Wendy: *is busy watching Sailor Moon on the television* I can't believe I never got into this anime stuff earlier. Makes me wonder what else I've been missing all this time.
ZeroFox: *runs into the room screaming while being attacked by bees* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Wendy: *mutes the TV* What the hell?
*Earlier*
ZeroFox: *outside tending to his herb garden* Wow, this was surprisingly very calming. *sees a little bee* Why hello little guy. Are you going to pollinate my basil? *sees the bee buzzing around him in a happy manner* Bees are my friend.
Dr. Bees: *standing on a random grassy knoll* What's this? A single bee that's pollinating all these flowers by itself? My vase full of bees should do the trick. *gets out a vase and releases the bees inside it*
ZeroFox: Wait…what's that sound? *gets swarmed by bees* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*Present*
ZeroFox: *still getting attacked by bees* THE ARMOR! IT DOESN'T PROTECT ME FROM THE BEES! *runs out screaming* CUE THE DISCLAIMER! JUST CUE THE *PUCKING* DISCLAIMER ALREADY!
Wendy: *shrugs her shoulder while going back to watching TV*
Disclaimer: THE FOLLOWING IS A NON-PROFIT FANFICTION! GRAVITY FALLS AND ITS CHARACTERS BELONG TO ALEX HIRSCH AND DISNEY. PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICIAL RELEASE!
Snnn….Snnnnnn….Snnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
"Dude."
Snnnnnnnn….snrksd…..snrkghfgh…..snnnnnn
"Dudeeeeeeeeee…."
Snnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…
"Dudeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
Snnnnnnnn…..huh….Soos?
"Dude, you need to wake up."
Huh…wha…what's going on?
"You're actually having one of those dreams where your subconscious takes the form of people you know and then puts you in an unworldly scenario that will ultimately cause you to experience a night terror."
Huh?
"Oh and, uh, you're also naked and in front of Dipper."
"Hi Wendy. Hot bod by the way."
…
…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(*Insert the Gravity Falls Intro Theme*)
Chapter 4:
Legend of the GobbleWonker p.2
I immediately sat up on my bed, gasping and panting for air. Beads of cold sweat dripped down my face as I had this look of pure horror. I mean…my god….what….what…what a horrible nightmare. I was sleeping peacefully and then Soos appeared and then I was naked in front of Dorker (why did that last part even happen?!) and then…and then…Argh! I just looked over to my clock on my dresser just to see what time it was. It read 3:26 before turning to 3:27.
Ugh! I
An exasperated grunt (which if somebody listened carefully could make out a certain 3-letter combo) was uttered as I just feel back onto my bed, my eyes slowly closing in an attempt to go back to sleep. I just hope to never have another nightmare like that ever again. Especially one involving Dorker saying I look 'hot'. Brrr! (Note to self, never speak of this ever again to anybody).
With that being said and all…time to…*yawn*…time to fall bzzzzzzzzz…..
Snnnnnnnnnnnnnn….
"Dude…"
Snnnnnnnnrkkkkkkkkk….
"Dude!"
Wha-What?
…
Ah damn it, I'm having another nightmare. Although this time, I'm clothed in my usual flannel shirt and jeans (and no Dorker insight either). However standing in front of me was a beaver that had Soos' head on it.
Crap, it's another nightmare like before!
"Ha, nah. I'm just here to tell you to wake up."
"Okay? Why are you telling me to wake up in my dream?"
The Soos beaver was busy gnawing on some wood as I just facepalmed myself. What I was experiencing would constitute as a reason to go to see a therapist, a really good one too.
I then just swiped the wood away from the Soos beaver.
"Okay, tell me why are you in my dreams?"
"To tell you that you need to wake up."
I just raised my eyebrow in confusion.
"Wait…that's it?"
"Pretty much," replied the Soos beaver, "But in all honesty Wendy-"
"WAKE UP WENDY!"
"ACK! SON OF A BITCH!" I immediately woke up to the sound of my father screaming my name. Needless to say, I leapt out of bed but got tangled up in my blankets. Then well…gravity entered the equation in a very comical way. "I'M UP, I'M UP, I'M-*THUD*!"
Down goes Wendy, down goes Wendy. All I can say is that landing on your chest hurts (gonna need an ice pack later on). Nothing like falling out of your bed early in the morning to get things started.
While I'm gasping for air, groaning in pain my youngest brother, Thurman, knocked on my door.
"Hey Wendy, dad wants us downstairs pronto."
I then heard him walk away as I groan in pain.
"Thanks…Thanks for asking if I was okay," I grunted while slowly picking myself up.
I wobbled in my stance as I tried to get my bearings. Weird. I can shake off falling 7 feet from a tree but I get the wind knocked out of me from a 1½ foot fall from my bed. I looked over to my clock as I squint to see what time it was. 6:35 a.m. "Ughhhh…why so early?"
There was another knock on the door.
"Wendy, why aren't you downstairs?" asked a voice behind the door. I easily recognized it as my dad.
"Kind of in a situation here dad," I grunted, picking myself up off the ground.
"You need help getting up?"
"I'm good…I'm good." I immediately picked myself up and open up my door. Standing in front of me was my dad in his usual lumberjack outfit. However there was something different. He had his black waterproof boots, a fishing vest and hat on, a fishing pole in one hand and a large tackle box in the other.
"We're about to go fishing and I need my special fishing girl to teach the young ones how to fish like a Corduroy."
I just yawned, rubbing my eyes. "Actually…dad, I already made plans. Sorry but I won't be able to *yawn* make it."
"Oh, my bad," replied my dad. He then just rubbed my head. "Well I guess I'll get going then. See you later on." He then closed the door to my room before walking away.
Even if I wasn't fully awake, I could see that my dad seemed pretty disappointed I wasn't going with him. Maybe it's due to lack of sleep but you know…I actually felt kind of down. I mean, I know I made plans with Soos before my dad asked me to. But at the same time it's still family.
I just plopped back down on my bed, eyes slowly closing after my head made contact with the pillow. Well I guess I could meet up with my dad later on when I'm done hanging out with Soos. I mean, knowing my dad, he'd be out on that lake all day. Yeah. I'll join up afterwards But for now, time to get some shut-.
