Miscelleaneous Snape
Negotiations with a Bloody Moron ( Or when Snape pulls the guilt card)
And the sonofbitch decided to let everyone else tell me how much danger he was in, no, forget that…that it was highly likely that he was being tortured and left to die a slow death before the avada kedavra….before being blasted into oblivion and perhaps small pieces of unwashed black robe.
Well, he would have… if the Dark Lord didn't believe his ridiculous story that he was still loyal to him.
Is it me or is the Dark Lord dumb?
Or is Severus Snape next to near genius and much more formidable than I had ever imagined?
How dare he? How dare he go and risk his life by hurrying off to the Dark Lord's side for this re-generating thing. Poor Potter was off at the hospital wing and his descriptions of events were ghastly.
And we were so concerned with poor Diggory and his parents that I hadn't noticed that Snape was gone hours later. The last I saw of him he made me go to my rooms and now my last memory of him may be me yelling at him that I won't, he can't make me, and that he was a bloody moron…and an asshole.
I stamped my foot and gave him a vicious glare.
He simply smirked, cast langlock, and whisked me off to my rooms, where he deposited me on my sofa, and then turned abruptly and left.
Naturally, once he had turned the corridor my foul speech returned instantly.
Perhaps Snape would be safe. How bad could a small parcel wrapped in a blanket that was dumped in pink goo that rose from a cauldron in flames be?
Oh, Merlin…that is so gross….ugh! Ok, let's not think on that right now.
It was the big topic during breakfast the next day…and let me just say that it wasn't pretty.
We all sat in the Great Hall and noticed that Snape was not present. Nobody seemed to find this out of the ordinary except me.
He never missed, unless he had some pressing work to do for the school that he always told me about.
I had thought that the mood was grim due to Cedric, of course, but then I heard Sprout mention Severus' name.
Come to think of it…was it even the truth what he was doing? What he told me half of the time.
Er, probably not.
So when I commented on his absence and cracked a joke about how he was most likely doing anything besides washing his hair or tending to his smelly robes due to the bad feeling creeping up inside me and the bad timing I have due to nerves, McGonagall looked at me keenly and in very subdued tones said…
"You didn't hear?"
"Hear what?"
"We are still waiting to hear from him, well, the Headmaster is…"
I felt my flesh crawl…I had a very bad feeling…
"Er, why would that be?"
"Because Severus and the, er, others were summoned by the Dark Lord and he usually returns the very same night and gives word to the Headmaster that he has returned when he does other work for Dumbledore," she lowered her voice, and it sounded constricted with concern.
Professor Flitwick looked grave. "And nobody yet has heard from him and we are growing very concerned."
"Oh," and I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach and I had never felt in such a long time the queasy sinking feeling now present in my chest.
"Well, let me know when he returns…" I tried to say it casually and omitted eye contact as I turned from them.
I rose from my seat and the last thing I heard was my name as I dropped to the ground in a dead faint.
Dumbledore's office…
Classes were over for the day so apparently Flitwick and McGonagall and Sprout had all the time in the world to slap my wrists and examine my eyes and call my name over and over. And then I was informed that Hagrid had carried me to the Headmaster's office after I fell into a nearly dead heap in the Great Hall.
And when I opened my eyes I panicked and tried to flee but they made me stay there until they were quite certain that I was better, and well after I slopped a few healthy sips of firewhiskey from the heavy cut glass snifter that Dumbledore offered me with a curious and warm look.
The drink warmed me and it was easier to talk…well, not talk, I would say more like go on a tear.
I shot up from my seat on the couch where Minerva had had a supporting arm around me and Flitwick was patting my hand.
"Is he bloody mad? Why the hell…he…they will kill him!"
"He knows what he must do and he is very calm and well-versed, Miss Vector," offered Dumbledore in a soothing, sympathetic tone.
"I know he is the Greatest Liar in a Century but nobody can pull this off, sir." I looked doubtful.
"If anyone can…it is Severus, my dear." He replied calmly.
"I know him…too well…" I choked and felt like a bloody fool. Where was this coming from? They know I detest him…they probably think I am mad.
