A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and all credit goes to the creators of Big Time Rush.

# #

Permanent neurological damage. The doctor had warned them it was a possibility, but as James continued to improve physically, the danger of that had faded—at least in everyone's minds. And never in Logan's worst nightmares would he have considered amnesia. It just didn't make sense.

Except it did. It had happened, and Logan was spared an answer to James' first question by a doctor and nurse shoving him away from the bed and instructing him to leave the room. His feet automatically carried him to the waiting room, where he knew he'd find Richard and Cheryl, his mind temporarily on hold. When they spied him, they reached out for him and Cheryl pulled him in, consoling him and begging him to understand their decision.

Logan was numb. He was vaguely aware of them leading him to a chair, of Cheryl crying again, of Richard hugging her against his side in an attempt to chase away his own grief. Richard commented that there would be a funeral and they wanted Logan to attend, and Logan shook his head slowly.

"You don't want to come?"

"He's awake."

For a moment they each thought they'd misheard him, then that he was delusional.

"He's awake," Logan repeated. "He...he said my name. Then he slipped under again, and woke up, and..."

"He's awake?!" Cheryl jumped to her feet. "Richard! We have to-"

About to rush away, she halted when Logan reached out and grabbed her by the arm. Finally his brain kicked into gear. "He doesn't remember."

Richard frowned. "Doesn't remember what?"

"Anything, I assume. He doesn't remember me. Maybe it was only temporary, maybe..."

Logan glanced up when the doctor rounded a corner. He caught their attention and beckoned them, Logan standing to pull Cheryl along while Richard brought up the rear. They followed him to the nurse's station, where he took a deep breath to address them.

"Does he remember?" Logan asked first, that being what he needed to know most.

"I'm afraid not. If you recall, I mentioned when James was first admitted that this was a possibility. Amnesia is more common in head trauma than most people realize, but the good news is it's usually temporary."

Logan swallowed. "How long is temporary?"

"It's different in every case. It can be a few days, weeks, months..."

"Years," Logan finished.

"Are you saying my son forgot everything?" Cheryl clarified. "Even his own name? His own parents?"

"At the moment he doesn't know who he is, why he's here, or even where here is. He knows he's in a hospital. We explained to him that he was in a coma for a long period and that he's recovered for the most part from the injuries that brought him here. We'll keep him here for a few more days to make sure he's stable, and he'll need time to build his strength up because his muscles have atrophied a bit. That's an easy fix, though. The hard part is helping him through the amnesia, because he's going to be scared and lost. What will be most helpful to him is familiar surroundings, his home. The places he used to visit. Once we know he's physically okay, the best recovery for him is home."

Home.

The word echoed in Logan's mind. James had said he thought of Logan as home.

Richard and Cheryl had many more questions for the doctor, but Logan had only one. "Can I talk to him?"

"Yes, but please keep in mind he's going through hell right now. He can only handle so much, and painful memories might be too much. I'd suggest not mentioning anything that might upset him. Don't talk about the assault, don't mention the ex-boyfriend, don't pressure him to remember things."

Logan nodded. He wasn't going to think about the future now, wasn't going to fear the "what if" of James never regaining his memory. What James needed most at the moment was a friend, and Logan would be that.

Logan had promised to never leave James' side, and he intended to make good on that promise. James may not remember, but Logan would never forget.

James was sitting up in bed, looking weak and tired but restless. The nurse who'd doubted Logan earlier glanced at him in warning as he walked in; Logan held up a hand as if to say "I got this."

"Oh, hey. It's you. Are you one of the doctors?"

While his heart cracked at the question, Logan couldn't keep a smirk from his lips at the flirty tone because this was the James he'd fallen in love with. "I am not," he smiled. "I'm actually your best friend. We've known each other since junior high."

"Really?" James closed his eyes, visibly attempting to remember, then sighed in frustration. "It's true. I didn't want to believe it, but I really have forgotten everything. How in the hell did I forget you?"

Rather than answer, Logan reached for the tray an orderly was carrying in. He poured James a cup of ice water and passed it over to watch James drink greedily.

"Not so much at once," the nurse cautioned. "Your stomach isn't used to anything in it."

"I don't care, that tastes amazing. My throat was so dry."

Deftly removing the cup from James, Logan held it ransom on his lap as he took the chair next to the bed. "If you behave, you can have more of this in a few minutes."

"Behave? What do you think I'm gonna do, get up and run out of here? With all this crap hooked up to me? Hey, what's this needle for anyway?"

"It's your IV," the nurse answered. "Once we know you can keep down food, we'll remove it."

"Fine." James returned his attention to Logan and offered a blinding smile. "So hi."

"Hi there." Pleased to hear that James' voice wasn't as gravelly, he returned the smile. "How's it going?"