"Doo-Doo-Do-Doo-Doo Soos! Doo-Doo-Do-Doo-Doo Soos! Doo-Doo-Do-Doo-Doo Soos!"
My eyes immediately snapped wide open as my phone went off with an all too familiar ring tone. Well so much for trying to get some more sleep, let alone just making it to 7. I picked up my phone off the nightstand before answering. "Dude…" Insert a big yawn. "…do you have any…" Insert another yawn. "…idea what time it is?"
"My bad. I thought it was 7 already."
I just let out an angry groan as I nearly crushed my phone in my hand in frustration. Goddamn it people, let me sleep in! It's a weekend. Weekends were made for that….*sob*
"You still there Wendy?"
I simply put the phone to my ear. "Yeah, I'm still here Soos."
"Awesome. So I was hoping to get my boat to the lake early before anybody else."
"You're not gonna beat my family," I mumbled incoherently under my breath before clearing my throat, "Dude, could give me like 5 more minutes."
"And miss out on some awesome boating adventures?"
Wherever Soos gets his boundless energy from, I'm going to find it and burn it to the ground and cackle like a madwoman. Yup, that's how freaking pissed I was at the moment. Luckily since I was a good person (and pretty much had no chance of going back to sleep now), I decided that now was the best time or another to just get up.
"Okay dude but you're picking me up though."
"I'm already outside with the boat."
If this was real life, my eyes would have been the size of dinner plates and my jaw would be on the ground. I just rushed down the stairs, frantically sprinting to the front door to open it up and see….
"Ha ha, just kidding. I'm still at my house, hooking the boat up on my *click!*"
Damn it Soos! Not cool man, not cool at all….damn it, okay! It was impressive he got me good on that one. I then simply head back inside before going up to my room to change into my clothes.
Well actually I had to spend at least a few good minutes on what to wear. I mean, I couldn't exactly wear my usual flannel shirt and jeans. There could be the slightest possibility that I might fall into the lake and by fall into the lake, I mean I do a sweet cannonball off the bow of the boat. And I really don't want to wear anything too revealing because:
A. I don't exactly have the skin complexion to be lounging around in a bathing suit despite having the body for it (hey, let me self-indulge at least once in a while!)
B. Even when I try to darken my skin via sun tan, I end up burning baaaaaaaaaaad and wasn't in the mood to hear 'lobster girl' comments from idiots (especially that bitch Pacifica).
C. ….
…..
…..
…..Call me paranoid but I have this nagging feeling I might run into Dorker while out on the boat. He just seems to have this magnetism to me for one reason or another (IT'S NOT ROMANCE DAMN IT!).
Anyway, I decided to wear my bathing suit (it was a one piece thank fully), jean shorts (yeah…I had another pair…don't judge me), and a short-sleeved flannel button shirt. I figured it would be practical to wear it out on the boat. I also threw on an old pair of sneakers because have you ever tried biking with flip-flops? Let me tell you, it's not fun or easy.
So after getting on my clothes, I hopped on my bicycle and rode it to Soos place. The funny thing is that once you're up and that brisk air hits you, you immediately wake up. I should know, I pretty much do that for my job now…although it's not so brisk at the time I get up.
It took me about 10 minutes or so to reach Soos' place as I saw in the road his pickup truck. Hooked up to the back end was the boat as Soos was in the driver's seat. He then saw me pull up to his place on my bicycle, an exhausted look on my face.
"Hey, morning Ms. Sunshine. How are you?"
"Ms. Sunshine needs her coffee," I replied back, yawning loudly.
"Sure thing, hop on in. We'll grab some coffee along the way if you want. Oh, you can leave your bike in my yard."
I just hopped off my bike, escorting it through the front gate of Soos' house before locking it up onto a bush in his backyard. Why a bush you may ask? Well...when you don't have a cup of coffee to wake you up, you tend to do more…err…'careless' things. So with the deed being done already, I hopped into Soos' truck, shut the door behind me, adjusted my hat, and-
"Don't forget to put on your seatbelt."
*Sigh* I then pulled the seatbelt over my shoulder, putting it into the buckle as I sat back in the seat, as Soos started up the engine and we were on our-
"Just give me a minute dude. Gotta find the right tunes."
…
"Hmm…nah, not feeling rock at the moment. Hold on…Ha, like who listens to sports radio early in the morning…hold on…hold on…aha ha. Sweet!"
"Dude…Kanye West? Really?"
"What? This beat is pretty catchy. Just gotta let it grow on you."
Okay…maybe it's due to the lack of sleep but that beat is starting to sound catchy. So anyways, after Soos got his station on, we were going to-
"Whoops. Almost forgot to check the mirrors to see if they are properly adjusted. Safety first as I always say."
Ugh! So after all that and then some (Soos felt it was necessary to see if his truck had oil in it) we were about to head out onto the-
"Let me just check to see if the boat is secured properly."
…
So a funny debate entered my mind. Do I: A. Lose my mind and flip out due to the lack of caffeine in my body or B. Take the diplomatic approach. After factoring many things, it was time to make the final decision.
"Yo dude, I don't want to be that person but if we don't hurry up, we'll get over swarmed by like everybody who wants to go to Gravity Falls Lake today. It would be a total pain trying to navigate through the parking lot and I don't want to see your boat get like ruined and stuff."
Soos then looked at me, a big smile on his face. "Wow, never thought about it like that. Well the good news is that everything is all set."
Yes! Finally we're getting somewhere. Time to get this day started. So Soos started up the engine, shifted gears, backed out of the driveway, and we were about to be on our way to Gravity Falls Lake. But before that, something had to be address.
"Hey, could we get some coffee along the way?"
"Ha ha, I'm good thanks. Had some before you got here. Boy, nothing like a good cup of coffee to start the day."
….
Meanwhile in the town of North Salem in Westchester County, New York, was a mansion as in the kitchen, two men (one with thick black hair with pointed tips at the end and one completely bald) were busy having breakfast (the bald man eating a bowl of cereal and the other man reading the paper and smoking a cigar).
