Woooot! Nearly 3K words!
I really hope you all like this chapter! I got to work on it a little more today since it was a snowday, but not as much as I had wanted originally cause I got stuck baking croissants and cinnamon rolls. From scratch. My arms are sore from kneading so much dough...
QUESTION: Does the tone of the story shift a lot? If you compare the first two chapters to the latest, is there too much of a difference in writing style?
So yeah, read, review, and if you feel like analyzing my writing skills, answer the question
as always, I don't own the characters but the plot does belong to me.
Gosh...what a crazy crack-fic this Hidan X Sakura is turning out to be :P
Proximities
Suddenly, the kettle Naruto had put on the stove began whistling. Nobody got up. He stared at her. Sakura could see the gears in his mind clicking away. The kettle's whistling got shriller and shriller until…
"Would you get the kettle already!?! It's about to blow my ears off!" Hidan's shout nearly made Sakura fall off her stool as Naruto merely smirked at her smugly before getting up to get the kettle. Sakura was trembling but it was barely noticeable. Hidan probably wouldn't have known that she was shaking if he hadn't been right behind her. Naruto's back was still to her as poured the scalding water into his bowl of ramen.
"Sakura-Chan, you could have told me if you had another guy over, you know, I wouldn't have minded…"
"No! Naruto, it's not another guy! I'm sorry! But I can't tell you! You have to ask Shisou!" Sakura cried out in alarm.
"Sakura…I'm not that stupid. I know it's a guy. He's hiding somewhere in your kitchen. Who is he?" This was one of those rare occasions when Naruto left off the 'chan' at the end of her name. This meant that he was very serious. And if he was very serious, that meant that things around there could also get very serious.
"Fine. Yes. It's a guy. B-but you don't know him. You've never even met him before." Oh, gosh…I can't believe this is happening! Inner-Sakura was sitting in a corner biting her fingernails off with beads of sweat running down her forehead. Sighing, Naruto grabbed a hold of one her hands and patted it comfortingly.
"I know almost everybody in Konoha and they know me…unless you're dating some old geezer that I've been afraid to talk to-" He was quickly interrupted by Sakura's outburst,
"We're not dating! Why do you have to think it's a relationship anyway?!" Sakura pulled her hand away, outraged. The nerve of him! I can't believe he thinks I'd date an old guy! And why does it always have to be a 'date'? Why can't I just have a friend over just like he's over right now?
"So then it is an old guy…" Naruto teased.
"NO!" Sakura was turning red at the indignity.
"Then who is it?" Sakura was about to reply and avoid the question of just exactly who it is (A/N: this may be a paradox, but politicians manage to reply and avoid questions all the time) but was cut off by a clearing of someone's throat from behind her. Thinking that the mystery person was standing by the doorframe, Naruto peered over Sakura's shoulder to get a glimpse.
"First off, I'm not that old! Sure, I will be in a couple of centuries, but I've been like this for the last fifty years. Secondly, I'm still young." Naruto's eyes widened to the size of saucers when he realized that the speaker was directly behind Sakura. In the blink of an eye, he'd lifted Sakura up by the shoulders and held her aside. Her face turned redder then usual as she dangled uselessly from Naruto's arms. Sakura was appalled at how calmly Hidan was taking the situation and how she had tried so hard to hide his presence and yet, he'd simply thrown all that away. Wait…he's been like this for fifty years!? He looks like he's in his freakin' twenties!
"Th-That's…That's a talking head!" Naruto stuttered. Sighing, Sakura let her head drop down defeatedly.
"Hai" she answered breathless.
"B-But how's that possible? Where's his body?"
"See…now that's something we'd both like to know, eh Kyuubi?" Hidan grinned up at Naruto then rolled his eyes towards the dangling Sakura, "Maybe you should put the lady down?" Naruto was stunned by the fact that the disembodied head was speaking to him. It took a moment for him to process just what the head was saying.
"oh! Yeah…of course…sorry Sakura-Chan." He glanced at her sheepishly before placing her standing right next to the stool.
