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PART SIX: THE CHARIOT

Keywords:

Victory, Will

Asserting Yourself, Hard Control

Picture Julius Caesar riding his chariot triumphantly into Rome. He has defeated his enemies and conquered vast, new lands. This is the spirit of the Chariot. Card 7 represents the victories that are possible through willpower and self-mastery. A military image is appropriate for the Chariot because this card stands for the strengths associated with combat - discipline, grit, determination and assertiveness.

The Chariot represents the positive aspects of the ego. A healthy ego is one that is strong and self-assured. It knows what it wants and how to get it. We can get annoyed at someone whose ego is too healthy, but we often turn to that person to lead us through difficult moments. We know he or she won't be wishy-washy.

In readings, the Chariot often appears when hard control is or could be in evidence. At its best, hard control is not brutal, but firm and direct. It is backed up by a strong will and great confidence. The Chariot can mean self-control or control of the environment. This card also represents victory. There are many types of wins; the Chariot's is of the win-lose type. Your success comes from beating the competition to become number one. Such moments are glorious in the right circumstances.

Moments ticked by as Hitomi stared, entranced again by the spell of his beauty. She clung to Van's hand and gazed at the blond hair that looked like it had been spun from pure gold, wondering why she hadn't really considered that he would be here as well. She had thought of it, in passing after meeting that stranger, but she really hadn't dreamt they would meet again - and she should have. If Van and Merle were on Earth in different incarnations, it stood to reason that the others were there as well. She questioned if she was up to dealing with Dilandau or Folken, should they appear.

Now, though, she had to deal with this unsettling curve her life had thrown at her again. She knew her silence was telling, but she couldn't find her voice. The touch of Van's hand on her shoulder startled her.

"Hitomi?" Van prodded. "Do you know him?" He spoke with concern, not jealousy.

"In another life, another world," she returned just low enough for Van to hear, staring at Allen. She was unsure whether to stay and face the unavoidable, or to hide behind Van, and beg him to protect her from herself. There was so much she had never resolved, so much guilt over never seeing that Allen was not the one for her as she turned away from Van time and time again to pursue the elusive fantasy of the Asturian knight. She had been chasing the dream of Amano, her first love, and hadn't realized it until too late. She hadn't seen what she already had.

Van's eyes hardened and he nodded so slightly that she almost didn't see it. He and Allen had never gotten along well, and perhaps some of those feelings had carried over in Donovan's subconscious from that life. He clasped her hand gently and rested it against his chest, and she felt the pendant through his thin shirt, the tangible embodiment of all the promises between them. "I understand," he whispered into her ear, before turning his attention to the interloper. "Allen, what are you doing here? I thought you were over in England?" he demanded in English.

Hitomi spoke the foreign language well enough to follow what was being said, but the stress in Van's voice would have clued her in on what the gist of what he meant even if she didn't. Van was being protective of her, trying to make sure anything that made her unhappy couldn't reach her.

Allen still had the same name, she noted almost as an afterthought, and she watched him walk forward with the same casual elegance that had always entranced her. It was as though he was dancing while others walked, she had once thought, and the description still fit. Although he was wearing black slacks and an expensive beige shirt, which was probably made of cashmere, she still saw afterimages of the flowing Asturian garments he had worn on Gaea.

"Lan's transferred over here, and Serena, of course, followed him. We're not sure why Lan got it into his head to come here, but Mother decided that I'd have to chaperone them. You know how much trouble they get into," Allan answered in offhand English. He spoke familiarly to Van, though his eyes lingered on her. "Who's the girl?" he asked. "She looks familiar."

Van ignored his question, replying with one of his own. "And you just dropped your studies and waltzed off?"

"I'm doing an independent study on Japanese culture. I'll be emailing my professor my observations, homework, some pictures... Graduate work is nice in some ways. It takes lots of time, but the hours are flexible." He smiled at Hitomi, the puzzlement fading from his eyes as he turned his natural charm. "Are you going to introduce us, Van?" he asked, switching to Japanese.

His speech was almost as flawlessly without accent as Van's, though it wasn't perfect. It jarred her; on Gaea, he had spoken her tongue perfectly. The slightly English accent made her realize that he, too, had been reborn on her Earth and was not the same man she had known.

She smiled and held at her hand when it became apparent Van didn't want to obey Allen's request. "Kanzaki Hitomi," she said softly.