Out of nowhere, the bald man held his head in agony with his left hand as the other man looked at him.
"What's the matter Chuck?"
The bald man felt the pain subside as he shook his head. "I can't place my finger on it Logan but I just heard the loudest mental shriek just a few seconds ago."
The other man just puffed out a cloud of smoke before going back to reading his paper. "Them Lucky Charms are poisoning your brain Chuck. Making you hear things."
Back in Gravity Falls, Oregon
So it turns out that I was going to be without the much needed and sweet nectar…THAT HELPS KEEP ME SANE! Ok…maybe that was a little dramatic but you get the idea. So I tried to take a small nap since Gravity Falls Lake was at least half an hour away. But unfortunately…it was a bumpy ride. Like every time I was about to fall asleep for a quick power nap….
*BUMP*
Ugh…that happened (seriously, that was like the tenth time that happened!). So after that happened a few times, I welcomed the embrace of not falling asleep for the rest of the day. Also after the fourth attempt, I had come to accept that sleep was no longer an option.
"Dude, just another 5 more miles till we get there. Oh man, I can't wait."
Yup, definitely no longer an option. So we just casually drove down the road, still listening to the tunes on the radio. We would see an occasional sign for Gravity Falls Lake (insert miles) ahead as I simply yawned (really could have used that coffee). It wasn't long until we final saw the sign for Gravity Falls Lake parking entrance. The parking lot wasn't full per say (thank goodness) but it wouldn't surprise me that within the next hour or so it would be packed.
"All right, let's get this puppy in the water," said Soos, driving over to the area where people were unloading their own boats.
Once there, we found a spot to unload as I just hopped out of the car. I couldn't help myself but just stare across the lake, seeing the morning sun caste its rays on the surface of the water. It just looked so amazing, almost like poetry of some kind (yeah, definitely could have used that cup of coffee). But as I was lost in my own thoughts, I couldn't help but feel like I needed to pay attention to something. Something very important.
"Backing up dude. Say when to stop."
OH SHIT!
"WHEN! WHEN! WHEN! WHEN! WHEN! WHEN!"
*Puck* that was a close call. Almost screwed that one up bigtime.
See when unloading a boat into the water, it's a good idea to have a person guide you in that way you don't A. Damage the boat and B. Water log the vehicle you are using (I've seen a few YouTube videos of that happening so I know what I am talking about).
So, after a careful discussion and some quick planning, we were slowly getting the boat into the water. I would guide Soos into the water and then once the boat was at least in deep enough water, we would both unhook it from the truck and boom. Simple, right?
The operation went smoothly as can be as I carefully waved Soos back towards me. It was fine except one variable that I could not predict happened.
"Well, what do we have going on here?" asked an all-too-familiar voice.
I just mentally shudder and muttered a few 'choice words' under my breath as I turn to see none other than Pacifica with her clique of friends on...a yacht. A yacht that dwarfed our boat in both size and appearance (pretty sure it was her parents anyways).
"Well we're obviously busy getting our boat into the water…a-duh," I replied back as Soos just waved.
"Ain't she a beauty?" he added, a proud smile on his face.
Pacifica just did that snooty laugh right at us (you know, the 'I'm better than you' snooty laugh). "You call that a boat? Puh-lease. It looks like a cheap bathroom toy boat."
"Actually, I modeled it after my toy tug boat," explained Soos; "I even used the same matching color scheme. Pretty sweet huh?"
For a moment, Pacifica got a stunned look on her face from the fact that Soos got the kibosh on her insult (way to go Soos!). But like any rich, bitchy brat, she had a plan B waiting in the wings.
Luckily…so did we.
"Hey Pacific Ocean!"
Insert a very loud growl of anger by you-know-who (heh, she hates being called that)
"Are you done? We need you to move daddy's toy out of the way."
Pacifica just scowled before brushing a strand of hair out her face. "Whatever! You just better hope your boat doesn't sink in the lake." Her scowl then turned into a smug grin. "But for you, I guess that would count as taking a bath for you."
"Whoa, gonna need a burn heal for that one," said Soos as I shoot him a 'THAT'S NOT HELPING THE SITUATION SOOS!' look.
"Later losers!"
We both then see Pacifica and her yacht take off to another part of the lake as I just calmly try to tell myself that no court will accept the 'She had it coming' defense for murder. But I ended up slipping one sentence out that would make my dad lecture me on etiquette (Hint, the words *puck* and *runt* were used quite a bit).
Soos then popped his head out the window to look at me. "You two need to hug it out and get rid of all that negativity."
I rolled my eyes. "There's no chance in hell that will ever happen. I rather would kiss Dipper than 'hug it out' with that fake blonde bitch."
….
….
….
….Did I just say what I thought I just said? DID I JUST SAY WHAT I THOUGHT I SAID?! OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST UTTERED THOSE WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH! *HERK!* I think I'm gonna hurl. I think I'm gonna…gonna…*Her-bleugghhhh!*
"Yeesh, we better take 5," said Soos, wincing a bit at the sight, "Good think we didn't stop for food. Be a waste."
So after a finished vomiting (don't judge me), Soos and I got the boat on the water. Of course Soos parked the truck before anything else because…duh. Once on the water, it was just soaking in the rays. Soos had a captain hat on and was manning the steering wheel while I was sitting on the cooler in the back (we had our life vests on for all those wondering safety nuts out there).
"Hey Wendy, check this out. Guess who I am."
Soos then started to whistle loudly and tapping his foot randomly.
"I…have no clue dude."
"Call me Steamboat Soos."
Okay, that reference flew way over my head faster than a peregrine falcon dive bombing out of the sky at 200 mph or 320 km/h and…and…and where the hell did that come from (seriously could have used that coffee).
"Hey Wendy hold on, here comes the fun part!"
"Wait, what-HOLY SHIT!"
Out of nowhere, Soos decided it be funny to give the steering wheel a giant spin to the right like they do in the cartoons. However unlike in the cartoons where the steering wheel only spun, the boat violently spun around in a circle and I was nearly thrown out of the boat. I did end up crashing onto the deck before woozily standing up.
