A/N: Hi. I lied because you guys are the greatest reviewers a girl could ask for. Srsly, I sat and typed this today because of how awesome these reviews have been. You're all the greatest readers ever. Plus, I'm pretty sure I can write this alongside my Assassin's Creed fanfic. It's hard switching between such radically different stories but not impossible. Forgive me if any of my character's traits bleed over.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

-MalRev

PROJECT OOZARU

Case File 007 - The Devil's Brew

Thankfully I still had some of my old boyfriend's clothes stuffed away in my closet. Goku stood behind me with his hands jammed in his pockets while I rustled something up for him—just a plain black shirt and jeans—but scowled when I turned around to hand it to him. I shoved it against his chest and left the room so he could get changed privately. The clothes might be a bit small on him but I couldn't have him out in the junk he was wearing. That would definitely attract attention.

I went back out to the kitchen to sit at the table and dropped my forehead on the wood, moaning to myself. What was I doing? He was insane. He'd wind up killing me by the end of the week. I was being nice, sure, but at what cost? Maybe I'd be able to convince him that humans deserved mercy. I methodically hit my head against the table as Oliver purred at me on the floor. Maybe not.

There was always the possibility that Goku would draw out the evil creature lurking inside me. I opened my hands to stare at my palms, still marveling at how I smacked the bowl away like it was nothing. That should've at least caused a bruise. It explained why I was able to run with the guys as a little girl in spite of my small stature. Did the creature come out randomly? Was that why I liked drinking so much?

From across the room, I heard Goku clear his throat. "I'm ready, Harper."

"Do you really have to come with me?" I asked weakly, not raising my head. "I'll bring you home McDonald's or something. Rachel is gonna be all over you. What if your tail pops out?"

"I have full control over my tail, thank you very much. Who's Rachel? She sounds attractive."

I looked up irately to see Goku leaning on the counter, grinning like an alligator. He pouted when I rolled my eyes at him and used his tail to scratch his chin.

"You're not sleeping with any of my friends," I said. "They'll see your tail and come screaming to me. Besides, they think you and I are dating. If we give up that façade my sister is gonna call the cops and its game over for you, buddy. Be a good alien and do what you're told tonight."

Goku leered at me with a new stupid smirk on his face. "My, my, what a feisty mutt you are. Fine, if you want me to yourself I suppose I can make it happen. But you're my precious lovebug so I'll make sure to keep my hands all over you around your friends." He waggled his fingers at me.

I flipped him off as heat crept into my cheeks. No, why was I blushing?! He was a creep! He tried to kill me and now he was sticking around to use me as a human shield when the government came looking for him. As I tried to disguise my blush, the chair beside me was suddenly yanked out and Goku plopped down in it. I lay my head on the table again to hide from his prying eyes but he grabbed a fistful of my hair to yank me upright. He secured my wrists with his tail and turned my chair to face his.

"It's not because of you," I snapped when Goku raised an eyebrow. "It's hot in here, that's all. Now do you mind letting go? You can't just grab me by the hair like an ape when you want to get my attention. Start treating me better or I'll throw you out on the street."

"Are all your little hormones aflutter now? That's cute." He pulled back on my hair until I hissed in pain, exposing my throat. "I think you're coming down with a case of Stockholm syndrome. That's okay with me. It's been a long time since I bedded a pretty girl, considering how long Chi-Chi was away from the compound. Why don't we skip the bar and I can give you what we both want."

"I don't want anything from you, asshole."

Someone knocked on my door before Goku could respond. He leaned forward to kiss my forehead with a resounding smack and shoved me back into my chair as he stood up to answer the visitor. I winced in pain, massaging my forehead to get the feeling back. If I kept letting him push me around he'd never realize that what he was doing was wrong. I swayed to my feet as the door creaked open and heard Rachel's pealing laughter a few moments later.

When I made my way out to the foyer, still rubbing my forehead, I frowned. Rachel was touching Goku's arm and the two of them were smiling at one another, chatting like no one else was there. Willow was standing a few feet away with her arms crossed but perked up when she noticed me. We embraced and I caught Rachel placing her hand on Goku's bicep from the corner of my eye.

