Chapter 7: Selfless Deeds

Visiting the dragon was an event that was occurring too often for Merlin's taste- there was nothing that infuriated him more than the dragon's metaphorical and ambiguous ways. However, this was for Arthur, and something wasn't going right- he had to see the dragon.

He usually swooped down to meet Merlin, and sat in silence, waiting for Merlin's explanation as to why he was there. However, today, it was the dragon who spoke first.

"You are troubled young warlock." This was not a question.

"I know- I'm here."

"That's not what I meant Merlin. I can see by your eyes and your body language. Something has happened to the young Pendragon? That is normally the root of your dilemmas. He is mistreating you?"

"That's just it," said Merlin "He's being abnormally kind to me. It's not normal for him to be concerned about my feelings or my welfare."

"Maybe it is normal, however, you have not noticed, and now that you have discovered you feelings for the Prince..."

"Who said I have?" Merlin demanded.

"I assume the young Pendragon is no longer enchanted?" Merlin sighed. There was no getting out of this one.

"No he isn't," he admitted "I kissed him."

"And yet, you are grieving," the dragon observed.

"My feelings are of no consequence," Merlin said "Arthur is all that matters, and right now, there is something wrong."

"I'm intrigued," that dragon said, with his usual sarcasm "Would you care to enlighten me?" Merlin sighed for the second time. He really didn't want to discuss this, and any thoughts he had of the day he had wiped Arthur's memory brought him to tears, without fail. But there was no getting a solution without the explanation. He took a deep, laboured breath and began.

"The day that I... kissed Arthur... to break the spell..." It was much harder talking about it that he had anticipated. It was the first time he had told someone about that day. "I couldn't let Arthur remember what had happened. It would have destroyed Camelot. If his feelings were as you said, he would have wanted us to be together, and I would be too weak to refuse. I couldn't let his throw his kingdom away for me," Merlin explained. "So I erased his memory of the previous two day up until the point that he kissed me." The dragon's face was expressionless.

"And you are unhappy with your choice?" he asked "You wish to reverse the spell?"

"No! Of course not. It doesn't matter whether I'm upset or not." He felt his eyes well up slightly. He would not cry here. "But just a moment ago, when I was with Arthur in his chambers, I mentioned to him that I had trouble sleeping recently, and he suggested that he could help, seeing as he's been having bad dreams too."

"I see nothing abnormal about nightmares. Does the witch Morgana not suffer from nightmares? You fear Arthur is a sorcerer?" The tone to his voice was almost humorous.

"What? No." Merlin shook his head. "It's the nature of his dreams that bothers me. Actually, he didn't describe them as dreams; he said they were more like memories."

"Oh?"

"Exactly. He said that the latest dream included the Lady Vivian kissing him in his bedchamber. But I wiped that event clear from his mind. How could he be remembering these things? They seem to be getting clearer as well, according to him. They started out as voices, but now he can see figures and people. They're still blurred he says, but if they're getting stronger, that means..."

"...You are concerned that the Prince will re-live the kiss you gave him in his dreams?" the dragon guessed. Merlin nodded.

"I don't understand how he could be remembering all these things though- or how they're getting stronger. As if his memory is coming back all together!" The dragon was silent for a moment, and then spoke up.

"When did these... visions begin? Do you know?" Merlin thought for a moment.

"Yes... Arthur said they began the very night of the feats when the five Kings left Camelot. Why is that significant?"

"Do you recall anything that you did or said that night young warlock?"

"I'm not sure... I think Arthur got really drunk. Yes, that's right. He was very drunk. His coordination wasn't the best, and he accidently knocked one of the servants over, causing his to spill all the soup he was carrying all over Uther. He was furious." Merlin laughed at the memory "I remember, Uther asked who had knocked the boy over, as nobody had seen Arthur do it. He looked so vacant and distant; I took pity on him and took the blame. I got put in the stocks for the whole day the next day." He rolled his eyes "What a prat," he mumbled.

"And this is when his dreams began. But you say they were mere voices, and were getting stronger ever since. Do you remember anything else that you did for Arthur this week?" Merlin looked perplexed.

"Well... when I came back from the stocks, I went to Arthur's chambers and he confided in me that he had forgotten about the audience that he was meant to be having with his Father, concerning the treaty. He said that wasn't feelings too good because of all the wine he had drunk at the feast. Again, I took pity on him and took the blame to not reminding Arthur about it. That earned me another day in the stocks. Come to think of it... I've spent half the week in the stocks just because of Arthur's incompetence!"

