So… I am very much upholding my girly pride!
And, I liked to thank my reviewers. , I'm just so happy to update.
WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! ITIS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate. Oh and swearing. No offense to any races.
Title: It's France's Fault
Chapter 7: Here Comes The Punch Line
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The war was basically a dodge war, they dodged the food and England throws them the poison. It started so simple as their only strategy at the moment was to not open their mouth.
Note that these people were nations therefore they do not know how to keep their mouth shut especially if a nation is specifically an American nation. So naturally they are bound to lose one way or another. Or stupidly open their mouth and luckily still win the war.
And then, the first one to give in to the temptation of opening their mouth was yours truly the Awesome. Also known as Prussia the badass or Prussia the almighty or damn he's hot. He's also the first one to die.
"Go on without me!" Was Prussia's last words, his voice dripping with awesome.
The others did not look back to him and keep running leaving the awesome to die awesomely alone. Awesome, right?
"We would even if you're still in our group." Was America' hasty heroic reply because America was still Canada's brother whom the awesome had corrupted. Canada, I mean.
Next comes Philippines who tripped and accidentally opens her mouth to yelp and in lands the English Scones. Poor the girl for her clumsiness.
"Ewww… this taste like poop." Was her shouts as she dies with a scone for her last supper.
"I know, right?" Prussia said besides her and she would wonder if Prussia was a frigging vampire or just a bad weed who keeps growing and growing to the point of insanity and annoyance.
"See you later, Phil!" And of course America meant if she survived the scone.
Then came Canada who opens his mouth to pant briefly but ended up swallowing charcoals. He choked and puked before completely fainting.
England pouted. His food isn't that bad, right? It's English for bloody sake! English rule!
"Stop! Stop you bloody Americans~~~ Stop!" England childishly ordered because let's face it, England is still a gentleman and gentlemen do not run after a bunch of lunatics. Not that he needed to know that he's the lunatic one.
"We're not all Americans!" Really, can't England see that they're not all blond and wear glasses and heroic? Because they are getting tired of being called Americans. I mean really? Americans? It's like he's saying that America's ideas are all bloody perfect and dandy and useful.
"So?"
"You're crazy…."
"Oh, for bloody Mary, just give me back Russia." Russia cried on that one, he would forever be scarred of England and English people and of relating to anything British. They are fucking crazy!
Then all the others fell and sacrificed themselves for America, in other words America used them as his back up and made them fight England one on one to buy time for him, he's awesome like that.
And now only America stands tall with Russia stark naked in cold Alaska facing against an unstoppable force named England. It's not that America wants to protect Russia that's why he kept him safe, no, he had a wonderful evil plan.
"It's just you and me now, America, you know you can't win against me. I always win." No, American Revolution does not count and all the wars that he had lost.
"You can't make me surrender! I'm America! You know as the American phrase goes 'Give me Freedom or give me death!'."
"That's… very patriotic of you but still! Give me Russia or I'll give you hell. Not death, death is just too strong a word."
"Or I'll give you Russia back if you come with me for two hours alone in a secluded area…"
England blushed and his heart speed up. This idiot, is he trying to ask nicely for rape?
"Are you going to rape me?"
"NO! Why would you think that?" America sputtered because England still assumes that he wants to rape him. Isn't he supposed to ask if he wants to kill him or something or even say no immediately?
"… You… Me… Secluded place… two hours…" England said slowly to let America comprehend well and when America looked blankly at him he added, "Those are forms of wanting to rape someone…"
Now, normally America would react violently at that but he only looked at England again blankly and stared.
He now knows that there is such an English culture wherein there is a time limit to how long you raped someone. English culture. Now, why isn't he so surprise at that? Because it's English culture and anything coming from England is bound to be weird.
He is not amused at England's deduction. Maybe, he should just give Russia and forget that he once known an England and this war. Repression is just so tempting right now. But because of his hero complex, he has to save the world from English clutches once more. Stupid hero complex.
"No, Iggy, I am not going to rape you…" It was spoken as slowly as possible to ensure that the Brit would understand because now the idiotic one is the crazy blinded by affection to a Russian Englishman.
Who's laughing now? Ha.
"Are you sure about that?" The look of doubt on England's eyes might have almost push America to grab a bomb and throw it on England's face. Violent, much?
"Yes, for hamburger's sake, yes!" If he almost want to bomb his face, now he really wants to bomb the pretty face of this Brit. Not that he admits that England has a certain touch of femininity that creates an illusion of beauty that only the softness of woman had. No never.
"Yes, you want to rape me?! Oh my god! America, you are such a perverted nation!" England gave an English gasp and steps closer to America.
"What?! That's not what I meant! Stop turning my words back at me!" America shouted back, stepping away from England's wandering hands. Who's the perverted nation now?
"You want me to turn my back on you so you can pounce on me?" England blushes like a virgin and scooted closer again invading America's bubble.
"Get away from me!" And then the brave American runs away heroically.
"You want me to get together with you after you raped me? Of course you would, you'll take responsibility afterwards!" This goes without saying that the demented Englishman runs after the brave American.
And that leaves Russia, still stark naked and tied to a pole, alone in the vast winter wonderland of the great Alaska.
"Brother… Marry me…"
You have seen that coming too, right? No? Then, ha!
And so Russia was placed as the greatest naked and tied Russian survivor in Alaska on the World Records for Nations who was also running away from his demented sister.
The others who 'sacrificed' for America are now happily situated around a warm bonfire that was made out of scones and sweat and blood. And they are also praying for their leader's doom which would be happening soon because the president of Ridicule America Fan Club which a God by the way is happily listening to their prayers, accepting them as the new member of his club.
"And, he was like 'I am a HERO!' and I was like 'An unawesome hero!' ans he was like 'Nah ah' and I was like 'Yah ah' and he was like 'Nah ah and then I told him he was like the hero of unawesomeness because I'm awesome than him and he like punch my face! He like does not want to hear the sad cold truth." The others nodded at his story, listening closely to every awesome he made from his awesome experience. Germany likes to beg to differ.
The bunch of idiots they are, Germany sighs.
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Now back to America and England, the hero cannot believe the current situation he is in.
He would like to remember the events to clearly understand how he got there but when certain glimpses leads to England pouncing at him and things gone downhill from that and now he knows how Russia currently feels being exposed to anyone who might see and he certainly does not want to remember other parts of the story now with that misleading memories that put him on hundred years of trauma.
He is now currently naked and tied to a pole by a demented Englishman who now loves him more than the Russian. Sweet, sweet goal! They accomplish the task and now another chaos ensues.
He would now like to be free and clothed.
"America~~~"
Like right now.
And if ever this stupid potion that France had force unto England wears off, he would kill the stupid surrender monkey nation in the most painful way. If he lives after the craziness subsides.
If the craziness even subsides.
But for now, America shouts heroically for help from his trusted allies. Said trusted allies were now happily comfy in the cabin they luckily found away from any demented people with demented affection.
And God of Ridiculing America is laughing his godly ass off.
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