A/N: Thanks to my amazing betas from Project Team Beta, esp. Kayla Cullen. Hey, she's editing my stuff even though she's a die-hard vamplover. LOL. Respect, Lady!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 7 – It's not you. It's me.

~~Bella~~

I was in the middle of dinner preparations when the phone rang, and Charlie called out for me. I put the roast back into the oven and turned down the heat on the vegetables before I got my phone call. When I came into the living room Charlie was sputtering and hissing threats into the phone. I practically ripped the phone from Charlie, earning a warning glare from him, but I couldn't care less. Right now, I only wanted Jake safe from Charlie's fit.

I ran upstairs, searching the privacy of my room, and told Jacob about Charlie's order with the bikes. When I talked about wearing protective clothing in the future, Jake suddenly became different. His voice dropped and became husky. He seemed distracted, and I was sure I heard him groaning. It was a groan that passed through my body like a lightning, making me tingle.

As Jake in return declared that Charlie demanded that he was to wear protective clothing as well, I – still feeling the tingling in my lower stomach - spontaneously whistled and said appraisingly, "You will look bad-ass."

"You think so? I'll be sweating like a horse," he answered sarcastically.

The image of a sweating Jacob popped up in my head and made me wonder how it would feel to be pressed against his sweat-covered chest. I responded to this image with a sharp gasp.

"What did you do?" he asked concerned, probably thinking that I had hurt myself.

I flushed with shame as I pressed my thighs together when suddenly the tingling in my stomach concentrated between my legs. Holy Hell! What would he think of me when I told him that I was fantasizing over him? Nearly sure that he wouldn't mind, I giggled nervously, but I wasn't ready for that kind of revelation yet. Feeling too embarrassed to be frank, I lied. "It's fine. I'm fine. I just got a paper cut." I even had the brains to put my finger in my mouth, pretending to suck the pain away and hoping that he would buy it, since he knew that usually I got sick over the smell of my own blood.

With a popping sound, I released my finger from my lips and as I stared at it, I thought of how it would be to have his finger between my lips. Suddenly it was hard to breathe and the tension between us felt like electricity, sizzling and buzzing, letting the hairs on my neck stand on end. Was Jacob feeling it, too?

Finally, Jake broke the silence and asked, croaking, "Bells, did Charlie say anything about… us… erm… kissing? I mean, I… ah."

If I hadn't been embarrassed myself I probably would have found his awkwardness adorable. "It was kind of awkward. He gave me a speech about being responsible and careful," I rushed out.

"Oh God," Jacob groaned, and he declared, "and we aren't that far already or are we?"

My heart started to race at his words. I knew that the words meant more for him than they sounded, and I didn't know what to say. The silence between us, which had been easy only minutes ago, suddenly was uncomfortable.

"You don't need to answer," he then added, obviously misinterpreting my silence as my way to turn him down. Only, it wasn't like that. I didn't turn him down. I just hadn't made my final decision yet, wasn't done thinking. I bit down on my lip. How much longer did I want to drag this decision out?

I couldn't deny the attraction towards him anymore, especially not after the kiss from today, but was I ready to take the next step already? With all the nightmares I still had of Edward, with all the memories that came up so uninvited and that could crash me down anytime, was it okay opening up to Jacob?

"Bella, dinner's burning," I heard Charlie yell, and I stifled a frustrated sigh. Even though I found it more important to tell Jacob what I was thinking, it would be better if I went downstairs. After everything we had put my father through today, it would be wiser to not let him wait because I was on the phone with Jake.

"You should go, Bells. We upset Charlie enough for one day," Jake said, laughing reluctantly.

I was aware that he was suddenly very tense. I wanted to let him know what I was feeling, but I was too afraid to admit it openly. My stomach clenched with nerves, and my heart beat almost painfully fast against my chest. Nonetheless, I had to say something. I couldn't let him go like that. "You're right. We aren't that far. But…"

"Bells, you don't need to… I shouldn't have…" Jake interrupted me, apologizing, and that felt plain wrong to me. He had nothing to apologize for.

With a deep sigh, I worked up the courage and rushed out, "You make me feel better, Jake. I don't want to be miserable anymore. The kiss today… It was amazing."

