Mary had just got off the phone with Marshall and smiled knowing that Stan was here to help. She traced her finger over her wedding band and couldn't help recalling how she almost let her anger get in the way of the best thing that happened to her since Norah.
Tension in the house had mounted since she had started paying closer attention to Marshall's nightmares. The more Mary tried to get him to talk about them the more he clammed up. It had taken a while but she finally looked past her own pain and realized that Marshall was holding out on her.
They had been having some nasty verbal wars over the last several months. Their one year anniversary was coming up and she wanted answers.
Marshall had made the mistake that morning of asking the wrong question that set off this argument.
"Mare, what do you want for our first anniversary?"
Mary knew that it was more of what would you like to do than what gift do you want, but Marshall had a nasty nightmare last night and it spurred on her reply.
"What I would like from you is the truth."
"Mare?" Marshall asked, confused.
"What don't I know about my daughter's death, Marshall? You're holding out on me and I want the answers."
Marshall had sighed knowing it was the beginning of another argument.
"How many times do I have to tell you that there is nothing else that you need to know?"
"Really? Then why do you have such severe nightmares? Man up, Marshall."
"I don't know Mare; maybe it has something to do with finding Norah. You know I'm not going to do this again. I've already told you everything that you need to know."
"That's the problem right there. You told me what you think I need to know. I was her mother, I deserve to know everything."
"There are some things in this life that you're better off not knowing."
"You owe me the truth."
"I told you what you need. Not everything is about you, Mary."
"If you truly loved me than you would tell me."
"It's because I love you that I won't."
"If you don't tell me, then I'll leave you."
Marshall stared at her in shock, but she wanted her way and continued to push. Her only thought was that he'd eventually cave like he always had in the past.
"If that's what you want, then I'll move out. This is our home and it would mean nothing to me without you in it. I love you, Mary. I'd give you anything in the world that I could. What you ask is the only thing I can't give you."
Mary felt her anger rise and she slapped Marshall before storming out of the living room and slamming the door. She heard the front door close and knew Marshall had left for work. With anger still guiding her she packed a suitcase, got into the car and left Marshall with a note telling him she was gone and wouldn't return unless he told her the truth.
She had driven to Santa Fe where she locked herself into a hotel room and refused to answer any of the phone calls that came in her first two days there. Day three found her missing Marshall already and had her checking the messages on her phone.
There were several from Stan telling her to call him and that she needed to think things through and to think about what Marshall said. He asked her to think about all Marshall had done for her and gone through for her. She resented Stan's call.
Brandi had called several times to tell her everyone was worried about her including Marshall. He loved her and that despite whatever words may have been spoken she'd regret not working things out. She had messed up with Peter and regretted it. She didn't want her big sister making the same mistake with Marshall.
It was the last call that had thrown her and she had to work up the courage to listen to. Seth Mann had actually called her. She remembered the promise made to him about not hurting his son and she'd done just that. The man was down right scary when he wanted to be. Taking a deep breath she listened with surprise to the words of a father who knew his son more than any one realized.
"Mary, I know that you're hurting and what you asked my son. You told me that you loved him and I believe you do. What you asked Marshall to give you is the one thing he can't or won't. We both know the only reason Marshall wouldn't tell you something is because he's trying to protect you from what's shattering his heart. He's always had your back. You told me that a long time ago. My son feels things deeply as you are well aware. Norah may not be his is flesh and blood, but he loved her like he loves you. Think about why he'd keep something from you and do what you need to. Don't drag this out if you can't let it go. Release Marshall if that is what you need to do to survive. I somehow doubt that's what you need. The two of you are so dependant on each other it scares me sometimes, but it's also a truth that can't be denied. Think about that last few years and the entire time you were partners. You'll know what you need."
Mary stared at the phone in surprise. She'd been expecting a threat on hurting his son, but instead she gave him a lot to think about.
She'd spent the next four days thinking about what everyone had said. The only person that didn't call her was Marshall. She knew why, too. He didn't want to influence her decision to what he wanted. The only thing that mattered to him was that he did what was best for her.
A week after she left Santa Fe, she found herself sitting on the sofa waiting for Marshall's return. The sound of the key turning in the door made her heart race. Would he be able to forgive her?
Marshall walked in and Mary could see the tension in his body. Tension she caused and knew he wasn't aware that she returned. When he looked up and saw her the first time his eyes widened in surprise. She noticed that before the bags under his eyes.
