A/N I have to thank you all for the wonderful reviews. I know you all are probably getting frustrated that our favorite pairing hasn't gotten together yet, but I'm trying to give a modern twist to the way the story line went in series 2 before and after Anna and John were separated. Don't worry it will all end well I promise you that. Thanks to my lovely betas: chisoxtam14, a-lady-to-me, and lynnsaundersfanfic. Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 7

Part II

John ended up sleeping on the couch, though Anna would venture a guess that neither of them got much sleep. Anna tossed and turned, and when she woke up the next morning to start a pot of tea, she saw that John was gone. The blanket and pillow were still folded up on the couch from the day before, completely untouched. She went back into the bedroom and tried to start packing up, but instead she whipped out her cellphone and texted him, trying to remain casual, as if the night before had never happened.

"Hey where did you go?"

Anna bit her lip nervously. He didn't respond.

Maybe he was truly busy with something. Or maybe he went to see Emily after she had turned him down. She immediately pushed that thought from her head. John wouldn't do that. Would he? Anna paced back and forth in the bedroom and tried to tidy up as she waited for the tea to finish. The bed was made, the bathroom sink was wiped down, and all of her clothes were folded, save for the ones she was going to wear that day. Her dress was back in its bag; a heartbreaking reminder that last night had almost happened. The kettle whistled from the other room, and Anna checked her phone once more to see if she missed a text from John. If he didn't respond by the time she was done in the shower, Anna decided she'd head up to the main house to look for him. As she prepared her tea the way she liked it, the door clicked open.

"Hey," she said somewhat surprised, but cheerful.

"Morning," he replied casually.

"I texted you," she said,.

"I didn't hear my phone go off," John responded as he began going through his bag for a fresh set of clothes.

"Where were you?" she asked. "I was worried."

"You don't have to worry about me; I'm a big boy," he said with a small peck to her cheek as he passed her by. "I just went for a ride." Judging by his appearance and the smell coming off his jeans, he wasn't lying. "I had to clear my head," he responded a little too quickly. Before she could say anything more, he disappeared into the other room to use the bathroom.

She stopped stirring the milk in her tea. The spoon fell with a clatter against the saucer as Anna ran off after him. "John, we need to talk," she said as she burst through the door.

"No. We don't," he spun on his heels to address her. This wasn't how this morning was supposed to go. The night before as he walked back from Emily's room, he had imagined how their evening together would go. He envisioned making love to her for hours on end, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, professing his love to her, and waking up to the sight of her in his arms. Knowing how much she loved to sleep in, he'd planned on waking up before her and bringing her breakfast in bed. But that was all ruined now, and he didn't know how to vocalize his frustration. It was one of the worst traits he had inherited from his father. That and his Irish temper.

"John, are you...are you mad at me?"

"No. I just…" He was becoming exasperated now. Partially due to lack of sleep and partially due to his inability to form a coherent thought whenever he thought of what could have been between them.

"You just what?" she tried to pry it out of them.

There were so many answers to that question. So many that he couldn't voice aloud or she'd never go to France. But, he couldn't think of a response. Not one that she would take lightly.

"Say something, John."

If only she knew that she was the last person he thought about every night and the first one he thought about when he woke. How his days never felt complete until he received a smiley face text from her or heard her laugh across the phone. He imagined they wouldn't have the same affect on him when she was miles away.

She was still staring at him, awaiting an answer.

His head screamed that he didn't want her to go. That being with her these last few days had been more painful than he thought possible, because this glimpse into the future was too much to bear. His heart ached for knowing that it was his desire to always do right by her that would ultimately keep them apart. So he did what he thought was right. He would push her away. "I want to pretend last night didn't happen," he blurted out.

The words sucked the air out of the room and cut her to the quick. Anna looked like she might start crying on the spot.

He told himself to 'take it back' to 'find a way to fix it', but he didn't know how. He only knew how to do what his father had done. He avoided conflict by running from his problems. Except John didn't know how to run from her and he'd never want to. His eyes scanned over her, like a first responder surveying the situation. He had to determine the root of the problem, stop the bleeding, keep her stable until she could recover. How does one address the problem when they are the cause? "God...I didn't meant it that way. Anna, listen, I'm just under a lot of pressure right now with exams, and I haven't heard back about the internship. It's nothing against you. You understand, right?"