"Allen Schezar, Eighth Earl of Astur," he said, bowing over her hand before kissing the back of it. "From England."

Her eyes widened slightly as he revealed his title, and she felt Van clenched, before she laughed. Allen still was noble, in a perfect symmetry she couldn't help but appreciate. "So... What's the proper address?" she asked, even as she leaned into Van's side, trying to reassure him that she wasn't about to wander away from him because of a pretty face. Allen had been more than that, but few people bothered to see beyond the exterior and she could understand Van's concern.

"Lord," Van said through gritted teeth.

"So... Schezar-ojisama?" she asked, giving guileless green eyes and a sweet smile.

Allen blinked. "I don't think it translates very well..."

"Perhaps not," Hitomi agreed. She was baiting him, she realized. Allen had been one of her closest friends, but she had always been divided between him and Van. Now she was unable to stop making it clear where her loyalties lay. Her head was spinning from the shock of seeing him.

Van looked down at his small girlfriend quickly and then across at the fair-haired Englishman who stood in front of them. "Shouldn't you be worried about the terrible two?" he asked, falling into Japanese. "Heaven knows what kind of trouble they'll get into."

Allen sighed and tossed his head, sending his hair cascading over his shoulder like a molten gold waterfall. "You and I both know I have no control over them. I'm pretty much here to fish them out of trouble when they get into it..."

"Or jail," Van said darkly.

Hitomi had a queasy feeling. She remembered Allen's desperate search for Serena, and who she had turned out to be. Now, there was talk of two siblings, and one was named Serena, and the other was called Lan... Surely... She clenched Van's hand tightly, and felt her knuckles turn white. Her mind was supplying an answer which was making all-too-much sense, and she didn't want to accept it.

"Lan's not that bad," Allan said, but his voice sounded a bit lack luster and pale, something that made her inch behind Van a bit more.

Van merely quirked an eyebrow at the blonde man.

"Well... At least I hope not."

Hitomi stared at the new ghost that had just risen, and tugged Van's hand. "Van... I have to practice. I'm sorry, but..." She rose on her toes and kissed Van briefly on the lips, still not comfortable with the familiarity, but needing to establish her allegiance.

Van seemed to settle a bit. "I'll come with you," he offered.

She shook her head. "I need to run, and you need to get to your class, Van. It was nice to meet you, Schezar-sama," she said. She looked over at Van and smiled. "Remember to pick me up at seven tonight." She waved her hand, and then ran towards the field.

She didn't go running immediately. She felt guilty about that, but her conscience wasn't enough to keep her from going to her room instead. She needed time to think.

Hitomi's mind was able to give her plenty of things to keep itself busy with, most of them rather unpleasant. She didn't want to deal with this, but she supposed that she should have been expecting it. She had Van back, and she knew it was worth it - but she feared when it would be time to tell him about Gaea, and their adventures there. Hitomi dreaded that moment, but Allen's appearance made the matter more than pressing.

Allen Schezar, the man who had given her first kiss. She could still remember her shock as he declared she was his woman to protect her, and the cool press of his lips against hers as he proved it by kissing her in front of the entire court.

Why was he here, now? Shaking her head, she unlocked her dorm room, and let herself in, throwing herself across her bed. She didn't want to deal with this now, but Van would be expecting answers. Rolling over on her back, she pressed a hand against her forehead, trying to think on how to handle things.

One foot in front of the other... that's how you win the race, she thought. Don't look at the awesome distance from the goal - look toward carrying yourself the next ten feet.

First thing would be giving Van some more of the truth. She remembered seeing the necklace she had given him, the proof that he was indeed the same man she had loved a world away, and knew that they would find their direction together.

We'll do this together, she thought. He trusts me: I need to trust in him, and have faith that he loves me enough not to think I'm completely insane.

A few more deep breaths stabilized her mind even further, as she thought of her next pressing problem... Allen. He hadn't recognized her, and she hoped things stayed like that. Whenever she had looked at him, all she had seen was Amano-senpai. She had never loved him; she had never seen him for himself, and perhaps it was time to take this second chance she was offered, and become a better person for it. She was treating Bridget as a person in her own right, since she hadn't recognized her immediately, so maybe it would be best to do the same for Allen.

Van and Bridget weren't the same people - the same souls perhaps, but a lifetime on Earth had subtly changed them. Allen was probably like that as well. She should give him a fresh start, this new Allen.

