Hopefully this is the more interesting beginning when Jez becomes less grey and more white... I can control that at least as she is completely my character!

The very idea that some of my father's friends would use his empty body for nefarious purposes upset me greatly. To think that the very people that once fawned my father and coveted his attention would be so disrespectful to his memory just to gain power made me sick and I began the realise for possibly the first time what it was that made Sirius so upset and angry at the way we were brought up and the people that surround us.

It just was another layer to the demand that I only be friends with purebloods. I don't really have many goals in life... I'm not quite sure what I want to be when I 'grow up'. I once threw around the idea of a curse breaker but that was quickly quashed by my Aunt who said sharply "Phoenix's do not work for filthy goblins!" and that was the end of it. Careen jokingly remarked once that I don't even need to worry about the future, I have more than enough for a hundred people to live off; all I need concern myself with is producing a baby. Which brings me to just about my only goal or desire... to have a child and love it, watching them grow, taking them to school, being hugged. My point is that since I have no grand ambitions surely I could be left to my own devices, be friend with whoever I choose.

Apparently not.

It wasn't until Christmas that I found a solution. Everyone was giving me a wide birth at home since I cursed Lucifer for asking if he could look through my father's old spell books. Ironically the curse was one of the spells from the book. It was assumed that I was so distraught that I couldn't bear to let them go, but in reality I knew that Lucifer would use the spells on my friends.

The Blacks came around for dinner, but oddly there was no Sirius. I asked Walburga about this and she just told me that he was sick. Sceptical, I send an owl, but never received a reply.

After dinner I was playing exploding snap with Regulus in the library. Andromeda was watching over us laughing. She was the year above me at Hogwarts, a Slytherin who struggled at family gatherings in a similar manner to Sirius. She was almost nothing like Bellatrix and certainly wasn't prim and proper like Narcissa.

Unfortunately Bellatrix also decided to join us and it wasn't long until she started on me about Lily. "Now, you remember our conversation don't you Jezebel?"

I took my eyes away from the game to look at her innocently, "About that Bella, don't you think it would be better that I remain her faithful companion. I mean think about it, after we finish school she will probably disappear and then how will we find her? Better I stay her friend and am therefore connected to their mud blood network. Don't you think?"

Andromeda looked at me with a stunned expression. I just hoped she'd give me a chance to explain before judging me. Regulus kept his head down as he often did when Bellatrix was around and oddly, Bellatrix gave me this immensely proud look.

"Jezebel, sometimes I worry about you, but you are really quite shrewd."

Thankfully Druella came in to collect her daughters at this time and nothing more was said.

So that is how I saved myself from being isolated from my friends by the evil Bellatrix Black, I became a 'double agent' who would occasionally give the pure blood fanatics their small dose of harmless information... like what time the blood traitor Potter usually goes down to breakfast or where that 'whore' Careen was making out with some half blood. By putting people out to them who could defend themselves I rationalised that I was doing the right thing because I was protecting the truly helpless and innocent.

And so the remainder of fifth year passed in a blur. I remember fights and squabbles of girls, numerous curses directed at Potter from Lily and myself taking up with the dashing seventh year, Amos Diggery.

He was sweet, don't get me wrong, but he treated me like a princess. Any banter that came my way from friends was immediately 'rectified' by Amos' fists; it was getting to the stage that my friends would avoid me when he was about. I began to spend less and less time with him until the end of the school year when he asked me to meet his parents I had little to no emotional attachment and was quiet happy to tell him in front of the entire Great Hall that I didn't realise that we were still going out. Much to the delight of my friends who were on the floor laughing and even my Slytherin brethren who delighted in me 'bullying' anyone, particularly the goody-two-shoes Amos.

Sirius continued to go through girls like tissues and I began to suspect that he was using women as a way of taking out his obvious frustrations from home. I hadn't spoken to him about the holidays but the fact that I didn't see him then and that he returned to school gaunt and untidy meant that something was amiss. I tried not to pry, but I couldn't help but worry.

Remus continued to struggle by in life; determinately focused on surviving and remaining unnoticed. Unfortunately that was exactly what Careen wanted Remus to do... notice her. Naturally she continued to attempt to gain his attention by creating a pose of boys to follow her around and regrettably earned herself a rather disreputable reputation.

Lily aced her exams, I have no doubt, but continued to stress even after they were over. Her relationship with Severus Snape also disintegrated after he called her a mud blood while James and Sirius were harassing him. She didn't want to talk about it, but I knew she was extremely hurt. I tried to get her to talk to him which she did. Once.

Frank Longbottom continued to woe Alice, much to the Gryffindor girl's delight.

Peter remained as strange as ever, but he seemed to be making greater efforts to be known not as 'the boy who hangs around with Potter, Black and Lupin,' but his own person. The boys didn't seem to understand his thirst to be recognised and continued to ridicule and tease him. I began to worry that this could escalate quiet badly.

And finally, I began to realise that there is a war going on out there and very soon I would have to pick a side; my family and childhood friends or my conscience and my new friends.

Let me know if you hate or like what I'm doing here.

XOXO