"Pretty sure it's been better. Do I end up in the hospital a lot?"

"No. This is your first visit in years, as far as I know."

"Was it a car accident?"

Logan hesitated.

"Come on, you said you were my friend. Don't lie to me."

"The truth is, this isn't the time to discuss it. When you're ready, I'll be happy to remind you of everything. For now, just...let me be grateful you're alive."

"Was there a danger I might not be?"

"Yes," Logan replied solemnly. "You came very close to death."

"I feel fine. Kind of weak and tired, but fine. Why is no one else here? Don't I have family?"

"You have parents that love you. They're talking to the doctor right now. Should I get them?"

"I don't know. I'm honestly kind of scared."

"Why?"

"Because I don't remember them. That's gotta hurt, you know? Do they know? That I don't remember?"

"Yes."

"Are they mad?"

"Mad?" Logan echoed. "Why would they be mad?"

"Because. Wouldn't you be if your kid didn't remember you?"

"Not at all, because my kid wouldn't be able to help it. You didn't choose to forget, did you?"

"I guess not. I mean, some part of my brain did."

"Not a part you control, James. Trust me, they're as happy as I am that you're alive."

"So it's good? We have a good relationship?"

"It's...complicated. Just know that they love you and they haven't spoken to you much over the past few years but not by their choice."

"Oh." James' lips curved down. "It was my choice?"

"I don't think that's accurate, either."

"Do I love them?"

"I think so. We never really talked about them. But I know they love you and they don't want to lose you again. They've been here every day."

James considered that with his lips pursed. "Have you?"

The nurse snorted softly, then cleared her throat. "Sorry."

"What's so funny?" James asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," Logan answered. "Here, have some more water."

"I'm not gonna be distracted with water." Belying his words, James took the cup and swallowed. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Logan. My name's Logan."

"Logan." James tested the word on his tongue, then shrugged. "I would've guessed Greg. You look like a Greg to me."

"Sorry to disappoint," Logan chuckled. "Not changing it now."

"I'll get used to it, I suppose. When can I go home?"

James' parents appeared before Logan could answer. He silently communicated to James that he would be right outside, then stepped into the hallway and released a deep breath accompanied by shaking. Tears flowed over, brought on by a surge of emotion that was halfway between relief and heartbreak. He had James back, but he didn't.

He's alive. That's all that matters, Logan. He's alive. And you're going to make sure that doesn't change.

Though Richard and Cheryl fought him on it, Logan won the battle of where James would go home to. He reminded them that Scott might be released any day and they had to work, which would leave James alone for hours on end. When they argued that Logan, too, would have to work, he stated that he could take James to work with him, and if that wasn't good enough, he'd quit. After all, he'd only taken the job in the first place to be near James.

His own mother was accommodating, understanding the dangers and seeing that her son was so devoted he wouldn't be swayed. It was decided that James would sleep in Logan's room and he would take the couch, where he could be sure no one broke in. He hated the idea of sleeping so far away from James, still paranoid that it wasn't safe for James to be alone, but knew James still wasn't ready for the revelation that they'd been more than friends—no matter how much he flirted.

Surprisingly, James didn't question the decision. When Logan asked why he didn't think it strange, James replied that he obviously hadn't lived with his parents for years but had kept in touch with Logan. "I may not remember anything, but that tells me a lot. I trusted you more than I trusted them."

James was discharged from the hospital three days after waking up from his coma. He walked without aid to the front entrance, having regained a small amount of muscle during hourly walks around the hospital with Logan. He was tired by the time he fell into Logan's passenger seat, but both were proud that he'd accomplished so much.

Stopped at a red light, James caught Logan staring at him with a tiny smile on his face. "What?" James demanded.

"Nothing."

"No, what? What's that cute little smile for?"

The "cute little smile" became a huge grin. "It's just so good to see you in my passenger seat again. You have no idea how many times we sat in this car."

"It feels comfortable," James admitted. "Like...almost familiar. Safe. Is that weird?"

"No. It's not weird at all."

Hope surged in Logan. If James remembered enough that Logan's car was familiar, it would only be a matter of time before he remembered everything else.

Logan clung to that. It kept him sane.

Logan's mother welcomed James like a son, opening her arms to hug him and tell him he could stay with them as long as need be. It was a relief to Logan, who knew she had never spoken to him before, but of course James didn't know that. He sensed that James was slightly uncomfortable with the effusion, most likely because he felt guilty for not remembering her. It was also a reminder that James needed to be handled with delicacy—as much as he wanted to, Logan forced himself to refrain from holding James' hand as he gave him a tour of the house.

After practically knocking Logan over with a desperate greeting, Rusty turned his attention to the new guest. Logan introduced them, joking that Rusty knew all his deepest, darkest secrets, and James grinned before bending down to pet the soft fur. "I'll have you spilling in no time," he whispered loudly to Rusty, causing Logan to chuckle.

