Ever since they had returned from Connecticut Addison had been avoiding Derek. They had been back home for a week and there had been barely any interaction between the former spouses. Derek did his part in trying to get her attention. He called but she never answered, he text her but she never replied, he would try to catch her while she was walking but she's tell him she was busy and rush away. He was concerned about, he knew she had no one in Seattle and he wanted to be her someone.
So Derek went to the hotel he remember Addison had mentioned she was staying at. He approached the check-in desk hoping that she had not checked out and moved to some unknown location. After finding out her room number he went up to the 22nd floor and knocked on the door. He waited for a minute then knocked again and just as he was about to turn around and leave the door opened.
"Derek." Addison said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know." Derek murmured. "Were you busy with something? Am I bothering you?" he asked nervously because he wasn't sure if she wanted to see him or if she wanted him gone.
"I was actually in bed reading the new issue to one of my journals. I was so into one of the articles that I wasn't sure if someone was actually at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone so I was sure that I was hearing things or something."
"I um…came to make sure you're doing alright." Derek said. "You've been avoiding me since we got back from Connecticut, you don't look at me when we see each other at work, you ignore my calls and texts…Are you okay? Are you mad at me?"
Addison held the door open wider and let him into the room. She closed the door behind him and placed her hands on her hips. "Why is it that everything needs to be about you all the time?" she asked with an annoyed tone. "I'm not mad at you, did you ever consider that maybe I just wanted time to myself. Maybe I don't need my ex-husband constantly in my face."
Derek shrugged. "If you wanted me to back off and give you space then you should have just told me." He replied. "I thought that trip brought us closer together, I thought we would be there to help one another through this. I wasn't expecting for the awkwardness to kick in and drive us apart."
"Derek, I have tried to contain myself, I have. I have been patient with you and your feelings toward Lena but I can't anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't know how I feel. You may think you do, I have been pretending that you do but you don't. You will never know how I feel, you cannot understand how much it hurts me to know she's gone. You say you're the only other person that understands because you were her father but that doesn't mean anything! Archer was more of a father to her then you ever were and he doesn't even know how I feel!"
"What are you talking about?" Derek repeated, not knowing whether to be hurt or confused by her rant.
"I carried that child inside of me, I gave birth to her. That gives me a connection to her that no one else on this planet had, that means no one else will ever know what I feel. And you of all people will never come close because you never even held her, you never met her, you never looked into her eyes and felt the unconditional love she had to offer. So fuck off and stop pretending that you know what all losing all of that feels like!"
"Fine, Addison, I'll leave you alone. I should have known that this whole being civil thing was too good to be true. I knew it was going to be awkward." Derek answered somewhat bitterly.
"I think it would be for the best if we stopped trying to be friends. We obviously have too much baggage to just be friends. Maybe we should try to keep our relationship strictly professional."
"If that's what you need to be happy then I can respect that."
"Thank you." Addison mumbled in a low tone suddenly realizing how quickly things had managed to be so awkward between them.
"I should probably go in that case…a co-worker wouldn't stand in a colleague's hotel room while she was wearing nothing by a slightly oversized t-shirt. It's not professional." He said, his voice mocking her just a little. "I will see you at work, Dr. Montgomery."
Addison nodded awkwardly watching as he walked out the door and shut it carefully behind himself.
Another few weeks went by and the interaction between the former pair had been strictly professional and kept to a minimum level. Addison spent most of her time in the NICU or the OR and Derek was either with a patient or cramped up in his office. They rarely bumped into one another in the halls and when they did they acted as if they hadn't noticed the other one.
Addison had been feeling terrible in the weeks following her return to Seattle. She had been feeling light headed and dizzy but refused to give it too much thought. As days went on she developed the worst case of nausea she had ever had in her life and credited that with the fact that she barely ate and all she had in her stomach at most times was coffee. She failed to notice that she skipped her period that month. The next month she noticed she was late and realized that she couldn't even remember when she last had her cycle. She refused to think anything of that too, hoping all her symptoms were because of the stress of being alone in a strange city.
Things got worse when her nausea flared up during a 15 hour, highly publicized surgery. She barely managed to step away from the open bodies of conjoined twins just in time to pull off her mask and vomit right there on the floor of the OR. Richard, who had been one of the consulting surgeons on the case, was furious. Had she been a few seconds too late to step away she would have thrown up on the patients and caused a major law suit for the hospital. He locked her in an exam room with an intern after the surgery and refused to let her out until the cause of all her symptoms was discovered.