"Isn't Harper's new boyfriend so nice?" Willow asked, smacking Rachel's hand away. "It's nice to meet you, Steve. We're glad our friend found a guy worth keeping."

"Oh, I wouldn't say he's worth it," I said.

"Mia says you're a bad boy, Steve." Rachel trailed a fingertip down Goku's chest and he stiffened. "It takes a special kind of girl to handle that."

My sister pushed her way into the apartment, breaking Goku and Rachel apart. "Alright, Rach, stay away from Harper's new boyfriend. I'd like my little sister to settle down with someone instead of floating around her entire life. Is everyone ready to go?"

"You want me to settle down with him?" I sputtered. "He kicked me in the ribs!"

"I was just playing, kitten. Remember? You like it rough." Goku wrapped my arm around my waist and held me close to his side, kissing the crown on my skull. "And I'll take good care of you tonight."

I clenched my hands into fists as everyone giggled at Goku's words, mistaking it for genuine teasing. We all left the apartment and I felt his tail slither under the back of my shirt to trace my spine, prompting me to reach back and slap it away. Willow walked alongside Mia and talked to her about college while Rachel trailed slightly behind with her hands clasped behind her back, oddly close to Goku and me.

It was kind of bothering me. Rachel just didn't know when to quit. Why would she try to take my boyfriend away from me, anyway? That was rude. Goku noticed my unhappy expression and followed my eyes to the back of my redheaded friend's skull. He cocked an eyebrow and grinned, leaning in close to whisper in my ear. I felt heat prickling along my skin from the caress of his warm breath.

"Am I detecting jealousy?" he asked.

"No but I'm detecting that you better get out of my face before I hit you."

"If you want me to cooperate with you, I need you to cooperate with me." He took my hand in his and intertwined our fingers. "Love is a two way street."

"But being an insufferable asshole is definitely a one-way."

Goku laughed, attracting Rachel's attention. She glanced over her shoulder at him and winked before turning back around. I tried my best to keep a straight face but it was getting harder and harder. Goku had a death grip on my hand that was sure to snap a few delicate bones. His palm was hot and calloused, not typical of someone from Bennington. I walked stiffly beside him all the way out of my building and we piled into Mia's SUV.

The drive over was even more agonizing. Goku sat between Rachel and I and she held his attention for most of the trip, completely ignoring my growing aggravation. Willow texted me a few times to offer her condolences but I told her I wasn't very mad. I didn't care about who Goku was attracted to but I refused to be used as a hotel. If he wanted to sleep with Rachel, he needed to get out of my apartment.

No, I wasn't jealous. What did I care? I glared out the window as we drove through town and struggled to ignore Rachel's giggling. She could have the rotten bastard. He'd wind up killing her or getting her thrown in a high-security prison anyway. I'd meet a nice guy at the bar, we'd fall in love, settle down, have kids, and I could be waitress my whole life instead of dealing with an alien's shenanigans.

As soon as we parked I made myself scarce and flipped my ID to the bouncer out front as I stalked inside. Even my sister had a hard time keeping up with me as I made my way to the bartender. I needed alcohol, bad. The past few days had been the most trying of my life and a couple of drinks were the only cure for my growing impatience. I quickly sat down in a stool and ordered a few shots of vodka as Mia took a seat beside me and ordered a beer. She set her wallet on the counter and touched my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "I figured after all these years you knew how Rachel is around men." Mia thanked the bartender for our drinks and took a sip of her beer before continuing. "No offense, but I don't think Steve is your type. You're better off with someone more… tame. Like Seth. I could see if any of his friends are single. One of them had a nasty breakup a few weeks ago."

I downed my first shot without flinching. "That's fine. I'm not looking for anyone right now. I'll probably dump him and let Rachel have a go. Claire is gonna kill me for missing work the other day."

Mia shrugged, tipping her bottle of beer against her lips. "I already talked to her. She was mostly worried about you, not your absence. Go in tomorrow morning and everything will work out. Speaking of which, where does Steve work? Please tell me he has a job and isn't another loser."

"He… works on a farm out west a ways. Look, can we drop it? I already told you that he and I aren't really together, anyway. He and Rachel can do whatever they want."