"Trust me, he doesn't know anything you don't. Or at least, that you didn't before."

"Really? You told me everything?"

"I did," Logan answered honestly. "We had some pretty deep talks just before the...incident."

"When are you gonna tell me about it? Nobody else seems to want to. As my best friend, it's your place to tell me the truth when no one else will."

"I will, James, I just...the doctor said not to push it. Why don't we see how you're doing after your appointment next week? If the doctor feels it's safe to broach the subject, I will."

"But didn't he also say that the more I know about my life, the better the chances are that I'll gain my memory back?"

"In time, yes. I'm not risking a breakdown or anything, though. I already lived without you for over a month; I'm not losing you again."

James' gaze narrowed as if he was seeing more behind the words, and maybe he was. Logan wouldn't be surprised if James suspected his true feelings by now. Rather than address it, he changed the subject. "Where will I be sleeping?"

"Oh, right upstairs. Follow me, I'll show you the rest of the house."

Having taken to James right away, Rusty stayed close to him as they traversed the upper landing, finishing the tour in Logan's bedroom.

"You're sleeping in here. Rusty usually sleeps with me, but something tells me he might have a new buddy he's attached to."

"Sorry," James smiled, reaching down to pat the dog's head gently. "Didn't mean to steal your best buddy."

"It's okay. I feel better with him protecting you anyway."

"You say things like that but you don't tell me what I'm being protected from. Is that part of not pushing it?"

"It is," Logan nodded. "And while we're on the subject, we should talk about your future. Or present, I guess. The doctor said to take you places you spent a lot of time, places that made you happy. So I'd like to take you to work with me when I go."

"To work with you?" Eyebrows drawing together, James sank to the bed and absently ran his hand through Rusty's fur. "Your work is my happy place?"

"You once told me that it is," Logan stated. He sat down on the other side of Rusty, clasping his hands between his knees. "You worked there, too."

"I did? So we worked together?"

"Yeah. It's a frozen yogurt shop."

"Seriously? You work at a frozen yogurt shop?"

"I do. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"I don't know. You just seem so smart. Like someone who'd have a career that requires a degree."

"You said that once before," Logan grinned. "It's good to know you're consistent and that your personality didn't change. I do have a degree, actually."

"Yeah? Rocket science? Medicine?"

"Nope. I'm a writer."

"A writer? Like...you write books?"

"I do. Or at least, I try to. So far it's not going so well."

"How come? What's holding you back?"

"My imagination, I guess. I like to write fiction but I haven't had much luck with the novel I've been working on. It's been months and I still don't have the first chapter done."

"Maybe you should start with something that requires less imagination."

"Like non-fiction?"

James shrugged. "It's a start. What about like...magazines? You could do articles, right? Or hey, why start out big? Aren't there magazines that publish short stories? You could try that!"

Logan blinked in surprise, stumped for a moment. "Why didn't I ever think of that?"

"You didn't? I've never suggested it before?"

"No. We haven't really talked much about my career."

"What did we talk about then?"

"Mostly about...other stuff," Logan finished lamely.

"What kind of other stuff?"

"Just...your life. Our pasts. We didn't see much of each other for eight years, so we had a lot to catch up on."

"Hang on, how old are we? Because no way did you go to college for eight years."

"No, only four. You moved to California after junior high and came back right about the time I left for college."

"Well that sucks. Wait, does that mean we didn't get a lot of time together? When did you come back from college?"

"May," Logan answered carefully. "We've spent a lot of time together since then, though." It wasn't exactly a lie; they had spent much of the month before James' attack together.

"And it's...January now, I think the nurse told me?"

"Almost February."

"Did we visit each other at all in the time you were away? Or when I was?"

"No. We saw each other once when you got back, and I left the next day."

"Wow. We do have a lot of lost time to make up for, then."

Logan smiled and started to reach for James' hand, stopping himself just in time. "You have no idea."

"I was wondering something. Since there was nobody else at the hospital, I'm assuming I don't have a girlfriend?"

Shaking his head, Logan knew to tread carefully on this subject. "No."

"Do you?"

"No."

"Was I seeing someone, at least?"

"There were no girls in your life. I think one of your co-workers had a crush on you at one point, but she realized you weren't interested so she became your friend instead. She came to the hospital to see you a few times, too. Her name's Sapphire."

"Why wasn't I interested? Did I ever tell you?"

"She just wasn't your type."

Absorbing that, James nodded. "Did I ever say why that was? Or what my type is?"

"We never discussed that, no."

"Okay." James inhaled as if to center himself, then asked, "Why don't I have any clothes? Or a phone? You said I didn't see my parents for years, so where was I living?"

