Kiir could not for the life of her get her Flames spell to stay lit.

Tolfdir had assigned her work on the more minor Destruction spells over the past two weeks, saying that if she got control of those, the more complicated ones would come easier. Flames, Frostbite and Sparks were her current assignment but based on the way the past fourteen days had gone, it would seem catching up would be near impossible.

"What are you even trying to do?" Eithis sat backwards in a chair, head rested on his arms.

Class had been dismissed about a half an hour ago, but Kiir had stayed behind in the classroom to practice. Eithis and J'zargo had stuck around too, probably because neither had anything better to do than watch her struggle with first level spells.

"I'm trying to get this spell to work."

"It's Flames." Eithis said. "You just... do it."

"Helpful, thanks," Kiir replied. Then, the flame in her hand went out. Kiir groaned. Why couldn't she do this?

"This one thinks you must have lit candles before."

Kiir sputtered, "Of course I have! But I don't know how to maintain it."

"Well, okay, you're good at illusion right? Can you make an illusion of flames and hold that? Are real flames very different?" The Dunmer began clicking his fingers, trying to cast an illusion of flames himself, and struggling as real ones kept overtaking the ghostly off-color illusory ones.

J'zargo joined in and seemed to have less trouble with real flames cropping up, but his looked more like writhing orange snakes than anything.

Kiir watched and attempted to keep her face impassive but their illusory flames were just so... wrong. Wrong color, wrong shape, wrong movement...

"You know, I guess it is different. Flames is more about heat and fueling it. Illusion is more imagining how it looks. It's actually hard to keep it cool," he laughed.

"Are you kidding me?" Kiir smiled a half-cocked grin. "The illusory ones are easy!" With a swoop of her arms, the entire chamber was awash with flame, turning the room bright orange.

Eithis startled and J'zargo went as far as to leap to his feet, hackles raised. Eithis recovered quickly and grinned at the J'zargo's wide eyes and heavy breathing.

Kiir laughed. There was no heat, but the crackle and light of the fire was convincing enough, it seemed. Kiir returned the room to normal. "Now if only I could cast a damn Flames spell."

J'zargo slouched back into his chair with his ears laid back.

Eithis leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "Have you tried casting with your eyes closed? Maybe you're too caught up with how it's supposed to look. When you have a real fire you won't be in control of how it looks, how it's moving, just… how strong it is and which direction you're throwing it in, really."

"I haven't tried that but..." Kiir thought a moment. She wasn't getting anywhere with how she was currently doing things and she had leagues more to learn before she'd even be anywhere near the other students. "Alright. Let's just..."

Kiir placed her hands out in front of her and closed her eyes. "What exactly should I be feeling? Heat?"

"Yes, and a sort of..."

"Hunger?" the Khajiit supplied.

"Yeah, hunger. Flames need to be fed. Heat and power, let it want to consume."

"Here goes nothing." Kiir focused on something in her gut, a warmth that had settled there. She worked to guide it up to her arms and out her hands. It took some time but she'd finally worked the feeling to the place that she wanted it. In a single push, she let it go.

The sensation was unlike anything Kiir had experienced before. It was a rush of warmth and power. She could feel the flames lick at her fingers as they passed, but they didn't burn. They pulled, drawing out more of the flames behind them.

Startled, Kiir opened her eyes. Before her, emanating from her open palms, was a cone of flame as long as she was tall. Kiir drew her hands back, accidently pulling the flames with her and inadvertently drawing two lines across the classroom.

When Kiir finally stopped the spell, she looked to see Eithis and J'zargo flat against the ground, lowering wards that had thankfully protected them from her inferno.

"B'vek!" Eithis pushed himself up off the ground." You don't really do anything by halves, do you?" Both he and J'zargo were beaming at her.

"I guess not." Kiir looked down at her hands. As terrifying as those few moments had been, there was a newfound spark that hadn't been there before. She had done it. She had more than done it. A part of her, still reeling, recognized why the Dominion had put such stringent laws in place for Destruction magic. But a stronger, more logical part of her wondered if there wasn't just civil protections the Thalmor had in mind.

"Perhaps with the next one, you can try pointing it away from J'zargo though. He prefers to have his near-death experiences out in the field."

"Speaking of fieldwork and near-death experiences, has anyone told you about the trip to the Nordic Ruin yet? That's getting close now."

