FWB
I thought everything would change after what we did in the bathroom. The next time we saw each other was lunch the next day. I thought that when everyone was gone things would be different. I thought he would treat me like I was something special, or at least like what we'd done had some meaning. That wasn't true, though. We went off campus and got popsicles at a corner store. He didn't bring it up, didn't acknowledge the guilty way I was watching him lick his Creamsicle. We walked back to the school, talking like nothing was wrong, even though my heart was pounding in my chest. The bell rang and we parted ways without even touching. The manly fist bump slash high five I'd come to associate with male friend's was completely absent. He smiled, said he'd see me again later, then went off to class.
The next day was the same thing, only we went to watch Jace play rugby against a team from Brooklyn. Magnus screamed "FORE!" when Jace threw the ball and Clary choked on her orange pop. Everything was hunky dory. We were just two friends hanging out. People didn't even seem to think it was weird anymore. The BA's and the LoMB's were talking to us again, some of them even sat with us in the bleachers. It was the weirdest thing. I was so close to Magnus. I could literally reach out and touch him, talk to him and have him listen. He knew me and acknowleged me and hung out with me, but I'd never felt farther away from him. He was holding back from me. We both knew what happened but it was almost like he was pretending it hadn't.
The third day Magnus wasn't at school.
The fourth day he said we were going to the corner store again, only we went out the back door. My stomach did flip flops and suddenly we were back in the bathroom. The door was locked without a word and he all but pounced on me. His hands were in my hair and all over my chest, sliding under my shirt. Magnus backed me up against the wall and hitched my knee on his narrow hip. I had to grab onto his shoulders to keep from falling over, but that didn't work out as well as I thought. I slipped and grabbed onto the front of his shirt, undoing three hole buttons. Magnus wasn't built like Jace, or even like me. He didn't have defined abs, but you could see the lean muscle. His skin was so perfect and golden. I ran my hands over his chest and he shivered. It gave me just enough confidence to stray from his mouth and trail kisses down to his neck. He tilted his head to give me better access and his grip on the back of my knee tightened. I tugged on his hair because I was convinced he liked that.
What I expected was for him to groan, maybe sigh. Instead his knees went weak and he became completely incapable of holding the both of us up anymore. We went down hard, his hand flying to my mouth to keep me from shouting. The two of us lay there in shock for a moment and then Magnus began laughing like crazy. It was contageous. I buried my face in his neck to try and stop. Magnus's whole body shook when he laughed. His face lit up and his eyes shined. I wanted to take a million pictures of him laughing.
"Oh Alec," he managed. "You're so cute."
The world was suddenly rolling. I felt Magnus's body on top of mine, warm and soft. He smelled like peppermint and hairspray. "Magnus," I started. I had to do it. I had to ask him what I was to him.
A strange look passed his face. It was soft and sad. Then he was getting to his feet, extending a hand to help me up. I took it. "You're the best FWB I've ever had."
I blinked a couple times, starting at his reflection. He was straightening out his hair and his shirt in the mirror. "FWB?"
"Yeah, you know, 'friend with benefits'."
Friend with benefits.
Friend with benefits.
Friend.
With benefits.
Friend.
Friend.
I felt sick again. "Oh," I said. My voice was hoarse. "Thanks. I have to pee." And then I dived past the urinals and into one of the stalls so that he couldn't see me cover my ears and scream without noise like I used to do when I was five. God, how stupid could I be? How could I think that Magnus Bane wanted something with me? Something more than just friends? At least he hadn't called us fuck-buddies. I probably would have hit him. Hard.
I left the stall and hurried over to the door. Magnus made a face at me in the mirror. "You didn't pee..."
"I don't have to anymore," I said and then opened the door and speedwalked away from Magnus. If he tried to follow me he didn't even come close to catching up with me.
I saw my reflection in the glass of the vending machine in the student council office. My hair was messed up, my shirt was off-kilter, and my lips were swollen from kissing. At least I didn't have another hickey. The student council office was empty, so I bought a Twinkie and then plunked down on one of the worn couches to pout. Isabelle and I ran the Traders of Tomorrow club even though we both hated it. The only reason we did it was because it gave us student council office privelages. Even though Magnus had a key, the secretary in the main office definitely wouldn't let him back.
What was I going to do? My heart hurt and my head hurt and my stomach hurt. Was this what breaking up felt like? Had we broken up? Was there anything to break up?
I pulled out my phone and texted Maddie Berry. She knew everything about everything. I asked her, "Do you know anything about Magnus Bane?"
She sent back three minutes later, "Yeah, he's a total man-slut."
Well, that didn't help.