My shock is colored with grief, with all the turmoil and confusion that I feel, the guilt and the self loathing. I have a million questions, and so few answers, and Hook can only tell me so much. He can fill in the blanks of the past year, but can tell me nothing really of what I had been feeling and thinking. He can't justify my actions, the reasoning behind them, and what's worse, Hook probably doesn't care to try. He's never cared. I've always been just a tool for him, first as a means for his revenge, and then as both that and a coping mechanism too lust crazed to say no.

That lust that I feel for him, this thus far undeniable passion, is the same reason I shouldn't be surprised now. I've never much cared for time or place, and that was BEFORE Rumpelstiltskin had died. I can only imagine how much more brazen and shameless I had become, how self serving and without remorse I had been. Had I even mourned, had I even cared to try? The answer was what I feared, was what made me shed tears that I was undeserving of.

Faintly I hear him, Hook speaking my name. I could only stand there shaking, the tears leaving their hot trails on my cheeks. At his touch I became completely undone, my legs giving out, my body collapsing against his. I hear Hook grunt, feel him take an unsteady step back before his arms strengthened their hold around me. He held me as I shook, my face buried against his chest, my tears wetting Hook's shirt.

Time slipped away from me then, much like the year I had lost. One minute I was coherent of nothing but the overwhelming sadness, the upset over the person I had become, that greedy, uncaring woman. And then the next? I found myself seated, a metal flask pressed against my lips. I had already imbibed a generous helping of the rum, and not even the stinging taste, and strong smell had completely gotten through to me. At least not at first. I found myself blinking still wet eyes, found myself seated not on a chair, but across Hook's lap.

I was too distraught to color in embarrassment. Too distraught to do much of anything but stare. He wasn't smiling anymore, that sensual mouth of his instead frowning. His blue eyes were dark, and more serious than I could ever recall seeing and yet I couldn't begin to fathom where his thoughts lay.

I don't know how long we stared at each other in this way. Maybe we would have kept on staring for just about forever, but the sudden shrill ringing of my phone, jolted me into action. The flask fell to the floor, the remains of the rum spilling out onto the lacquered wood. I was already lurching upright, intent on finding and answering the phone, when calloused fingers closed around my wrist. That was all the warning I got before Hook jerked me off balance, and I came tumbling back down on top of him.

"Wh-what?!" Was all that I managed to say, the breath knocked out of me, out of us both. Before I could do much more than squirm, Hook's arms had locked around me, holding me in place. "The phone..." I tried to say, the insistent ringing continuing. I got the next shock of my life, when Hook buried his face in my hair, muttering something too soft to make out.

His behavior confused me, and yet I tried again. "It could be important..." I froze at his response, Hook's lips finding my ear, whispering a hoarse question into it.

"Is it really that repugnant...the idea of spending so much of that missing year with me?"

If I hadn't already been so shocked, I might have managed a frown. Instead I could only blink rapidly, barely able to fathom what meaning to put behind that question of his.

"Well? Is it?!" His voice came out sharper, a hint of anger to it. I startled in place against him, reacting to that tone with a shiver going through me.

"I..." My voice came out with a shaky breath, my inability to truly speak agitating him further. I felt the tears leaving their slick trails once more on my skin, Hook then lifting his head at my sniffle.

"Belle?"

I couldn't, wouldn't apologize for crying. For mourning that which I wasn't. I closed my eyes briefly, mustered my courage to ask Hook about my greatest sin. "Did I...Did I even once...feel anything for Rumpelstiltskin's passing?"

The startled look that he showed me, was nothing in comparison to the relief that followed. Hook managed so much as a half smile, tilting his head in a nod.

"Aye." He said. I wanted to take comfort from his strong, sure confirmation, but that alone wasn't enough. I needed more, needed to know every last detail if I was to have a semblance of peace. Hook seemed to sense where my thoughts lay, his expression still serious even with that glimmer of a smile.

"I held you often enough like this in the weeks that followed." His hand lifted, fingers touching my face, brushing back some of my unruly curls. "You were besides yourself with grief. We BOTH were."

"Emma." I managed to say her name without any true anger to it, the jealousy I had no real right to, held at bay for this one moment.

"Aye, Emma." He said her name almost wearily, a new resignation in his eyes. "I thought her lost to me for forever..." Hook shook his head, laughing without true humor to it. "I was wrong."

"Oh?" My own tone was guarded, my muddled feelings such that I couldn't begin to fathom the right response to show. Hook's expression became rueful, the man again shaking his head. He was still playing his fingers over my hair, but that touch couldn't detract from the seriousness of the mood, or Hook's words.