Kiir perked up, turning to face Eithis. "A trip? I haven't heard anything about a trip."

"It should be fun. I go through ruins myself sometimes, but this one was only uncovered recently. Saarthal I think? It shouldn't have any bandits hiding out there yet and should still have most of the neat artifacts in tact."

"That sounds fantastic!" Kiir had only seen Altmer ruins from afar on trips about the Isles. But to actually explore one? "When do we go? Do I have to sign up?"

"J'zargo would ask if you have had to 'sign up' for anything at this college, but then he remembered the Thalmor - what is your word?" he turned to Eithis, but continued before he could respond, "S'wit - used 'signing up' as an excuse to steal you away that first day"

Kiir rolled her eyes. "There was actually quite a lot of paperwork- what, did you all just walk in?"

"Actually yes." Eithis scratched his head, "I think I might have had to write my name on a list?"

"J'zargo remembers the list, yes."

Kiir waited a few moments before realizing that was all they had to say, the only thing constituting paperwork that they remembered. "You can't be serious. A college can't function like that. Where do you get the money to go on these ruin diving trips? Whe-"

Eithis cut her off, "Why would we need money to go on a trip? We're more likely to find things worthmoney and make some coin off it."

"Well how do you keep logs on student attendance? Their grades? How do you graduate?"

"Slow down, one question at a time," Eithis laughed, "Nobody keeps attendance. This college is voluntary, not mandatory. Why would we need grades? Tolfdir has a long memory and he sees how we progress. And we don't graduate - we just, get a signed record of how long we attended."

Kiir put her hands to her face. "How do you know how long you attended if you don't keep attendance?"

"This one thinks the list was dated." J'zargo piped in. "Would you not simply count back?"

"That is downright primitive."

Eithis raised an eyebrow. "Well, you aren't wrong. I had more formal schooling back in Morrowind - but we have so much more freedom to explore and learn what we want to this way. I've learned more here in Skyrim, and much more quickly, than I ever did in 'civilized' colleges."

"And somehow you've yet to master even one of the schools of magic." Kiir rebutted. "There's freedom and exploration but magic needs structure."

J'zargo bristled but Eithis just frowned.

"I'm near Expert, at least, in every school, but mostly what I've learned here is how to pick up new skills more quickly." EIthis shrugged. "I've learned how to let the schools flow into each other. How magic can be applied in entirely new ways. In fact, I think you'll find you've excelled in destru-"

"I find it interesting," Ancano's sharp voice interrupted, "that you attribute all of your success to this poorly run sham of a college, when you freely admit to having attended better colleges in the past. Wouldn't you suppose that all of that foundation was necessary?"

Kiir turned her gaze from Ancano to Eithis. She raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I would think so."

Ancano continued, still speaking directly to Eithis. "After all, look at your skill level as compared to this," he gestured to J'zargo, "barely Adept, uneducated beast."

There was a pregnant pause. Kiir heard herself utter a small gasp. She turned her back on Ancano to face the boys.

Eithis's face was a mask of fury. J'zargo snarled and made as if to cast something at Ancano, but Eithis grabbed his wrist.

Kiir opened her mouth to speak, starting to step towards them, but neither even acknowledged her as Eithis pulled the Khajiit out of the room.

Kiir frowned, casting a confused glance Ancano's way. "I hardly see how that was fair."

"Fair or not, I really haven't the time to beat around an unpleasant bush. You cannot deny the Dunmer's schooling has been superior to the Khajiit's, and their skill level reflects it. It was only fact."

"You called him a beast, Ancano." Kiir furrowed her brows, turning to face him fully.

"Is he not?" Ancano seemed bored. "The Khajiiti and Argonians, and arguably the Orsimer, are considered races of beast. Surely you know this."

"Surely you know that calling them such a name is uncalled for. I would've thought a Thalmor representative would be above name calling." Kiir shook her head. "You say you're from the Isles, but with your utter lack of manners it would seem you've never stepped foot there."

That struck a nerve. Ancano's nostrils flared, but he held his tongue. He, instead, changed the subject. "I came to speak with you about the trip to Saarthal."

"What about it."

"It would seem this isn't news." Ancano paused. "Nevertheless, this trip is a class-only event. I will be, unfortunately, unable to attend."

