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Chapter 7- I Want...
Andy asked the cabbie to wait.
She climbed the stairs to Sam's house, the front door staring at her in silence.
She took one last look at the photo of her smiling at Sam…the only thing she had kept after they broke up. She flipped it over and read the words she had scribbled on the back, her heart tearing into pieces so small that they just ceased to exist as they evaporated.
They were her final words goodbye, in case she didn't make it back.
She had heard the rumors around the barn about the UC in Mexico, and it scared her.
She knew that sixteen went in, and nobody came out alive. She would be seventeen going in, but who knew about coming out.
Giving the words a last once over, she was happy with what she had written.
It was simple and straight to the point; it was also how she still felt.
She had scribbled, 'I hope that you'll miss me, Love always, Andy' on the back and dated it with today's date, so that he would know when it was written.
Slipping it through the mail slot in the door, the words from the stupid song that seemed to torment her rang through her mind…
'When he came home late that evening, he called her name down the hall
He saw the outline of the painting that used to hang there on the wall
And in its place on the nail was a letter; he read it out loud to himself
Then the loneliness began to take over and for once he knew just how she felt'
Okay, so maybe the song wasn't that stupid; after all, it gave her the idea of doing this and the courage to follow through.
Sam cursed traffic as he drove towards the airport.
He was around a thirty minute drive from the airport, but the lack of blue and red lights turned it into a drive that lasted closer to an hour.
He knew that he was running out of time - something he had always thought they had.
Time.
He also had way too many regrets running through him right now.
Thinking about it, he had wasted a million opportunities to voice three little words in exactly the perfect moment, starting from when he knew how he felt, right around the time that she was stuck in the burnt out Laundromat. Or maybe it was when she announced her engagement to Callaghan. Then again, it could have been when Nixon had his hands wrapped around her neck in the storage locker. Sam didn't really know, but he knew that those feelings had been around for a long time and that he had been a complete idiot for not voicing them sooner.
It was not only hard to admit to himself that he was feeling something, but also to Oliver and Jerry. But admitting them to her - that was momentarily out of the question back then; now, it was the stupidest thing he had ever done and by far his biggest mistake.
A million thoughts had rolled over him in this moment… a thousand ways to carefully word selected sentences and a hundred excuses and lies came to mind, but in reality, there was only one thing to say, and that was the truth.
No fancy excuses, no ways to keep himself from looking bad or using carefully chosen words to stop the onslaught of tears he was sure would follow. It needed to be done the right way…the way it should have been done from the beginning…the way that had scared him so badly back then that words had failed him. The feelings were so intense that he felt like they were his own personal form of heroine, or cocaine.
Reflecting over the past and how many times she had given him the opportunity to say what he meant or what he was thinking, or even the chance to right his wrongs, he came up with one thought that tagged along from his trip down memory lane - she loved him all the way.
He had always loved her, too…
From the first instant that he had looked up into those dark, chocolate eyes, as they danced with excitement and uncertainty when she came through the door with the crappy lock.
She had burned him on that stupid UC. But if it hadn't been for that stupid UC, and they had met under different circumstances, things could have been very different for them.
But it wouldn't have been the same.
As he eyed the time, one remaining thought stormed through his brain- he had to stop her from leaving.
But time wasn't on his side, and traffic wasn't opening up. He was doomed and was never going to make it in time.
So he made the last attempt he had, played the last card he held…he called Callaghan.
Luke picked her up, as promised. Their drive to the airport was made in silence, as she put more and more space between her and her home.
She left a three page letter to her dad on the kitchen counter, knowing he would seek her out when she went missing. She just couldn't face him to say goodbye; she didn't want to see the fear and sorrow in his eyes.
They made it into the airport, Andy refusing to let Luke carry her bag. Her hands needed something to hold onto, to keep them from shaking.
They were standing side by side eyeing the departures board when Luke's phone rang; he stared wearily at the screen.
"I've got to take this," he mumbled, stepping away as Andy's eyes returned to the board.
"Hello".
"Have you lost your mind?!" Swarek's voice yelled in his ear as soon as he connected the call.
"She wanted in..."
"So you just let her have it?" Swarek was pissed, and Luke could hear a car horn blowing in the background.
"What was I supposed to do? This..."
"Just don't let her get on that plane". Sam cut Callaghan off, his tone dangerously low, as his words were whispered in warning.
"What?" Luke's eyes ran over Andy as she looked at the departures area around her.
"I'm coming to get her, so just do me a favor and delay her long enough for me to get there." Sam wasn't asking.
"You're coming to get her?" Callaghan was slightly confused by Swarek's sudden change of heart.
"Yup, so please just keep her a little longer. If I don't stop her now, there won't be another chance..."
Sam didn't need to continue his sentence; finishing it was pointless. He knew that Callaghan knew exactly what he meant. After all, he had been one of the front runners that told Sam he was an idiot for leaving Andy.
Callaghan groaned into Sam's ear, his frustration evident as he let it become audible.
"I don't think..."
"Then don't think…just do it. I've never asked for anything, but I'm asking you to do this". Sam's voice was genuinely sincere in his request.