Jake drew in a breath, and Charlie called again, more urgent this time. It started to get me on my nerves. "I need to go, Jake. See you tomorrow. I'm coming over after school," I said, slightly irritated, hating that Charlie was disturbing our moment.

"Bells?"

I could smell something burning and hurried out of my room. "Jake, Charlie can't even take a pan off the stove. He's burning the house to cinders. See you tomorrow. Promise." With that, I hung up on him, hoping that he would understand.

With annoyance, I pulled the pot from the stove and the pan out of the oven, saving dinner from being completely ruined. I ignored Charlie's satisfied grin when I set the table, and also ignored his puzzled stare when I emptied my plate in no time. I even had a second helping tonight. I was hungrier than I have ever been before. When I was finally finished, I patted my full stomach and enjoyed the warm, fuzzy feeling inside of me.

After spending the rest of the day studying for my final tests tomorrow, I finally put the folders and school books aside. My body was exhausted, but my mind seemed restless. I sneaked out of my room and tiptoed downstairs. Then I did what I hadn't done in ages; I helped myself to a huge serving of my favorite chocolate ice cream and sat down right on the counter, enjoying the chocolaty goodness with a content hum on my lips.

After I had my fill, I went back into my room. I skipped brushing my teeth and plopped down on my bed. Still restless, I stared at the ceiling, wondering what Jake would be doing right now, and relived the kiss and the feel of his warm soft lips on mine until I finally fell asleep.

This night I dreamt of Jake, and the dream picked up where we had been interrupted by Charlie.

I sat on the kitchen table with my shirt open and Jake's hands on my hips. I moaned and writhed when he slid his hands over my belly and up to my chest. Finally, he covered my breasts with his large, warm hands. Jacob kissed me on my lips and then he nibbled his way down my neck to my collarbone. Soon, I found myself needing to be touched down there, where I was burning.

Then the location changed. We weren't in my kitchen anymore, but somewhere outside. I was sitting on his bike while he kissed me passionately and ran his hands over my behind and my thighs. I wrapped my arms around him and slipped my hands under the fabric of the black leather jacket he wore. He was without a shirt underneath the jacket, which shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. He looked deliriously sinful, and the smug smile that played on the corners of his lips made me weak in the knees.

I slid my hands over his back and rubbed them over his chest, until they found their way into his hair. Pulling him down to me, I was able to reach his lips and I kissed him with fervor. Jacob grabbed my hips and pushed against me, the fabric of his jeans rubbing in a tantalizing way against my core.

Soon our kisses became more heated and the rubbing against each other more frantic. The pleasant but achy feeling between my legs was quickly unbearable. Grinding against Jacob's thigh, I searched for friction and it felt so good. Then the sensation increased, and a slow burning spread through my body. I gasped for air and begged Jacob to do something about the burning, or I would burst into flames.

The pleasure I felt intensified. Like electricity, a tingling flowed through my body which made the muscles deep down in my belly tighten and contract. I clung to Jacob, bucking against his thigh, yearning for the amazing sensation that concentrated between my legs and in my lower stomach.

Jacob rubbed against me while touching my breasts. When he bent down, licking droplets of salty sweat from the tender skin of my throat, suddenly all the pent-up energy exploded, and I cried out his name as waves over waves of pleasure rolled over me.

Slowly, the blissful feeling ebbed away. I panted and my heart raced. Returning to reality, I found myself in a rather uncomfortable position with my hand trapped between my thighs. My whole body pulsed and I was spent, positive exhaustion making my limbs heavy. I removed my hand and rolled onto my back.

Giddy with excitement, I grinned and pulled my pillow over my head. I had dreamt the sexiest dream I've ever had, and I had experienced my first orgasm. Oh God, I had my first orgasm dreaming of Jake.

Slowly, the afterglow vanished, and I stared into the darkness, thinking and contemplating.

Before I fell in love with Edward, I hadn't discovered my sexuality yet. When I was with him I had been too afraid to explore my body or give in to my needs. Even though I was curious to find out, I was horrified that he could possibly find out (and he was watching me sleep at nights anyway). Well, and after Edward had left it somehow felt inappropriate to even think lustful thoughts.

I sighed, heart heavy with memories.

