Okay, because this is relevant to the story line, here's what Ziva said to Tony in Sitting on the Baby:
"I was not brought up to be the perfect mother. I was brought up to be the perfect killer. I will never be standing at the door waiting for my children to come home, with a plate of cookies in my hand and the family dog sitting beside me. That is the picture painted in your children's books, yes?"
Enjoy, and thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed! You guys simply ROCK.
-Soph
VII. What Perfection Really Means
Tony set the tray of food down onto the wooden coffee table and glanced over at the playpen, in which Lila and her toys were seated. She was holding a well-loved teddy bear in one hand and patting it rather violently with the other, completely ignoring her other toys.
He went over and squatted down, looking at her through the white plastic bars. "What are you doing?"
"Making baby seep," she informed him proudly.
"You're putting the baby to bed?"
Lila nodded.
"Is the baby asleep yet?"
"Yea."
"Okay. You wanna have lunch and let the baby sleep?"
Lila stopped her patting movements. "Is there cheese?"
"Yep. There's cheese." Throwing aside her teddy bear, Lila held out her arms. Tony reached over the bars and picked her up. "There're vegetables too."
"No!"
"And fruits."
"No!"
"Well, maybe later." He set her down at the coffee table, where she immediately began to fill her mouth with cheese.
xoxo
Guilt. It was tearing her apart at the seams as she bent over and straightened Lila's covers, unwilling to say goodbye just yet. Any outsider observing her would think it was a mother's natural unwillingness to leave her baby, even just for a few hours. Any insider would know it was her internal conflict over feeling relieved that she was finally able to leave the house.
"She'll be in good hands," the babysitter assured her. Sally was a confident and efficient woman; white-haired, well-dressed, and well-prepared. Years of experience. Setting aside her qualifications, both Tony and Ziva instinctively liked her, and that made them a little less worried about leaving their two-month-old alone with her.
"You know where everything is?"
Sally nodded. "I have Emergency's, the police department's, the fire department's, and the local hospital's numbers in my head. I have Mr DiNozzo's and your numbers on my cell. The breast milk is in the fridge; the diapers and clothes are in the changing table drawers."
"Ziva," Tony whispered as he emerged in the doorway. "We gotta go."
Ziva dithered, and then smiled at the babysitter. "Thank you."
"She'll be all ready and waiting for you when you come home tonight," Sally answered warmly.
Attempting another smile, Ziva let Tony lead her out of Lila's room.
"Relax," he said when they'd climbed into the car. "Nothing will happen to her."
"I hope so too."
xoxo
He had the phone by him, ready to pick it up the moment it rang so that it would not wake Lila up from her nap. He had Ben in his lap, happily waving a spoon around. He had eaten lunch, and it was his first free moment of the day.
"That's a spoon," he told the baby boy, and Ben gurgled. "Ssspoooonn."
The phone rang.
"Tony," Ziva's soft voice greeted, and his heart skipped a beat. Every single time. It never got old.
"Hey, Zi." He looked at Ben. "It's Mommy. Wanna say hi?"
He held the receiver to Ben's small face, and the baby gurgled into it. Something that sounded like Ziva's laugh drifted out of the receiver, and Tony chuckled.
"Imagine if he actually said 'hi' one day," he told her as he returned the receiver to his ear.
"I think you have been spending too much time with the children."
"Just hoping. How's work?"
"Busy. I have half an hour for lunch this time. McGee and Mere are out chasing leads."
"Tough case?"
"Quite. I am hoping we can close it by this weekend. Have you eaten?"
"Yeah. You?"
"When I hang up. What did you and the children do today?"
"Lila tried to read to Ben." Tony thought he could hear Ziva smile. "She could only recognize five out of ten words, but I give her an A for effort. And then I put her in the playpen and she put her teddy down for a nap. I think she was imitating you with Ben. Speaking of which, our prince has been good. Slept well, ate well. I just handed him a spoon to play with."
"Does he like the spoon?"
Tony laughed. "Talk about weird questions. Yeah, he likes the spoon. He's trying to put it in his mouth now."
"He is starting to teeth; we need to get him a teether. I have to go, Tony. I will be home soon."
"Okay. Don't forget your lunch. Love you, Zi."
"I love you too."
xoxo
"Tony, I am quitting."
"What?" He came out of the bathroom and stared at Ziva in shock, the hand holding the razor frozen in mid-air. "Why?"
"Last night…we were only home an hour later than usual, but it made me realize…I do not want Lila to be the child whose parents are always too busy for her."
He sat down next to her on the bed, and placed his razor on the bedside table. "I don't want that either," he said quietly.
"But our jobs require it. That is why I am resigning. I cannot do both at the same time."
"Ziva, you can't do stay-at-home mum well." Ziva shot him a hurt look. "You know what I mean. You're not the type to stay cooped up all day."
"I am willing to make sacrifices for Lila."
"No." He drew Ziva to him. "Let me."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll stay home. I'll resign."
"But Tony, you love your job."
"You need yours. Sure, I'm gonna miss Abs and the McGoo and the Boss, but you know, I'll get over it." He ran a hand up and down her arm. "But you need your job to run. I don't know what you're running from or why you're running or even if you should be running, but I can see how trapped you feel if you're not out there doing something new or meeting new people each day. It keeps you busy and lets you not think about things you'd rather not remember. It's how you were raised, to go from one mission to the next."
She stared down into her lap. "I was right. I am not qualified to be a mother."
"Ziva." He waited until she looked at him. "One thing those children's books never tell you is, it's not just about the perfect mother. It's about the husband and the kids and everything. It's the whole family that makes it work. An apron and a plate of cookies is not gonna make it perfect, okay? What makes it perfect is how a family comes together to work through things like this. And we are the perfect family, because this is real and complicated and tough decisions have to be made but we're all still together. That's what counts. That's what tells me that ten years down the road we'll still be here as a family."
She blinked away her tears. "Okay."
He kissed her cheek. "You overthink things."
"You used to do that, once upon a time."
"I grew up." He smiled.
"Thank goodness." She gazed at him quietly for a while. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes. I'll write my resignation letter to Gibbs at lunch. I should be able to leave in two weeks."
"Thank you, Tony."
"It's my family too, Zi. It's our family. I want this to work out. I'd do anything for you and Lila."
"I know."
"You know I love you."
"I know. I love you too, Tony."