"We don't really have to do this, Dr. O'Malley." Addison told him with a charming smile as she leaned against the examination table with her arms crossed over her chest. "You can tell Richard that there was no conclusive diagnosis and tell him that I've been very stressed lately. Easy for you, easy for me."
"He told me he wants to see your chart when I'm done." George replied awkwardly.
"So write what I told you in the chart, we'll wait in her for an hour and get on with our lives."
"He wants to see labs, and any other tests I deem necessary." George answered. "How about I just get a blood sample and if that doesn't show anything then we'll show him that and tell him whatever you want to tell him."
Addison had no choice but to agree. She let him draw blood and rush it to the lab while she waited patiently in the exam room. He came back an hour and a half later to find that she had fallen asleep on the uncomfortable looking table and nervously nudged her arm to wake her. "Dr. Montgomery, I got your test results back."
"Great, go give them to Richard so I can get out of here and go back to work." She replied as she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"I think you may want to take a look at them before he sees them." He mumbled shyly as he held the file out to her.
Addison rolled her eyes and grabbed the file to check through it. She scanned through the test results, most of it seemingly normal in her eye until she caught one abnormal number. It was the one diagnosis she did not expect. Her hCG level was high which meant she was pregnant. Yet again she found herself alone carrying another child of Derek's.
"Are you sure this isn't someone else's test results? Because this is not possible. I am a gynecologist. I would know if I am pregnant. I would know within the first four weeks."
"I had the lab run it twice, that's why it took me a little longer than usual." He replied, the awkward tone of his voice still present. "Congratulations." He added.
"I uh…" Addison started but found herself at a loss of words. "Thanks." She whispered thought she didn't sound like she was too thrilled.
"Dr. Webber is waiting for these results too. You want me to call him in here or you want to go tell him? Or I can tell him if you want."
"I don't want to tell him. I want to go home, I need to go home. Will you please let him know that I'm leaving and that I may not come in tomorrow?"
George nodded and watched as she walked out of the room before he went to go find the chief to tell him the good (or bad) news.
Bizzy hadn't spoken to her daughter in the two months since Addison left Connecticut. Usually they spoke once or twice a week but in the recent months Addison had been avoiding all phone calls from her family and she hadn't been responding to messages.
When she saw her mother's name on the screen she immediately picked up and the first thing she said was, "You suck at giving advice."
"Well, hello, dear. It's nice to hear from you, too. And I'm fine, thanks for asking." Bizzy replied sarcastically. "Why do I 'suck', as you so formally put it, at giving advice? What happen?"
"You told me that it's okay to have fun. You told me that sleeping Derek that night wasn't a big deal and that it's okay to cut loose. Well you were wrong because now I'm pregnant."
"You're pregnant?" Bizzy asked in a pleasant shock. "Wow, that man has got some talent. You were with Robert for four years and not once did you even think you need a pregnancy test. All Derek has to do is sit next to you and a month later you've got your head hovering over a toilet."
"I will hang up if you say his name again." Addison warned. "I am bitchy and hormonal, I snap very easily."
"Have you told Derek?" Bizzy asked softly.
The question was met with a long silence. "No." Addison finally whispered. "We are not really talking anymore."
"What do you plan on doing then? You should not have to do this alone again, Addison. Will you at least consider moving back here so we can help you? Or maybe I can move out there for a year or two to help."
"I don't know if I need help because I'm not sure if I'm going to keep the baby." Addison admitted without any sign of emotion in her voice.
"You can't get an abortion, Addison. This is your second chance. Don't throw that away."
"I don't want a replacement!" Addison yelled. "I want my daughter back, I do not want a replacement! I want Lena, not a second baby to fill the void she left. I am not ready for another child!"
"Honey, this baby will not be a replacement. I know it's hard to see otherwise for you right now but it will not replace Lena. No one can ever replace Lena. This baby will be a whole new person, possibly very different from Lena but it doesn't mean you won't love him or her exactly the same way." Bizzy explained.
"See…this is what I was talking about when I said you don't know how I feel." Addison replied. "You don't understand, Bizzy."
"I do understand, Addison! I understand it perfectly. You are hurting; her death left you wounded. But all wounds heal and some leave scars. Your problem is that you won't let yourself heal. You refuse to let yourself be happy. This baby will love you, he or she will put a smile on your face, you will feel the same sense of love when she hold your child. All you have to do is let yourself enjoy the moment instead of dwelling on what you had in the past."
Some people guessed right :o! Addison is pregnant with Derek's baby...again. Let's just hope it works out better this time around. Right? Wrong? There are gonna be some intersting bumps along the way to happily ever after.
Tell me what you think! Surprised? Annoyed with another story with pregnant Addison?