"So…uhhh…Sakura-Chan…why do you have a talking head in your kitchen? Please don't tell me you're going out with it?" Sakura slapped her palm to her face,
"For the last time NARUTO! I'm not going out with a talking head! I'm not going out with anybody! This is part of a mission!"
"Mission?" Naruto and Hidan both looked at her with interest, although Hidan was mentally twiddling with the fact that Sakura wasn't going out with anybody. Meaning that she was single.
"Okay…you know what? Let's calmly finish breakfast first because I am starving. Then, we can all go meet the Hokage. There…I'll explain everything." Closing her eyes, Sakura gulped. Ohh nooo...this was NOT supposed to happen! Hidan wasn't supposed to know why we needed him and Naruto…Naruto wasn't a part of this at all! I'm doing this all for him! So that I can find a way to save him from turning into a monster! So that he can control his bijuu! Oh, no no noooo…
"Alright…Sakura-Chan…" Naruto nodded uncertainly but took the seat next to her, once more. Sakura took a deep breath and sat on her own stool, this time, not bothering to hide Hidan who rested on the counter next to her elbow. Sakura reached up to grab a spoon and began sloshing the mixture in her bowl around. Naruto stared at Hidan a little suspiciously and Hidan stared right back with a toned-down-evil grin. Sakura could feel the tension building up between the two males in the room. The funny thing about the whole situation was that both of the men were Sakura's self-assigned responsibility.
When each flake of cereal was evenly coated with milk, she lifted the spoon to her mouth and took a bite. The completely normal action coupled along with the ominous crunching noise from Sakura's mouth seemed to snap the two men out of their unspoken staring contest. Naruto hastily grabbed his ramen and dug into it with chopsticks, all the while not taking his eyes off Sakura from over the rim of the bowl.
Hidan shot a quick glance at the pink haired kunoichi as well before returning his eyes back to the blond shinobi. Hidan didn't need to be told that Sakura's calm façade was all an act for the two others. He remembered the way she had trembled and how the pitch of her voice fluctuated ever so slightly right before her act began. Her mixture of fear and anxiety was an easy emotion for someone like him to read. He couldn't even remember how many times he'd been the cause of the same feelings when his victims realized that he was no ordinary opponent; that he'd be the one to bring forth their impending deaths.
Quickly finishing his ramen with a slurp of temporary contentment, Naruto put his bowl down and watched Sakura lift her bowl to drain the milk. He couldn't read her face. Her unbound hair fell forward from both sides and efficiently shadowed her face because of the way she tilted her head. Her body language was muted and deliberate.
After drinking the milk, Sakura stared into the empty bowl to buy time and collect her scattered thoughts. Ok, let's just get on with this. My number one priority is to not let Hidan know why he's here. The next rule is to not let Naruto find out why this mission was even established. Looks like I'll have to make up something that works for both of them. Hopefully Hopefully Shikamaru will be there to back me up in this. Inwardly sighing, Sakura put her bowl down and combed through her hair with her fingers.
When Naruto saw her face again, she was smiling at him as she got up and reached for Hidan.
"Okay Naruto, let's go."
"But Sakura-Chan! You can't take him with you!" Naruto pointed exaggeratedly at Hidan's head. Hidan looked up at Sakura as she turned to answer Naruto.
"Yes, I can. This mission is all about him anyway." Hidan smiled smugly at Naruto who glared back. Sakura got her backpack and placed it next to Hidan's head and was about to pick him up when a thought suddenly entered Hidan's head.
"Hey! Hey, wait a minute! You said we're going to see the Hokage, right?"
"Yeah…" Sakura answered unsure of where this conversation was heading. She just hoped that another argument wouldn't come of it.
"Well…look at my hair. I need to look presentable for the Hokage!" and to emphasize his point, Hidan rolled his eyes around the room and blew at a strand of hair that had managed to flop over his eye.
"…What?" Sakura looked dumbfounded but looked at the silver mess of hair that crowned Hidan's head. He did have a point. Sakura was about to agree when Naruto cut her off with a rough snort,
"Presentable? He's not going to be presentable no matter how well you fix up his hair, Sakura-Chan! He doesn't even have a body!" Hidan grit his teeth. This whole not-having-a-body thing was getting old really fast.