"Mare…"
"Don't Marshall. Please don't apologize. I'm the one who is sorry. After everything that you have done for me and Norah, the last thing you deserved was the way I treated you before I left. The silent treatment wasn't fair of me either. I needed to think and somehow you knew that. After listening to others messages left for me to see if I was okay, I finally realized that you've always put me first. You've given me everything that I had ever needed or wanted. I used that to get my way and I hurt you. I promised your Dad that I wouldn't do that to you and still I did. The only thing that can be said is sorry. While that word isn't enough, it's all I can give. I do love you Marshall and I still want us to be together. Whatever it is that you keep inside of you is something that you need to do to protect me. Please forgive me."
Mary knew that please was a word she never used, but Marshall needed to know that it mattered enough for her to say the words.
She watched him stride over towards her before pulling her into his arms. Those arms were home to her.
"I love you, Mare. I'm not trying to hurt you."
"I know Marshall, but you're hurting you by not talking. If not to me then please find someone to talk to."
The sound of the door opening caught her attention as Marshall and Stan entered the house.
"Look who I found," Marshall said, casually pointing to Stan.
Mary could tell he knew that she'd called Stan, but wasn't making a fuss over it. The only reason she'd do that was out of concern.
"Stan, the man," Mary greeted, getting up and hugging Stan.
"Mary, always a pleasure. Where are my grandkids?"
"Being hogged outside by Grandpa Mann," Mary replied before whispering softly into Stan's ear. "Thanks for coming. He's going to need you."
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Marshall had grilled the food while Stan and his Dad played with the kids while Mary and his Mom talked. He had enjoyed watching the happy scene, but his mind kept going back to the Taylor family. Every night they had to wonder what happened to Rose.
Once supper was eaten and the kids were listening to Stan and his Dad tell them stories about their parents he excused himself and headed inside. There was something that had bothered him since Stan and he put the map together and watched the video. He hadn't been able to put his finger on it. Stan told him to let it go for tonight and review it tomorrow.
Seth and Mary had watched Marshall go into the house. Mary was about to go after him when Seth indicated he would.
Entering the house he knew full well where his son would be. Heading into the den he watched as Marshall took out some papers from his briefcase. The fact that Marshall hadn't noticed he was there told Seth just how hard he was concentrating. While his son wasn't aware of his presence he decided to observe. The thing that bothered him the most was how easily aggravated Marshall got within minutes of opening up the paperwork. He knew it meant there was a detail that his son felt he was missing. The impatience with not getting everything right had started when Marshall was just starting school. He wanted to do it all right and do it right the first time.
For some reason that thought had, Seth's mind taking him back to the night Marshall called him and told him Mary left and he wasn't sure she was coming back.
"Mann residence."
"Hi Dad."
"Son, let me get your mother."
"Dad. Dad, can I um talk to you?"
He could hear the pain in his son's voice.
"Always, Marshall. What's wrong?"
"Mary's gone. She left and I'm not sure that she's going to come home."
"What happened?"
Marshall filled him in on the fight they had all the way down to the slap and her being gone when he got home.
"I'll have a talk with Mary," Seth replied heatedly. Knowing the talk he had with Mary before the wedding.
"No, Dad. If you push her to hard then she'll come back for the wrong reasons or never stop running. She's not wrong. There's something I can't tell her. It would destroy her. I'd rather she left me than do that to her."
"What can't you tell her?"
"The missing piece and don't ask. This isn't something I'm willing to discuss with anyone. I shouldn't have bothered you."
"Marshall, stop. You're not bothering me. I want you to know you can tell me anything. Whatever this is, well it's hurting you. Let me help you, Son."
"Thanks for the offer, Dad. I'll keep that in mind. It's not right; it has to be right before I can talk about it."
Seth heard Marshall shuffle some papers and decided to speak up.
"Are you alright?" Seth asked, hoping to distract his son.
Marshall turned around swiftly.
"I'm fine, Dad."
"What are you working on when you have company and your kids are still awake?"
"I wasn't trying to be rude. The kids were entertained by you and Stan telling stories."
"Let it go for tonight, Marshall. If you push to hard, you'll over think it. Just let it come to you naturally. You just started working this case."
"It feels like every second that passes is another lost shot at finding her."
"How long has she been missing?"
"Three years."
"Son, you need to stop doing this to yourself. It's not healthy for you or your family."
"I can't stop. It feels wrong to stop."
"Norah wouldn't want to see her Uncle Marshall hurting himself in her name. No one wants to see that. You did everything you could. No matter how much you don't like hearing it over and over. It's the truth and you need to let that sink in. I'm not saying that you need to stop helping with finding missing children, but there are other ways to do so without putting yourself through the ringer emotionally."
"They're suffering without knowing what happened."
"You're suffering through nightmares mixing past and present. Mary's worried about you and she should be concentrating on my third grandchild. So should that child's father. So let it go for tonight and if you need help tomorrow then I'll come over and we can work on it together. Tonight we celebrate the new life being brought into this family."
"Mary told you?" Marshall asked, surprised. They usually waited.
