Chapter 7: This May Be, Must Be Love
Leah walked back toward her village in a daze. Her fingers pressed lightly against the slightly abraded skin of her lips. They were swollen and a bit tender to the touch. She could still sense the remnant feel of his lips moving with such abandon on hers, as if it was the last thing he may do. She surmised that there may even be a hint of bruising, and she laughed lightly at the thought of what Rose would say to her when she arrived home and saw it. She knew a rousing bout of teasing was on its way. Her protective brothers my not be quite as light hearted about it, but she was too happy to really care; that kiss was worth anything anyone could throw at her.
Her mind was on earlier events; the words that were shared that now seemed sacred, and that life changing moment when Jasper kissed her. That kiss started them down a path she was not sure how to navigate, but knew that they would figure out together. She understood that everything would be different now. They had become so close as friends, and now they were something else, something so much more.
"Leah...my apologies, perhaps I should not have done that." Jasper said somewhat breathlessly as he pulled out of their embrace. "It is just that..." He stepped out of her reach and turned away from her. "I have wanted to kiss you for so long, and the thought of leaving today without having done that, without you knowing how I feel..." A bit more sure of himself, he turns a little toward her again, "I was overwhelmed by the need for you to know, by the desire to know if you return my affection." Jasper remarked not looking at her, but reaching out to take her hand, as his other hand ran through and pulled at his loose curls. He shifted his weight from foot to foot until the silence became to much and he looked over to see her face and gage her reaction.
Leah was beaming at him, he thought she had never looked more radiant or more beautiful than she looked at that moment. In her eyes he could see all that she felt. Warmth spread through him, easing through his veins, heating his whole body. Like she was projecting all that she was feeling for him, to him, and it was manifesting itself. Washing over him as the incredible energy radiating from his insides, carrying with it all that he felt for her and projecting back to her, magnifying, so that were it light, it would be blinding.
Jasper took Leah into his arms, hugging her tightly. "Please, say something." He whispered, his hot breath brushing over loose strands of hair behind her ear, that had pulled free from the slack knot at the back of her head. "Do not apologize for what you did... Apologize for taking so long to do it." She whispered, turning her head to look up into his now smiling face.
"You said that you have affection for me, but that does not tell me how you truly feel. You have become my dearest friend, and I have such affection for you as well, but I would be remiss if I did not say it feels like so much more than that now." She continued, as she felt the unfamiliar prick of tears beginning to brim in her eyes. Jasper took a half step back, to look her in the eye while still holding on to her, and running his right hand up to her face. Leah leaned into his gentle touch as he palmed her cheek. He grazed his thumb lightly over the swell of her cheekbone and gazed into her eyes before he said, "I love you. I think I always have...I know I always will." The tears began to slip then, and slid down her face, as the gravity of his words settled on her heart. She smiled a small smile up at him before she returned his declaration, "As I love you."
The memory occupied her mind, she replayed his most poignant words over and over. She lifted her hand to her now dry cheek as the realization struck that she had, in fact, shed tears. The emotions this man elicited from her, and that she could feel from him, were such that it moved her to tears. Tears she swore she would never shed again. For any reason. She understood now that their connection was a deep one. One that could reach down inside her, bringing warmth and light to her spirit, helping it bloom, like a budding flower after a long cold winter.
Before she knew it, she was nearly home. When she entered the village, she took off running toward her home, excited to talk to Rose about joining her the following day. "Rose," She called excitedly to her sister when she saw her as she entered the woody domicile, "I need to speak with you!"
As Jasper walked slowly back to the colony he thought on the end of the conversation he just had with Leah. He was shocked that he had been so moved to tell her how he felt, it was not how things were done, but glad that it was now something unhidden. No longer a misunderstood feeling, a secret trapped in his heart, begging to be made known. He was reveling in this new happiness bubbling inside him, and thinking on the future. Pondering how he could go from informally courting her, to making her his wife.
Jasper stopped in his tracks when that last thought fully registered.
Wife?
Had he really just had the inclination to think of them married? It astounded him that he could think of Leah in this respect, so soon after acknowledging that there were more than just feelings of friendship between them.