"You can't lose what you've never had."

I couldn't stop myself, my eyes widening in shock. Hook let loose a humorless chuckle, but was otherwise silent.

"That's quite a realization to have." I finally say.

Hook nodded. "It's one that's been a long time coming." He scowled then. "I was just too stubborn to accept it."

There were no words that seemed appropriate, nothing I could say that wouldn't ring insincere. I wasn't sorry for what-who he had lost, and I only regretted that Hook hadn't written off a chance with Emma a lot sooner than this.

"So now what?" I finally settled on a cautious question.

"Now?" He asked, his tone soft. My insides appeared to do somersaults, Hook having dipped his gaze to look with hungry longing at my lips. The smile he gave me was wolfish, Hook having felt the way I had begun to tremble in response. "Now I suppose..." His face was closer, his breath warm on my mouth. "There's no reason to hold back..."

I was caught unprepared, not by his kiss, but by what had been said. Not just the epiphany Hook had had about his chance with Emma, but by all of it, by the missing year, by the fact that I had apparently grieved Rumpelstiltskin after all. And for weeks by the sound of it, but a million questions remained. So too did the mistrust, the doubts and insecurities. I began shoving away from the pirate, trying to squirm free of his arms.

"Belle." My name was a tortured moan from his throat, Hook again trying to kiss me. God help me, but I WANTED his kiss, even as I fought to evade it. I kept turning away, kept trying to shove free, fighting myself as much as I did Hook. He was all too tempting, and it would be far too easy to fall into old habits, our familiar give and take of twisted need and comfort. I had-was changing, no longer able to settle for simply being the woman Hook sought out for sex and solace. I had my dignity to think of, my self respect, but that uncontrollable lust, that fiery passion Hook always stoked so expertly inside me, was ready to burn away any attempt at resisting.

Hook abandoned his quest for my lips, his feverish kisses falling along my throat and exposed collar. I couldn't stop the gasp, couldn't stop from quivering with need, my body both wanting to melt and purr over such a touch. I felt like such a weak, wanton of a woman, so desperate and needy, and to such extremes for this man. Only my earlier vows, both the anger and the hurt I had felt over being used, and the memory of how much it had gutted me to hear Hook moan Emma's name, kept me from giving in so completely. Even as my body grew damp in eager preparation, even as my legs trembled with the force needed to keep my thighs closed to him. I was pushing away, my hands slapping wildly and then I was free.

"Belle?!" His passion wasn't cooled one bit by his anger and confusion. Hook panted as hard as I did, both of us sounding as though we had run several miles. I shook all over, even as I took unsteady steps back, Hook rising to his feet to aggressively pursue me.

"No!" I said it loudly and strongly, my right hand held forward to ward him off. I watched the tic in his cheek dance, watched the way Hook glowered in frustration, his fingers curling into a half formed fist. "No." I said it more quietly, but with no less force. "I won't be your rebound. I won't be the tool you use to get over the hurt Emma has dealt you."

"Emma?" His look was a confused frown, Hook shaking his head no. "This no longer has anything to do with her."

"So you say." I retort quickly. "But do you honestly believe that?!"

"I..."

"And do you honestly think I can believe that?!" I added, with a shake of my head. "No, nothing's changed. She's STILL hurting you, and in turn, you're still using me as some twisted coping mechanism." I willed myself to stay angry, to not give in and let bitter tears fill my eyes. I wanted to present a strong front, to not appear torn up and twisted inside by him and the situations we faced together, or the feelings that he made me feel, that wild want, that irrational need to own and possess him.

Those feelings were so dark, so twisted, and so far beyond my current understanding. I was drawn to Hook, in ways I couldn't explain. In ways that were different from my attraction to Rumpelstiltskin. I wanted, maybe even needed the pirate, in ways I had never any other man. But I didn't love him. I couldn't, this need a suffocating obsession that would see us dead if I didn't put an end to it.

"Belle..." I had thought his prolonged silence a confirmation of my accusation, but then I saw the determination in his eyes. "Yes, Emma has hurt me, and hurt me many times over. And yes, I can see that I've spilled that hurt onto you...but the blinders that I wore, the sway she had over me, it's all gone. I had a realization today, hell I had several, and I don't want to be chasing forever after a woman who doesn't want me. A woman who has given her heart to another."

"Like I've given my heart to Rumpelstiltskin?" I demanded tartly. It didn't have the desired effect, Hook smirking as he once again advanced on me. The edge of a table hit the small of my back, my trembling hands reaching behind me for a steadying support. "I love him!" I said it quickly, trying to stave off Hook's touch. "It's Emma all over again..."

