AN: I know I'm a broken record, but thank you all so much for continuing to read and leave me feedback. I can't emphasize enough how happy it makes me and how much I appreciate it. I hope you continue to enjoy this AU fic.

All I Want Is Now - Chapter 7

After depositing her bag in one of the upstairs bedrooms, he pours them each a glass of wine and they wander outside. It's a hot afternoon but the sky is an endless shade of blue and the wind off the ocean makes July comfortable here. Puffy, white clouds swirl above them and it's a sharp contrast to the humid, sticky mess they left in the city. She revels in it, wishes she could bottle it up, savor the feeling.

He leads her to a pair of large, white beach chairs overlooking the Atlantic with a small table in between where they deposit their glasses. As they settle in, she leans her head back against the wood, closes her eyes for a moment, enjoying the warmth of the sunshine soaking into her skin.

A few minutes later, when she reaches to take a sip of her wine, she thinks that this may be the most surreal day she's had in ages. Never in a hundred years did she believe that she'd wind up here after Castle left with Gina at the beginning of the summer. It's all kind of crazy and she's not entirely sure what to feel.

In the back of her mind, there are still so many insecurities that linger – so many questions she can't quite ignore.

"Are you sure you're okay, Beckett?"

She must have been quiet for longer than she realized because his words startle her out of her thoughts and for a moment she's unsure what to say. As scared as she is of this trip, of what there is between them and what happens next, it's been easy – being with him today, outside of the world they're used to and on their own. It's easy in a way she's unable to define and she knows that has to mean something too. That regardless of all that's happened, they keep ending up together. But she's also tried being honest before, tried being open with him six weeks ago and it blew up in her face. So she does what she's taught herself to do for the past eleven years. She deflects.

"I'm fine, really. Just a little tired from the drive. But it's nice out here."

He smiles at her and nods, seemingly willing to accept her answer. Then he speaks up again before she can go back to overanalyzing.

"This house was one of the first things I bought after Alexis was born. I wanted a place for us to come outside of the city. I wasn't getting much sleep at the time. Meredith was always off auditioning for some new role and the longer I spent in our apartment, the more overwhelmed I felt. So I drove up here one weekend with Alexis just to get away and wound up falling in love with this place."

"I can see why. It really is beautiful, Castle."

He smiles at her again, his eyes a little distant as he speaks, "I still remember the first night we spent here, just Alexis and me. It was so…peaceful. I kept Alexis's crib in my bedroom and opened the window. The sound of the ocean put her out right away. When I woke up the next morning, I wrote for the first time in months."

She can picture it so easily. A younger Castle sitting on the same porch swing he showed her on their way outside, fingers curled around a pen, ideas flowing onto page after page with the ocean as his backdrop. It makes her smile, thoughts of him with a baby Alexis here, writing words she fell in love with long before she ever knew him.

"Meredith didn't come with you?" She can't help but ask. She knows that Castle essentially raised Alexis on his own but he's never really mentioned what happened between he and his first ex-wife. Aside from repeatedly mentioning Meredith's tendency for dramatics.

"She was in L.A. at the time. She was in L.A. most of the time," he adds.

"I'm sorry."

And she is sorry. Sorry for a lot of assumptions she's made along the past two years because regardless of her own reservations, she knows Castle is good and kind and not at all the person she believed he was at first. It makes her ashamed but more so it makes her determined. She may be scared of risking her heart but she's also not going to write him off so easily anymore.

He shrugs. "It probably sounds terrible, but honestly, it was better that way. Don't get me wrong, I've always hated the fact that Alexis has missed out on having a mother in her life. There are certain things," he shudders, "that I just can't relate to a way a mother could. But Meredith was, and still is, like a tornado. Whenever she was around, it was chaotic. It always has been. It's what attracted me to her in the beginning because she was fun – we had fun – but it was hardly a stable relationship."

She nods, processing this new knowledge. "I guess the bubble always bursts eventually, huh?"

He's quiet for a moment, taking a drink from his wine glass as he looks out at the beach. "Not if you're in it with the right person."

Her eyes flicker to his face but he doesn't look at her, just keeps on watching the waves, swirling the wine around in his glass as though there's no underlying subtext to his statement. Maybe there isn't, but the words affect her nonetheless; and before she realizes it, she's volunteering information she's only ever told Lanie.

"Will was the total opposite Meredith. With him, everything was defined, set in stone. I thought that's what I needed then. He was stable and everything else in my life had been such a mess for so long. And it was okay for a while but when he got the FBI offer, he just expected me to leave with him. Like he couldn't even conceive that I might want to stay. And there was a part of me that realized, right then, that if I chose Will, there'd never be any surprises. I don't know, maybe part of me will always be a rebel," she adds, with a laugh.

"Yin, yang, remember?"

"Ahh, yes, your panda theory. What did you say again? That he was the male version of me?"

He considers her for a moment. "I was wrong though."

"Hmm? How so?" she asks, fingers dancing around the edge of her glass.

"You're just...more than that." He pauses. "You surprise me, Kate."

He turns to look at her when he speaks the last four words, his expression serious. It's a different look than she's ever seen on him before. His eyes seem to burn right through her as if he can read her own thoughts and it both unnerves her and makes her heart race at the same time. It's like she's naked in front of him and all at once she so badly wishes she could just say how she feels, let go of all her fears. Time seems to slow down as he shifts in his chair and moves his hand closer, eventually brings it to her cheek, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

"I've been wanting to do that all day," he says softly.

She swallows, knows unequivocally that now is the only chance she has to stop this, to move back without it going any further while there's some chance of pretending like nothing happened in the first place. But his touch sends a wave of chills down her spine and the only thing she can focus on is how close his mouth is to hers now. She feels her eyes drifting shut and his breath against her cheek. She leans in to close the remaining space between them.

And then his phone rings.

She jumps back at the sound and lets out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

Castle looks equally stunned, tries to mask his disappointment as he grabs his phone and holds up his hand in an apology, mouthing, "Alexis."

She nods her head and smiles politely before sinking back in her chair with a silent groan.

He chats animatedly with his daughter while her thoughts swirl in an endless cycle – most centering around some version of what the hell just happened?

But amongst those thoughts is one that's particularly louder than the rest.

He's more than she ever expected too.