"Do you remember what I told you young warlock, when you approached me just last week concerning a method to break Arthur's enchantment?" Merlin nodded with annoyance.

"You said that there was no spell that could break this enchantment, and that it had to be broken by the greatest force of all- love."

"You were listening. I'm impressed."

"Thanks for the compliments, but what does that have anything to do with Arthur's dreams?" He was beginning to get agitated.

"I believe that the spell that you cast upon Arthur is being reversed by love- it was created through love. You wanted to protect Arthur from your love, and through a completely selfless act, you erased his memory. Now, with each selfless act you perform for Arthur, his memory is returning. It is the only explanation I have. It would explain why his visions are becoming clearer and stronger, seeing as you are constantly doing things for him out of love." Merlin looked up at the dragon in amazement. Could it really be that simple to reverse a spell without using magic? The dragon seemed to read his mind, and chuckled softly.

"I told you young warlock, that there is no greater magic on this earth than love... although, I must admit, I have never heard of the theory being put into practice before. The theory of spell reversal due to love has never been witnessed before. It is written that only a love that is truly strong and selfless can achieve this miracle."

"But..." Merlin shook his head "Arthur doesn't even know that I love him! He ordered one of castle whores to leave his room this very morning!"

"That is of no consequence Merlin," the dragon told him "In his subconscious mind; he is still in love with you. That is why he is being kinder to you than before. In a normal situation, before the spell, both his subconscious and conscious mind knew of his love for you. His conscious mind knew better than to express his love for you, and so he treated you perhaps a little harshly.

Now that his conscious love for you has been removed, he has no reason to mistreat you, and so his subconscious mind can allow him to be kind to you." Merlin looked more confused than ever, making the dragon laugh "Enjoy it while it lasts Merlin, for once the young Pendragon's dreams become fully clear and he remembers his love for you, things will go back to how they were before."

"But I don't want things as they were!" Merlin shouted "If Arthur finds out I love him, he will be forced to choose. I would not love him truly if I were selfish enough to subject him to such a dilemma. His destiny is to be King and produce an heir. I cannot give him that! It would be best if he never remembered that night!"

"There is nothing you can do Merlin. He will remember eventually."

"There must be a way!"

"To stop the dreams returning, you must stop loving Arthur. Or stop showing your love for him at any rate," the dragon explained.

"But I don't show it. Uther would have my head if I did," Merlin protested. His love for Arthur was causing him more pain by the second

"Your selfless deeds are reversing the spell, so you must cease to perform them." The dragon stated it as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"I can't do that- I don't have it in me to be selfish towards Arthur. It's second nature for me to want to prevent him any pain, even if it means receiving it myself."

"Then, I cannot help you Merlin. Only this will prevent the dreams drawing dangerously nearer to the kiss."

Merlin wasn't sure if he was breathing by now. His head was spinning with a million different thoughts. He was certain that if he erased Arthur's memory, it would put a stop to any hurt or problems- for Arthur at least. Merlin would always carry the scars, and he knew it when he chanted those cursed words. But it seemed he had just made things worse. Why was everything he did backfiring at him tenfold?

He touched his forehead, which was perspiring with nerves. What was he to do?

"Why is this happening to me?" he begged. He wasn't even sure if he meant that question to be rhetorical, or if it was a direct question for the dragon. He felt two tears roll down his pale cheeks. He didn't care if the dragon saw.

"Love can be a cruel thing Merlin," he told him "But it can also be wonderful." Merlin looked up at him, his eyes almost pleading.

"Can you tell me what would happen if I was to stay with Arthur, and... love him?" There was so much hope in his voice, it was painful to here.

"I'm sorry Merlin," his eyes and the tone of his voice were, for once, true and sympathetic. "I cannot tell you, for I do not know. You are the creator of your own future. I only hope you make the right decision." The dragon batted his mighty wings and flew far above the small boy.

Merlin let out a small cry, as yet more years poured down his cheeks. He had no idea what he would do. But he could not allow himself to be tempted into such selfishness as to ruin Arthur's life with his love. But he was not strong enough to mistreat Arthur in order to prevent the spell from reversing. There was only one thing he could think of, and it killed him just by the thought of it. The hole that he thought was starting to heal suddenly opened up without warning at the thought of what he had to do. He could think of nothing worse, and yet, there was nothing better that he could do. He turned around and left the cave.

I'm really getting into writing this story now, and I hope you're enjoying it.

Thank you so much for all those who have been reviewing, and I hope you can forgive me for yet another cliff hanger. I wanted to build up the emotion for the next chapter.

Hugs!