"It's not." Hook's hand went flat on my chest, as though he would reach in and caress directly my wildly beating heart. "There's a very real difference between you and her..." He was already leaning into me, his lip's aim a chaste touch on the lobe of my ear. His whisper was husky, his all too real satisfaction inherent in the words he relished. "Emma never once gave herself over to me."

I closed my eyes at that, his hand now curving around my breast. I couldn't play surprised, couldn't do much of anything, having already known Emma wasn't sleeping with Hook. He never would have continued to fuck me otherwise. He would have been loyal, in ways I hadn't been able to be to Rumpelstiltskin.

The guilt in my heart was written on my face. Even as I spoke, even as I told Hook that this had all been a mistake, I knew he was right. There was a difference between myself and Emma, the savior able to love truly and not falter in the face of temptation.

To Be Continued...

First I want to say I don't hate the previous chapter anymore. Enough time passed, that now I can't remember why I hated and was so stressed out by chapter six. :) Yay! :)

So...okay not sure I shouldn't have tried to continue this chapter rather than end it where I did. Maybe when I've had some sleep, I'll change my mind and come back to tinker with it...though really I'd like to get to a Hook POV now...so we shall see.

I know I thought seven would be a Hook POV, but it didn't happen. I kept flip flopping back and forth, and have lines for both a Hook POV and a Belle POV...it also didn't go exactly like how I planned in terms of the beginning, but hey! I LIKE what I ended up with as an opening, and it just flowed from there. Even though I worried it was derailing a lot of my future plans. X_X

I'm pleased even with the slight derailment, I got some of what I thought would have happened in this scene. One of the reasons I was so frustrated by six, was I had imagined a scene where Hook get a little forcefully seductive on Belle (Though he doesn't go all the way, he stops.), and while she's trying to resist him, the phone is ringing (Which would be Emma and Neal. XD). Of course that scene didn't actually happen the way I had first imagined it...I'm kind doubly eager to get the next chapter written, cause hopefully it will set up the story to the point where Belle encounters Rumple in Zelena's shed! If I don't get derailed again.

Also, while rereading I noticed a HUGE mistake that I've yet to correct. Basically in chapter one, in Belle's thoughts, she said Zelena's name. But they're not supposed to KNOW at this point and time who the witch is! *face palm*

Slight spoiler..I debated a long time whether to keep Neal alive or follow cannon. Ultimately I decided he is going to live! Even though he and Emma are just background characters compared to the drama that is Hook Belle! XD

Laters!

-Michelle

Jewelzy, thanks dearie! *hugs* I don't hate it anymore. And yeah, frustrating...It keeps derailing from my plans all the time. Every time I think I got this particular fic on track, the damn story (Or rather the characters) decide to throw me a curveball and dictate their own thing! Ooh a jealous Hook, and a possessive Hook would be so delicious to see! XD I think that would be much more fun than the hurt he was feeling over Emma and Neal in the show. (Which I guess was a different form of jealousy...or even insecurity...)

Angelfan984, oh thank you! I'll try not to beat myself up too badly in the future. I know I get chapters where I really feel bad about, am really at my wit's end, and aggravated, and then a few months go by, and then I don't remember the negativity I had associated with the chapter, and read my author's note, and am like, "Exactly why did I hate on this chapter?!" So I am happy I can finally see what you and the other readers saw in six! Thanks again! *hugs*

Clarembess, *blushing, totaly blushing* I was really at my wit's end after that chapter, but thank you so much. You and the others all cheered me up greatly, even if at the time I couldn't see the good in the chapter. Thank you so much! I am not only blushing, but all a glow from your words. *wraps them around me like a blanket.* :D

Frozen AU, thanks! Glad it didn't disappoint. :)

00Ambrosie00, thank you! You do? *wide eyed cause I hadn't gotten anywhere near where I had wanted to put in smut, hence probably another reason why I felt so frustrated."

Ryunn Kazan, thank you. I am sorry for being so hard on myself and worrying you all. *hugs* Sadly I couldn't see the great opening that you did...but I am super happy with what I ended up with this week! *parties*

Lolawolf88 *giggles, in total agreement* Yes, Hook Belle for the total win! XD

Guest, yes I am continuing, albeit I am so slow these last few years. T_T But I am so glad you like it, and yes, Captain Beauty all the way! *waves a captain beauty flag*

Melody Hearten, thanks you so much. Oh God, you and me both with the rereading. I've reread this more than I've worked on writing it, in a desperate bid to try and get inspired for starting seven. it FINALLY happened. X_X But it took forever.

Guest, thank you! I am, even if slowly...