Chapter 7: Numb

They had reached the outskirts of the city. Clarissa wasn't sure exactly how the two of them had managed to escape. It's all a blur. Running. Slashing. Jumping. Diving. Holding hands they never let go of each other. People were attacked all around them and they just kept pushing. The infected were everywhere and still she manged to cleave a way ahead with the fire axe in her hands. They were dripping in blood but she ignored it all.

"When everything is chaos. When in a situation you don't understand. Switch it off. Your emotions. Your wants, needs. Just focus. Just survive." Her uncle's words echoing in her head from her very first days of training.

Dorian wasn't like her. No he was good. Normal. The best human being she had ever encountered. He was now her mission. Her reason to keep going. She had to protect him no matter what.

As they reached the tree line. They both stopped and stared as the helicopters flew in and dropped bombs on the city. She watched feeling nothing as she passed the axe to Dorian and picked up the hunting knife off of one of the infected she'd just taken down. She was better suited with knives.

Had her uncle Alan known that they would bomb the cities? Had they done the same back in England? She'd never know. But she owed him their lives. They'd still be in there if it wasn't for that phone call.

Now in the countryside. She has no plan. She got them out but she doesn't know what to do now. With no direction they head to a small housing estate. There's less infected here and so she finally let's go of Dorian's hand and enters one of the houses. He's only out of her sight for a second but its enough.

She hears the clashing outside and him screaming her name in pain. She races out of the front door and sees a woman biting down on his shoulder. She snaps and all she sees is red. She tackles the woman and drives her knife through her head again, again, and again.

"Clarissa!" Dorian's raspy voice reaches out to her from wherever her mind left and her vision refocuses.

There's more on the way. Too many to count. Too many to fight. She pulls her knife out and grabs him and slams the door shut. They only have a couple of minutes before the infected storm the place. She runs to the kitchen and opens the cabinets and find cooking oil. She pours it all over the entryway and living room.

Dorian is laying against the wall, slowly bleeding out. She picks up a box of matches from one of the draws and comes to kneel in front of him. He's pale, barely able to breath and he knows that he's done for.

Hot tears blanket her vision and she wraps her arms around his neck. Soaking herself in his blood. She's breaking inside. It's all her fault. She never should have let him out of her sight. She never should have brought him with her.

"Hey." His voice a whisper and he coughs up blood into her hair and she just tightens her grip. "You have to go Clarissa."

The snarling and groans are just outside and they start clawing at the walls and banging on the windows. So precious few seconds left. There isn't enough time. There will never be enough time.

"Dorian." She chokes out and he gently tugs her away from him so they can look into each other's eyes. "I love you." She says and kisses his lips. He's burning up and his body seizes violently and she has to let go.

"Love you." He breathes as his body slumps to the floor awkwardly. His dark eyes are still open but the light has left them. Empty. Nothing. Oblivion.

Clarissa screams and picks up the fire axe and throws it across the room. She had to go. She knows this. The front door is giving way and the windows shatter and the infected start trying to climb through. She stands and light the match and flings it onto the oil. She runs back into the kitchen and sees the coast is clear through the back garden.

She sheaths her knife into her thigh holster and dives through the window as the flames begin to consume the house. She wipes her eyes angrily and takes a deep breath. She is alone. She has to stop feeling and only act. She runs in the direction away from the city and the estate and towards the rural communities. She doesn't once look back.

Dorian died in that house and so did she.

She hadn't moved from where's she's knelt for hours. She can't help but replay their last moments together in her head. Round and round it plays. Haunting her. Everything is in black and white and silence.

Sitting in front of Dorian's grave.

She stares blankly at the cross they put up for him. These people have done right by him and they didn't even know him. She only got him killed.

She remembers staring down at his decayed face. How his eyes that were so dark and warm and loving were now nothing but grey glazed hollowness. His handsome face that she loved so much was gone, deformed. All rotting flesh and a nightmare in reality. It didn't make sense. She watched him die. She'd set the fire on her way out.

She hadn't wanted to see him like that. Watching him die the first time was hard enough. It had killed her and now she knew what she had done to her beloved best friend.

She just sat there unmoving. The others moved around her. Eventually someone with strong arms picked her up and she didn't fight them. She didn't care what happened to her. She didn't feel anything. Whoever had her took her away from the others. They placed her down under a tree. The leftover squirrels she had caught earlier dangling over a fire.

Time passes, she doesn't know how much. But then the strong arms grip her shoulders and she finds blue eyes gazing at her. He seems worried about her. But they don't know each other. She sees his arms flex as he encourages her to stand. She follows his silent instructions towards the new graves he must have helped dig.