He was ruminating on this new development, rifling through the new mishmash of feelings swirling about his heart and mind. The amalgamation quickly coalescing into satisfying resolve. He knew what he wanted. He understood that there could be trouble, but that should not stand in the way of what they feel for each other, he trusted in this feeling, of their love, so why wait. If need be, he would say goodbye to everything he had known to be with Leah. She was that important to him.
As he approached the rampart wall of the settlement, he decided to confide in Emmett and his brother James, all that had happened that day. He took a deep breath, relief filling him at the thought that he would share this with those closest to him. He thought of sharing this with Edward, but was not sure if it would be welcome news. Their relationship had grown a bit distant, of late. Jasper often sensed a tinge of resentment from Edward, especially when he would join them on the outings with Leah. He wondered at how his friends Peter and Garrett would feel about all this, but would abide by the decision he, Edward, and Emmett made not to say anything, and hold off on telling them, for now. James was another matter entirely. This was something he needed to share with his brother.
When he got to his families cottage, everyone was home. They were going through their rituals, getting ready for the evening. His Aunt Esme and Alice were preparing a meal for the family, Uncle Carlisle observing the happenings from the table, as he wrote in his journal, documenting the events of the day. Edward, Emmett, and James were just off to the side of the hearth stacking wood and discussing something quietly that Jasper could not hear.
He greeted everyone and walked near to James, giving him a sideways look and a small hand signal, one they had come up with when they were young boys to tell each other secretly that they needed to get away, to speak. His brother was older by 11 months, and never let him forget it. Always jesting that he was older and wiser. In some ways he was, he tended to be more analytical than Jasper. Where Jasper allowed his heart to lead him more in a situation, James was ruled by his head more times than not. Because they were so close in age, many confused them for twins and they often engaged each other like twins would, having had their own language, close connection, and secrets as very young boys. They also looked rather similar, their differences being that James had his fathers hazel flecked blue eyes and Jasper, his Mother and Uncle Carlisle's hazel rimmed green; James preferred to keep his hair shorter than Jasper's longer fat curls. Also James' nose had a slight lump in the bridge, where Jasper had accidentally broken it as they wrestled around when they were young.
Their mother often said they were two sides of the same coin, and to never let anything come between them. That just like a coin is solid, so too would their relationship be, as long as they were honest and loyal to each other. "Seek council with in one another," she'd advised them saying that their temperaments were the balance to each other. Jasper hoped his brother would not hold against him the fact that he had not confided in him about Leah all this time.
The three boys had finished their task and their talk, so Edward had gone to find a book, of which they did not have many, to settle in and read until supper was ready. Jasper, turned to Emmett, very quietly and asked, "Emmett, can we talk in a little? I need to speak to James alone first, but I would like you to join us."
"By the smile you had on your face when you walked in the door I would say this is about Leah. Are you going to tell him about her? I thought we were not going to say anything about her to anyone?" Emmett questioned just as quietly. "There has been...a development, and I need to be able to talk to my brother about this. It has been hard keeping this from him. We have never had secrets from each other." Jasper said looking slightly embarrassed about having to renege on their previous agreement, but Emmett gave an understanding smile, showing his dimples. Jasper continued saying, "I will tell you everything when you join us. I suppose we will be out back, come out ten minutes or so after James, if you can." With that, Jasper turned, and offered to take the random food rubbish from the area where dinner was being prepared, and walked out the front door, James following behind him just a few minutes later with the ash bucket from beside the hearth.
"Little brother, what is it you want to talk to me about? The reason you sneak off almost everyday to the forest, perhaps." James said with the hint of an impudent smile creeping over his mouth, as he dumped the ashes over the soil in what will be their aunt Esme's small herb garden come spring. Jasper couldn't help but smile back. "Yes, Jay, that is what I want to talk to you about, or who, rather."
"Oh, it is a who. I figured as much. Glad you are finally ready to reveal this secret that you, Emmett, and Edward whisper about when you think no one is looking, I assumed you would when you were ready. So, little brother, go ahead, make known your big secret."
