greatness. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Notes: This is my take on the females of Harry Potter singing about their issues with the boys of Harry Potter (to the tune of "Cell Block Tango"). This puts them in the place of the ladies of the cell-block tango, as if they were the ones who murdered the boys. Just a small AU I thought might be fun. (Italics denote background singing.) This was the second most difficult one to write by far (the first version was the hardest and gave me some inspiration to do this one). I was inspired to do this version from my RP friends. I did my best with it, so hope you all like it. So here it is.
Hogwarts Tango
LAVENDER BROWN:
Her.
HERMIONE GRANGER:
Blind.
KATIE BELL:
Jokes.
FLEUR DELACOUR:
Weasley.
GINNY WEASLEY:
Horcruxes.
PANSY PARKINSON:
Pure-blood.
LAVENDER:
Her.
HERMIONE:
Blind.
KATIE:
Jokes.
FLEUR:
Weasley.
GINNY:
Horcruxes.
PANSY:
Pure-blood.
LAVENDER:
Her.
HERMIONE:
Blind.
KATIE:
Jokes.
FLEUR:
Weasley.
GINNY:
Horcruxes.
PANSY:
Pure-blood.
LAVENDER:
Her.
HERMIONE:
Blind.
KATIE:
Jokes.
FLEUR:
Weasley.
GINNY:
Horcruxes.
PANSY:
Pure-blood.
ALL:
They had it coming
They had it coming
They only had themselves to blame.
They just betrayed us
And left us alone
GINNY:
I know that you would have done the same!
LAVENDER:
Her.
HERMIONE:
Blind.
KATIE:
Jokes.
FLEUR:
Weasley.
GINNY:
Horcruxes.
PANSY:
Pure-blood.
LAVENDER:
Her.
HERMIONE:
Blind.
KATIE:
Jokes.
FLEUR:
Weasley.
GINNY:
Horcruxes.
PANSY:
Pure-blood.
ALL:
They had it coming
They had it coming
They only had themselves to blame.
They just betrayed us
And left us alone
GINNY:
I know that you would have done the same!
LAVENDER:
Her.
HERMIONE:
Blind.
KATIE:
Jokes.
FLEUR:
Weasley.
GINNY:
Horcruxes.
PANSY:
Pure-blood.
LAVENDER: GIRLS:
You know how people They had it coming
try to hide things they won't admit They had it coming
inside. Like Ron Weasley. They only had themselves to blame.
Ron says that they are friends.
So, just friends. Her. Well, I They just betrayed us
came into the room and And left us alone.
they are arguing yet again, and I know that you would
Hermione shoots me a mean glare, Have done the same!
and there's Ron just standing there, They had it coming
looking embarrassed and I They had it coming
ask, "So, really just friends?"They only had themselves to blame.
Her. So, I said to him, "Well, Ron, They just betrayed us
be truthful about her. And left us alone
You're more than friends." I know that you would
He denied it! Have done the same!
LAVENDER:
So I grabbed the nearest wand and I
cried "Avada Kedavra!"...
...into his chest.
ALL:
They had it coming
They had it coming
They only had themselves to blame.
They just betrayed us
And left us alone
I know that you would
Have done the same!
HERMIONE: GIRLS
I met one Ronald Weasley at They had it coming
Hogwarts School about six years ago. They had it coming
At first we really didn't like They only had themselves
each other and we always fought. To blame.
Soon though, all three of us were best friends. They just betrayed us
We all were really close, and then I And left us alone.
realized that I had feelings for him. I know that you would
Sure, he was upset over Viktor, Have done the same!
but couldn't he see? They had it coming
I just wanted him. They had it coming
He was so blind. Then he had his fling with Lav. They only had themselves
...oh, no, he was so blind. To blame.
He only saw our They just betrayed us
friendship. So one night when And left us alone.
he came back, I mixed him I know that you would
a special butterbeer. Have done the same!
HERMIONE:
You know, some guys just can't hold their snake venom!