"Ugh…not…not cool dude," I weakly groaned, "And why is everything so diz-*HERGH!*"
Oh boy…ugh…my…stomach…I think I'm…I'm gonna hurl. Yup, definitely gonna hurl again. I quickly scanned around to find a place to blow chunks on the boat before randomly seeing a wooden barrel at the back of the boat (how did I miss that?). So like any sane teenager I ran over to the barrel, cocked my head back, and-
"Dude! You can't blow chunks in there. That's the monster bait!" called out Soos.
"What…*HERGH*…are…*HERGH*…*HERGH*!"
I couldn't hold it in any longer as I just went over to the edge of the boat and proceeded to vomit into the water. It seemed like us Corduroys were not really meant to travel on the high seas or be on something faster than a rowboat. All the while, Soos listened on and winced with each heave of mine.
"I guess doing that again is out of the question, huh."
A glare sent his way probably signified that yes, spinning the boat like that was out of the question for good. I reached into the cooler to grab a water to rinse my mouth from the remnants of last night's dinner in my mouth. After a few minutes to regain my composure, I had to ask the burning question.
"How and why do we have 'monster bait' on the boat?"
"Well," explained Soos, "After you left, I took a trip to the store to stock up on supplies and like life vests and stuff. Then I saw Old Man Jenkins babble about a sea monster in the lake. Was kind of curious because I thought sea monsters lived in the sea."
Nope, not even going to make a comment on that one.
"So I bought a barrel to see if there was monster in Gravity Falls Lake."
I looked in the barrel to get a better look of the contents inside.
"They look like giant fish flakes." I shrugged my shoulders. "Hopefully you got your money's worth."
"It was a bargain! $20 for the whole barrel after I bought this sweet captain hat," replied Soos, pointing to his captain hat.
It essentially looked like a pirate's hat except Soos somehow plastered a question mark over where the original Jolly Roger was. But if it makes the guy happy, why rain on his parade. Am I right folks?
So anyway, we were on the lake in out boat. The sun was beaming down with an occasion cool breeze wafting pass us (that is the correct way to use that word right? Man, should have paid attention that time in English instead of playing video games on my calculator). Yeah, today was perfect. Hmm, I wonder what we should do first. Should we start fishing? Or how about checkout ScuttleButt Island. Or how about-
"Ahoy Pines family!"
….*sigh* god damn it.
See apparently while I was mentally planning out my day, I failed to notice Soos had spotted the Pines family on one of the lake docks. Then like a moth drawn to candlelight, he guided the boat over to them. Well I guess my Saturday got ruined with the sounds of…
"Hey Soos."
"Hiya Soos!"
"Soos, what the heck are you wearing on your head?"
Then they turned their attention to me.
"Hi Wendy!"
"Um…hi…Wendy…"
"What's up with you Corduroy? You look like you saw a ghost and then puked up your lunch."
"Nice to see-*hrgh*…*urghf*!"
Curious what just happened? Well my stomach was still feeling reeling from earlier and then I got that pit queasiness feeling from seeing the Pines family (well mostly from seeing Dipper…I don't need to explain why). So combine those things together and well…everybody got to watch me hunch over the side and proceeded to blow chunks.
"Sweet Sally, that didn't sound too good," commented Mabel, cringing from the sight and sound.
Soos, completely changing the mood, looked at the Pines family. "So what brings you guys out here?"
"Hunting the Gobblewonker," blurted out Dipper, only to get his head bopped with a fishing pole.
"Stop it with that monster hunt gibberish," scolded Stan, "We're here for family time. Besides, I got us all fishing poles, hats, and the most important thing of all…live bait!"
Now they say that timing is everything in every scenario. No sooner had I finished up, still feeling woozy and queasy from puking, I pulled my head up to look back at everybody. No sooner had I did that, Stan had opened up his fishing tacklebox to show everybody his 'live bait.' Judging from Mabel and Dipper's reactions, it didn't look or smell pretty. Then a cool breeze just happened to blow by and whisk the smell right in my face. I got a good whiff of it (by the way, it smelled like rotting fish that cuddled up with a skunk fart!) and well…I was back over the side, proceeding to 'feed the fish' yet again.
Soos just smiled. "Well Wendy and I were about to go on our own monster hunt as well." He then turned to me. "Isn't that right dude?"
Technically he wasn't right or wrong. So I just gave a thumbs up in response since my mouth was preoccupied at the moment (wow…that didn't sound sexual at all. Gotta work on phrasing next time).
Stan just rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner. "I can't believe you guys actually believe in that crap Old Man McGucket was spouting about just 5 minutes ago. Literally, it was 5 minutes ago."
Dipper and Mabel just nodded their heads as Stan facepalmed himself.
"Fine. You know what, you have two choices. You can gallivant around like a bunch of loonies."
"But we're not really toonie though," piped in Soos.
"Not now Soos!" barked Stan before looking at the twins, "Like I said, you can gallivant around like a bunch of loonies trying to catch some fictional monster that a crazy hillbilly just made up. Or you can hang out with your dear ol' Grunkle Stan and be fishing buddies." He then followed it up with a big grin, pretty much confident that they would choose him.
Well needless to say they didn't. Both Mabel and Dipper hopped into boat boat as they began to chant loudly, 'Gobblewonker! Gobblewonker! Gobblewonker!' along with Soos. Soos then drove away from the dock as a mixed look of anger and resentment was on Stan's face since his Saturday plans just went up in flames (you're not alone in that feeling dude).
After some time had passed, my stomach had calmed down and returned to normal. as we just floated on the water. To pass the time, I decided to do a little of my own fishing. I grabbed a rod and some of the monster bait before casting my line into the water. For a while, things were very peaceful. I mean Soos was trying to talk to Dipper about something which enthralled the kid for some odd reason (get out much?) and Mabel was…was…oh no….
"Hey Wendy, whattca doing?" she beamed, just inches from my ear.
Well crap. There goes my peaceful fishing. Also, does anybody hear a telephone ringing?
"Fishing. It's supposed to be relaxing," I calmly replied.
"Oh ok," said Mabel, sitting down next to me.
