CHAPTER 6:

A MEETING OF SERVANTS AND MASTERS

Kuja flew over, and found that what had to be Rider had arrived. He cast Scan, and found that he was Iskandar, better known as Alexander the Great, and that his Master was someone called Waver Velvet. As he approached, he arrived in time to hear Iskandar make some bombastic offer to join his army to seek the Grail, standing in a massive chariot harnessed to a pair of oxen.

Iskandar turned out to be a massive burly bear of a man with red hair and a beard, with large muscles and an ever larger voice that put even Steiner at his loudest to shame. His Master was a weedy, dark-haired boy in his late teens at most, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Lancer, aka Diarmuid (according to Scan), was a rather beautiful-looking man in a bodysuit, wielding a pair of spears, the infamous love spot just underneath his right eye.

Kuja lowered himself to the ground in time to hear Diarmuid and Arturia refuse Iskandar's offer, with Arturia saying that she was the King of Britain, and refused to being Iskandar's vassal. Iskandar made the mistake of remarking on Arturia being a girl, drawing even more of her ire. She then noticed Kuja lowering himself to the ground. "Kuja! I heard the cacophony of your battle. Were you successful?"

"In one regard, no. I failed to kill Kiritsugu Emiya, who was very rudely looking at you through the scope of a sniper rifle," Kuja said mildly. "But I managed to ascertain the identity of his Caster Servant, and caused them both to flee the battlefield. Oh, and I charbroiled another Assassin. It seems that rumours of his death were grossly exaggerated."

Iskandar frowned. "You say that Assassin's demise was faked? I presume, given Saber's familiarity with you, that you are her Master rather than this fine young woman?"

"Indeed, but lust with your eyes only, or I will endeavour to sever your member, Rider, Heroic Spirit or not, and feed it to you," Kuja said with a vicious smile.

Iskandar's response was to roar with laughter. Diarmuid, rather sheepishly, admitted, "I do have a permanent charm spell on me. Well, a curse, one I can't stop. Your wife berated me for it when she nearly fell for it. Sorry, I can't literally help it."

"As long as you are contrite, and you didn't act on it, no apology is necessary," Kuja said with a smile. "Then again, you are Diarmuid of the Love Spot, are you not? Cursed to be attractive to women?"

"Aye, that I am," Diarmuid said.

"Which means that your Master is none other than Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald," Kuja said. "And yet, he hasn't joined the party. How discourteous of him."

A haughty voice rang out, making it impossible to tell where it originated, but Kuja could hear the disdain oozing from it. "I prefer to think of it as prudence, though you have what little gratitude I have to offer for forcing the Magus Killer to flee, and attacking Assassin, Kuja von Einzbern. We will duel as Magi should when the time comes. I have to admit, your Servant is indeed powerful. And I also must confess to being surprised at finding my wayward student present here. I thought he had merely been avaricious in stealing my relic. I never thought he had the resolve to join the Holy Grail War. Did my destruction of your thesis really anger you so much, Waver?"

Waver was cowering in fear. Kuja merely remarked, "From the reports we had from Clock Tower, it sounded like the petty actions of a petty little man, a conservative mind who does not like having his paradigm shaken. Incidentally, Saber, did you enjoy clashing with Diarmuid?"

"Aye, I did, until Rider intervened," Arturia said.

"A Grail War is not a place for fun," Kayneth's voice said. "It is a battlefield of blood and death. Oh dear me, I had hoped that Waver would find happiness in the peace and banality of a lower class Magus' life. But it seems you require an extracurricular lesson. I will indulge you, then. I will show you how true Magi do battle, of the fear and suffering and agony that brings."

Waver shivered, only to have a reassuring hand put on his shoulder by Iskandar. Meanwhile, Kuja said, "Oh my. I have heard and issued many threats in my life, and I have to say, yours is rather pedestrian, and wasted on one such as he. Dear me, I believe your Servant is more interesting than you are. At least he is rather beautiful for a man, and skilled with spears."

Iskandar roared with laughter. "Your jests are fine! And I believe that you have something my would-be Master lacks! Courage! You see this, Magus? You say you were to be my Master, but I find that a jest even more than anything Kuja could utter! My Master must be one of bravery and valour, and this boy, despite his fear, is riding with me! Kuja sallies forth to fight other Masters and Servants to secure the safety of his family. What do you do but skulk about in the shadows like a coward?"

Kuja didn't hear it, but he knew Kayneth was grinding his teeth in anger at Iskandar's insults. Then, Waver asked Kuja, timidly, "Wait, you're a guy?"

"It took you this long to realise?" Kuja asked, raising a lavender eyebrow. "And even if I was a woman, it's a free world."

"Amusing though this banter is," Iskandar said with a broad grin, "I think it is time that the others looking on revealed themselves. Saber, Lancer, your symphony of battle was truly magnificent, and it will have attracted more attention than I, unless you have dealt with them, Kuja?"