"Even without my body, I'm better looking then you, Blondie!" Naruto bristled and was about retort but Sakura yelled first.
"Both of you idiots, stop it! Neither of you have enough brains in your head with or without a body! So no more arguments!" With a huff, Sakura pulled out a comb from her backpack and attacked Hidan's head.
"Ah!"
"Ouch!"
"No! What are you doing?"
"Jashin! Nooo my hair doesn't part like that! Ah!"
"What did you do? Dammit! Ouch!" When Sakura moved back to survey her angry effort, Naruto saw the fruits of her hard work and burst into uncontrolled laughter. Hidan didn't need a mirror to see how his hair looked. His brow was twitching when he addressed the only other male in the room,
"It's parted down the middle isn't it? Dammit! Why do women always think that this is the proper hairstyle for men?" Naruto's laughter resided long enough to shrug his shoulders,
"Beats me!" Sakura looked back and forth between the two incredulously,
"What's wrong with it?" Naruto bent down next to Hidan's head, put a finger under his chin and waived a hand over his head with an air or presenting,
"Oh, come onnn Sakura-Chan! Don't you think this is just sexy?" Sakura turned an angry and indignant red. Stomping forward with an 'Urgh!' she grabbed Hidan's head and stuck it into her backpack, before swinging it onto her shoulders and stomping out the front door yelling,
"Let's go!" Silently, Sakura agreed that Hidan's hair looked hideous and he had a perfectly good excuse to grumble curses from within his dark compartment. A moment later, Naruto was bounding along beside her as they hopped the rooftops to the Hokage's Tower.
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"Tsunade-no-Bachaan! Look who's here!" Naruto burst through the window with Sakura and announced their presence to the entirety of the several-story-tall tower. The Hokage lifted her face off the desk and got rid of the papers that stuck to her forehead. Trying to rub off the just-woke-up expression, she hid a yawn behind a hand and stretched one arm back.
"Good morning, Shisou." Sakura greeted her mentor a little more tightly then she had planned because of the earlier incident of when her skills were mocked.
"O-Oh! S-Sakuraaa….gooodmornningg…" Tsunade slurred from the lack of sleep. At least she didn't have a headache this morning since she had managed to avoid sake for the last few days. Seeing Sakura's misshapen and grumbling backpack, she snapped herself to come to attention and remembered her student's latest mission.
"Wait…Naruto, why are you here?" The older blonde inquired of the younger.
"Oh! It's okay! Sakura-Chan said she'd explain everything to me about the talking head!" at the reply, Tsunade's eyes widened and she looked at Sakura carefully, seeking confirmation.
"What? Everything, Sakura?" Sakura just barely shook her head to the side and Tsunade got the hint.
"Oh, okay, I understand. Just a moment then. SHIZUNE!" a disheveled Shizune abruptly burst into the room,
"H-Hai! Tsunade-sama?!"
"Get Shikamaru in here immediately, we're having a small meeting. A mid-mission report." The dark-haired woman jerked her head in confirmation and exited the room as quickly as she came. Tsunade smoothed her clothes out and straightened up in her chair. She eyed Sakura's backpack as she took it off and cradled it in both her arms.
"Is he with you?"
"Yes, right here." Sakura brought the backpack forward and carefully pulled the disembodied head out of her head and set Hidan down on Tsunade's desk. Tsunade's eyes widened once more and she shifted back in her seat to widen her view of the frowning head staring at her. Naruto had watched the entire exchange of words silently until he noticed Hidan's hair. Poking Sakura with his elbow, he nodded at the head with a grin,
"Sakura-Chan, I think all your effort went to waste. His hair still isn't presentable."