A few minutes passed as it seemed like this could work out. I mean, she's not really bothering me and-
"Catch anything yet?"
Spoke too soon….
"No. I just caste the line a little while ago. It's gonna take some time. That's the relaxing part."
"Oh…got it." Insert a few more minutes passing as the female Pines just let out that annoyed sigh. "Ugh…so bored right now."
I just facepalmed myself before mentally coaching myself to try to relax and enjoy my Saturday. At first it seemed to work. But then out of nowhere, I heard this little blooping sound. It sounded like something was falling into the water but we were practically in the middle of the lake…and…and…
I immediately spun my head around to look at Dipper and Soos, who were trying to hide something behind their back. Then I saw a small rock fall out from behind Soos' back as he kicked it under the steering wheel to try and hide it. It wasn't too hard to make the connection of what they were doing. The hard part was trying not to throw them all overboard. *Sigh*….whatever…guess the fishing aspect of today has official been ruined.
So I casually reeled in my line to see nothing on it (gee, I wonder why that was) before going over to place the fishing pole with the other ones. I calmly just sat on the edge of the boat, a big grin on my face. It wasn't the cheerful grin, oh no. It was the grin you make to mask the fact you want to murder EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE BASTARDS FOR RUINING WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PEACEFUL DAY-oh wow, where did that come from? Any who, I just cleared my throat and looked at everybody.
"So now that we're done fishing, what do you guys want to do now?"
No sooner had I asked that did Dipper's face light up like he was a kid in a candy store.
"Let's look for the Gobblewonker!"
Oh brother, I still can't get over how dumb that name sounds (even if it was just a little while ago that I just heard about it). I mean it's not a name like the Loch Ness Monster or what not but still…Gobblewonker? Yeesh.
Mabel just looked at her brother with a precarious look. "You sure about that bro-bro? I mean even though we just heard it from that weird hillbilly guy with the Santa Claus beard-"
Well that's one way to describe McGucket in a nice manner.
"-it still sounds pretty dangerous."
Dipper just waved his hand to dismiss what his sister just said to him.
"Some of the greatest explorers in history were faced with great danger and peril on their journey and looked what they accomplished. Remember guys, no sacrifice, no victory."
Nice speech general. Way to-wait a minute. Where did I hear that before speech? It's so familiar. Where? Where? Where? Ugh…it's gonna bother me for the longest time now. Don't you hate it when that happens?
"You in Soos?" asked Dipper.
"Anywhere you go dude, I will be there to follow," replied Soos.
Mabel then giggled. "Well I'm in. Can't let you two hog all the fun."
Ugh! Where did I hear that quote?! Think! Think…I got it!
"How about you Wendy?"
"Archibald Witwicky said it to his crew in the first Transformers movie before he fell into that ice crevice and discovered Megatron. That's where I heard that from."
"Um…that's interesting," coughed Dipper, "So um, are you in as well?"
"Huh? Oh sure, why not. Just don't get me killed or in trouble with Stan," I casually replied, obliviously not paying attention when I should have.
"Deal," said Dipper, a big grin on his face.
"…..wait…what did I just agree to?"
Dipper then cracked his knuckles, completely ignoring me, and had a big grin on his face. "Glad we could all agree on that." He then cleared his throat. "Okay people, if we are going to go on this monster hunt we gotta go over a few things."
And this suddenly feels like a field trip now with Dorker as the guidance counselor (the funny part is that I could totally picture that as his job when he grows up).
"First, what's the number one problem that people have with hunting monsters?" he asked.
Soos raised his hand. "If you're a side character, you die within the first 5 minutes." His eyes then went wide as dinner plates after he said that. "Dude, am I a side character? You guys ever think about stuff like that?" He then began to tremble as Mabel patted his back.
"You're not a side character, you're a main character in this episode," she casually said, calming down our adult friend.
"Phew, that's a relief."
Why do I have a funny feeling something was just broken here?
"And Wendy's a love interest as well."
…did…did Mabel just say what I think she just said?
"No you guys," said Dipper in an annoyed tone, "It's lack of hard evidence." Dipper then turned to Soos. "Hey Soos, pretend that you're Bigfoot."
"I'm actually a size 10.5. It's not really that big."
Mabel just giggled, I snickered, and Dipper facepalmed himself.
"It's just pretend Soos."
"Oops, my bad," replied Soos before clearing his throat. He then bunched over and pretended to saunter a bit, taking one step forward before pausing and turning to look at us.
"Oh gosh, it's Bigfoot!" exclaimed Dipper in a very fake touristy voice, "Oh wow, I can't believe it!"
"Eek! Bigfoot!" shrieked Mabel, freaking everybody out with her high pitch. She was then sent a dirty look her way. "What, I was trying to add more to the affect. Did it work?"
Insert a small groan and another facepalm by Dipper.
"Yes it did," he replied in a sarcastic tone, "Any who, back to the scenario." He then began to pat his pockets as if he were trying to find something. "Oh no, I don't have a camera on me. I can't get hard, photographic evidence of Bigfoot…See, See what I did there guys? You understand what I'm trying to get at?"
Two nods and a half-ass thumbs up was the response.
"Now luckily I came prepared for this trip. He then placed down a backpack he was carrying the whole time down onto the boat before reaching inside it. Dipper then pulled out a bunch of disposable cameras for us to see. "I got 24 disposable cameras. They're waterproof so you don't need to worry about them getting a little wet." He then handed us some cameras. "Here you go, here's a few cameras for each of you."
"Thanks dude," thanked Soos.
"I'm gonna take sooooooo many pictures," laughed Mabel.
"Where did you get the money for all these?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.
"It's nothing to worry about," replied Dipper, completely brushing me off (bastard) before looking at all of us, "There's 4 for you guys and I'll have the rest on me."
Before we could say or do anything, Soos somehow took a picture but ended up pointing the flash into his eyes. With one yelp, he threw the camera into the lake before rubbing his eyes.
Dipper just did that chuckle that you make to mask some sort of frustration you were feeling. "Ah no worries. We still got 23 cameras left."