With Edward it had been nice and sweet. Kissing him had been exciting, but never as sensual as it was with Jacob. I had been so much in love with Edward. Why the heck did I never react that strongly to his kisses? I recalled the way Edward had kissed me, remembering the dizziness, the butterflies, and the small ripples of pleasure I'd always felt when I'd been in his arms.

It didn't even come close to the way Jacob made me feel when he kissed me.

Tears started to trickle down my face as I tried to comprehend. I had trusted Edward with my heart, knowing that he would never give in the temptation and drink my blood. He'd always been careful with me, restrained and cautious. Too cautious for my liking, but I understood and respected it. He'd never given me a reason to be scared. Though, compared to my reactions to Jacob, my body had been reluctant and maybe even subconsciously aware of the risk.

Maybe that was why it was easy with Jacob, because I knew that he didn't lust for my blood. I snickered at the thought. Sure, Jacob didn't lust for my blood, but he wasn't hiding the fact that he wanted our relationship to step up another notch, intimacy included. In fact, I seemed to lust for him likewise. Since he had become a werewolf it became harder and harder to resist him. Maybe it was just all that teenage, hormonal reaction.

Suddenly, the old familiar feeling was back - the pain of Edward's leaving and the feeling that I was betraying Edward with his mortal enemy. This time, though, I also felt anger. I was upset that I still couldn't make up my mind. It bothered me that I was trapped between the need to hold on to my first love and the wish to move on with Jacob.

Even though I knew that Edward was gone and Jacob was here, waiting in the wings, my heart was still undecided.

Furiously, I tossed and turned around for a long time, not able to fall back asleep.

Twelve hours later, I stood before the Black's house, rapping at their door, but nobody answered. Maybe Jake was still sleeping and was too far gone to hear me? After a few moments of waiting, I decided to let myself in. I knew that the door would be open, since no one ever locked their doors here on the reservation.

"Jake?" I called out, but the house felt empty, and I got no answer.

Frowning, I left the house and climbed back into my truck, not knowing what to do. Why wasn't Jake at home? He knew that I was coming over to meet him. Where was he when he knew that I was coming? Anxiously, I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel.

I jumped when a scratchy voice addressed me, "You waiting for Jake?" Looking up, I saw a lanky boy standing before my truck. I stared into his face, recognizing familiarities to a boy who I had met a couple of times before, and who used to hang out with pre-transformation Jacob.

"Is that you, Seth?" I asked, surprised. He had grown a lot since the last time I saw him and had lost a lot of his childishness.

Seth nodded proudly as he recognized my observing glare and said, "They're at Second Beach." He ran around the car and yanked the passenger door open. "If you don't mind, I'm coming with you. I can show you the way."

"Okay," I answered, and started my truck. We rode to Second Beach making small talk. The road was familiar, as I had visited the beaches around La Push several times with my dad when I was younger. We passed the turn-off to First Beach, and then the landscape became rougher and rather pristine.

Seth cracked jokes that made me shake with laughter and freely talked about school, his friends, and how glad he was that it finally had summer holidays, even when he would spend it on the reservation this year. A few minutes later, Seth told me to stop.I veered off the road, parked the truck off the concrete, and climbed out of the truck. I fastened my shoes, knowing a hike was awaiting me and snatched my sweater when a cool breeze made me shiver a little. Then, I was ready to go.

Seth led me over a path that snaked its way through the lush, emerald forest. When we left the confines of the forest behind us, I was rewarded with a dramatic view over the broad, open beach, interesting looking rock formations, the well-known driftwood, and tide pools glistening in the sun. In the distance, I could catch a glimpse of James Island which was almost completely hidden under mist and deep-hanging clouds.

Ear deafening music roared over the beach. Seth's eyes sparkled with excitement and he flashed me a broad smile. "Come on, they're having fun." I followed Seth down to the beach, walking along a path that led through the hedge of weeds.

Some skinny kids were goofing around right in front of us. We circled around their mountain bikes as they tried to keep standing on only one wheel, alternating between the front and back wheel.

Walking closer to the water, I squinted against the sun and tried to make out the source of the blaring music. Finally, I discovered Jake, Embry, and Quil doing some kind of dance. Also, I heard them chant with the song, their deep, musical voices taking me by surprise.

Then, the song changed into an instrumental piece. It inspired them to play on air guitars. A moment later, with their fists pumped in the air, they started jumping up and down to the rhythm of the music. I had seen the boys in school doing that guitar hero stuff, but Jake and his friends outdid them as they moved in perfect synchronization.