Jasper sat, offering a seat on a small patch of grass next to him, to his brother, and began telling James about Leah. How they first saw each other, and the impromptu meeting in the field where they finally met. The secret rendezvous in the wood, their walks, their talks, everything up to what happened that day. James stood up quietly, and paced a bit, making circuits around Jasper, taking it all in. Jasper wondered if he had overwhelmed him with information.
"So, she is one of the natives." James stated, stopping after a few circuits around Jasper, it was definitely not a question. "What will happen when you realize you love this girl? Because you do, brother. I feel it pouring out of you when you speak of her. What happens when you want more? When you need more than just walks through the forest, climbing trees, and frolicking in the water? There are those here who will - disagree with it. Are you ready to deal with that?"
"I would leave. If I have to...for her." Jasper said softly, but with conviction not looking at James.
James sat down again next to his brother, putting his arm over his shoulders in comfort, "And I will support you in whatever you choose." Jasper, stunned, looked to his big brother, "I am your older brother, and I love you. Did you really expect anything less?" James grinned widely at Jasper, patting his shoulder. "So when do I get to meet the girl who has captured your heart?" As James said this, Emmett came around the corner of the house, plopping down in front of the two of them, bringing with him his usual lighthearted spirit.
"Well, gentlemen, what are we discussing? I am quite sure you are talking about Leah. So, do tell. What are these new developments of which you spoke?" Emmett questioned happily.
Jasper smiled at Emmett and said, "I was just getting to that part. Your timing was perfect." Looking from Emmett to James, Jasper continued, "As you said earlier, James, I love her. I love Leah. It all came together for me as we were talking today. I just knew. I knew I loved her. That I have loved her from the very beginning."
"It is about time you realized it!" Emmett's face burst with a grin so wide you would swear you could see every one of his teeth.
Jasper smiled then too, "It is as if the feeling was there inside me, waiting since even before I met her, and when I did, it ignited an ember, and has burned ever more warm and bright with each passing day. Enough for me to see it and feel it, but not truly know what it was, because I was not yet ready for it, to understand it. Then today, she told me something that-moved me, made me imagine my life without her. That is something I can no longer do. I love her." Jasper explained.
"I could not be more happy for you, Jasper." Emmett gushed, before continuing on, "But that is not all of it, I am certain! What else happened? Does she return your favor?"
Jasper laughed a bit at his cousins impatience. "I am getting there. If you would let me tell my tale...And yes, she does. You are like a busybody in sewing circle, waiting for the latest gossip." Emmett laughed loudly, then covered his mouth to muffle the sound, enjoying the little jest at his expense. They all shared in a hardy laugh then.
When they regained their composure, Jasper shared with them how Leah was telling him a personal story, and it was hard to hear. That he could have lost her before knowing her. He explained a small bit about Felix and the rescue, and how that all made him realize just how important she was to him. That he was not able to leave without her knowing, he told them about the kiss, and the warmth, and that he wanted to marry her someday. He also told them that he would leave the settlement if he had to.
Once Jasper got through all he needed to say, they all took a deep breath. Jasper's, one of a weight lifted from keeping this from James; Emmett's, one of cleansing from the painful information he just took in; and James', one of a new weight to be borne, a new secret, one he would gladly keep for his brother.
My fic rec this time is Shattered by AllyDLV, and its WIP sequel, Fix You. Shattered ( s/6282570/1/Shattered), a Twilight/Vampire Diaries crossover with a Bella/Damon pairing, is a different take on what happens after Edward leaves in New Moon. Here's the gist of it; Charlie gets a job in Mystic Falls and instead of moping in Forks, Bella finds a way to mend her broken heart in a new town with new friends, and soon discovers that the supernatural world is even more varied than she knew. So give Shattered a whorl, it's a fast, awesome, fun read, and Damon is snarky & sexy. Of course he is, would you expect anything less?
AN: Sorry for the loooong wait for this chapter (especially since it is un-beta'd). I was working on some stuff in real life, and writing an entire seasons worth of episodes for a web series. Anyway, the next chapter is pretty much ready to go, but I'd like to get some written on chapter 9 before I post chapter 8, so I hope you guys haven't given up on me yet... Thanks!