Chapter 7
Friday night was the rehearsal dinner. I was nervous to see Jake, and I kept fidgeting as Leah and I drove to the church.
"Bella, calm down," she chided. I sighed heavily, trying to still my bouncing knee. "I can't tell you what's going to happen, Bella. But he does love you, and you love him. It'll all work out, okay?" I really just couldn't get used to this new Leah. She was emotional and understanding and sweet. It was a huge change. "Besides, you're driving my fucking crazy!" Ah, there she was.
"I know, I know. Sorry. I just, I don't even know what to say to him," I answered, sighing again.
"Bella, just tell him what you've told me. Plus, I think actions speak louder than words. That's what he needs to see." Thanks, Leah, real cryptic. What the hell does that mean? I gave her a confused look, and she sighed heavily before answering my unspoken question.
"God, you're so clueless. Move back here," she finished sharply. My mouth fell open. Yeah, like I could just move back here, no problem. Except, I really had nowhere to go back to in California. I mean, I could go back to Alice's, but I knew Edward would be trying to talk to me, see me. He'd tried to call me or text me or email me almost every day since I'd been here.
I groaned out loud. How pathetic would it be to move back here with no money, no job, and living back with good old dad, all to be close to someone who may or may not still want me around? We rode the rest of the way to the church in silence. I had no good answer to her statement. The ghosts of the past, my mistakes, and wrong choices, and the pain of the past, still lingered here, behind every tree, every building, and every familiar face.
When we arrived at the small building, most of their family and friends were waiting outside, talking and laughing. I felt like the little dark raincloud at this party. I spotted Jake quickly, and throughout the whole evening, I was hyper aware of his every movement. He hugged me when I first walked up, wrapping his arms all the way around me, lifting my feet off the ground, and crushing me to his chest before burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply several times.
"Hey," he breathed. His eyes looked suspiciously bright.
"Hey," I squeaked out, afraid to meet the intensity of his gaze. He smiled and took my hand, leading me into the building. He let me go once we were inside, and I wanted to cry at the loss of contact. The rest of the night, he didn't touch me. Every time I snuck a peek in his direction, I found him looking at me too. It was somewhat comforting, even though I still had no idea what was going on in his head. Afterwards, some of Leah and Embry's family had set up a dinner and bonfire on the beach.
It was almost warm that night. The moon peaked out from behind the clouds, and the fire blazed and flickered its light and heat all around us. After talking and eating and catching up, I found myself wandering down the beach, close to the water's edge alone with my shoes dangling from my hand. I stopped to look out at the dark waters; they seemed calm tonight with the sliver of moonlight glimmering across the surface.
"Beautiful." His husky voice startled me, and I felt his warm, strong arms encircle me, pinning my arms to my sides. I sighed and relaxed into his embrace, his warm breath tickling my neck. One hand left my waist, and he reached up and swept my hair to one side, his soft lips ghosting across my exposed skin and his nose nuzzling my neck. I sighed heavily, expunging all the fear and pain and worry that had built up in my psyche. "I miss you," he whispered, his voice low and husky with just a twinge of hurt lacing his words. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling, but two trickled down my cheeks anyway.
"I miss you too," I answered him brokenly, my voice so quiet it was barely audible over the crashing waves. He kissed my neck and then my temple once before speaking again.
"I still love you." His voice cracked slightly at the end, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut and tell myself to breathe. I wanted so bad to take away everything, to make it right. I wanted to drop to my knees and beg him to take me back, to ask me to move home. But I just stood there in his arms, frozen by years of wrong decisions, of shame and regret. Finally, when I thought I could trust my voice to hold steady, I answered his unspoken question.
"I still love you too," I said softly, new tears rolling down my cheeks and landing on his arms that were still wrapped tightly around me. He turned my body to face him, lifting my chin up with his fingers. Our eyes met. His were dark and smoldering, intense with emotion and desire, and his face was wet with fresh tears. He leaned forward, and I closed my eyes, wishing and praying he wouldn't pull away. I could feel his breath tickling my lips, and I desperately needed him to close that last millimeter of space between us.
"Jake!" a booming voice called out, bursting our little bubble and effectively spoiling the moment. I opened my eyes and turned to see Quil, Seth, and Embry jogging towards us.
"Come on, dude. Bachelor Party!" Quil hollered, completely oblivious to what he was interrupting until he stopped right in front of us. Jake dropped his arms from around me and took a step back, rubbing the back of his neck with his palm.
"Yeah, okay," he said to Quil before turning back to me. He took one of my hands in his, stroking his thumb over the skin on the back with a serious look in his eyes. Quil took a few steps back, mumbling his apologies. "I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay?"
I just nodded, again, at a loss for words. I wanted to beg him to stay, but I couldn't process my own thoughts. A little smirk played at the corner of his lips, and he leaned forward quickly, his lips just barely brushing against mine. I kissed him back, pressing my lips more firmly to his. I could practically feel his smile as he placed his hand on my hip and melded our lips together. His tongue slid along my bottom lip, seeking entrance, and I parted my lips almost immediately, greedily. His tongue and his lips moved with mine, dancing and tasting. His other hand came up to cup my face and then slide back, tangling his fingers in my curls. He kissed me for a long minute before pulling away, leaving me breathless and panting.
"Tomorrow," he said on a ragged breath before placing one more, sweet, tender kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes to see him leaving, walking away with his friends, and a goofy grin was plastered on my face.