"With a friend. When you were taken to the hospital, you didn't have a phone on you, so I assume it's still at the apartment. Same with your keys."

"Can't this friend let me in to get my stuff?"

"He's out of town." That also wasn't a lie.

"Damn. So what am I-"

"Your mom said she'd take you out shopping for some clothes tomorrow if you want. You're welcome to wear some of my stuff, too."

"Thanks. The shirts should be okay, but I doubt your pants will fit me. No offense, but you're just a tad shorter than me," James winked.

"I have sweat pants you can wear in the meantime. You're actually wearing my clothes right now."

"No way! That explains why I don't like them. Uh, no offense!" James added hurriedly.

"I feel like I'm gonna hear that a lot over the next few weeks," Logan grinned, not minding the ribbing. "No offense taken. You and I are different in many ways. Speaking of which, I hope you like chicken noodle soup. The doctor said that since we're still reconditioning your body to food, we should stick to foods that are easier to digest over the next week. Mom thought it would be a good thing to start you with."

"Is she making it herself?" James wondered.

"Yeah. Mom makes everything herself. She'd never serve that store-bought crap."

"That sounds great, then. Anything's better than the hospital food I was eating. You can't even call that food. I'm so sick of apple sauce and yogurt."

"You just haven't had the right kind of yogurt yet. Wait until I take you to work."

"What am I supposed to do there all day, anyway? Sit and eat frozen yogurt?"

"I'm hoping you'll remember enough to actually do the job. But no pressure, there's no rush to get your memory back."

"You wouldn't be saying that if it was you who couldn't remember anything."

Logan nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry."

"Why? It's not your fault."

It was, though, at least in Logan's mind. He couldn't shake that. "I just wish I could've stopped it from happening."

Surprising Logan, James leaned across the dog to lay his head on Logan's shoulder. "I may not remember anything, but I already know you well enough to say that if you could've stopped it, you would've. Am I wrong?"

"No," Logan replied quietly. Absently scratching Rusty's fur, his hand brushed against James', which was doing the same thing. He noted that James didn't jump or move his hand away and took it as a good sign. "I would've done anything to save you."

"Well, maybe in your own way you did. The nurse told me you never left my side, you know."

His face growing hot, Logan replied, "That's not true. I had to sleep and shower."

"And she said you made sure someone was always there to watch over me when you did. Or that you slept in my room. She said you even slept in the waiting room while I was in the ICU. Is that true?"

"I didn't want you to wake up alone and be afraid."

Choosing his words carefully, James continued, "She also said everyone had given up on me except you. That you refused to even consider letting me die."

"She shouldn't have told you that." Angry that the nurse would willingly tell a patient that his parents had decided he should die, Logan was tempted to call and give her a piece of his mind.

"She just wanted me to know that it was you who brought me back. That it was you who saved me. So...thanks."

Logan closed his eyes against the feelings rising to overwhelm him. "You would've done the same for me."

"I hope so. I hope I was a good friend to you."

"The best," Logan commented lightly. "You always tried to protect me in your own way."

"That's because you're amazing. I'm glad you didn't give up on me."

"Me, too." Struggling to contain his emotions, Logan said, "You've got to be exhausted."

"I am," James admitted grudgingly.

"Why don't you get some rest? Your parents wanted to come over for dinner tonight, too, if that's okay. They want to know where you're staying and that you're safe."

"That's fine. Where do you sleep?"

"Downstairs," was all Logan offered as he stood up, gently removing James' head from his shoulder as he did so.

"I didn't see another bedroom down there."

"Don't worry about it. Just lay down and close your eyes, Rusty will stay with you."

"Will you stay with me?"

It was said in such a scared and tiny voice that Logan's heart cracked. "Let me go talk to Mom for a few minutes and then I'll come back, okay?"

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"Okay." James kicked off his shoes, which his mother had bought for him the day after he woke up, and laid back against the pillows. "I'll stay awake until you come back."

"I wouldn't bet on that. You're about to pass out."

"Just hurry."

Ten minutes later Logan returned to find James snoring softly while Rusty did the same with his head on James' thigh. "Thanks for leaving me some room, guys," Logan joked sarcastically, but there was just enough for him to squeeze in on James' other side. The movement of the bed woke James up briefly, and he smiled before turning onto his side and scooting closer to Logan. Grateful that James didn't seem to mind his touch, Logan pulled James against him until James' head was resting against his chest. "Can you breathe okay?" he whispered.

James' response was to snuggle in even closer and let out a quiet noise of assent. Logan had waited months for this, to be able to hold James as he slept and know he was safe.

He said a silent prayer of thanks to God and closed his eyes, completely relaxed for the first time since the assault. Together, they slept like the dead.