A/N: As promised, this is Nick's perspective on the last chapter. Also, remember when I said about working out length so that the chapters would all be relatively the same length and the final chapters wouldn't be enormous? Yeah… I may have lied about that. This is about 1,000 words longer than the longest previous chapter :/ Sorry. Oh well, hopefully you'll enjoy this anyway.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters. The title of the story and chapters are by Of Monsters and Men.

Warning: Eating disorder, minor coarse language, drug abuse, self-harm, suicide attempt.

Little Talks

Chapter 7: All That's Left is a Ghost of You

Jeff had been avoiding Nick since Nick threw him out of his dorm. Nick saw how uncomfortable Jeff became whenever Nick was around, so Nick decided to give him space and let Jeff approach him whenever he became comfortable. However, Jeff never approached Nick, and two months later, Nick started to worry.

Every morning, the Warblers gathered at the same table in the cafeteria for breakfast. While most of the boys loaded up their plates with eggs and bacon, Jeff consistently only had a bottle of water in front of him. Nick could tell Jeff was losing a lot of weight, but he kept his mouth shut and decided to keep an eye on Jeff.

This morning on a cold December Saturday, the Warblers took their seats and their usual table. Nick sat eating his meal, though his eyes kept flicking to Jeff. Jeff sat with his bent, staring down at the table with a solitary bottle of water in front of him. Nick heard someone clear their throat next to him, and turned to see Blaine.

"What?" Nick asked and focused his eyes back on Jeff.

"I'm worried about him, too. He's lost a lot of weight. I've tried to bring it up a few times, but he keeps shutting me out. We need to do something." Blaine looked at Jeff and concern flashed across his face.

"I know. But he doesn't want our help or he would've said something. We should just leave him alone and make sure he knows that we're all here for him."

Blaine bit his bottom lip and looked at Jeff while his eyes glazed over as he was deep in thought. "Alright. We'll let it go for now. But if he loses much more weight, we really need to do something."

"Agreed."

The rest of classes went by quickly and Nick found himself in the library last period with Blaine, both of their heads bent over books in their laps.

"Nick?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm," Nick grunted.

"Nick, please." Nick finished reading the sentence he was on before raising his head to meet Blaine's eyes. The two boys were sitting in an aisle opposite each other, both of their backs resting against the shelves.

"Sure, go ahead, ask me."

"What's wrong with you and Jeff?" Nick felt his breath catch in his chest.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Well, it's just, every time you two are near each other, he looks so sad and uncomfortable. And whenever he's not around, he still does look sad, but he seems less awkward. Like, he lets himself relax whenever you're not around. What's that about?"

Nick sucked in a deep breath. "Can I tell you? You're going to get really angry with me, and I can't blame you for that, but just hear me out and don't judge until I'm finished, okay?"

Confusion clouded Blaine's eyes, but he nodded. Nick closed the book in his lap and put it down on the floor next to him. He was quiet for a few minutes as he gathered his thoughts. Blaine remained silent and allowed Nick time to think. Nick shut his eyes and lowered his head before he began to speak.

"I messed up," Nick whispered. "I messed up so badly. Jeff came to me one day a few months ago and said he needed to talk. I didn't think much of it and told him to come see me later that night. He did, and he was so nervous, Blaine. I've never seen him so nervous. I told him to relax and said that he could trust me with anything. He slid down against one of the walls in my room and curled up on himself. I was scared, Blaine. I've never seen someone look that broken. I went over to him and tried to comfort him. I guess it worked, because he eventually calmed down enough to tell me he's gay."

Nick was quiet for a little bit too long. "So, why are things awkward between you?" Blaine prompted.

"Because I yelled at him. I called him terrible things and physically threw him out of my room."

Nick looked up and met Blaine's eyes. Blaine had narrowed them and Nick could see the anger in them. "What the hell, Nick?" Blaine spit out in a whisper. "Seriously? You accepted me, but you can't accept your best friend? Since when are you homophobic?"

"I'm not!" Nick quieted insisted. "It's just.. It's different for you to come out than it is for Jeff to come out."

"Why?"

"No, wait, I didn't mean it like that. It's exactly the same for him to come out as it is for you, it's just, Jeff is different because the feelings there are different."

"So, it's okay for me to be gay because we're not best friends, but because Jeff is your best friend, it's not okay for him?"

"No! It's okay for him to be, it's more than okay."

"I'm really confused, Nick."

Nick sighed heavily. "Blaine, I just –" Nick took in a deep breath. "It's different for Jeff to come out because I'm in love with him."

Blaine's faced flashed with surprise and confusion. "What? Since when are you..?"

"I don't know, I don't even know when these feelings developed, I just know they're there, okay? And I can't validate what I did to Jeff because the reason I was so awful to him is pathetic. I was angry. He can come out to everyone and everyone would accept him. I don't have that luxury."

"What are you talking about? You know we would all accept you –"

"Yeah, maybe the Warblers would. But my parents wouldn't. You don't know them Blaine, so don't even give me the whole 'they'll love you anyway' crap. They really hate people like me, they were happy when the heard about all the teenage gay suicides, they really think that it's wrong. They'd disown me, and I can't handle that. I have to hide this from them."

"But why hide it from us?"

Nick's eyes pricked with tears and they fell down his face. "I don't know. I think because I've lived with my parents so long, I've heard what they said about people like us and I started to believe it. I didn't tell you guys because I didn't want to accept it, I didn't want to accept that there's something wrong with me."

Blaine's face softened and he shuffled forward a bit so that their knees were touching. "Nick, I – I don't know what to tell you. There isn't anything wrong with you, just like there's nothing wrong with me. This isn't something to be ashamed of."

