Harry Potter and the Special Brownies
Chapter 7 - Blaise Screwed Me Over and All I Got was This Lousy Banana?! ((hee hee hee))
A/N: Hmmmm. Well. Ooh, 26 reviews! Oh, I feel special. *smirk* Really, I do. I felt inspired before but now I feel I've lost it. Aww, darn. Hmm, hopefully it will come back. You know, I don't really have a muse. I hope I don't need one... anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed!! The reviews have gotten consistently more positive and cool and everything and OMG!!! I love you!! Anyone who reads this and doesn't think, This sucks. Really. Love you!! So much!! Anyway, today is (finally) Surra's 16'th birthday. Yay for her. And hi to Lija if she actually gets this far. Har-har-har. She only read chapter one. Sheesh. Some friend... *mutter* Anyway!! This chapter is dinner in the GREAT HALL. Hee hee. Snape will be there... and McGonagall... although, probably not in leather... *snigger* Neville. Ah, he's so unique! ^_^
Thanks to (the new reviewers) -
- In the name of reading - sick yet disturbingly funny Really?? *curious* Why am I sick, though? _ I'm not sick!! Glad you liked it, though.
- MistWalker - Woooooowwww!! *does the happy dance* You laughed a lot!! I guess I can actually do humor. *grin* Oh, I'm happy now!
- eiknlng - Really? It's interesting? How cool... but I dunno how Malfoy could trick them into SMOKING weed... I'll think on it, though!! ^_^
- CrystalStarGuardian - ROFL!! They scare you?! OMG!! Wow, really! I guess if I think about it, Matt/Davis might be pretty cool. I always wanted TK/Kari, though. And I think you're kawaii!! Oh, yay! Bitch-slap Blaise, you say? I'll see what I can do, but Chibi makes no promises...
- loverwren - One of my new, constant reviewers. I love you!! *kisses and hugs* And I sniggered, too. Hee, hee. But I do have to ask myself: if Harry's mum... who's dad?? *quirks eyebrow* Anyone have any suggestions? I'd love to hear them...
- zombie-miho - You were really gonna pass out? Wow. *amazed* And I agree about Snape. But... disgusting and hilarious is the best combination. Hee hee. I rock? Really?! *kisses zombie's feet* Ooooh! Really. How cool are you? Flattery, gotta love it. ^_^;;
Warnings -
Ooooh! A warning?! Bah, not a real one. I must warn you of singing!Snape. Hee hee. I'll tell you more at the end of the chapter - I don't wanna give everything away... oh, yes. And - obviously - more high!boys. Ooh, yes. And... there is... very strongly implied (innuendo), umm... well. A ship. Oh!! It squicks me out!! *freaks out* I cannot believe I wrote that!! I can't tell you, it's a surprise. It's het (if slash squicks you, don't worry) and it's between... adults. That's all I'm saying!! *purses lips* I'll be very interested in hearing what you all think. Hee hee. *monumental grin* You'll see... *bounces up and down* Oh, really. It is just so unexpected - and I'm the author!! o_O So weird. Oh, yeah. And *ahem* well... there's something slightly... perverted. Concerning Draco. It's not with a person though... or his hand, aahh! That's not it! But... it might squick you. JUST SO YOU KNOW!! There's sexual stuff in here - not sex, but lots and lots of innuendo. I was just fukkering around with innuendo tonight. I do not know what is wrong with me... *sigh* I'm sorry. But I really thought it was FUNNY!!! ^_^;; Heh.

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Professor Severus Snape sat at the teacher's table in the Great Hall drumming his fingers on the table and humming under his breath. Lucky that my lips not only mumble/ They spill kisses like a fountain/ Lucky that my breasts are small and humble/ So you don't confuse them with mountains...



...Le do le le le le, Le do le le le le / At your feet / I'm at your feet...

Poke.

Whenever, wherever / We're meant to be together - what? Oh, I'm sorry, Minerva. A bit distracted. What is it you wanted?

Minerva McGonagall smiled indulgently at the sexy, greasy-haired slime ball of a man sitting next to her. Pass the mashed potatoes.

Snape blinked. He handed her the bowl of mashed potatoes.

You know, Severus, she said, lowering her voice so that only she and he could hear. Speaking of food, I was thinking... after dinner...

Snape gave her a lopsided grin. And what would be your food of choice, sex kitten?



Snape quirked an eyebrow. Jell-O, Minerva? Honestly?

Ooh, yes, she said, her hand resting on his thigh under the table. It's just so... jiggly. And soft. Pliant. Wet.

You've got me convinced, Snape said immediately.

It cultivates the mind, body, and the soul, said McGonagall, giggling slightly as Snape's long, clawed fingers traced spiral patterns on her inner thigh. And we must always cultivate the soul.

Oh, I much prefer concentrating on the body, Snape said, putting his hand somewhere that made McGonagall say,

Dumbledore stood and the Great Hall immediately fell silent. Yum, yum, here's to the grub! he said in a loud, boisterous voice that echoed throughout the Hall.