She was staying so strong for his sake. "Right...of course I do. I'm sure you'll hear back about the internship soon," she answered back.

He considered leaning in to hug her, but it was probably the last thing she wanted. At this point he was worried to do anything for fear of only making a bigger mess out of it than he already had. All he had to do was pretend everything was like before.

She could tell he was unsure of how to move forward. It was a characteristic he had exhibited before in front of her, but never regarding her. There was some truth to his statement, she wished last night hadn't happened either. Not because she didn't want it to happen, but because she hated that she stopped them from having that moment of bliss. Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't initiated it in the first place. What was it about this man that allowed himself to invade her brain and turn her world upside down without even trying? He could be so infuriating sometimes, yet as she stared at him she actually felt sorry for him and couldn't find it in her to harbor an angry thought against him. John had never been less than honorable with her, hadn't pressured her or guilted her into anything, and had always put her needs first. For a moment she thought he truly meant that he didn't want her, but one look at him told her otherwise. He looked rather helpless to her, as if he was longing for her, but frozen by fear. She saw through the facade, inside he was remorseful for what he said. Anna couldn't take those puppy dog eyes anymore and finally put him out of his misery. "You should go get cleaned up. We'll miss breakfast if we're not careful." She didn't waste anytime excusing herself from the bedroom.

Breakfast with his family had been quiet and awkward. Had it been anyone else she probably would have snuck out undetected and never speak of the matter again. But this was John. They had history and friendship still holding them together, even if it was hard to tell where their ties as friends and lovers began and ended now. Thankfully it seemed that most everyone was nursing a hangover, so they weren't the only ones remaining silent. When John's phone began buzzing across the table, everyone immediately began chiding him to 'make it stop' and 'turn it off'. He apologized and excused himself. Emily shuffled past him as he stepped out onto the veranda and began serving herself while Anna washed her dish in the kitchen sink.

"Oh Emily, how are you feeling?" Anna asked with genuine interest.

"I'm afraid I'm not at my best, but it could have been a lot worse," Emily replied, somewhat embarrassed. The brunette looked around to see if anyone else was listening and whispered to Anna. "I must apologize to you. I didn't mean to ruin your evening."

"It's alright," Anna tried to make light of it. Even though her world seemed to be slowly falling apart right now, they couldn't let the others know what was going on.

"It's just that…" Emily lowered her voice a little more. "I threw myself at John a couple of times yesterday at the reception."

Anna had seen it. She knew nothing came of it, but just thinking about the possibility of John and Emily together left a bitter taste in her mouth. Anna had been so consumed in her thoughts of John, she almost hadn't heard Emily speak again. "It was wrong of me. I hope I didn't cause any problems between you and John."

"Oh no. We're fine." She hoped. Deep down Anna wrestled with the fact that she had no right to be jealous of John with someone else. After all she had never laid a claim to him before last night. And after the way that had played out, she'd be lucky if she had another chance ever again.

"You should know that you are a very lucky woman. He's very committed to you."

"I know, but thank you. I'm glad he was able to help you back to your room last night, and that you are feeling better today," Anna said.

When she finished helping Aunt Tess and Aunt Miriam clean up the kitchen, Anna returned to the table to find John getting rounds of congratulations from his cousins. "What's all this? What did I miss?"

"John got the internship," Beth announced.

"That's wonderful," Anna replied.

Her eyes met John's across the room, and she smiled proudly at him. He walked around the dining room table to lift her tiny frame off the ground, and he hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered in his ear.

"I couldn't have done it without you," he whispered back. John set her back down on the ground and cupped her cheeks with his hands, so overcome with excitement and emotion that he kissed her innocently on the lips. "You encouraged me to go for it and supported me through everything. I can't thank you enough for that," he said simply.