"I know."

Blaine studied his face carefully. "Unless you're not necessarily ashamed of knowing you like men. You're ashamed that there IS a man that you have feelings for. Because before, you could just say you were confused and weren't sure. But now, you have to deal with accepting that you do like men because there's a man you love, and you don't know how you should feel about that."

"Get out of my head." Nick pushed Blaine back across the aisle and glared at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help you. Jeff's great, he really is. You need to fix things with him, Nick. Even if he doesn't return your feelings, he'll still want to be your friend."

"Yeah. You're right."

Nick pulled out his phone and texted Jeff, asking if they could talk. Blaine moved back across the aisle and sat next to Nick this time as he wrapped an arm around the younger boy. After five minutes, the final bell was about to ring and Jeff hadn't texted Nick back.

"That's odd," Blaine commented. "Jeff always texts back immediately. Maybe he's just busy with class. Give him a few more minutes."

The final bell ring, though neither boy made any intention of moving. However, ten minutes passed and still no answer from Jeff. Blaine scrunched his eyebrows. "That's not normal for Jeff. We should go find him and make sure everything's okay."

"Okay," Nick agreed. "You check around his last period class, I'll go check his dorm." Blaine nodded and helped Nick to his feet. They walked out of the library and separated as they walked opposite ways; Nick towards the classrooms and Nick up a staircase to Jeff's dorm.

After a few minutes, Nick arrived at Jeff's room.

"Jeff?" Nick called out as he knocked tentatively on the door. Nick tried the handle and found it unlocked. He opened the door hesitantly and stuck his head in the room. "Jeff?"

He wasn't there. Nick stepped into the room and looked towards the bathroom. The door was shut, which Nick found odd. Jeff always left the door open.

"Jeff? You in there?" He received no answer. He tried the handle, but it wouldn't turn. "Jeff, seriously, we really need to talk. And I know you're in there, doors only lock from the inside. Please, unlock the door."

Still no answer. Nick pressed his ear against the door. He heard nothing at first, but then heard a voice. It sounded almost as though Jeff had something, but very faintly. Either he was talking to himself, or he didn't have the strength enough to speak loudly. Nick shuddered and pushed the latter thought out of his mind.

Nick pounded on the door. "Jeff, please. I'm begging you, please just let me in." Nick pounded on the door a few more times before he realized it was useless; Jeff had no intentions of opening the door for him.

Nick stepped back from the door and pulled his phone out. He scrolled through his contacts until it landed on Blaine's number. He pushed his thumb against the call button and held the phone to his ear. Blaine answered after only two rings.

"Hello? Nick, I haven't found him yet."

"I know. I found him. He's in his room, but he locked himself in his bathroom. He won't open the door, and he won't talk to me at all. I'm worried, what if he's –"

"I'll be right there, Nick, just stay with him."

Blaine hung up and Nick put his phone back in his pocket. He arrived five minutes later. Nick opened Jeff's dorm room door for Blaine to enter and they both walked over to the door.

"Jeff?" A clatter of something that sounded like plastic hitting the tiled floors met their ears. Nick was confused by the sound, and looked to Blaine.

Blaine, however, seemed to know exactly what was going on. A small sob broke from Blaine and he began pounding on the door. A few seconds later, a small, dull thud met their ears.

"No!" Blaine exclaimed and rammed himself against the door. After a few rams, the door burst open and Nick felt bile begin to rise in his throat. He pushed past Blaine and moved to the small boy lying on his side. Jeff was shirtless and Nick saw his arms and chest littered with cuts.

"Wha-?" Nick lowered himself to a kneeling position and his knee hit something. He looked down and saw a small exacto knife, the kind that were in the art room. Nick's brain suddenly put two and two together.

"No! No, Jeff, how could you have done this to yourself?" Nick sobbed. He vaguely heard Blaine's voice in the background and figured he was calling for help. Nick picked the knife up and put it off to the side and noticed a small bottle. He picked it up and stared at it for a second. He recognized the bottle; Jeff had been given it years ago when he was diagnosed with ADHD, but Nick never saw him take any of the pills. Nick's stomach dropped when he felt that the bottle was nearly empty. Jeff must have taken all of them just now.

Nick threw the bottle in anger and leaned down to hold Jeff. He grabbed him by his shoulder and hauled him up into a sitting position. And God, Nick could see and feel Jeff's bones, he was so tiny. Another sob escaped his body as Jeff's eyes slid open a little bit.

"What the fuck, Jeff? What did you do?" Nick swore he saw a small smile pass over Jeff's lips before he lost consciousness again.

Paramedics arrived in the bathroom not much later. Nick relinquished his hold on Jeff and stepped out of the room, allowing the medics more room to do their job. Jeff was attached to a stretcher and hauled out of the room.

"Someone needs to go with him." The voice startled Nick. He turned and – oh right, Blaine had been here the whole time. Nick had forgotten that he hadn't been alone as soon as he saw Jeff. "I'm going to go with them. Go find David or Wes or Thad, okay? They'll look after you." Nick nodded and Blaine ran after Jeff.

However, as soon as he was alone, Nick didn't go find anyone. He walked back into the bathroom and sat down in the middle of the floor. A small amount of blood seeped through his uniform pants and Nick allowed himself to cry. The first cry sounded almost like a scream, and he did nothing to control it. He just cried until he couldn't anymore, and continued to sit in the bloody room. It was all he had left of his broken friend.

A/N: Only one chapter left! Hope you enjoyed :)

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