"We know that….he will be fine." Minerva tried to reassure me.
"No, he won't… he lies all the time…to me…but I can't exactly perform legilimancy…they will annihilate him…all we will have left is a dirty black robe…" And the tears came. And I truly pissed myself off because I sounded like a concerned wife.
"Please calm down…he will be fine…he has had several run-ins with the Dark lord already and the Death Eaters, and I must insist that you keep this in the strictest confidence, but they all fear Professor Snape."
"But can he outsmart them all…all of them?" I cried. "And if you are referring to the Dark Lord when he was a piece of face on the back of Quirrel's head, I am sure the Dark Lord is more of a match now then when he thwarted him that time!" I shouted in a panic.
"Yes, he can…and he will."
The Corridor of the Potions Classroom…
So, I waited. And I wasn't leaving until I saw him and could speak to him.
How dare he cause me worry like this…I had never felt this way in the past!
Had he drugged me? Placed a curse without me being any the wiser…
Because if he did, his issues with the Dark Lord would be nothing compared to my wrath!
I would call him a bloody moron like I had never called him a bloody moron before in his life!
That is, and my will sank…if he was even alive anymore. The tears stung again.
Three hours later…
I had fallen asleep, had sunk to my knees, and my back was leaning against the sealed wooden door to his office for support.
My hair was tangled and I wiped some residue of wetness that was still on my cheeks.
I mused that if Peeves saw me like this…I would never recover. He would tell the entire school.
But today…I didn't care…I had to know that the asshole was fine.
I had heard not a sound until a soft low voice emitted from the closed door and whispered out to me.
"Vector…what are you doing?" It was without emotion.
He was back.
"And when the hell did you arrive?" I snapped in an accusatory tone.
"Not more than five minutes ago." He said in a wispy and silky voice.
And for the first time in ages it didn't irk me anymore.
"And how did you manage to enter your office without using this doorway?" The interrogation was on!
"I flew from wherever it is that I was and entered, ah… a different way."
I heard he could fly…had never seen it…and wasn't sure I wanted to. I knew nobody that could…dark magic…magic I had no knowledge of.
"So, the metal cover of your peephole is closed. How do you know, might I ask, that I was out here?"
"My owl, Charon, was also waiting for me and told me that a suspicious-looking vagrant was asleep outside my office door when I arrived and that I should probably investigate," he said evenly.
"Let me make it clear that I am not waiting for you…" Old habits die hard.
"Then what are you doing?"
"Open the door, Snape, I need to speak to you." I demanded, ignoring his question.
"Why?"
"Just open the bloody door."
"No."
"How come?" It came out more like a whine.
"Not until you tell me why you are loitering outside my office door like a criminal from Knockturn Alley well into the night…"
"WE are co-workers…" I insisted, " just because…"
"And?" he snapped.
"And I believe that however unpleasant it's been, I have been your mentoring subject, have even assisted you with Potions projects for the school, and you should have told me where you were going." I hoped it sounded nonchalant.
I heard the enchantments lift and the office door creaked open.
I entered but nobody was there.
"Snape…Severus…"
No answer…
And then I heard the sink run in the bathroom near in his office.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said simply.
"Come out then."
"No."
"Why?"
And then I heard a gasp and it was peculiar.…"I need to tend to something….why were you waiting for me and you might as well tell me the truth," his voice was audible through the bathroom door.
"Why would I lie?" I thanked Merlin he was not in front of me for a split second.
"Because I heard some interesting tidbits of information when I arrived from my owl about a scene you caused in the Great Hall that continued right into the headmaster's office."
For a moment, the snooty tone he took made him sound like his old self.
"Severus… is Charon here?" I asked sweetly, like I felt concern for his owl.
"No, he is off to the owlery and if you try to hex him I will know…"
"I hate your owl. He has a big mouth…er, beak." I cried. Wait til I see him. I will pluck him!
"His beak keeps me well informed and does its job for his master, you should not be angry with him."
I let it drop, but then the horror and utter dismay crept in. Just what had Charon told him, and was this why he was seemingly avoiding me?
And then Snape's voice interrupted my thoughts and cut in from behind the bathroom door.