Another deep breath, and she shut her eyes. She needed to stay calm, stay ready, because there were probably others out there, ready to touch her life. She wasn't sure what the catalyst had been, but she was suddenly associating with people she had loved and lost who had managed to do the impossible and return to her, and she needed to be properly grateful. She needed to give this life a chance.

Hitomi felt the tension melt away, and stretched her legs slowly, realizing that she still had to get in the run she had mentioned to Van. It would feel good to get moving, and wash away the last of her fears. Adrenaline was a great healer. It only took a few minutes to find her shoes, and she quickly changed into more appropriate gear, tied her hair out of her face, and grabbed her keys.

The security guard at the desk was the one who had given her the information on sexual assault, and Hitomi averted her eyes and she rushed by. Her face was stained with a brilliant crimson, not wanting to think about what that guard probably thought of her now.

If there was one thing that was steady in her life, it was her running, and she set her pace quicker than she should have, especially with all the meets she would be participating in. She was pushing herself too hard, but there was no one to chide her for it now, and she wanted her feet to match her racing mind. One foot hit the ground, and then the other. Air filled her lungs as she kept her breathing even, and she willed it to clear away her apprehension.

She had always been running toward Van - she knew that now - but that didn't mean she had to run away from other people. There was no reason she couldn't be friends with Allen. Allen had always been a kind person, truly worthy of the title knight.

She could feel the muscles in her body loosen as she came to that realization, and her pace steadied. She slowed down slightly, running with her arms nearly motionless as she settled into a more sedate jog.

She ran for forty minutes before heading back to the dorm, cooling down for the last five. She needed a shower, she needed to make sure she had her books ready. She doubted they would get much studying done, but appearances had to be maintained.

She spent a bit more time in the shower than needed, basking in the scent of the mango soap. She liked bath gels, and she traced the soft poof, lathered with foam, over her body. She imagined how it would feel, to have Van's hands touch her here, or touch her there. She hoped he would find her satisfying to look at, to kiss and caress. She wondered if Van's eyes would darken in passion on seeing her toned body, if his muscles would feel as firm and strong as they looked...

Hitomi blushed a bit as she recognized the intimacy of her thoughts. She and Van barely knew each other, and already she was imagining a more intimate relationship. Hurriedly she rinsed and turned the shower off, stepping out briskly rubbing her sensitized skin with a coarse towel.

It was still too early for Van to arrive, and she found herself fiddling over her closet, trying to find something to wear. She wanted to look nice for him, but it was only a study date, and she really shouldn't dress up for it. She discarded outfit after outfit, throwing them across her normally immaculate bed in frustration. Too dressy, too old, too clubby...

She had never really fussed over her clothes like this before, and she found a seed of dissatisfaction with herself take root in her stomach. This wasn't her, she thought, even as she debated whether or not to wear a skirt. It took her four times as long to finally dress. She had finally reigned in her frivolous side, settling for jeans and a tank, over which she added a sheer blouse. It was a hint of sensuality in an otherwise casual outfit.

She debated whether she should go to the cafeteria and grab something to eat, but her stomach twisted nervously, rejecting that idea. She looked at the clock, saw she had an hour and half to go, and decided she should call her mother.

Her mother picked up the phone right before the fourth ring, the way she always did. Hitomi smiled as a slightly breathy "Moshi moshi!" greeted her.

"It's me," she said.

"Hitomi!" Kanzaki Sasaki sounded delighted to hear from her daughter. "It's early for you to be calling, isn't it?" Even though she left chipper, rambling, nagging messages daily, it was usually while Hitomi was in class.

"I had a moment," Hitomi said, feeling a bit guilty that she only called once a week. It was expensive, but it was an expenditure which was well worth the money. "How are you?"

"Fine, fine! I just dropped your brother off for a night with Mitsuru, so I have the place to myself until your father comes home. I probably should be doing laundry, but I think I'll put that off until tomorrow..."

Hitomi thought of her rapidly-filling clothes hamper. "I know how that goes," she said, giggling a bit. She was by nature a neat person, but she fought a never-ending battle with her laundry. She just couldn't seem to keep on top of it.

Her mother laughed as well. "You're better about it than I am. So what's happening in your life?"

"Not much," Hitomi tried not to hesitate, knowing her mother would hear it. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Oh?" Her mother sounded playful. "That's not what you said when I asked you to clean your room the last time you were visiting."

"I was fine with it the first time you asked. The fifth was pushing it, and the tenth made me want to kill you." Hitomi's mother was something of a nag at times, and Hitomi's patience tended to be severely tried at times while dealing with her.