"No her tell did."
"Rubbed the stomach before getting sick," Marshall replied knowingly.
"That would be the one."
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Mary rested with her back against the headboard, eyes closed and Marshall's head in her lap. It had been a week and a half since he started investigating Rose Taylor's disappearance and the nightmares had gotten so bad that the kids were sleeping at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Mary would go over there after work and Marshall would meet them for supper.
She hated sending them out of the house but the other night Marshall's scream had woken Lily and the second scream had scared her so much she was crying. Mary had quickly woken Marshall up, but the damage was done. Marshall woke and ran into the bathroom while Mary went to get Lily. She knew full well her husband had lost everything he'd eaten for supper by the time she returned.
Marshall had reached out and grabbed Lily from her arms and began to rock her back and forth.
"I'm sorry poohbear. I'm so sorry. Daddy didn't mean to scare you. I love you so much. I never meant to scare you," Marshall repeated over and over.
Lily's cries started to quiet down and seeing that Marshall had her daughter under control she went to make sure Ryan was still asleep. The entire walk was spent trying to figure out how to tell Marshall that it might be better for the kids at his parent's house.
Mary returned to see Lily fast asleep on Marshall's shoulder and tears streaking down his face. When he turned to look at her she'd felt like someone had kicked a puppy. The hurt, pain and sorrow in his eyes made he want to lash out at all the sick people in the world who had done this to them.
Walking up to him she swiped the tears.
"I'm so sorry, Mare. It's never been this bad before."
"I know. Your parents have volunteered to let the kids stay with them and I think it's time we took them up on their offer. The nightmares get worse the closer we get and it's best for them to not see this.
Marshall don't apologize. You haven't done anything wrong. I do think that we need to discuss this annual tradition of yours. I know how much you want to help find other missing kids, but we're going to have to find a different way of doing it.
This way has scared the kids and is making you physically sick. You've thrown up more times then I have and I'm the one who is pregnant. I hate watching what this is doing to you.
There is one more thing and I know that you're going to argue about it, but you need to see Shelley or some other psychiatrist about whatever is buried inside of you and driving you to continue to search for missing children. You become almost obsessed with it since Norah. We promised each other to tell us when we're doing something that is harmful to the kids. They need you Marshall, just as much as I do. When it makes you sick it's harmful to all of us. They know something is wrong. Promise me that you'll talk to someone after this case. We'll postpone our vacation to a later date. You have to get help, Marshall. If you don't it will eat you up inside."
Marshall kissed Lily's head and held her a little tighter before answering Mary.
"I promise, as soon as this is over."
Mary ran her fingers through Marshall's hair. That had been two nights ago and she was grateful for sending the kids away. Marshall's nightmares continued to increase in intensity and occurrence.
She felt him stir underneath her touch.
"Mare?'
"I'm right here, Marshall."
"You need to sleep."
"Pot and kettle, Marshall."
Marshall lifted his head off her lap and indicated for her to lie down next to him.
Mary did as requested and lay her head on his chest while wrapping an arm around his waist.
"I'm worried about you," Mary said softly.
"It wasn't my intention to do that. I just have to help with this case."
"It won't bring Norah back."
"No, it won't. If I could have done that for you, I would have. I'd move heaven and earth to be able to do that."
"That I do know. This has to stop Marshall. I know that you can't quit this case, but after this you need to, for all of our sakes."
"I know. The second I scared Lily, I knew that. I'll find a different way to help. I still need to do that."
"We'll find something you can do. I love you too much to lose you to this. You fought so hard for me to keep living after Norah died. I should've done the same for you."
"You did."
"How could…" Mary started, but Marshall placed a finger over her lips.
"When this is done, I'll explain. There are still some things I can't tell you, but there are parts you need to know. Stan tried to get me to tell you years ago, but I couldn't do that to you. There was so much you had to deal with that I didn't want to burden you anymore."
Mary moved so she could look Marshall in the face.
"I honestly never thought there would be a day when I appreciated someone taking care of me. When Norah died, you were there every step of the way. It felt good to not have to be the strong one all the time. At first it felt like a weakness, but you made me realize that it wasn't. You kept me together and I don't recall if I ever thanked you for everything you did. I made you make promises to me that have in returned hurt you. I'm sorry for that, Marshall. It was never my intention for you to get hurt by looking for Norah or her killer."
"Mare, you would never intentionally hurt me. I know that. You've given me the greatest parts of my life. Being my partner, best friend, Norah's Uncle, becoming my wife and bearing my children are the greatest things that happened to me. I love you Mary Elizabeth Shannon. If there is one thing you should never forget, it's that."
"I love you to Marshall Mitchell Mann. Now show me just how much."
"By your command," Marshall replied.