"Pity."

Ancano paused again, but this time it was to cast a glance at Kiir. Her face was held in a tight line. "I would ask that you report to me anything that might happen at the ruins. It is a newly unearthed structure and, as such, not much is known about it."

Kiir raised an eyebrow. "You want me to report to you?"

"It is the least you could do for a fellow Altmer. And a Thalmor representative no less."

"Why?"

Ancano turned to leave, his head just barely over his shoulder. "As I said, not much is known and I'm sure the Thalmor would like to keep tabs on such things. I do appreciate the help. Have a lovely rest of your day."

Kiir had no chance to protest before Ancano had left the room. The chamber seemed awfully quiet with no one in it, every little noise seemed amplified. Alone with her thoughts, Kiir wandered back to what Ancano had said. Something about Eithis' face before he'd left started an unpleasant stirring in her gut... she had to go find them.

It was well past nightfall and neither J'zargo nor Eithis were anywhere to be found. Kiir sat in her dorm room, one of her old spell tomes open on her bed. She'd been absentmindedly waiting for the two of them to show up and hopefully give her a chance to speak to them about earlier this morning.

She shut her book and sighed. She felt awful, and that stirring in her gut had only gotten worse the longer she realized they'd been gone.

Kiir rose from her bed and wrapped a heavy fur shawl about her shoulders before heading up the staircase to the roof of the old castle. Eithis and J'zargo had shown the area to her when she first arrived at the college; it was unused and almost always desolate which made it a perfect place to think.

She shoved open the heavy wooden doors and the ever biting winds wrapped themselves around her. Sure, it was cold and dark and snowy but Kiir found the place relaxing. She lit a magelight near her head and it followed her around the curved path.

At the apex of the curve, the path gutted out into a square seating area. Kiir followed it and as she entered the square, saw someone standing by the far end. She immediately stopped.

The shadow was moving and breathing quite heavily.

"Hello?" Kiir took a step closer. "Are you alright?"

"J'zargo is doing quite well." He sounded strained.

Kiir had been stewing all day on what she'd say to them but now that she was here... "What-"

Her voice was cut short as Eithis' face lit up in the blue glow of the magelight; he was bent forward J'zargo behind him, hands on the dunmer's back..

Kiir could feel her face warm.

Eithis let out a breathy laugh. "Whoops."

J'zargo grinned devilishly from behind the mer. "J'zargo welcomes you to join us, if you wish."

Without another word, Kiir dropped the magelight and turned on a heel, power walking in near complete darkness back to the dorm rooms. She slipped a few times and nearly went over one of the railings but once she felt the wooden door in front of her she ripped it open and flew back down the stairs to the dorm area.

She wished these rooms had doors; she dreaded the two coming back down, when she would have to talk to them. First the argument and now this? What would she say? Sorry? Gods, what were they doing? No. She shook her head. She knew what they were doing. For a while, she just sat in silence on her bed, staring at nothing. Brelyna had passed and waved at her but Kiir barely registered it. It was after another moment that she realized what had to be done; she'd have to leave the college. She had few belongings, she could be out before either of them returned.

Kiir rose and started rummaging through her closet; did she own anything large enough to carry all her things?

"Going somewhere?"

Her hands froze on the hangers and she wondered how long she could stand facing the wardrobe before they'd start questioning it.

"J'zargo thought the trip was not until a few weeks from now."

Kiir scrunched up her face. They were both in her room; Gods give her strength. She turned and saw Eithis sprawled out on her bed with J'Zargo in one of her chairs behind him, playing with a soul gem. "I was just, uh, checking for-"

"For...?" Eithis pressed.

What was he so amused about? She felt like Oblivion itself had taken refuge in her gut. "For my robes."

"You mean the ones you have on right now?"

Kiir glanced down and cringed. "Yes. But I have another pair-"

Eithis held up a hand. "You really don't have to be embarrassed for us. We're over it." He paused. "Unless, now you're wishing you hadn't run away? It isn't as if it's too late - I'm not really into girls but-"

J'zargo put the soul gem he'd been tossing about back down on the shelf as he picked up where Eithis left off, "J'zargo, on the other hand..."

"Yeah, I mean, you can have a go at him if you want. I don't mind sharing!"