"Well, let's begin, shall we? You have made it quite clear over the years that you utterly detest me, that I annoy you, that my very presence irks you to no end…"
"I never said that….er, exactly…you make it sound so…"
"You have…perhaps not in those exact terms…usually indecent language either prefaced it or followed," he sounded stoic which didn't match what I think he was trying to say.
"But I didn't really mean it and what was I supposed to do after receiving cockroach clusters or blood lollipops." And I never thought I would say this to him, but after thinking he could be dead…
"What any other decent person receiving a gift that they hates does. Just like a grandchild receiving a pink and fluffy sweater for Christmas. They smile and tell their grandmum they love it and it is the most wonderful gift they have ever received."
"You didn't need to do that." Why? Why was I not getting angry at the condescending sort of lecture I was receiving on manners…by him of all people? And what was up with the pink and fluffy sweater analogy?
Was he truly ok? What the bloody hell did they do to him for Merlin's sake?
"Do you have any idea how much I have spent at Honeydukes on you over the years?"
Oh, lovely, the guilt trip…a manipulative trick, knowing that I won't yell at him after what almost happened.
I felt really bad now….negative attention but still attention over the years.
"Er, what about a heart-shaped box of candy?" I called out to the door.
"Why would I alert someone that loathes me so much that I may not loathe them?"
Oh, Merlin….oh, shit…as suspected…he did like me too…
"So they could use that knowledge…the knowledge that I care for them to use it against me…when the work I have ahead of me is so unfathomable and my carrying on so unsure why would I put myself in that position?"
OH…DEAR…MERLIN…
"But…this was avoidable…you should have told me…." It just came out of my mouth, and I marveled that subconsciously, we know things that we don't realize sometimes.
"I couldn't have hinted or done anything more than spit it right out. All the signs were there, Vector," he said sort of snidely, as if I had injured him.
He was right.
"SO are you saying…." I proceeded to tread with caution…I was indulgent…because he was just about to tell me that he…
"Yes, I am…not that it matters anymore."
"Why…are you saying you don't hate me…" What the hell was this about now?
"Yes…." It was said with ease.
"That you really like me?"
"I wouldn't use the word like." He said softly.
What the bloody hell was going on? Did they give him a love potion? Was that the only way they could envision the ultimate downfall and total destruction of the always smooth and calm and together, Snape?"
Merlin, Voldemort had me there. He really was a maniac!
"Wait, Snape, that your treatment of me…blood lollipops and all were to …."
"Mask my feelings for you…then yes."
And this was the most honest with me he had even been in our very tumultuous working relationship that was sometimes social but usually against my wishes before this.
"Why in the bloody hell are you talking like this now…why now is it so easy apparently to let me know this." I had to know. I was confused.
"Because I want you to know should anything happen to me…And it came very near close last night."
And it happened. The burn…my eyes watered and the first tear fell.
"Severus, come out I want to tell you something." It was clear. I had been a fool too. I knew it.
"No, and I think you should leave now…no use in staying…I have made myself most clear but you have not."
"But I want to." I said earnestly.
"I am not sure I believe that." Ah, the sympathy card. He was good. It was why he was still alive yet.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't hate you as much as we both thought?" I gritted my teeth in embarrassment.
"It would be a pleasant thought, but no….I have no sufficient proof of that that was ever offered to me."
"But I don't and I do like you…" I cajoled.
He was quiet.
"I like elf-made wine…and magical textbooks brilliantly written…was does it mean?" He asked with a bit more interest than previously.
"You are going to drag me through the muck with this aren't you?" I floundered.
"Perhaps, I suppose…" he said airily, but I could imagine the smirk in his bathroom mirror.
And speaking of mirrors…I looked at the one near a corner on his office…and damn it the hell, I did awfully resemble the Dark Lord. Red eyes from crying, wild expression, disheveled dark robes…oh, dear…
I cleared my throat. "Er…it means that I think you are brilliant…that you have a fine mind…that you are next to the Headmaster the most phenomenal wizard in our world….ok, fine now….open the door…."
"No."
"Why now? Why not, Severus?"
