Gringott's, wands and toads,oh my

When they arrived, they were greeted by a goblin who was wearing a t-shirt saying I LOVE DIAGON ALLEY.

"I want one of those T-shirts, they kick ass" Harry said, pointing at the goblin's t-shirt. "Later Harry, we need to get your dosh out first" Replied Hagrid. He recieved a whack from the back of the head by a random person. "YEEHAW, DIAGON ALLEY'S HOOLIGANS RULES, BITCHAS"screamed the random person.

After recovering, Hagrid and Harry walked into Gringott's bank that was a posh hotel.

"These Goblins are thick as wood so don't even pay attention to the random stuff they say" Hagrid warned. Harry nodded and they came up to the main desk.

"Harry Potter wishes to get his money out so he can buy his school items"Hagrid said. "Sure, I'll just pull the turtle out of the chicken and we'll get going"the Goblin replied. Harry gave Hagrid an odd glance. "See what I mean?" the big hairy beast/man/giant/hybrid asked. "Yeah, what a fucking liberty" Harry muttered in sarcasm.

About two seconds later, they were riding a cart to the vaults.

"Drink the goddamn beer you bitch" the goblin that was riding in the cart with them barked at Harry.

"There's no beer you moron" Harry snapped. "Stop picking on me" the Goblin sobbed. "What a freak" Harry muttered.Soon, they arrived at Harry's vault to collect his cash.

When it was opened, Harry was thrilled to see how rich he was.

"Cool" he said "I'm richer than Simon Cowell". Suddenly, Simon Cowell appeared out of nowhere and flipped Harry Off. "I'm richer than you poindexter and get a haircut, it disgraces the empire of all hairstyles". He vanished with a pop. "There's nothing wrong with my hair is there?" Harry asked. Hagrid shook his shaggy head.

"Come dance with me you sexy thing" the Goblin sang as they made there way to vault 213.

Once they arrived there, the only thing that was laying on the floor was small parcel. Hagrid walked in, picked up the parcel and placed it in his pocket. "Don't mention this to anyone Harry or else i'll beat you good and proper" Hagrid warned. Harry secretly pissed himself.

Without warning, Harry was in a wand shop carrying over six million pounds.

"Helloooooooooooooooooooo" Harry called in a stupid and odd voice. "Coming" came a voice from the back "just putting my trousers on. I'll be back honey, I have a customer. Don't do that, we'll finish it off once i've dealed with this one".

Harry watched as a creepy old man came sauntering fromt he back. "Well well well, Harry Potter" he said with a grin. "Pleased to meet you, I'm Olivander but you can call my Olly". Harry gave him an odd glance. "I've come for a wand" he replied darkly.

"Of course, just give this one a try" Olly said, thrusting a wand in Harry's hand. He waved it and a bottle of Viagra disentigrated. "Noooooooooo" Olly screamed "not my Viagra, anything but my viagra". He snatched the wand from Harry and gave him another one. He waved it again and Olivander's hair turned green. "Stupid idiot" he snarled. Harry waved the wand again and a 1,45000 tonne weight dropped on Olivander, squishing him dead. "That's what you get for insulted the great Harry Potter" Harry declared in triumph.

He tried out every wand in the shop until he found a suitable one.

Suddenly, he was back in the leaky cauldron with Hagrid who had bought him a white owl.

"Awesome an Owl. I'll call it sir Hedwig the 1st" Harry declared. "And this" Hagrid said,getting out a T-shirt saying I LOVE HOGWARTS.

"Sweet" said Harry. Hagrid burped and farted. "I think I'll go to bed now" said Harry Simply. Hagrid burped again. That night, the leaky cauldron was invaded by toads.

"HARRY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE"Hagrid bellowed as a toad jumped in his mouth. "I was testing my new wand" Harry declared innocently.

"Gwet wid owf whem" Hagrid said with a mouthful of toad. "What?" Harry asked. Hagrid pulled the toad out of his mouth and yelled "GET RID OF THEM".

"Right you are" Harry replied and he made all the toads vanish.