Out of nowhere, a bird swooped down at Mabel to try and take the sparkly hair clip out of her hair. So like a normal human being….Mabel threw the camera at the bird. She missed and it went into the lake with a loud 'ploop' sound.
"Okay…Okay…now 22 cameras," said Dipper, "You guys can't get rid of the cameras just like that, ok?"
"Get rid of the cameras?" asked Soos.
"Ye-NO!"
"Whoops. I just got rid of mine just now." Soos then pointed to the remaining 3 cameras that were in his position now in the water and sinking under the surface.
"Argh!"
Then another bird swooped in on Mabel.
"ACK! BIRD!"
And just like last time, she hucked another camera and it went into the lake.
"Stop throwing the camera!" exclaimed an exasperated Dipper.
"But these birds keep coming after me," replied Mabel.
"Take out the hair clip!"
"Oh…that makes sense." Mabel just unclipped her hair clip and put it in her pocket.
I couldn't help but grin at the sight. I mean, Dipper was totally gonna flip his lid. Maybe I should record this for a funny video.
"Okay people," sighed Dipper, trying to regain his composure, "We can't just throw away the cameras so carelessly. We only got 18-" *CRACK* *SMASH* "17…17 cameras left."
For the record, that smash and crack sound was due to Dipper unknowingly hitting a camera on top of the cooler with his fist, breaking it into pieces (either these things are flimsy as hell or he doesn't know his own strength. Going with the former).
"Should we get rid of them then?" asked Mabel, holding her cameras over the boat. They were immediately swiped away from her possession.
"No more dumping or destroying cameras!" exclaimed Dipper. He then placed the cameras on the cooler before looking at us. "Repeat after me, no more dumping or destroying-*CRACK* *SNAP*…cameras. *sigh* 16 cameras left now."
By the way, he accidentally stepped on a camera that fell off (heh heh heh).
Dipper then rubbed his temples, taking a deep breath before regaining his composure. "Okay, now that the camera situation is taken care of, let's move onto the next order of business: naming the captain of this expedition." He then grinned. "After all, you need a good leader to navigate such an arduous expedition."
I just sighed as I knew where this road was heading to.
"That's why I nominate myself as captain of this expedition."
"Oh gee, who saw that coming," I muttered under my breath.
"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" babbled Mabel, raising her hand, "I nominate myself as co-captain."
Now that I didn't see coming. Judging by that furrowed brow on Dipper's face, he didn't either or he knew but he wanted to be in charge.
"Mabel, you can't be co-captain. A monster hunt doesn't have co-captains on-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
The sound of an object plopping into the water sent Dipper into a panic mode as we all saw Mabel holding the bag of cameras in her position and another camera over the edge. "What were you saying about a monster hunt not having co-captains?" (my respect for Mabel has now shot up even more).
Dipper gulped nervously. "Well in the past there wasn't but with today's modern progressive society, there have been an increase in female co-captains on ships and expeditions."
"Glad we could have this discussion," was the response as Mabel placed the remaining 15 cameras on the cooler.
"Ooh, can I be the Associate to the Co-Captains?" asked Soos.
"Sure. Fine. Whatever!" grumbled Dipper.
"You got it Soos. Or should I say Associate to the Co-Captains Soos! Heh heh," giggled Mabel.
Dipper then turned to look at me. "You want to be-"
"I'm good," I replied. I already had my entertainment fill of Dipper stressing out like crazy. I'll just let him have his fun for the rest of the day.
But before we could do anything, a quick gust of wind blew and knocked off Dipper's hat into the water just yards away from the boat.
"Crap, my hat!" exclaimed Dipper.
Then he did by far the dumbest thing I have seen him do in the very short time I knew him. We all watched as Dipper took out his wallet and throw it to the ground before jumping into the lake to swim after his hat. I mean, it's just a *pucking* hat! In fact, it's those dumb hats that you see in the shack (even though he looks cute in the….NO! GET OUT YOU BAD THOUGHTS! UGH! GROSS! EW!)
"Dipper what are you doing?!" cried out Mabel.
"I'm getting my hat!" responded Dipper.
"But you can't swim, remember!"
"Oh…right…*BLUP* *COUGH* HELP!"
There was no time to react or get over there. Dipper was about to sink like a stone to the bottom of the lake. So I did the most logical thing for that scenario. I just took out my cell phone and wallet, placed it on the cooler, kicked off my sandals, ran to the side, and dove into the water.
I just swam after Dipper, seeing him start to go under more and more frequent. By the time I got to him, he started to sink as I took a deep breath and went after him. Thankfully he didn't sink too far as I pulled his head back up to the surface. By that time, Soos had guided the boat to our location. I handed Dipper off to Soos and Mabel, who hoisted him out of the water. Then his hat floated by as I just swiped it, biting on the cap brim to hold on as Soos then hoisted me out of the water.
Mabel laid Dipper as she then began to fret. "He's not breathing! He's not breathing! Does anybody know C-"
Now in the past I actually took a physical education class (or two) in which we learned how to do CPR. Since I am very active in physical sporting activities and like to fish with my family from time to time, I felt like it was very necessary to learn and pay attention during those said classes. Fast forward to right now as it was *gulp* time to put what I learned to good use.
I just got down as I began to sweat and gulp nervously. It's not that I'm afraid of failing or anything. It's just the fact that I was about to give Dipper…mouth…to…*hergh*…mouth. But if I wuss out, then Stan would literally freak out if his great nephew drowned. So I did a few chest compressions before taking a deep breath and proceeded to place my lips onto Dipper's lips and…and….
…..
…..
DAMN IT, WHY DID HIS LIPS HAVE TO BE SO SOFT AND WARM?! (I think we even touched tongues! ACK! ECK! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!)
I immediately pulled back and did another chest compression before going back to…to…
…..
…..
…WHY DO THEY FEEL EVEN SOFTER THAN THE FIRST TIME?!
To make matters worse for me, Dipper regain conscious while my mouth was on his mouth. He then ended up coughing whatever water he had swallowed…into…my…mouth…
So like a sane teenager, I just ran to the edge of the boat while screaming 'OH GOD, I JUST SWALLOWED SLOPPY SECOND WATER!" before leaning over the side to throw up yet again (OH DON'T YOU JUDGE ME! I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HOW YOU'D REACT IF YOU HAD SOMEBODY'S BACKWASH GET HACKED INTO YOUR MOUTH!).