"I suspect you are not finished." And I lost my temper because the tone was smug. He knew he had the upper hand now.
"Just pleas open up… I am talking to a warped wooden door for Merlin's sake! Ok, right, Maybe…just maybe… I had a slight inkling that you wouldn't treat me as you do if there wasn't something to it. The, er, thought has crossed my mind," I admitted.
"I gathered as much." I grimaced at his admission. "So, when did you decide that you like me?" His tone was nicer.
"A while ago…"
"Very unclear, Vector…you are not making yourself plain to me, regrettably."
"Ok, fine, for at least a year maybe more…" He had to let up and give me a break. I was discovering some hard truths that I hadn't admitted to myself either this very night.
"Is it true that you fainted in the Great Hall when you were told that I hadn't returned yet?" His voice was sultry, like a caress.
"Er, yes…." I gritted my teeth again, and my face turned red to match my Voldemort-like eyes.
"That you were shocked and utterly terrified that nobody had heard from me…"
"Damnit YES! Really now…"
"That you drank firewhiskey, quite heavily from what my owl told me, and in your concerned stupor yet again utilized foul language in the Headmaster's office when you tried to get to the bottom of my failure to show?"
"All right, yes." I would deal with his owl later.
"Were you concerned for me?" He asked.
"Obviously." I rolled my eyes knowing that he couldn't see this.
"Did you miss me very much?" He was really laying it on thick.
"Ok, Merlin's underpants yes. Are you going to open the damned door or not?" What the hell was he doing in there?
"In a moment…I am not quite finished."
"Do you think of me often?"
"Yes."
"Do you, perhaps… love me, Vector?"
"I wish dragon pox on you! The nerve…and I can because I know you are ok."
"Have I hit a sore spot?" He could still be a bastard. "There is a difference. Do you love me as a friend or, let us speculate hypothetically, perhaps enough to marry me?"
"We sound like we are 12?" I yelled out.
"You act like it.. and make me feel like it, in an intoxicating way I might add," his voice sounded sincere, and maybe even a little touching to me. But my temper at this nonsense now, his making me vulnerable and talking in circles until I now realized how much I had revealed to him, and he had played me like the very exceptional spy that he was.
"You act like it too, you sonofabitch!"
" Well you do sound like yourself when you anwered that last, and you must be, it is not the firewhiskey…then I shall open the door."
"Do you love me Vector…."
"Ok, yes…"
"Not convincing…one should never preface I love you with ok."
"I, er, love you."
"Vector…."
"Ok, Severus…I love you…I love you…I really, really love you…are you happy now…now open the blasted door." I was wrankled.
"You sound unhinged," he offered softly.
"I am. Severus. I love you. And your bloody door will be too… if you don't go on and open it already."
The door clicked unlocked and creaked open slightly. I could kick myself know for sayint I resembled the Dark Lord.
This was worse…
Oh, the Dark Lord had tortured him all right…to test him…but it hadn't broken him. He still believed him to be loyal. Snape was very lucky. The pale and drawn face would go away as would the scorch marks of some spells that were a little heavy-handed, but he would be fine. Nothing a little dittany couldn't cure, which is most likely what he was doing when he wouldn't come out. Dear Merlin, he probably looked worse when I first got here! I noted a wet spot on the front of his robes and prayed it was water and not blood.
"What happened?" My jaw dropped.
"It appears as though he wanted to be sure I wasn't using occlumency against him when I returned."
"Does he suspect…"
"Not anymore…I passed with flying colors…well, I've only had over 12 years to practice."
"Are you hurt?"
"No, it wasn't pleasant when it happened, but it's over and I am alive. I didn't wish for you to see me like this." And his dark eyes looked a little hesitant.
"I don't care, you know. I'm not like that." I stated boldly.
"Would you still kiss me looking like this?" He never stopped being persistent.
"Do you think I'll even give it a second thought?"
I put my hands on his chest and snuggled him and raised my face to meet his lips.
"I should get hurt more often."
"No you should not. You have proved yourself. It is over."
And I felt for his wince as he pulled me closer. All mind manipulation forgotten.