When Seth suddenly joined their group and jumped right into the middle with an enthusiastic cry, I became aware that I was staring shamelessly and open-mouthed. My face flushed.

As the song changed one more time, and this time into a stirring beat, Jacob fell to his knees, bending backwards in an impossible angle, and played his imaginary guitar in a way that would put Jimi Hendrix to shame.

My eyes ran over his body, totally forgetting everything around me. The difference between his broad chest and his small waist mesmerized me. The thick muscles moving beneath his russet skin made me gape in awe.

Jacob then jumped back to his feet and rocked his head back and forth like those heavy metal stars do. Instantly, I missed his long hair.

"Like what you see?" a soft voice asked, and I jerked around, finding Emily Young standing behind me. She had Sam by her side and looked at me with an amused smile. Sam's expression was stoic as usual, giving away no emotion.

I blushed even more and nodded shyly, returning Emily's smile and avoiding Sam's glare. He studied me for a minute, which made me squirm uncomfortably. Then, he turned around, facing the guys. They immediately turned around when he whistled, announcing his arrival. For a moment, I thought they looked somewhat guilty, especially as Quil hurried to switch off the blearing music.

When Jacob saw me he grinned broadly. He ran towards me, ignoring Sam's disagreeing grunt. "Hi, Bells," he called out, and took me in one of his huge hugs.

"Jake," I choked out, being pressed into his chest. He smelled so good, like sunshine, ocean, and the forest - all musky and warm. Instinctively, I sank into his embrace, searching his warmth, and then suddenly memories of my… ahem… dream were back. Feeling caught, I stiffened while I felt the blood rush into my head, and I pulled back.

"So, how were your tests today?" Jacob asked. He looked me in the eyes, and if he had been aware how abruptly I had drawn back, he didn't let it show. He just smiled, his dark eyes shining.

I was so very aware of him, almost overly aware. When I inhaled, drawing in his warm, spicy scent, I couldn't keep my eyes from his broad shoulders and his magnificent chest. Even though I pulled back before, I now realized that I still held onto his arm. "Fine, I guess. My tests went fine," I croaked nervously, letting go of his arm. Get a grip, Bella. It was just a dream, and it isn't like he can read your mind. My blush must be permanently etched on my face by now, and I wanted to hide myself. Way to act weird, Bella.

"Are you okay, Bells?" he asked amused, recognizing my confusion, and then he reached out to touch my face.

I nodded and bit my lip. "Uh-huh."

Jacob cupped my cheek, and then slid his hand over my neck to my shoulder while peering into my eyes. His hand lingered on my neck for a moment as he stepped forward, closing the distance I had put between us. Letting his fingers trail along my arm, he finally wrapped his fingers around the wrist of my left hand. He lifted my hand and pecked a small kiss on my knuckles, before he kissed me on my lips. "You seem a little… odd."

If only you knew what I dreamt last night, I thought to myself, staring up to him through my lashes. He watched me observantly, and since there was no way that I was going to tell him my little secret, I just smiled at him and kept my mouth shut.

There was one thing that I wanted to do so much that my fingers practically twitched. I wanted to try one thing. "Jake," I muttered, laying my hand on his shoulder.

I tilted my head back and stared him fully in the face, fascinated by his full lips. I let my hand wander from his shoulder to his neck. My fingers drew a line to his ear, down to his throat, where I felt his pulse thrumming under my fingertips.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he whispered hoarsely, letting out a gush of air.

I didn't know what had made me this forward, but I just went on, encouraged by his reaction to my touch. My heart started to speed up as my fingers slid farther down to his chest, feeling the smooth skin there and the hard muscles.

Jacob sucked in a sharp breath and tightened his grip around my other wrist.

I stopped my exploration when I reached his stomach, and I placed my hand there with the feel of his well-defined abs under my hand.

Jake let go of my wrist and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. His heat surrounded me instantly, but then a loud smack made Jake wince, growl, and break away from me.

He spun around, facing a smug looking Seth.

"Get a room you two," Seth cackled, pretending to gag. "There are minors around, you know."