Hear, hear! called the students, the platters immediately being filled with food which they began shoveling onto their plates or, in the case of Crabbe and Goyle, directly into their mouths.

Draco gave them a disgusted look and glanced over at the Gryffindor table for the umpteenth time. Where the fuck is Potter? he murmured under his breath. Just then the doors to the Great Hall opened and in (though really isn't the right word...) in to the Great Hall. Really, they tripped, stumbled, and slouched their way over, all tittering and giggling madly. The students looked up but seemed not to take too much interest.

Draco watched with interest. Potter's not the only one who ate those brownies, he though, watching as Harry, Ron, Neville, Seamus, and Dean all took their seats at the Gryffindor table. I shouldn't have given him the whole batch... damn, Blaise. I ought to bitch-slap that boy...

Draco shot a death glare over at Blaise, who smirked back. Draco's gaze shifted over to Pansy, who was purposefully ignoring them both. Draco rolled his eyes. Mental note: get Vincent and Gregory to hurt Pansy and Blaise both...

Draco focused his attention back on the food in front of him, pushing the food around on his plate. He wasn't really in the mood to eat. He suddenly noticed the fruit bowl sitting in front of him. Odd, he thought. We don't usually have fruit with dinner...

Draco reached over one elegant hand and plucked a banana out of the bowl, delicately peeling it. He looked up and noticed Harry looking at him from across the room. What's that stupid prat looking at anyway? Draco thought, taking the length of the soft, warm banana into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the tip. ...

***

Over at the Gryffindor table, the rest of the Gryffindors were giving Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville highly suspect looks. Seamus kept trying to get the food in his mouth but missed and ended up with food all over his face. Dean kept swirling his spaghetti on his fork, raising it to eye level, and letting it drop back onto his plate. Neville was shoveling food into his mouth, as much as he possibly could fit. Harry had a headache and kept closing his eyes and opening them again, squinting. The swirling colors were really getting to him.

Why can't anything stay still? Ron muttered, holding his head and swaying slightly in his seat. Oh, my head. Harry grunted in response.

Hermione was giving Harry and Ron very strange looks but said nothing. I'm not on speaking terms with them, I am not speaking to them..., she muttered under her breath. I don't care what's wrong, I will not ask...

Parvati and Lavender stared unabashed at Seamus who had suddenly burst out in a fit of giggles for no apparent reason.

Ron said, staring at his own hand as he slowly moved it back and forth in front of his face.

Harry groaned. He felt like shit. He tore his glance away from Ron's glowing, blue hand at looked around the Great Hall. And then he spotted Malfoy...

...TBC!!

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A/N 2: MUA-HA-HA!!! I am sooooo evil!! Snape/McGonagall?? Oh, I really squick myself out sometimes. *shudder* Tracing patterns on her thigh. Eewww!!! I know some people like sexy!Snape - but I'm not one of them. *shudder* I'm so squicked right now. I was just like, Hmm. What would be funny? Oh. And something McGonagall said was a quotation from TENCHI!! Ho-ho-ho! Grandpa. *cough* But anyway!! Heh. *grin* It's so sick. I can't get over it. Sexual!Snape. Yech! Bleargh! *retches* Okay, I'm j/k now. It's not that gross - but not... kosher. Oh, yeah. And... *snort* The banana thing is partly due to Lija. We talked about it yesterday. She's pretty good at perverted brainstorming... umm. And - you do realize what has happened, right?
1) McGonagall and Snape are f-u-c-k-i-n-g
2) Draco gave the banana a blow job (Oh, really! I'm so bad! Sorry!)
3) Harry watched Draco suckle the banana.... No comment on that. See, I told you at the very beginning drugs and slash, the best combo. Heh. I'm not SAYING that there will be slash FOR SURE. It really depends on what you say. See, here's my major-ass dilemma. If I put in slash, I'll get people saying, Oh, no. You ruined it. If I don't, I dunno. OPINIONS ARE VITAL. What you say will greatly influence helluv stuff - actually, the entire story. Hee hee. The fate of the world is in your hands, young Skywalker. Aww, darn. Where'd I put my light saber...?

::sigh:: I really am evil, I'm sorry. But now I'm calling on you - the reader - to help me out. What should I do next?? Chibi needs feedback, please and thank you (*cough* Sister Karen...). What was I gonna say?? Oh, yeah - any and all suggestions welcomed. Blaise will get his comeuppance, I promise, but don't expect it in the next chapter. I hope I don't hafta split this in two stories, cuz that would kinda suck. Like 2 versions - slash and non-slash. Hmm... *has headache* Oooh, my brain is leaking out my ears! _ And yes, I know how very short this chapter is but I obviously need to know how you all feel about the banana thing. *snigger* Believe it or not, it's important. x_X ((My head really does hurt...)) *sniff* I know I'm awful for ending it like that. So sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. If you hate this chapter I can change it. My brain is fried from school, not brownies, I swear! Oh, and happy V-Day. Ha. Ha. Ha. REVIEW!!!!! Please, I implore you!! ^_^