"I dealt with Assassin, and forced Caster, her Master and his assistant to flee," Kuja said. "I'd imagine Caster would be watching as we speak, but I doubt she's willing to show her face again." Kuja waved at the sky. "Good evening, my dear. Enjoying the show?"

At Ryuudou Temple, Medea snorted. "I believe I am," she murmured with a smirk.

Kiritsugu Emiya, meanwhile, wished he could kill Kuja with his gaze alone. The effeminate bastard had managed to attack him with magic that was above most magecraft. The only consolation from this was that they had ascertained the identities of three of the enemy Servants, as well as confirmation that Assassin was not dead.

Still, it was time to confuse things further, if only to ascertain some more of the abilities here. He pulled out his phone, and called a number. "Matou? Prepare to send in Berserker."

Iskandar roared with laughter again. "You are very entertaining! But there are others yet who skulk about. Hear me, Servants lurking like thieves in the shadows! Come forth, or suffer the scorn of Iskandar, King of Conquerors!"

Kuja sighed in annoyance. "Even if they do come forth, there are considerably more politic ways of doing so, Iskandar. Surely your conquests involved diplomacy as much as shouting at people?"

"Indeed. It seems that one of you curs has some nous, unlike the pretender to the title of king who offers me scorn unwisely."

Kuja turned in time to see a most extraordinary figure coalesce out of a flurry of golden particles, perched on a nearby lamppost. He was a tall man, dressed in shining gold armour that was, frankly, rather gauche and ostentatious. His demeanour reminded Kuja a little of himself, albeit with less theatricality and even more arrogance. His handsome features were set in a haughty sneer, his hair as gold as his armour, and his eyes red, with slitted pupils. This must be Tokiomi Tohsaka's Servant, an Archer. He matched the description of the Servant the von Einzbern familiars spotted killing Assassin, or one of them.

Kuja bowed, believing it was the politic thing to do. "Ah, a shining, golden example of a Servant indeed," he purred, smirking inwardly at his puns. Bad puns, but he needed to be stealthy with his insults. He didn't want Iri or Arturia getting hurt.

He discreetly cast Scan, and was surprised by the result. This was Gilgamesh of Uruk! One of the oldest legends, and one of the most powerful Heroic Spirits, known as the King of Heroes. No wonder he considered others pretenders.

And then, Iskandar had to open his damned mouth. "Forgive me for asking, but why call us pretenders to the title of kingship? I introduced myself as the King of Conquerors, which is nothing more than truth, so why do you claim us as pretenders?"

"You dare question me?" Gilgamesh sneered, the light he was standing on suddenly cracking.

"He merely wishes for clarification," Kuja said, trying to smooth things over. "It is no crime to profess ignorance, nor to wish to rectify it."

"I beg to differ," Gilgamesh said. "If he cannot recognise me based on my majesty, then this mongrel does not deserve to know my name!"

Kuja swore inwardly, especially as the air behind Gilgamesh began to ripple and glow, a pair of distortions disgorging a weapon apiece. They both looked like Noble Phantasms. What he wouldn't give for some sort of deus ex machina. But wait, wasn't Berserker around?

As if summoned by the very thought, there was a blast of black mist, and a dark figure emerged. It appeared to be a knight in full armour, black as night, with a strange grainy effect as if in a film. Dark mist seemed to surround it, while the visor of the helmet had a sinister red glare. Rather gauche, Kuja thought, but there was a sense of raw power here. Yes, Berserker was here, like some sort of deus ex machina.

Kuja backed away, until he was closer to Iri and Arturia. He cast Scan, only to frown. No name came back, just the class. Berserker. The strange mist surrounding it was obscuring its attributes, he realised.

Berserker, however, had taken to staring unnervingly at Gilgamesh, who sneered. "Blight me with your gaze, rabid mongrel?" he demanded, the ripples in the air (and with them, the weapons) turning to face Berserker. "For that, you will give me some small entertainment in your demise!"

Kuja stared at what happened when the weapons spat out at blinding speed. Even with Genome eyes, it was almost too fast to witness. But Berserker snatched one weapon, a sword, and used it to destroy another, a spear, causing a small explosion. What followed was a surprisingly elegant display with Berserker snatching weapons out of the air as fast as Gilgamesh could fire them from an ever-increasing number of ripples, and using them to deflect other projectiles, or throw at its enemy. The destruction of the lamppost that Gilgamesh was perched on frustrated the Archer Servant no end. As he landed, he snarled, "I belong in the heavens, and yet, you will have me stand on the same base earth as you?!"

But as more ripples appeared, Gilgamesh flinched. "You dare to order me, Tohsaka?! I am not your pet dog. Damnation, this isn't over! Cull your numbers before we next meet!" With that, he dissolved into a flurry of golden particles.

But the threat wasn't over. Berserker was staring at Arturia in a way Kuja didn't like. Suddenly, it convulsed and roared, tassels or tendrils breaking out of its back, before charging at Arturia, snatching up part of the sliced-up lamppost as a makeshift lance.