Dipper then rolled onto his side, hacking up more water as he slowly opened his eyes.
"Ugh…what…what…hap-"
"YOU'RE ALIVE!" squealed Mabel, hugging her brother tightly. She then bopped him on the head. "Don't do anything so reckless like that! What if you drowned? Grunkle Stan, Mom, and Dad would have a *pucking* cow!"
Dipper just lowered his head. "Sorry. I just didn't want to lose the hat Grunkle Stan gave me. That's all." He then also looked at Mabel. "Also, watch your language."
Mabel just laughed. "Ha, looks like you're back to normal now."
Soos then looked at him.
"Dude, you should have seen Wendy! She was like *woosh* and like *bwah* and she just like swam and rescued you like a Baywatch lifeguard."
I poked my head up as I had an uneasy look on my face. "I did what now?"
"And the piece de resistance," added Mabel as she got this little cheeky grin on her face, "While you were on the boat, she proceeded to give you a ki-"
"CPR!" I barked, my cheeks becoming redder than my hair, "IT WAS CPR, NOT A KISS! IT DOESN'T COUNT!" (For the record, it didn't count! My first kiss was not with that little twerp…wait, did I just refer to Dipper as twerp? That was completely random)
Dipper just looked at me and did a small smile. "Thanks for saving me Wendy. Sorry I got you all wet."
"Just don't do that again," I replied, trying to save face after that little outburst.
"Dude, your nose is bleeding," said an observant Soos, thus ruining that attempt.
Mabel then just clapped her hands together, a smile on her face. "Okay, now that's behind us. Let's hunt for the Gobble-*GRORWL*!" She was cut off by a loud growl before giggling. "Well I think there's a monster we need to take care of right now, isn't that right Mr. Tummy." She then held her stomach, giving it a voice as if it were talking; "That's right Mabel, you gotta defeat me with food right now."
I admit, that was good for a chuckle give the circumstances.
"Well I came prepared," said Soos, opening up the cooler we had been using as a table, "Who wants a tuna sandwich?"
So after we had our lunch and seeing Soos try to eat some monster bait (I have no idea why he did that or why he asked permission to), we were going to officially start looking for the Gobblewonker. But the big question (other than what did this Gobblewonker thing look like) was where to find it. I mean, Gravity Falls Lake is pretty big so there is a lot of ground to cover. So we pretty much spent at least over half an hour just traveling around the lake.
Of course, Dipper had to be the one to lead the way and reading the map (who saw that coming said nobody sane ever).
"We've been at this for half an hour," he said, "Where's a good place to look?"
"Dude, I think I know where we could check out," I replied, gaining the full attention of everybody, "You guys ever hear of Scuttlebutt Island?"
There was a brief moment as Mabel and Soos were busy snickering from me saying the word 'Scuttlebutt' (heh heh heh heh…okay, it does sound funny now that I hear it).
I just cleared my throat before continuing on. "Well Scuttlebutt Island is one of the few islands in Gravity Falls Lake. In fact it's like the largest out of all of them (well it looks big on the map). They say there's a bunch of rocks and debris from sunken ships around it, plus it has a fog around the island that is thick even when it's sunny outside."
The twins and Soos were hanging on to every word I was saying as I couldn't help but grin.
"They say that weird things have happened on that island, supernatural things." Dipper was soon honed in on that part. "If I were a betting girl, I say that's where we should start."
Dipper then looked over to Soos. "Soos, take us to Scuttlebutt Island!"
"I co-tell you to take us to Scuttlebutt Island," pipped in Mabel.
"And I associated to co-tell me to take us to Scuttlebutt Island," added Soos. (I'm gonna be honest, I did not catch nor did I understand what the hell Soos just said.)
So we made our way to Scuttlebutt Island. Dipper was busy going over what he was going to do when he landed on shore, Mabel was busy at the bow of the boat acting like a lookout (she volunteered for that), Soos was busy steering the boat, and myself…well…I...I was going over in my mind how to burn/erase the memory of giving CPR to Dipper (don't judge me, it was very traumatic!).
Then a fog started to set in, indicating that we were closing in on Scuttlebutt Island. The air became a little heavy and cold as our boat navigated through the rocks and wreckage of many boats. I admit I was feeling a little tense due to how many wrecked boats we had passed by (seriously, I counted like over a dozen).
Dipper then turned to Mabel. "Okay, call out when we're close to-"
He was then cut off when the boat ran aground on something, flinging him off the boat and onto a sandy beach.
"-shore."
Mabel then peeked over as she looked at her brother. "You okay bro-bro?"
"I'm okay. I landed on my back so my spine absorbed the shock," was the response.
"Oh by the way, we're close to shore," added Mabel.
"Thanks Mabel," groaned Dipper, slowly picking himself up off the sand.
I admit, I was biting my bottom lip and pinching my right arm to prevent myself from just falling over and laughing loudly at what just happened. I mean, you'd do the same right?
Soos dropped anchor as he, Mabel, and I hopped off the boat and onto the sandy beach. All four of us then looked ahead to stare into the forest. It was pretty dense with trees and various bushes and the fog didn't exactly create a warm and welcoming feeling either.
"Dude, I bet this is how the explorers of old felt when they came across the unknown wilderness," noted Soos, "Ohh, squirrel!"
Now I could tell Dipper was feeling a little tense. Maybe it was the way he was fidgeting or looking around. But whatever the reason was, it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
"Hey, I think the Captain should be the one to lead the way on this expedition."
"I co-agree with that!" exclaimed Mabel.
"I associate co-agree," added Soos.
We all then turned to face Dipper as he just did a big gulp. He then cleared his throat, fixed his hat, and then took a deep breath to regain some form of courage.
"V-V-V-V-Very well! I'll l-l-l-l-lead," he stammered out, walking in front of us. He then randomly turned to look at me. "By the way Wendy, you should go see a doctor or change your diet to fix those frequent nosebleeds."
