P.S. To the mini-essay about Dean's bisexuality.

I'd like to thank elle4 for her PM in which she reminded me that there is one more proof of Dean's bisexuality. In the episode in which Bobby and Dean play poker and bet years instead of money, Dean looks for a man who was rejuvenated after he won a game. He finds him in a brothel and lifts a bed cover to take a look at the man's "birthmark". He rises his eyebrows in approval and comments that the two girls the man was with are lucky. Of course he did not mean that the birthmark was pretty or anything like this :)

While I'm at it, I'd like to thank all of you that care to comment or write PMs. They kickstart my brain. I really appreciate your time and effort.

P.P.S

I've just remembered a conversaton between Crowley and Dean in 10X01 in which Crowley mentions doing "extraordinary things to the triplets". Does it mean they had a fivesome? If so, then it means that - well, Dean not exactly slept with Crowley, but these two were involved in a sexual activity in the same place at the same time.

Earlier, Dean has sex with a girl on Crowley's bed and then walks naked in front of the demon.

Thoughts?

Now let's get down to business:

Part one:

Dean believes Castiel is the one

There is another reason it would be difficult for Dean to form a stable relationship with anyone but a strong, reliable fighter. The older Winchester is extremely protective of the ones he cares for - up to the point of trying to expel them from his life. In his attempts to do so he seldom takes the feelings or plans of person's in question into consideration.

Dean believes that he is bad luck; not only hunter's life is dangerous, but he himself poses an even greater threat. He makes several attempts to protect Sam even by tricking him; in early seasons he would stoop to lies and manipulations in order to keep his little brother safe It takes him some time to accept Sam as his equal. He erases himself from Lisa's and Ben's life. He cannot forgive himself for failing to push Kevin and Charlie far enough.

The only type of person Dean could really accept in his life is someone strong enough to endure his "curse". Someone he could be completely honest with, without the need to lie in order to protect that person.

There are several scenes that prove Dean has this trust in Castiel. I will try to discuss whether this trust is justified in this mini-essay, but I'll get to it later. First, I will try to demonstrate is that Dean believes Cas to be someone he can rely on.

It begins with a seemingly meaningless quarrel during their second encounter. Dean slags Castiel down for not helping him with Witnesses risen from their graves. In an emotional outburst he snaps "You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest." Isn't it surprising to hear these words from a guy who never ever complains? It proves that from the very beginning Dean assumes Castiel will provide much needed protection and relief.

Later, when Castiel is brainwashed or tortured in heaven and consequently refuses to reveal an important piece of information to Dean, the hunter doesn't give up trying. Despite Castiel's harsh words ("I certainly don't serve you") he prays to his angel and asks for his help, as if he was convinced that Castiel will change his mind; that it is just a matter of time. As if he refused to believe that his Cas could abandon him.

The last night on Earth scene before summoning Raphael is funny, but also very meaningful. Castiel confesses that he is convinced he will not survive a confrontation with the archangel. Dean does not seem worried. Perhaps he simply doesn't care.

Can you imagine Dean not caring that someone he knows will die? I can't. He has always been pushing the limits and doing his damnedest to save people, even strangers. Any death among his friends or acquaintances leaves him broken. I believe he is unimpressed by Castiel's cassandrian revelation because he does not even consider it could come true. Of course he pretends he believes Castiel because he already knows the inevitable outcome of any attempt to reason with the angel - Castiel loves grim, bombastic speeches. He loves to welter in drama. Instead of trying to convince Cas that there is hope, Dean takes him to a whorehouse to cheer him up. The hunter is relaxed and cheerfull. Nothing beclouds his happiness. He is absolutely certain that Castiel will defeat an archangel. That's what I call having faith in somebody.

Much happens in "The End" - the Croatoan alternate universe. One may argue that it was a vision produced by Zachariah, but even if it was so, it had to be tailored to fit Dean's expectations or fears.

On the morning of the day Dean kills the devil the leader explains his plan to his friends. Risa expresses her doubt. If you care to find this scene on youtube, just look at Cas's face. He bears a pained, compassionate expression and looks directly at the woman. He isn't surprised. He knows. He has probably known for some time that Dean would use his friends as decoys if the situation required it (even though Dean reevaluates the plan after they arrive, it must have been an option he has considered from the beginning). It hurts Cas that he can't reveal the truth because it would ruin Dean's plan.

My guess is that Dean and him have talked this through and therefore Cas knows exactly what to do - e.g. to keep his mouth shut, which is not exactly a natural thing to do for him. It is highly probable that Castiel has to sacrifice himself to assure the others that there is no hidden agenda in Dean's order. They might suspect that the Fearless Leader could use them as decoys and this suspicion might result in insubordination. Still, they cannot believe that Dean could sacrifice his lover (or more like husband - I'm a firm believer of the theory presented by Lurea in her essay "Future!Dean and Cas are lovers and the whole camp knows it"). Therefore, they think that if Dean entrusts Cas with a mission, it is relatively safe.

Do you imagine the level of trust and respect for each other it takes to even have such a conversation? There are really few moments when Dean doesn't ignore someone's free will in order to protect that person; when he accepts his or her sacrifice. This in one of such moments. He believes his friend (or husband) is strong enough to make this decision voluntarily and take the consequences. Other members of the group are more like unavoidable collateral damage - the Fearless Leader has to lie to them. Perhaps he does so because he doesn't think they would carry out their mission if they knew the truth. He talks to Cas openly, on the other hand. He accepts Castiel's self-immolation that is made willingly and consciously.