"BLIZZAGA!" Kuja roared, and a spike of ice nearly impaled Berserker, only for the dark knight to smash the spike aside with its makeshift lance. It ran over to Arturia and slammed the pole down, hitting Excalibur.

"SERAPHIC STAR!" Kuja yelled, gesturing, and the powerful spell sent the Berserker flying into a stack of cargo containers, getting buried under them with a roar of pain. Or annoyance. Either way was fine.

"I don't know what's more intriguing," Iskandar remarked. "Your magic, Kuja, or Berserker's ability. He can turn whatever he holds into a Noble Phantasm."

It would have been intriguing, had Berserker not been targeting Arturia. Instead, it was frightening. It meant that any object he could turn into a weapon could be able to hit Excalibur. And Berserker had emerged from the cargo containers, roaring. However, once more, it charged at Arturia.

Why was that? Why did Berserker, after being attacked twice over by Kuja, target Arturia instead? Surely Berserker would believe that Kuja was a softer target?

Unless…a knight in armour…perhaps Berserker was someone from Arthurian myth?

He nearly missed Diarmuid going to Arturia's aid, blocking Berserker's attack. "Enough of you. Saber and I have a prior engagement."

"Lancer, don't be an imbecile. This is a perfect opportunity to work with Berserker to slay Saber!" Kayneth snapped.

Kuja began sending Scan spells at the roofs of nearby warehouses, while Diarmuid yelled, "I will vanquish her, my Lord, and with great pride too! But I wish to have a fair duel with her, so I wish to slay this rabid dog first!"

Kuja finally found Kayneth, as Kayneth said, "You fool, Lancer. You forget who is the Master here. By my Command…GAH!"

Why did he yelp partway through this? It was because Kuja used his telekinesis to yank Kayneth off the roof he was perched on, sending him flying through the air, and stopped him, hovering above the Servants. "Either allow him to rescue you, or I will show you the gravity of your situation," Kuja said. "Your choice, Lord El-Melloi. Oh, and incidentally…HOLY!"

Blue bolts of energy smashed into Berserker, sending it flying with a roar. Diarmuid leapt into the air and snatched Kayneth from his untenable position. "Forgive me for forcing you to delay your duel with Saber, Lancer. Your Master has offended me deeply. I am only sparing his miserable hide because Saber wishes to fight you on a level field, and I do not mind indulging her," Kuja said. "It is not your fault, but rather, his own. Tell him that, should he wish to do battle in person, I am willing and ready to turn him into a greasy stain upon the ground."

After a moment, Kayneth said, "Lancer, we must escape, now. Let Berserker deal with these cretins." When Diarmuid protested, Kayneth snapped, "I will use a Command Seal if you don't obey."

With a sigh, Diarmuid said, "Yes Master. Forgive me, King of Knights, for my unwilling withdrawal. May we meet on the battlefield again ere long." With that, he picked up his Master, and dashed into the night.

Berserker crawled out from underneath the shipping containers, only to subside, disappearing in a cloud of dark mist. Kayneth and Diarmuid had withdrawn for nothing. Iskandar then said, "Saber, I will not fight you until you and Lancer have concluded your business. Anyway, boy?" He then noticed that Waver was, at best, semiconscious. "Ah, over-excitement. A common malady of the young. Goodbye! We shall meet again!" And with that, he rode his chariot into the skies.

Kuja went over to Arturia. "You aren't hurt?"

"Lancer managed to use his magic-negating spear to bypass my magical armour," Arturia said. "However, I managed to avoid being hit by the other spear. He very nearly severed a tendon in my hand, otherwise. Irisviel healed my wounds."

"Excellent. Tonight has been most profitable." Switching to Old Terran, he said, "We know the identity of most of the Servants, barring Berserker, and we know some of its abilities. I have either killed or driven off Assassin, confirming that he has some ability allowing him to cheat death, so we'll have to keep an eye out. Well, let us go home, shall we?"

He fished out a jewel, which the other two held onto. Then, in a flare of light, they were gone, leaving the dock area quiet, scarred by the battles that had just taken place…

CHAPTER 6 ANNOTATIONS:

So, Kuja's put the fear of Kuja into Kiritsugu Emiya, and managed to drive off Berserker. The latter, incidentally, wasn't because Kuja was strong enough to actually do him much harm, but because he got buried under shipping containers in the process. By the time he got out, Kariya was starting to feel the side effects of keeping him deastralized, and so brought him back.

Review-answering time! Mangahero18: Yes, flamboyant and/or camp villains can be very unsettling if done right. Ghirahim and Kuja are just two examples. Unfortunately, too frequently (Soldeed from Doctor Who: The Horns of Nimon, I am looking at you!), they can fall flat.

DalkonCledwin: Regarding Reflect: in this story, the blasts didn't reflect directly back at her, partly due to Earth and Gaian/Terran magic interacting.

No numbered annotations this time.