LAVENDER, HERMIONE, KATIE, PANSY:GINNY & FLEUR
Hah! They had it coming Her, Blind, Jokes, Weasley,
They had it coming Horcruxes, Pure-blood.
He left a huge mark
On my soul.
And then he used it Her, Blind, Jokes, Weasley,
And he abused it Horcruxes, Pure-blood.
It was a murder
But not my goal!
KATIE: GIRLS
Now, I'm flying for Gryffindor, Her, Blind,
and Fred yells across the field to ask Jokes, Weasley,
if I would go to the ball. Horcruxes, Pure-blood.
Was her serious? All his jokes Her, Blind,
made me wonder if Jokes, Weasley,
He was for real. Didn't I Horcruxes, Pure-blood.
deserve to be treated like Her, Blind,
a lady? He never Jokes, Weasley,
stopped playing his jokes on me. Horcruxes, Pure-blood.
KATIE:
And then crashed into my bludger! He crashed into my bludger TEN TIMES!
ALL:
They just betrayed us
And left us alone
I know that you would have done the same!
FLEUR:
I met Bill Weasley when his family came to see Harry at the Triwizard Tournament. How was I to know we'd fall in love so fast? Except his family. The Weasley family. His mother and Ginny especially disliked me. How would Bill and I ever be together? When he proved more loyal to them...
KATIE:
Yeah, but did you leave him?
FLEUR:
Not my Weasley!
GINNY: GIRLS
I've had a crush on Harry Potter since the beginning, They had it coming
that day on the Hogwarts Express platform. They had it coming
For years he barely noticed me, and I They only had
could hardly speak to him. I finally Themselves
moved on from Harry, and To blame.
I started to date other boys. They just betrayed us
One fateful day we connected and we kissed. And left us alone.
I thought we were finally together. After a few I know that
months of dating he tells me we have to break up. You would
He has to go hunting for Have done
something called a horcrux. Huh? The same!
Horcruxes. No more details. They had
Now he wants to protect me. It coming
He thinks I will only hinder him. They had
Me hinder him? It coming...
GINNY:
Well, I don't remember much, because I completely blacked out.
See, I don't know what happened. I went out and... Later, I found my robes all amiss. Now I know he's no longer "The Boy Who Lived".
GIRLS:
They had it coming
They had it coming
He left a huge mark on my soul
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder but not my goal
GINNY: GIRLS
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
He left a huge mark
He left a huge mark
On my soul
On my soul
And then he used it
And then he used it
And he abused it
And he abused it
It was a murder
It was a murder
But not my goal!
But not my goal!
PANSY: GIRLS
I love Draco Malfoy They had it coming
More than I should probably say. They had it coming
He was a real intriguing guy... They only had
Slytherin...a pure-blood. Themselves
But he was obsessed. To blame.
He always wanted to They just betrayed
kick out Mudbloods. Us and
Pure-blood was his only way. left us alone
His mission consumed I know that
him and he never You would
even looked Have done
at me. The same!
Too busy cleansing school.
PANSY:
Hogwarts got a cleansing all right. A long cleansing in the prefect bathroom.
At least now he can't say he forgot me, can he?
ALL:
The stupid boys, boys, boys, boys, boys
The stupid boys, boys, boys, boys, boys
LAVENDER, HERMIONE, PANSY: GINNY, KATIE, & FLEUR:
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
He left a huge mark
He left a huge mark
On my soul
On my soul
And then he used it
And then he used it
And he abused it
And he abused it
It was a murder
It was a murder
But not my goal!
But not my goal!
PANSY, KATIE, & FLEUR:
They had it coming
They had it coming
He left a huge mark
On
My soul.
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a
Murder
But not
My goal!
LAVENDER:
Oh, really, just friends? With her?
HERMIONE:
He was so blind…
KATIE:
His jokes…
FLEUR:
The Weasley family disliked me…
GINNY:
Now he's no longer "The Boy Who Lived".
PANSY:
Pure-blood is the only way.
ALL:
It was a murder but not my goal!