"Eat my shorts!" Jake answered. He roughly pushed against Seth, which made the boy throw a punch in return. The next second, they were engaged in a tussle. It didn't last long and Seth was thrown flat on his belly. Without success, he struggled against Jake, who had his knee pressed onto Seth's back.

"You better grow up before you try challenging me, kiddo," Jake said, giving Seth the opportunity to rise. Before Seth could escape, he took him in a head lock and gave him a noogie.

"Oww," Seth protested, laughing, and kicked Jake in the shin. Jake let go of him, and Seth backed away quickly, but not without giving Jake the one-finger salute.

Jake guffawed loudly. "Go fly a kite, Sethie-boy."

"What was that for?" I asked, dumbfounded. Everything happened so fast. One second we were almost kissing, the next Jake had tackled Seth to the ground. I would never get used to supernatural speed.

Jacob, still laughing, answered, "Oh, nothing. He just needs to be put in his place sometimes."

"You're rude," I complained. "Seth brought me here. He's been nothing but nice." Confused, I stared at Jake and gazed after Seth, who now was laughing with those boys that goofed around on their bikes.

Jake just flashed a smile and drew me into a hug. "It's a guy thing, Bells."

"A guy thing?" I retorted, looking up to him and cocking my eye brow. Or a wolf thing, I thought. "Jacob, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot, what do you want to know?" He took my hand, and we started walking along the beach.

I studied the sand under my feet before I looked back to where Seth was. Sam was talking to him, and he kind of looked on edge. Chewing at my lip, I turned around to face Jacob. "I was wondering… Is Seth a wolf, too?"

Jacob froze in place, obviously feeling uncomfortable. "I… eh," he mumbled, glancing over at Sam, who suddenly seemed to watch us with growing interest.

"Jake?"

Jake was tense, and his demeanor reminded me of the night when he came through my window the day he had almost broken up with me. Back then, he had told me that he wasn't allowed to tell me what was going on. Was he in the same situation right now?

"Bells, I—" Jacob couldn't bring the words over his lips.

I saw how much he struggled to frame an answer. Seconds later, he gave up, huffing, and pushed his clenched hands into his pants pockets. "Alpha command. I'm sorry, Bells."

I turned around again, and Sam was still watching us. It gave me the creeps. A chill ran down my spine under his hard stare, and I pulled up my shoulders, instinctively trying to hide.

"You're not allowed to tell me?" I whispered, and grabbed Jake's arm, pulling him with me - away from Sam and his friends.

"Yes," Jacob pressed through his teeth, angrily kicking the sand. "Sam gave me a very tight Alpha order this time. I'm not allowed to discuss anything concerning pack matters with you. He doesn't trust you." He was getting more infuriated with each word he spoke.

"But why?" I felt tears well up in my eyes and quickly forced them away. I didn't want Jacob to get more upset than he already was.

"You used to hang out with leeches, Bella," Jacob said, and for a moment his voice was hard and his eyes glared coldly upon the ocean.

I frowned at the appearance of the new Jake, the one that could be so adamant, and even frightening. I very much preferred my Jacob smiling. Out of habit, I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, but then I squared my shoulders. "It's long ago," I said with as much vehemence I could muster. "They are gone, and I'm with you now," I added – When had I made that decision? - sounding a little braver than I felt. For a moment, I was even tempted to turn around and stick my tongue out at Sam.

"You're with me now?" Jacob repeated my sentence, turning it into a question. I saw hope flaring up in his eyes.

"I, uh," I squeaked, blushing for the umpteenth time today. "I guess so…"

Jake's face lit up, but surprisingly didn't ask again, and he also didn't say anything else regarding my unexpected declaration. Instead, he suddenly hollered across the beach, "Collin, Brady. Your bikes. Now."

"Jake? What the…" I didn't come to complete my question.

Greedily, the two kids nodded and raced their bicycles over the sand effortlessly. They came to a sharp stop in front of us. Jacob remained standing, totally unfazed, trusting that they would stop just in time. I jumped back, hiding half behind Jacob's back which made him laugh out loud. "Chicken!"

He pointed towards a pile of clothes and back packs, and said, "Give me your helmet, Brady."

Again, the boy complied without hesitation. He dropped his bike, sprinted to the spot where all their stuff was lying, and came back with a blue helmet, handing it to Jacob.