My sister gave in and changed the subject to her wedding. I silently listened to her, nodding when necessary and practically drowning myself in vodka. But I began to notice something odd as the empty glasses piled up—I wasn't getting drunk. I could feel a slight buzz coming on after ten of them but by then I was usually completely wasted. Confused, I continued ordering them until the bartender shook his head and told me he needed to cut me off.

I examined my hands, bewildered. Why wasn't my vision spinning? Mia laughed about how much I drank and became very quiet when I stood up with no difficulty. I woozily squinted toward the writhing crowd on the dance floor and wondered why I didn't feel drunk until it all hit me like a ton of bricks.

My knees buckled and I collapsed on the cement floor, covering my mouth to stop the impending vomit. Mia knelt beside me, rubbing my back while my stomach heaved a few times in a desperate attempt to purge the alcohol. I groaned and clutched my abdomen as the full force of the vodka shattered my nerves to bring on a level of drunkenness I had never known before.

The world was split into six different pictures as I staggered to my feet. I could feel myself sweating profusely under my t-shirt but I still wanted to dance. Nothing else seemed important. I swayed toward the undulating group of people while my sister demanded the bartender tell her how much I drank. Weird. Even if I was sitting down the alcohol hit me pretty quickly. I'd never stood up and collapsed from it. I thought I was building a resistance.

Soon I was absorbed into the crowd, laughing happily like I had wished all day. There was nothing better than going out drinking with the girls. I sorely wished for more alcohol to keep me company but settled for gyrating by myself, too hammered to risk stumbling back to the bartender. Whatever. I was fine with dancing alone the entire night until the alcohol wore off and Mia—

Two arms wrapped around my waist from behind and I felt a chin rest on my shoulder. I giggled and tried to dance with the stranger but he pulled me tightly against him until I thought he'd push the alcohol back up out of my stomach. I began to protest and he shushed me.

Goku's lips were at my ear. "We have unwelcome company. They must be out checking the night life to see if I've made nice with any humans yet. Come on, we need to leave. I'll bring you home."

"I can't jus… leave mah sistur," I slurred.

"Oh, you are a treat. Don't worry, you won't be able to get drunk anymore pretty soon. I think your body is doing all the changing without any intervention." He suddenly swept me up off my feet, holding me like a toddler to his chest. "See those people in black near the door? We want to avoid them."

I squinted through the dark bar and could vaguely make out the shapes of three people who seemed out of place. The first had long, black hair and sharp black eyes like Goku. She was average height and thin, scanning the crowd for any signs of her target. The other two had black shades on and blonde hair. Their hands were clasped in front of them as they followed the woman through the bar.

Goku was walking quickly. "Of course they sent her. Chi-Chi always wants to fucking find me."

We passed through a set of doors and I groggily rested my head on his shoulder. Why did they all have such weird names? They should've stuck with normal stuff, like John and Ed and Calvin. I became vaguely aware of Goku jumping a lot but I was too tired to lift my head. The night was cool—it relieved some of my drunkenness and reduced my boiling nausea to a simmer.

Goku groaned. "Bulma must be really desperate if she sent Chi. We're gonna have to keep an eye out for police from now on, Harper. I'm not sure if they'll realize you're hiding me or not. If they do, you could be considered an accessory and—"

"Why's your hair so spiky?" I asked, barely coherent.

"I… what? You really don't know how to handle your alcohol, lady."

"Answer. Why's it so spiky?" I reached up and tugged curiously on Goku's black locks, making him growl irately. "Why d'you make that noise? Are you a dog? Can you… can you bark?"

"I'm not sure what I'm going to do with you. You could conveniently fall off a roof and I'll take over your apartment until your friends find out. Or you could keep pulling my hair and asking if I'm a dog." His tail flickered out and wound around my waist to hold me snugly against his body so one of his arms was free. I could feel us gliding through the air. Were we flying?

"Getchur tail 'way from me before I break it."

He sighed and I could hear the air escaping his lungs. "Relax, Harper. We'll be home soon. When you're done being a drunken fool I'll explain what's going on."

I wanted to be angry and tell him he was the drunken fool but the alcohol was steadily intensifying my exhaustion. The last thing I saw was the ground racing by several hundred feet below me.

We were flying.