"You're welcome," she replied. It was like the tension from the night before had magically slipped away, their worries forgotten until they began to pull away from one another. Their eyes were still locked on one another, but the sadness mirrored between them was undeniable. It didn't take long for the uneasiness to return.

Anna now had tears in her eyes as she witnessed his aunts congratulate and embrace their nephew.

"John, are you alright? You look like you're going to cry," Tess noted.

"I just wish my Mum was here to share this moment with me."

Tess hugged him back. "She is sweetheart. I've no doubts of that."

The rest of that week progressed like normal. John and Anna still managed to fit in their regular calls and texts, but the chemistry between them was strained in a relationship that was uncharted territory. The situation was only made wise by the fact that John did not seem to want to discuss it anymore than they had their last day at the winery. Meanwhile, Anna wanted to settle things between them before her departure, but was finding there was not enough time with all the errands she had to run. Or at least that's what she kept telling herself. The few times she had tried to broach the subject with John she chickened out. But she wasn't the only one avoiding the topic. John had kept putting her off, claiming he was busy with school or work. Maybe he was. She didn't want to be the one to distract him from his studies.

Anna shifted uneasily from one foot to another as she rubbed her forehead. She'd had an unrelenting headache that she was on the verge of naming John if it didn't leave her in peace soon. Talking might not be necessary, she tried to convince herself. After all, she could practically act out the entire conversation; she knew him so well. Anna knew the moment she brought it up he would ask what she wanted, and even though she knew, she couldn't bring herself to say it. Then she allowed her mind to wander to the possibility of a long distance relationship. She quickly pushed the thought aside, knowing that she couldn't take it if they broke up because time and distance away from each other became too much. No. She had to stick with her original plan. Their best shot at this would be to wait until they were both free to be with each other in the same country. Her head was pounding now and then her phone sprung to life. His photo came across the screen and she saw a text asking if she was free for lunch in an hour.

She managed to squeeze in a lunch date with him between picking up her transfer papers at the university and heading back to her mother's to settle some last minute details for her going away party. As soon as she spotted him in their booth at their favorite tea shop, her face broke into a smile. He began to rise to greet her, but she quickly motioned for him to sit back down. "It feels like it's been forever," Anna said as she stooped down to kiss his cheek. "I've missed you."

"Same here," he replied back. "I put in your usual order. I hope that was alright." There was a hint of hesitation in his voice. She noticed the way he fiddled with his hands nervously.

"It's more than alright. I'm famished. They really should have an expected wait time posted at the queues at the registration office. Had I known it was going to be that long, I would have brought a pack mule and a canteen," she joked.

They both giggled easily. It felt like old times, when nothing was forced or scrutinized.

Anna eyed the dessert menu, "Do you mind if we split some jam tarts? My sweet tooth is nagging at me today."

"Your sweet tooth is always nagging at you."

She shot a warning look his way.

"But, yes, that's fine," he added with a playful grin.

The two exchanged pleasantries and caught up on one another's week. They were about halfway through their meal when Anna stopped in the middle of eating her sandwich to ask him, "Will Robert be coming with you to my party? He's been horrible about RSVPing."

John averted his eyes for a moment as he tried to find a way to break the news to her. "I don't think so, but I can find out for you."

"Oh, it's fine. I'll just check with Cora," Anna said as she scribbled down a note into her cellphone.

He took a long sip at his water.

"Do you think you'll be able to come early to help set up, or will you be showing up when everyone else does?"

"Actually, Anna…"

"Yes…" she responded eagerly

"I wont be able to make it," he said.

"What?" she asked. Immediately, her mind jumped to the conclusion that this was his way of avoiding her further because of the way she had turned him down. Anna knew things hadn't been the same, but she really didn't want to lose her friendship with John because of an impulsive decision she'd made that night. She tried to remain calm and not let her emotions take over her actions. But it was so hard not to. This was John. He had to be there. "Surely you can still stop by for a few, even if it's a little late," she suggested hopefully.

"I'm sorry, but I had something come up that I can't reschedule."

"So that's it then? I've screwed up everything?" Anna asked as tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. She kept her voice low, recognizing they were still in a public place.