Kiir let her eyes wander to the flower pot beside her door. She'd forgotten to water it today. It was a Blue Mountain Flower- they had nothing like these back on the Isles. Such vibrant shades of blue were uncommon in-

Both were staring at her questioningly, waiting for her to respond in some way, but if she opened her mouth she wasn't sure what would come out would be words.

Eithis snickered, "You've gone redder than a Khajit's anus."

The resident Khajiit mocked offense, "J'zargo does not think his butt is that red. Pink perhaps."

"Stop, please." Kiir barely forced out. The words came out harsher than she'd intended but she was lucky she got them out at all.

They both looked surprised. Eithis held up his hands in an attempt to pacify. "Hey, we didn't mean any harm."

"J'zargo might have."

Kiir met eyes with the cat and he turned his head to the side but said nothing more.

Eithis sighed. "Look, you're an awesome person and I really like having you around but I wasn't kidding earlier… I'm sorry if it's me, but I'm just not into females."

"What?"

Eithis matched Kiir's look of bewilderment. "I'm gay." He said. "J'zargo might be interested in you, but he's sort of with me too, and that's not changing." He looked up at the Khajiit for support.

J'zargo made a soft purring noise.

Kiir wondered if either of them had a scrap of shame between the two. "I have eyes. I'm not blind."

"No, but you're obviously upset. If it's not one of us, then it is just because you caught us? Never seen that sort of thing up close before?" A smile danced at the corners of Eithis's mouth.

"No, I...I was looking for you to say sorry and I had gone everywhere and I just thought I'd go up on the roof to think and..." Kiir paused. "Weren't you afraid of getting caught?"

"Of course! That's... why we were on the roof." Eithis looked at her like she'd been missing something so obvious, but her thoughts must have shown on her face because he sputtered to continue, "Clearly you caught us, so obviously we didn't think it all the way through, but we tried to be quiet once we saw you."

"If J'zargo had had his way, it would have been on his bed."

Kiir gave them both a look of absolute bewilderment. "I don't understand how you both can be so lax about this.

They exchanged glances. Eithis seemed to pick his words carefully, "Is there a reason we shouldn't be?"

"Is there-" Kiir pressed her hands to her face. "Yes, there is a reason! I just caught you, up on the roof doing.." She waved her hands in front of her. "...that."

"This one wonders if the Altmer do not do the same. Perhaps they have a spell to create new Altmer babies instead"

"Hush," Eithis waved his hand at J'zargo. "This is just one of those things that's only embarrassing if you let it be embarrassing. We were the caught party, if anyone should be embarrassed it's us, not you - and we're fine, we trust you."

"Of course, I know, it's just-" Kiir ran her hands through her hair. "Gods, if this had happened back home you'd have been crucified, set aflame, and dropped somewhere at sea. Not to mention the social ramifications..."

"Do you mean to tell this one that the 'flaming crucifixion at sea' was not a metaphor for the social ramifications?"

Kiir shook her head. "No! I mean, yes it was a metaphor, but my point is that while you have to deal with the embarrassment and shame, so does your family. Your third cousins would be held accountable for your actions. Your parents have to live with your actions, whether you're there or not." Kiir breathed. "The Altmer live a very long time."

Eithis's brows drew together in concern, "Are we still talking about us?"

Kiir felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and forced down a growing lump in her throat. Today was just not her day. She averted her gaze; not answering was answer enough.

"Is that what happened? We can talk about it if you want."

Kiir shrugged. "No, it's fine. Sorry for freaking out on you guys. And sorry for... earlier."

J'zargo smiled at her, "This one understands. He is also very hungry, and would like something warm before the Frozen Hearth closes." He pushed himself up from the bed and, after a quick glance at Kiir to make sure all was well, exited the room.

There were a few beats of silence in the wake of the Khajiit's disappearance, then Eithis turned back to Kiir, "Earlier - that was Ancano, not you. As for just now… I'm sorry we surprised you. There aren't a lot of places for privacy at the college." He was still looking at her with concern, though, clearly not saying what he really wanted to say. He was looking at her like he could see into her, and almost touch those still-fresh wounds.

"I understand." Kiir forced a smile. Perhaps that would keep her eyes dry. "I kind of got a little... serious."

"It's alright." Eithis considered her again. "I know you said you were fine, but… talking about it helps."