Her mother laughed again. "Fine, fine. How's your social life? Have you met any cute boys?" It was a teasing question, but Hitomi knew there was a wistful hope as well. Hitomi's isolation had long worried her parents.

"What's my usual answer to that?" she asked a bit defensively. She hadn't told her mother about Van, even though she should have. Right now she felt like she was cradling a delicate crystal sculpture to her chest, one with unsurpassed beauty. She couldn't display it, not yet, not until she was sure that it was real and not about to be snatched away cruelly.

"Sometimes I wonder about you," her mother sighed.

"I've told you, I want to concentrate on my running."

"I know, I know... but I worry that you're missing out on your youth."

It had always been impossible for her to say how much her running meant to her. She would rather run than anything else; it was almost like her feet gave her wings, and she could fly free of the earth and all its constraints. "Mother..."

"Yes, yes, I know. Quit nagging," her mother replied cheerfully. "Now, about your schoolwork..."

Laughter bubbled out of Hitomi's lips. Her mother would never change. It was another fifteen minutes before they finally hung up, and Hitomi's spirits felt significantly cheered by the conversation.

The light on her answering machine was flashing; apparently someone had called while she and her mother had been talking. She dug out a pen and paper, poising herself to write down a number, just in case.

Yukari's concerned voice drifted out of the speaker.

Hitomi? Are you there? Did you get my first message? Are you... Are you mad at me? I... I really would understand, though it hurts to think our friendship ends like this. Please, call me so we can at least talk... I think you owe me that much?

Setting her pen aside, Hitomi picked up the phone to sort things out, but another glance at the clock warned her she would be late. She made a mental note to call her friend later - one which would be forgotten, understandably, in a couple of hours.

Surprisingly, they did get some studying done, despite the distraction of each other's presence. Van had a test coming up, and he was disciplined enough to focus. She was able to draw on the quiet company he was offering, comfortable on the couch they were sharing as she leaned against his side. Every now and then, his fingers would brush a feathery caress on her arm, like he was assuring himself she was there and she was real.

She enjoyed his quiet company, relieved that she didn't feel it necessary to make conversation or flirt with him. It is in the silence, she thought, that love is shown.

After an hour and a half, he shifted suddenly, and she fell back into his lap in surprise. Her head rested on his math textbook, and she stared up in confusion. "What?" she asked, feeling a blush creep on her face.

His fingers were gentle as they traced the curve of her face, lingering on her cheek. "I was going to ask if you'd like some kind of refreshment. Food, drink?" He smiled down at her.

"Tempting..." she replied. "Do I choose remaining here, or do I reply to my need for sustenance?" she asked with a teasing gleam in her eye. She was starting to feel the skipped dinner, but she was more comfortable than she'd been in ages. She wanted him to keep looking at her like that, like she made up his entire world.

He laughed and pressed a familiar kiss to her forehead. "How about we work for another half hour, then we can grab some snacks and watch a movie?" he asked. "I'll walk you home, or you can crash in Merle's room."

A very small part of her - which she quickly suppressed - wanted to ask to crash with him. She wanted to be close to him, wanted to feel the touch of his body. There had been times, after leaving Gaea, she wondered what it would have been like to have sex with him. She wondered if their joining could be as magical as she dreamed, a communion of souls that had been created especially to love each other.

Her cheeks gave a slight blush as she thought on it. "That- would be fine," she managed to get out in a relatively normal voice.

He quirked an eyebrow at her but didn't ask any questions. "Can you move just a little to the right so I can get my book?" he asked.

Without saying anything, she scooted down a bit so her head was resting against his thigh. She propped her book on her stomach and started to read again, wallowing in a sensation of contentment. This was happiness. This was what she had been missing... but why did she feel that something was about to happen?

She remembered the spread of Tarot cards she had laid for Van, and looked over nervously. The Tower... Danger was coming. Despite the upheaval she had already brought to his life, her instincts warned her that something else, something horrible, was on the way.

It was a feeling she couldn't shake. Shivering a bit to herself, she leaned back, savoring the warmth of his body. Have faith, she told herself. Beyond the Tower, the World is waiting for us. We just have to be strong enough to make it through.

Almost as if her thoughts had summoned the challenge, the door swung open.

Up Next:

Chapter Seven: The Strength

Keywords: Strength, Patience, Compassion, Soft Control