One well thought-out scene takes place when Dean and Sam are planning to kill Dick Roman. There are very important words Dean says. When Castiels explains he believes he is cursed, Dean responds that he is bad luck too. He immediately finds a parallel between Castiel's worries and his own. Despite all this - Castiel's instability and his own curse - he asks Cas to join him. He accepts the risk.

I'd like to focus on the wording here. "I'm not good luck, Dean" "Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?" Dean compares his situation to Castiel's situation in two ways. There is a parallel between Castiel's "I'm not good luck" and Dean's "I seem good luck to you?" and Castiel being "cursed" and Dean being "cursed". This dialogue is asking for a third line to complete it and as usually it is left unspoken (SPN makers love to do it). Dean repeated Castiel's confession. It is time for Castiel to repeat Dean's declaration. "I'd rather have you, cursed or not". We don't hear Cas say it, but we know he accepted Dean's request and joined him in his hunt for Dick Roman.

The scene of finding the angel tablet is the most Destiel scene one can imagine. As most of you probably know, the original script included Dean saying "I love you". At first the fact the authors decided to change the line to "I need you" seemed disappointing; it somehow weakened the message and stripped the scene of its meaning. I'd like to try to prove that it can be interpreted otherwise.

What does it mean to love? Of course it includes needing someone's presence, but it also includes caring and wanting the loved ones to be happy and safe. Whenever Dean cares for someone, he tries to push that person away to keep him or her safe. He lies and manipulates, or even uses supernatural powers as in Lisa's case. His attitude is more fatherly than open for real partnership. He cares for his close ones more than he respects them or needs them. He is protective, but not honest. It's more like he finds it his duty to keep them out of danger and even if he misses their presence afterwards, the parting does not affect him gravely.

Yet he cannot do it with Castiel. Dean's words mean I need you in my life, I'm weak without you, I'm less than myself without you. He is completely honest with Castiel and reveals his weakness. Dean, the always-okay, invulnerable, fearless, like-water-off-the-duck's-back Dean reveals he is weak and helpless. His plea is not an attempt to manipulate. It is a sincere confession: Help me. I'm so lost without you that I don't even have the strength to push you away. Be with me even if it means we'll keep harming each other, because I can't go on. Accept the pain we may cause to each other, because if you don't, I'll fall apart.

Some say that real love means giving your beloved a weapon that can kill you and hoping he/she won't use it.

Doesn't it sound a little bit more soul-stirring now?

Part two:

Castiel isn't the one

There is one more aspect of this blind faith Dean has in Castiel. As the story develops we learn that Castiel ruins almost everything he touches. He is kind-hearted, but tragically naive and inept, which results in his countless screw-ups. He lies to Dean about his cooperation with Crowley and attempts to open Purgatory. He lies about his reasons to stay in Purgatory. He lies about Rowena. He falls in a trap set by Lucifer which leaves Dean, Sam, Ellen and Jo defenseless against hellhounds which eventually leads to Ellen and Jo's death. He lets Charlie escape, which leads to her death. There is a moment when Dean says " if anybody else - I mean anybody - pulled that kind of crap, I would stab them in their neck on principle ". Why doesn't he stab Cas? There is only one possible reason: "because it's Cas."

This situation is extreme, but not that far fetched as one may think. There are situations in real life in which one person is so blindly, so slavishly devoted to another that he or she strives to find justification for every let down he or she experiences. There are situations in which one person goes as far as ignoring reality. He or she firmly believes that the other person has all the qualities of a perfect partner and that they will eventually surface.

In psychology this phenomenon is called "magical thinking". Basically it means that a person believes (not consciously, but behaves in such a way) that wanting something very bad will eventually make it come true.

This king of thinking is characteristic for two groups of people:

All young kids, who are just beginning to discover the cause-and-effect links in the world and their own position in it, are initially confused about their own potency. When their self-consciousness is not fully developed and the link between themselves and the outer world is still confusing, magical thinking is a perfectly natural stage of development. This is why children who are in danger often hide and cry instead of trying to escape. They believe that if they want hard enough, the danger will go away.

Magical thinking is also characteristic for people in toxic, abusive relationships. This it what makes them suffer spousal abuse and forgive infidelity. They are sometimes so blinded that their testimony is intended to defend their spouses in court in legal cases concerning domestic violence. They say "he/she beat me, but I deserved it." "he/she is not a bad person, they are just undergoing a phase". They prefer to blame themselves than to open their eyes and see that the person they love does not exist; that the desirable traits they see in their partner are just a product of their imagination.

Isn't it exactly what Dean does?

Hot off the press thought:

Season 11 episode 3

Until two weeks ago I firmly believed that Dean's relationship with Castiel ended in season 8. The third episode of the newest season shows there is hope.

I will write more about this in my final, concluding mini-essay. For now let me just point out that what happened after Rowena removed her spell confirms what I have written above: Dean still believes in Castiel. He believes in him so blindly that he prefers to blame himself for what has happened than to admit that Castiel screwed up for the n-th time (which he did).

This situation resembles a really hardcore, love-the-way-you-lie type of relationship.

Just think. They are living a story told by the song I quote below. Could it ever, in any circumstances, in any universe, concern friends?

On the first page of our story

The future seemed so bright

Then this thing turned out so evil

I don't know why I'm still surprised

Even angels have their wicked schemes

And you take that to new extremes

But you'll always be my hero

Even though you've lost your mind

[Chorus:]

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

Rihanna/Eminem "Love the way you lie"