Kiir let out a heavy sigh. "You have to understand, my life was planned out since day one. My path was set and it was the best path for me. For my family. I didn't really make a choice for myself until… just before I came here."

Eithis tilted his head, "No choices at all?"

"Not really. I was my parents legacy. Unless it served some definite purpose that had already been laid out for me, it wasn't even an option."

"You've never decided to do anything? What about picking the tastier dessert, just for the flavor? There can't be a way desserts make a difference in your path."

Kiir thought of her answer and laughed at its absurdity. "Of course there is. You choose what the head of the table did. And you're not allowed to eat more than they do. It's common courtesy. Choosing for myself would be very rude." She laughed again. "And my father wasn't big on sweets anyway."

This gave him pause. He chose his next words very carefully, "Alright… nevermind table manners. In general, if you do something that doesn't further - but also doesn't hinder - your end goal, wouldn't the final impact be the same as if you hadn't done it at all? And so, if that thing is enjoyable and it makes no difference… why not do it?"

"It doesn't work that way. Altmer are very... black and white. You do things right, otherwise you've done them wrong. You're either with me or against me. There is no 'neutral ground'."

"And you… failed to follow one of these customs - made a choice - and then chose to come here of all places. Why?"

Kiir shrugged. "Leaving wasn't my choice..." She paused. "...and neither was Skyrim, really. I just sort of... ended up here."

A furry head suddenly popped into the doorway. "J'zargo has returned with ale and fresh cheese to share!"

"That sounds lovely." Kiir replied, thankful for a reason to bring the conversation to a close.

"Good. Because J'zargo also remembered that he has firecrackers, and this one would like to put them under Onmund's bed before he returns from the city."

Eithis patted Kiir on the knee, his eyes bright. "Come on, we can eat after!" He jumped to his feet, taking the goods from J'zargo and putting them aside. "I call dibs on lighting them."

"You can't aim your flame spells for shit." Kiir commented, moving to follow the two.

"Says the Altmer who couldn't even catch a simple fireball."

Kiir gasped. "That was my first day!"

"On J'zargo's first day, he saved Tolfdir from a bear with only a novice Sparks spell and a stick."

Kiir gently pushed J'zargo's shoulders as they entered his room and they each grabbed a number of small firecrackers. "I can't believe I didn't know that. Tolfdir has never said anything about it."

Eithis inspected one of the small explosives. "You know, maybe we should go ask him. He should still be in lecture hall."

"J'zargo would advise against that. It might bring back bad memories."

"Or no memories."

J'zargo looked at Kiir and grinned. "That is also possible."

Eithis waved at both of them. "Come on, Onmund could be back any minute. If we're going to do it, we're doing it now."

"How are we supposed to light them all at the same time?"

"J'zargo has the answer to that."

A few minutes later and the three of them were huddled behind a wall; a small piece of twine was the the only sign they were there. Eithis held it in his hand and watched eagerly as Onmund sleepily wobbled into his room and promptly collapsed onto his bed.

"How long should we wait before we light it?" Kiir whispered, peering over J'zargo's head to see into Onmund's room.

"Why wait?" And with a snap of his fingers, Eithis lit the twine and the three scattered to their rooms.

Kiir held her breath.

The popping was much louder than any of them anticipated. Brelyna screamed and nearly fell out of bed before rushing over to see a frightened and slightly smoldering Nord. She could hear Eithis fail to cover his snickering.

Tolfdir, who'd been coming up the stairs, poked his head in to see what the racket was about, "By the Nine, what happened to you, boy?"

Kiir watched from her room, feeling a little bad as Tolfdir began brushing off Onmund's robes. She was too tired now, though, to feel more than that. She quickly took her share of the cheese, scarfing it down with little regard for her appearance. The ale was finished off with equal speed.

She'd had enough excitement for one day, not to mention she hadn't studied at all for the test they were having next week. The ale had started to dull her thoughts, she still had yet to build a tolerance for Nord spirits, so there would be no more studying tonight.

Kiir shrugged off her thoughts and curled into bed. As long as she did better than J'zargo and Eithis, she'd be fine.

Bonus! ~Nifty Mod has included a bonus story - the roof encounter from Eithis and J'zargo's point of view ;D Wrong Tail It's posted as a separate story on our profile. (It's exactly what it sounds like)