"Shut up, baka!" Sakura gave him an annoyed glare. A second later, Shikamaru and Shizune poofed into the room with a burst of gray smoke. Shikamaru stepped forward to stand in line next to Sakura as the smoke quickly disintegrated behind him. Both hands in his pockets, the strategist studied the now-clean and quiet head sitting in the middle of the Hokage's desk. Shikamaru had already put behind him all the personal animosity towards the man who killed Asuma. His sensei himself had told him that some deaths were meant to gain greater things, perhaps this was one of them. This whole ordeal would eventually somehow tie in to protecting Konoha and its future.
"Ehhmm-mmmh," Tsunade cleared her throat and addressed the head on her desk,
"So, you are Hidan of the Akatsuki?"
"Ex-Akatsuki. Hidan the Immortal, Slave of Jashin, at your service."
"Ex-Akatsuki?"
"Yeah, Ex-Akatsuki. If you're wondering whether any of those bastards are coming back for me, don't worry. They left me here to rot in my hell hole, courtesy of that little guy over there." Hidan rolled his eyes to where Shikamaru stood. Shikamaru simply made a small, noncommittal noise. Tsunade considered this new piece of information. She bent forward on her elbows and laced her fingers together in between the head and herself. Hidan decided to use this moment to his advantage.
"If you have no use for me as a talking head, besides being the kunoichi's pet, I'd love it if you could reunite me with my body. You'd please not only myself but Lord Jashin as well." Tsunade had to smile at his forwardness. He really has nothing to loose, she thought.
"I'm flattered that you offer you services to us so openly, but I'm afraid you must be the kunoichi's pet a little longer until we figure out what to do with you. Regardless of your rift with the Akatsuki, you are still an S-Class missing-nin and you pose a threat to this village and our allies."
"You know…I can guarantee the safety of your village and your allies from myself. I'd be forever in your debt if you reattached me to my body." Hidan obviously didn't realize that the Hokage couldn't be bargained with so easily. He simply thought he could underestimate her because of her youthful face. He didn't know how far from the mark he'd struck.
"That is true, but we cannot take your word for it. Don't worry, I'm not letting you go this easily." Tsunade continued to smile sweetly as she relaxed back into her chair. Hidan looked at her aghast and ground his teeth.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU LEAF NINJA?!! TELL ME! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DIG ME UP IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME GO!!?" Hidan's outburst caused two jounins to run into the room with weapons withdrawn.
"Hokage-sama! What's wrong?!" one of them asked as the two tried to peer at the Hokage and her desk from behind the wall of Naruto, Sakura, and Shikamaru's bodies. Reacting just as fast, Sakura had jumped forward and pressed Hidan's head into her mid-section while keeping one hand firmly over his mouth. Tsunade held her head in one hand as she calmed them down and dismissed them. Once they left, Sakura glared down at Hidan who peered up at her just as angrily. Unfortunately, his anger dissipated as he realized where he was viewing her from, this caused his glare to fade and his cheeks turn slightest hint of pink before he shifted his eyes to meet the golden pair of the Hokage. No matter how long Hidan lived, he'd never be used to being in such close proximity to women. He mentally sighed in defeat and realized he didn't mind the 'pet' option as much as before. He broke out of his reverie when he heard the Hokage's voice answer his previous question just as vaguely as he had expected.
"In regards to your previous question, the answer is classified information. Now, I have a very big headache so I suggest you keep your voice down unless you're willing to loose anymore of yourself to a Konoha Nin."
"Wait! Baa-Chan! Can't you tell me?" Naruto bent forward and flattened his palms against her desk.
"Not now, Naruto, come back later…dismissed." Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose and called for Shizune to get her some tea. As Naruto looked at Tsunade incredulously, Shikamaru caught Sakura's eye and the silent message with it: Naruto doesn't know. Don't tell him.
"…this is so troublesome…I'm going. Sakura. Naruto." With a nod to each of them, Shikamaru stepped back and poofed out with another quickly dissipating screen of gray smoke.
Hey...I've decided to answer your questions about this story. Anything regarding the characters and plot or if there is any information that seems to be confusing you... If you just put them in your reviews, I'll try to answer them all without giving away important bits.
meaning that I'm compiling a F.A.Q.s page for this now that I've got 7 chapters :D