There's a makeshift service and the blue eyes never leave her. Her legs give out and the strong arms catch her and gently lower her to the ground. The others stare but she can't see anything. Not even his final resting place. All she sees is his face as he bleeds out. Dorian choking on his own blood as he tells her go. Tells her he loves her. How could he love her when she failed him? She should be the one in that grave. Not him. Never him.

More time passes and she's now alone. Her mind has climbed its way upwards from the drowning sorrow and she gasps for breath. She's back. She remembers who these people are. How she got here. Saving Sophia. Hunting with Daryl. The barn. Burying Dorian.

Her pity party is over. Her time for mourning is over. Sophia is safe. Dorian is laid to rest. Now all she had to do was find Evelyn. Wherever she might be.

Clarissa presses her fingers to her lips, kisses them and then pats the dirt. She stands and holds her head high. She's spent enough time here at the farm. Now it was time to move on. She traipses back to the camp and finds her bow, quiver and backpack under the tree and equips them all. Everyone is off doing their own things. Processing the events of today.

She wanders around the side of the house. Taking in the sight one last time. Saying her own silent farewell. When she spots Rick's wife rushing out to a car. She's got a gun with her. Obviously heading out somewhere.

The woman sees her and stops. Fiddling with the car keys. She appears to be contemplating something. "You alright?" She asks warily.

"Fine." Clarissa responds not wanting to dawdle any longer. "Going somewhere?" She points to the car and then the dirt road towards the rest of the world.

"Herschel left and Rick and Glenn went to get him but they haven't come back. Beth is in shock and we need them all back here." She explains quickly and looks around as if she doesn't want people to know what she's up to.

"I'll go with you." Clarissa states and heads to the passenger door. She can see the woman hesitate but she clearly feels better about having someone with her.

"I'm Lori. Guess I never did get round to introducing myself." She says as they pull away. She hands Clarissa a map as they get up onto the back roads. "So you're leaving then huh?" She asks after a while. Lori was never one to keep quiet for very long. She loved talking with all her girlfriends. She thought it made the time pass quicker.

When Clarissa doesn't say anything she looks over at the woman. She's tough, with her bow resting across her lap. But after today, Lori can see that the poor woman was just lost. That man they had buried had meant a great deal to her and it was obvious that she didn't want to get close to anyone else. Yet she had rescued Sophia who most likely would've ended up in that barn. She had gotten attached to the girl and consequently the group wanted her to stay.

"I think you like Sophia. That's why you're leaving." She said to try and get a reaction and it worked.

Clarissa had been trying to work out the map and ignore Lori and her attempts at conversation. But mentioning Sophia snapped her back. She scrunched up the map and looked over to her and was about to speak when she noticed the Walker in the road.

"Watch out!"

But Lori had been looking at her and not the road and only hit the brake a second before they collided with the Walker. The car spun and flipped over on its side. Clarissa tried to brace herself the force threw her forward and she smacked her head on the window before everything went black.

It's dark when Carol approaches him at his camp. He's moved it further away from the house. He needs his space and right now he feels suffocated. He's cleaning his knife when he meets her gaze. Sophia is a couple of steps behind her. They seem upset and he tries not to care but it's getting harder to pretend that he doesn't want to look out for these people.

"Have you seen Lori? We can't find her anywhere." Carol says and he puts his knife away.

"Dumb bitch must 'ave gone after 'em." He says annoyed but it's not his problem. "Asked me to go fetch 'em. Told 'er I was done looking for people." His gaze flicks to Sophia and he scowls when she just stares at him steadily.

"Clarissa's gone too!" She shouts at him and she looks so angry. She's changed in such a short amount of time. There's a strength in her that he didn't know she had.

The mention of Clarissa had him reconsidering. She had looked so broken as she knelt by the man's corpse. But she hadn't seemed surprised to see him dead. Just walking around dead. He had pulled her away and took her to his camp before taking her to the service. Then she fell and he caught her to stop herself from getting hurt. Afterwards she just sat there and he figured he'd done enough for her already. So he left her there. He frowned at that. He seriously doubts that Clarissa was in any mind to be out there.

Wait. Why did he care about her? She'd held him at knife point earlier that day. But he felt as if he sort of understood her. He was curious about her. Damn it all. He didn't want anything bad to happen to her.

"You have to bring her back!" Sophia shouted at him and her little hands were curled into fists. "She belongs with us!"

"Sophia…" Carol placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders but was shrugged off.

"Promise me you'll bring her back!"

"Quit ya yellin' I'm going." He stood and grabbed his crossbow and started storming off. No doubt Shane was going to collect Lori so he might as well join him. "Damn women." He muttered under his breath.

A/N: Hey everyone! Just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone whose reviewed, followed or favourites this story. It's deeply appreciated. I hope you're enjoying it.