"Anna, please, it's not like that," John replied as he rested a hand over hers in a feeble attempt to calm her.

Anna pulled away as if his touch had burned her. She began pulling cash from her pocket.

"Wait. What are you doing?" John tried to stop her, but it was as if she couldn't hear him anymore.

She left a tenner on the tabletop. "I have to go," she said, unable to meet his eyes.

"Wait, hold on," John began to chase after her but the waitress called after him to finish paying his tab. "Shit! Hold on!" He dumped out whatever he could find crumpled up in his pocket. "Keep the change!" John ran out of the tea shop and dodged traffic as he attempted to cross the street. "Anna, wait!"

Anna glanced over her shoulder when she heard him calling, but just kept walking faster.

John was running at full speed now to catch her and lightly gripped her arm to spin her to face him. "Wait, will you?" He was out of breath as he kept her from leaving.

"I knew you were being distant. I tried to tell myself it was in my head," she stammered through her tears. "You've always made time for me, but this past week I was lucky if I got to speak with you for more than a minute. But it's fine, you don't have to come. I wouldn't want to force you into something you didn't want to do," she said with a fire that he had never been on the receiving end of.

"Now hold on a minute," he said with his voice slightly raised. John was still being mindful that they were on an open street and she was crying, but he'd be damned if he kept quiet when it counted. "I can't go because I have to go to an orientation for my internship that day. I won't lie that I was a bit relieved I didn't have to go to the party because I hate the idea of saying goodbye to you, and even worse I hate that I have to spend my last few hours with you sharing you with a room full of people. But this is what you wanted. You wanted to wait. You chose to pursue your dream. You chose to leave me first." His eyes glassed over with tears. He ran a hand through his hair to comb it back in place and wiped at his eyes. "I never once guilted you into staying or made you feel bad for wanting to go to France. Do you know how hard it has been hearing you get excited about a life that didn't include me?"

She stood there stunned in silence. Ever since the wedding she'd been berating him to talk to her and now he had. And now that the tables were turned she couldn't offer him an answer.

"You didn't even think to ask me why I couldn't go," he pointed out with a hurt look written on his face. "You just assumed I didn't want to go." His voice was on the verge of cracking under the weight of his emotions. It warbled slightly as he fought to keep his breath composed. "Well you got your wish. I'm not going."

With those final, cutting words John did something he had never done before. He left her standing there, wide eyed and broken without even a chance to respond. What she couldn't see as she watched him leave her were the tears that were persistently running down his face. Breaking him as well.

Anna stood by the edge of her balcony looking down at the cars parked along the street. None of them John's. She knew he wasn't going to be able to come, but there was nothing wrong with hoping. The laughter from the party filtered into the night air from the back door and she turned her head to find Gwen standing there. "Hey."

"Hey," Gwen responded back sweetly. The two of them stood in silence for a moment staring at the scenery before them. "You know I'm sure he would be here if he could," Gwen said as she put a light jacket over her friend's shoulders. Her red-headed companion had been the only one she had confided in about their time at the wedding.

"I know," Anna said. She brushed at some imaginary dust on the railing of the balcony. "I just wish I could take some of the things I said back."

"Hindsight is twenty-twenty," Gwen commented.

"Is this supposed to be making me feel better," Anna quipped.

"Maybe not, but I think you need someone to be realistic with you. The two of you obviously both love each other, and now we have confirmation that something is bubbling underneath that male exterior," Gwen said with a half smile. "You both are being pulled in two very different directions right now. I think the two of you just need to give it time to adjust to these new roles you are taking on, give yourselves a chance to miss one another, and it will all work out."

"I already miss him, Gwen," Anna confessed sadly.

"I know, sweetie." After a few seconds more, Gwen whipped out some tissue and handed it to Anna to dab at her eyes. "Now. You have exactly twenty more seconds to mope before you have to go back in there and have the time of your life with everyone that is going to miss you. Present company included." The girls shared a smile. "Try not to focus on him. Knowing John, he'll find a way to make it up to you. He wouldn't just let you leave without giving you a proper send off, Anna."

"No. I don't suppose he would," she responded.