Okie Dokie.
So this is Deidaras attempt which is kinda part one in a three part mini series I suppose.
After this will come Kisame and Hidans attempts.
I warn you... Expect the... Slightly-maybe-not-really-who-knows?-I-dont unexpected.
Soooo enjoy and leave your reviews, ratings, complaints or pathetic excuses after the beep!
Deidara crouched in a bend in the dim light of the hallway.
He peeked his head around the corner every now and then at the slightest noise, waiting for the orange masked bastard to (figuratively) show his face.
His plan was… Slightly… more reliable than mailing him to Sasuke or making him choke on juice.
It was crude, but effective.
The entire hallway from the kitchen to the beginning of the bedrooms was rigged with explosives.
Several chakra threads were loosely draped from wall to wall that acted as trip wires.
The second Tobi tripped a thread, Deidara had set up a little bell that would go off just down the hall, where he was sitting now.
The time it took Deidara to form a hand seal and detonate the explosion would roughly be the same time that Tobi was right in the middle of the literal mine field.
The roof would collapse, burying him underneath a ton of rock.
A manic grin crossed the Iwa nins face as he imagined screams and cries as Tobis body was crushed and splintered.
Time to pay the little bastard back for all the sleepless nights and horrible days he had forced upon the blonde.
Deidara grimaced.
He especially wanted him dead after Tobi had given him the nickname "The Blonde Bombshell"
Sure it might have been fitting (and maybe even flattering) but the fact remains, Hidan still mocked him with it.
Though his plan was seriously dangerous, Deidara wasn't stupid – a fact he proved in last weeks bet with Pein. (Refer to Pein and Deidaras Little Game)
He had notified the entire Akatsuki of his plans.
Pein was skeptical and only grudgingly agreed when Konan shot him a dirty look.
He had individually spoken to each and every one of the Akatsuki, informing them that if they walk through the hallway, they will die.
And if they didn't, Deidara would kill them for ruining his plan.
If the scheme worked, not only would the masked idiot be dead, Deidara would get a pay rise!
Brilliant, yeah!
Flicking a stray piece of blonde hair that fell into his face out of the way, Deidara quickly peeked around the corner again.
He had been waiting for quite a few hours now and though he was willing to put in the time if it meant earning a few more hours sleep at night, he was seriously starting to get bored.
Flicking rocks at the wall had kept him entertained for a little while, but like everything else, had eventually gotten old.
Deidara sighed.
Of all the things he could be doing right now…
A vague sound made his ears prick.
Ceasing all noise he was making, Deidara strained to hear it again.
To his delight, footsteps were heard gradually coming closer to the hallway.
He quickly adjusted himself and sat crossed legged with his back against the wall.
The distance between his hands closed in a seal as the soft thumping grew louder.
He closed his eyes and a smile of pure evil crossed his features.
Just a little more, un…
The thumping stopped suddenly and Deidaras brow furrowed.
Come on, un… Just a bit closer… Let me blow you to pieces you fucking idiot, yeah…
As if hearing his words, the footsteps started up again and the adrenaline and excitement brewing in the blonde increased rapidly.
Any second now, un…
As if teasing him, the footsteps, started and slowed, shuffling around before getting louder again.
The little bell above his head dinged and Deidara jumped to his feet ecstatically.
Finally, un!
"KATSU!"
A strangled cry of surprise was heard briefly before the thundering noise of an explosion.
The hallway rumbled and shook as though an earthquake was bearing down upon them.
Deidara grasped the wall as best he could as the ground rippled below him.
Rocks and boulders of all shapes and sizes fell from the ceiling and Deidara had to relocate further down the hallway or risk being crushed himself.
He hoped to whatever deity that existed that he hadn't accidentally miscalculated and detonated more clay than necessary.
Leader-sama wouldn't like it if they all died.
Eventually, the noise and rumbling stopped and Deidara glanced wearily at the rock pile before him.
A few seconds later, a massive grin adorned his face.
Pay rise achieved, un!
Several shouts of surprise and shock sounded from the bedrooms.