UGH! WHY BODY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!
So we began walking down a dirt path that seemed like it was well traversed. Dipper was leading the way, Soos and Mabel took the middle, and yours truly took the rear and was busy trying to make sure her *pucking* nose stopped bleeding.
While we were walking, I started to feel less tense and more and more at ease with my surroundings. Why shouldn't I? I mean, out of everybody in the group I had the most outdoor experience. In fact, if anything I should be the one leading the group. I mean, I know the lay of the land (sort of in this case) and I know what to do should we come across like a wild animal (hopefully that doesn't happen).
But before I was going to speak up, I got a sudden chill down my spine.
"Brrr…are you guys getting the feeling that we're being watched?" I asked out loud.
"I didn't want to bring it up earlier because it would freak the group out but I think we are being watched," whispered Soos, pointing behind us.
We all looked up to see this random hawk perched on a nearby tree branch. It just gave us a dirty look before…before…I'm sorry but did that bird just do the "I'm Watching You" gesture with its wing? Okay…I think I'm slowly going insane either due the amount of nausea I experienced plus loss of blood from the frequent nose bleeds.
So after that was over with, we continued on walking for a bit before coming across a sign nailed to a large tree. It read 'Scuttlebutt Island'.
"Perhaps a park ranger placed it up there," said Dipper.
"I hope he or she got a raise for it," commented Mabel.
Soos then walked over to the sign. He then covered up the 'Scuttle' portion with his right arm. "Check it out. Butt Island."
"Oh Soos, you rapscallion," giggled Mabel.
"Ha, nice one," I laughed.
"Heh, that explains the weird odor," added Dipper, causing all of us to just erupt in laughter.
So after our little second of laughter, we continued on our way. Somehow the lineup changed as Mabel and Soos were in front and Dipper and I were in the rear.
Along the way, there were a few bugs that were biting and what not. Dipper was busy smacking away some flies.
"Ergh. Should have brought bug spray."
Out of nowhere, he saw a fly land on my back. He then got this brilliant idea of 'Hey, let's smack that fly,' and well…he went through with it. Needless to say, it got my attention. Without even thinking, I turned and grabbed Dipper by his shirt collar and got in his face.
"Dude, what the hell is your problem?!"
"There was a fly on your back."
A part of me did believe him but let's be honest folks, you'd get pissed if somebody randomly smacked your back.
"If I had a fly on my back, I'd take care of it! I don't need you to smacking it as hard as you could, okay?!"
"Duly noted."
I let go of Dipper as he gulped nervously before walking up ahead of me.
I simple just let out an angry sigh before-YEOWHOHOHOHOHO!"
"Are you okay?" asked Mabel.
"I think a bee just stung my butt," I replied, rubbing my left cheek, "Dang, that's smarts!" Note, I was trying not to swear. But with the pain and the humiliation, it was very hard not to- "Good, this was worse when Tambry hit me with that *pucking* rattail after gym class." Whoops, heh heh. Guess that slipped out.
"Maybe you should let Dipper kiss it to m-" joked Soos, only to get interrupted.
"NO!" shouted Dipper and I (wow…that was one of the few times we agreed on something during this entire ordeal).
Dipper then walked over and got a large stick before handing it to me.
"Here, use this. It should help take off any weight off your left leg."
"Thanks," I reluctantly said, taking the stick.
"We could stop for you to recuperate," offered Dipper.
"Nah, it's ok. I'll make it," I replied before walking ahead of him. I could hear Mabel whisper something to Dipper, who just replied with an 'I'm just trying to help, that's all!' response. I made sure nobody could see but I had a small smile on my face from all that (that and my cheeks were a little red and I…um…well…MOVING ON!).
We all continued on the path, still looking for this Gobbleywonk or whatever it was called. Dipper and Mabel were walking ahead as they were busy discussing something about prize money and what not (I didn't feel like asking because I didn't want to know), I was in the middle with my walking stick, and Soos was taking up the rear.
We walked.
We walked.
We walked.
We….walked.
More walking…
More….more…walking…
"GRARGH! WE'VE BEEN WALKING OVER THIS STUPID ISLAND FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE TIME! WHERE THE HELL IS THIS TROUBLEHOCKEY!" I shouted, finally snapping.
"A. Language," replied Dipper, "B. It's pronounced Gobblewonker. And C. WHERE THE CRAP IS-"
Before Dipper could finish his own freakout, we all heard a loud growling sound echoing through the misty air.
"Wh-Wh-Wh-What was that?" stammered Dipper, "Is that a cougar or a bear or a wild animal?"
"Maybe it's our stomachs again," said Mabel.
"Nah, not mine," replied Soos, "Mine actually sounds like whales."
We all curiously leaned over to Soos' stomach to listen to it growl. We all heard whale calls as Mabel's eyes sparkled.
"They sound so majestic," she said
We all heard that same growling sounds again as Dipper was able to locate at least the direction it was coming from.
"It sounded like it's coming from up ahead," he said. He then got us all in a huddle before looking at us. "Okay, here's the plan. We'll get our cameras ready, take a quick picture, and run like the wind."
"Sounds like a good plan dude," agreed Soos.
We then broke the huddle as everybody got their cameras ready. Me, I got out my bowie knife and hatchet.
"If things go south, I'll cover for you guys," I reply, "I'll wound it and draw it away through the woods. Don't worry, I've done this a few times with a bear and/or cougar." In truth, I maybe did it once. My dad was the one who did it a bunch of times.
We all just grip what we were holding in our hands, all of us were breathing heavily. I mean, you could slice the tension with a giant knife and it would get stuck. We took a couple silent steps forward, our breaths becoming heavier and heavier.
"On my mark," whispered Dipper, "3….2…1…NOW!"
Wendy: Woah…talk about a cliffhanger. What will we encounter over the ridge? Will we get out picture of the Gobblewonker or are we going to be on the menu? Tune in next week or whenever.
Dr. Bees: *standing on a random grassy knoll in the living room* What's this? A fanfiction that is lacking a third part? My book full of bees should do the trick. *gets out a large book and releases the bees inside it*
Wendy: *watches on* Oh no…