"We're not allowed to ride our motorbikes, but your dad didn't talk about bicycles…" Jacob explained, smirking at me wickedly. He pulled the helmet down on top of my head, fastened the latch and checked if the helmet was safely fixed.

"Jake, I can't… I didn't ride a bicycle in years," I tried to object, but Jacob cut me off.

"I'm not taking no for an answer," he said. "There's really no big difference to riding a motorbike." He grinned; showing his brilliant teeth, which, by the way, made me all gooey inside, and picked up Brady's bicycle. "Get up!" he ordered, pushing the bike towards me.

With shaking hands, I mounted the bike, my feet barely touching the ground. "That's way too high, Jake," I complained, hoping that he would see reason and drop the idea of riding the bicycles.

Jacob let me stand up and adjusted the seat to my height. "There you go," he said, slapping the seat. Then, he snatched the other bicycle from the boy named Collin and nodded his head. "This way, Bells." He mounted his bike and started pedaling.

To my astonishment, I had the hang of it after a few seconds, and even managed to maneuver the bicycle through the sand without falling off. Behind me, the guys whistled and Quil called after Jake to bring me back in one piece, or else Chief Swan would have his ass.

I smiled to myself, following Jake, and even though I still felt insecure, I started to like it. The cool ocean breeze flowed around me, caressing my skin as we rode along the cliff road toward the forest. From there, Jake led us over a small path into the woods.

He stayed close to me while we talked about my final exams. Later on, Jake told me about the discussion he had with his father yesterday. He didn't seem too happy about something, but when I asked what was bothering him, he brushed it off with a shrug and said it was nothing of big relevance.

After a while, the path changed from flat to stony, and I had a hard time leading the bicycle around the stones without crashing the front wheel against one. Then, the path became bumpy and certain parts of my anatomy crashed down hard onto the saddle, making me yelp in pain.

Jake looked over his shoulder and said, "Bells, you better want to ride standing..."

"Ride standing?" I replied hysterically. "How am I going to ride standing?" The path became steeper, making my teeth rattle and my poor girly parts hurt like heck.

"Just do it. Dammit, Bells. Will you just stand up for Christ's sake? You're going to have bruises between your legs if you don't lift your ass like right NOW!"

"I don't know how, Jacob. I'm going to fall off my bike if I stand up," I whined while I simultaneously tried to keep the wobbling bike under control.

Jake hit the brakes and let me catch up with him. "I'll show you," he said. "Look, it's easy. Stand up… Just like this." Before I could blink an eye, he was standing, easily directing the bike around the stones.

Of course, for him it would be easy. Everything was easy for him. He was just so natural with his body, knowing how to move without losing his balance, without tripping and falling. I pouted, shook my head, and he started to laugh.

"Okay, you won't try? Then I won't stand, either." He sat down on his seat, his knees almost reaching his ears. It looked ridiculous, and he grinned roguishly, knowing that it looked ridiculous. He didn't mind. Instead, he made a stern face, pretending to be highly concentrated.

It made me giggle, especially when he began moving his bike willfully through holes and over stones, commenting his actions with, "Ow. Ow. Ow."

"You're such a goof bag, Jacob," I cried out, almost doubling over with laughter.

I finally plucked up courage and just stood up. Shifting my weight a little bit more onto my hands, I managed to keep standing without losing my balance. He was right, though. It was more bearable having my behind in the air, but I didn't really feel safe or anywhere close to comfortable. But one thing it was - fun.

A few minutes later we reached the edge of the forest. A meadow lay before us, the rich, green grass swaying in the summer breeze, beautiful flowers growing everywhere. I swallowed hard as memories from another meadow crashed down on me. Oh God.

My legs started trembling and my arms, stiff from holding on tight to the handlebars, just gave out under me. I dropped the bike and fell on my knees, panting and sweating. "I can't do this anymore," I whispered hoarsely, trying to keep up my composure. I didn't want those bad memories any longer. They weren't good for me. They stopped me from moving on.

"You can, Bells. Just keep going," Jacob said, trying to encourage me, and sat down next to me. He seemed clueless, obviously thinking I talked about riding the bikes, but he watched me concerned. It would be only a matter of seconds until he discovered what was truly going on with me.