Most of the Akatsuki piled out of their rooms in fright.
They all knew Deidaras plan in theory but experiencing it was frightening on its own.
Several of the missing nins raced around the bend, took one look at Deidara standing triumphantly next to a pile of giant rocks that now inhabited the hallway, and whooped and shouted with joy.
Sure the hallway was blocked, but Tobi was gone!
High fives were given all around and even Itachi seemed lit up with happiness.
Sasori and Kakuzu were linking arms and skipping in circles singing "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead", while Kisame patted Deidara on the back, nearly sending the man sprawling and Itachi gave a nod of congratulations.
Nothing can ruin this moment, thought Deidara, nothing, un!
"What's happened here! Woaaaaaaaaaaaahh, what's going on Deidara-sempai!"
The dancing stopped. The laughter stopped. The surprise grew.
Everyone glanced at Deidara, who was the only person facing away from the rockslide with a visible view of who had just interrupted the excitement.
Although no one doubted they knew who it was.
The blonde terrorist could do nothing but point, mouth agape at the man he was sure he had just killed.
He had advised that no one go down the hallway today and EVERYONE had said they wouldn't.
So unless he had accidentally snagged the Senbon-Chewing-Shinobi or one of Kisames 'Fish-Friends', there was no reason for Tobi to still be alive.
Sasori, Kakuzu, Itachi and Kisame turned around, sighing.
The silence was as heavy as the boulders before someone spoke.
"Wait… If he is still here… Who did you get?"
Kisame asked a question that everyone was thinking, but no one was saying.
A quick head count was done.
Among the missing were Konan, Pein and Zetsu.
Pein was on what he called 'super secret special awesome business' that no one else was allowed to know about, although Konan was fairly certain he was at a strip club.
Konan had run out of paper and had gone on a journey to the nearby village to get more, although everyone else was fairly certain she was just going to yell at Pein.
No one ever knew where Zetsu was…
Several looks were cast around the now silent group.
Finger to his chin thoughtfully, Sasori murmured,
"I cant help but think we missed someone…"
A deep groan and shifting was heard under the rubble.
Deidara glanced at Sasori.
The remaining Akatsuki immediately rushed away from the rock pile-up, through the kitchen and living room and into the hallways entrance on the other side.
A broken and bleeding hand stuck out of the rocks and the Akatsuki gasped as the fingers wiggled and the wrist moved around.
Several moans were heard and the Akatsuki glanced at each other blankly.
"When I get the fuck out of this fucking shithole I'm going to fuck up the useless fuck the caused this fucking cave-in!"
Deidara face-palmed.
Oh… That's who we missed, un…
It took 20 minutes and four of the Akatsuki to dig Hidan out of the rubble.
Kakuzu thought it was all terribly funny and offered to buy Deidaras next batch of clay.
Everyone else was just annoyed.
When Hidan was finally freed, he look at the group furiously. He looked intense.
Hair a mess, cuts and scrapes adorning his face and clothes shredded to the point that he might as well have been wearing nothing but short-shorts.
Taut muscles and bare skin greeted their previously innocent eyes.
Deidara couldn't help but stare, a tiny nosebleed starting up.
The greasy haired priest glared at the blonde and narrowed his eyes.
The lack of physical ouchies meant that Hidan was seriously pissed.
Deidara pressed his forefingers together and gave him an apologetic look.
"WHAT THE FUCK BLONDIE! I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO 'OFF' SOMEONE ELSE, NOT ME YOU STUPID, FUCKING ARSEHOLE!"
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO IN THE HALLWAY, UN! Why did you go down there if you knew it was going to blow, yeah!"
Hidan looked taken aback and scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully, all signs of anger rapidly fading away.
"You did tell me that didnt you? Seriously?"
Deidara glared his answer 'yes' back at him.
Hidan chuckled awkwardly and glanced uneasily between the seething blonde, his amused partner, and an annoyed Itachi, Kisame and Sasori.
To the exasperation of everyone present he replied,
"Guess I fucking forgot…"
Beeeeeep!