Luke looked back towards Andy; she was absorbed in watching the people around her, her attention spanning left and right as she eyed the other passengers.
He heard Sam's truck shifting gears as he floored it, his need to get here on time bypassing the fact that he was probably breaking more than one traffic law.
"Okay, but I can't hold her forever, so you better make it on time". Luke hung up and walked back over to Andy, who managed a meek smile in his direction.
"Sure you're doing the right thing?"
"Yup". Her reply was short and full of doubt.
They stood side by side, the space between them wordless.
"I don't". Luke suddenly overstepped that boundary and just said it; Andy's eyes moved at warp speed to look at him.
"What?" Her face creased as she let her guard down for an instant, long enough for Luke to see the cracks.
He knew that Swarek was making the right choice in coming after her. The only thing was that he didn't know how he was supposed to stop her from boarding her plane when that was going to happen in fifteen minutes.
"If you don't stop running, you're never going to stop".
"I'm not running".
He heard the edge in her voice, her tone telling him that he had hit a nerve.
"Andy, you did the first time, and you are now. Only difference is, last time, you got the chance to fix it. This time, I don't think you will".
Andy stared at Luke, her mouth moving to argue, but her words failing her.
Glancing at the time, Luke excused himself to make a call; Swarek answered on the first ring.
"You're running out of time," Luke said in a flat tone.
"I'm stuck in traffic". Sam sighed, probably wishing that he had taken a cruiser instead.
Lights and sirens did wonders to move traffic along.
"I don't know how long I can keep her..."
"Just, I don't know, think of something".
Luke couldn't hear the hum of Sam's truck…he didn't know Sam was at a total standstill with time against him, as her time to leave grew nearer.
"Put her on the phone and walk away".
"What?" Luke couldn't see how that would work in Sam's favor. She'd probably hurl the phone at him.
"Just hand it to her and walk away. She won't board with your phone".
Ah, made sense, she really wouldn't.
Luke moved through the crowd of people, only to find Andy growing impatient. He nodded toward the phone his hand held out; her eyes widened as they asked the silent question of who was on the other end of the line.
"Nash". Luke hated lying to her, but if it would get her to stay long enough to let Swarek stop her, then it was a good lie.
Andy took the phone and moved to the side, away from the crowd and the noise; Luke took it as his cue to leave.
He literally left, walking away and out into the fresh air until he reached his car.
"Traci?"
"Andy".
Just her name on his lips was enough to make her flood with panic.
How did he know she was with Luke?
"Please don't do this". His voice was soft and nearly drowned out by the noise around her.
"Do what, Sam?"
"Leave".
That one single word held so much raw emotion that Andy felt tears sting her eyes as they sprang to her orbs.
"I'm..." She couldn't lie, and she knew it; she didn't even really see the point in trying, so she bit the words off and didn't bother finishing the sentence.
"Andy, I know you're going to Mexico and that you're at the airport…I just don't get why".
"Why? You want to know why? Sam, I don't have anything to stay here for. I've got my dad and Traci and Leo and my job, but that seems to get in the way of everything else. So why stay?"
Her voice was a little cold, her words setting off more alarm bells in Sam's head than were already sounding.
"So you're just going to give it all up, throw it all away?" Sam's voice shuddered in coldness as he responded.
"No, it's not like that".
"Then what is it like? Explain it to me, because I don't get why you would give it all up".
"This is about me, Sam…no one else. This is something I need to do for me".
"Why Mexico? Why one of the worst UC's to ever come up? This one is so bad that even I won't touch it, but you, you go running into it head first".
Sam's annoyance was evident in his voice, his tone slivering from calm to ragged.
Andy was looking around for Luke so that she could hang up and hand him his phone back…her plane was about to start boarding.
The announcer called her flight, Sam's heart skipping a beat when he heard her say Mexico. He knew this was it, her flight was being called, and it was time for her to go or miss her plane.
"I need to go..."
"Don't hang up…please just hear me out". Sam's voice was desperate as he spoke, so much so that he sounded breathless.
"I can't do this now," Andy mumbled as she turned around in circles, her eyes scanning the crowd for Luke's face, or a flash of his light hair.
"Five minutes, that's all I need".
"Sam, what are you doing? This has nothing to do with you. I won't change my mind". She huffed out the last few words, well aware of the fact that she had doubted this move since she had spoken to Luke about it.
"Five minutes, McNally, that's all I'm asking?" He sounded like he was pleading, and his words made her walls crumble a little more than the half cast barrier they already were.
"Five minutes? Sam, I don't have time now… my flight's boarding. What could you say or do in five minutes that is so important that you have to do it now?" She was curious, although she knew she was playing with fire and about to get burned.
"I have one thing to ask you, one thing to tell you, and one thing I want".
Andy shook her head; he was frustrating, confusing, and complicated. His timing sucked, and she really needed to go.
"What do you want? There is nothing..."
His reply slammed through her, her words stuttering to a stop as she heard what he had to say.
Never in a million years had she been expecting to hear him say that at a time like this.
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Jelly Bean Jenna©