By all means, I needed to avoid that he recognized my misery. It wasn't about him. It was just my wrecked up brain that liked shoving memories throughout my head when I needed them at least. I plopped onto my back and muttered, "I'm done; I'm spent. I'm not going to go on any further."

To my surprise, I managed to push away all the pain and any thoughts about Edward. I looked into the sky, and then I looked at Jake.

He grinned mischievously and sat down next to me, Indian style. "And how do you think you're going to get home, Bells?" he asked, and cocked his head to the side.

I stared at his arms, ogling his biceps. "Carry me," I demanded, tempted by the idea of being carried by him through the woods.

"Oh, no. That's not how it's going to work. I won't carry you home," he answered, smirking at me.

"Why, Jake?" I whined. "Why can't you carry me? I practically weigh nothing. You won't even feel me…"

He shook his head determinedly. "You will ride your bike home and afterwards you will feel great, because you made it on your own. Trust me, Bells."

I knew that he wouldn't give in; as he was the most determined person I had ever met. "Feels great," I muttered exasperated, and rolled my eyes at him. Not that I was pouting.

"Your pouting doesn't work with me. No need to try…" he whispered into my ear.

I hadn't seen him coming closer, so I jumped and playfully punched his chest, but punching him was like punching a brick wall. A very warm, smooth skinned brick wall. A wail escaped my lips.

"Are you hurt, Bells?" Jake asked concerned, but I waved at him dismissively.

"I'm fine." I clenched and unclenched my hand, while the pain slowly subsided. I needed to remember to never do that again. "Pouting doesn't work?" I heard myself say in a playful tone.

"Nope," Jake answered, crossing his arms smugly.

"If I asked you really nicely, then?" I asked in a honey-sweet voice, and mimicking him, I crossed my arms over my chest, too.

Jacob smirked. "It kind of depends on how nicely you ask, I guess…" He put some space between us and sat on his heels, still having this smug look on his face until he suddenly went very quiet. He shifted his position and bent forward, inching closer, while his eyes were fixed on my arms.

Confused, I tried to decipher his body language. Was he mad at me? Why would he suddenly be so untypically silent and stare at me intently?

Eventually, I noticed that he was staring at my boobs which I had unintentionally pushed up when crossing my arms. I gasped and dropped my arms. Hiding my face behind my hair, I quickly got up and picked up the bike.

I wasn't ready yet, and I was scared to no end – mostly of my own powerful reaction. When he stared at me like that, it brought back my last night's dream full force.

"Let's go," I mumbled. "You convinced me. I'm riding that bike home…"

"Bells, wait up," he called out, sounding confused.

I ignored him and got my bike, leading it back to the path we had come before. I didn't come far until he blocked my way.

"What's up, Bella?" he asked with an inch of anger lingering in his voice.

I gave up, exasperated and refused to look up at him. "I… I…," I stuttered, and shoved his hand away when he put his hand under my chin, attempting to lift my head.

"Bella, what did I do? What is wrong?" He was clearly alarmed and annoyed, too, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt him or push him away, but obviously I had already done that with my harsh reaction.

"Nothing," I cried out, desperately and utterly confused, hot tears of frustration and fury rolling over my face.

"I don't understand," Jake said, and I felt him looking at me intently. He was trying to figure me out, trying to understand what was making me upset.

This meadow was driving me crazy. The memories of my dream were driving me crazy. My own indecision was driving me crazy. I couldn't bear it anymore. I needed to get away from here, where everything reminded me too much of Edward, and where Jake had looked at me with lust-filled eyes.

Agitated, I wheeled my bike forward and Jacob stepped away from me, concern and anger evident in his face as I fought my way up the path.

It was the pain in his eyes that made me react a second time. "It's not you, it's me. Okay?" I yelled over my shoulder, trying to make him understand. At the same time I realized what a drama I put up.

I was tired of running away and hiding my feelings out of fear. Suddenly, all of my anger deflated like air leaking from a balloon, and I let the bike drop to the ground. "I'm sorry, Jake," I squeaked, not daring to look him in the eyes.

.

A/N: Uh, sorry – I'm ending with a cliffy this time. Please, don't be too upset with Bella. I always understood her as being very undecided and torn between her love to Edward and her love to Jacob. This is why she's still contemplating her decision whether to move on with Jacob. Be patient, she will come around, and Jacob gets his happy ending. I promise.