I take huge liberties with the Japanese wedding ceremony in this chapter, turning it very American. Why? I'm simply too lazy to look it up, and it's late at night. I have work early tomorrow morning. I may someday go back and change it, but right now, it suits the story. I hope I managed to keep Sesshomaru in character, since that's a lot more important...
Also: sorry for such the long wait. I'm going to try to update every few weeks or so, but I have no promises at all. This and my Labyrinth fanfic will update back and forth, so it's Labyrinth's turn next update... Though my muse usually throws away my schedules, so who knows, I could update this one again to catch up. Go figure.
The next morning, Kagome broached the topic of marriage with Sesshomaru over breakfast, just to get him used to the idea. Cheerfully, she asked him, "What's your take on marriage?" She grinned at him just so, and she heard a small cough, watching his throat work furiously. Though his face remained impassive, she could tell that he had indeed just choked on his breakfast. He stared at her almost incredulously, and she laughed, reiterating, "Not for me, Sesshomaru." She nodded towards Rin, who remained blissfully unaware of the conversation as she immersed her sleepy self in her oatmeal.
"Learn to word yourself better, woman," he complained. "Marriage is a human affair." He returned to his meal, signaling that his piece was finished.
She smiled mischievously and continued, "Fine, what about the demon equivalent? Mating?" She looked up at him expectantly, knowing that his answer would be good.
This time, he chewed and swallowed his bite without choking on it, and told her sharply, "There is no comparison between the two. Mating combines two persons into one, so that they share everything... For life, depending on the breed of demon." He picked up his spoon and frowned, adding as an afterthought, "There is no magic in marriage, only luck." He didn't look at Kagome anymore, and she found herself wondering.
After hesitating several times in caution of her question, she asked him, "Have you ever been mated?" Her voice was quiet and careful, as if very unsure of his response.
He lifted dark eyes to her, and Kagome noted that both Atsuko and Rin were both paying very close attention to the conversation now. "No," he told Kagome, and his voice, for once, didn't hold an air of arrogance to it. "If I had been mated, I would not be here." He would not say any more on the subject. He glanced between the three females and scowled before excusing himself and leaving the hut. Kagome decided that she would delve deeper into the subject later.
The wedding was in the spring, like all good weddings. Despite her modern way of thinking, where sixteen was way too young to get married, Kagome knew better. In this time, it was common. Sesshomaru, surprisingly, didn't put up much argument against Kohaku. Sango suspected that it was because he was a trained demon exterminator. Kagome knew it was because he had asked her if she thought Kohaku was worthy, believing that she knew the boy better than he ever would.
They sat beside one another at the ceremony, which Miroku was performing. Kagome's eyes teared up as she observed the proceedings, for more reasons than one. Sesshomaru shot her a questioning glance, that she simply answered with, "I always cry at weddings."
"You're lying," he said softly. She just shook her head, they would speak about it later, if Sesshomaru had enough curiosity to continue the conversation. He spared her one look that simply told her that he would indeed want to know later. She frowned. Normally, he was respectful in the sense that if she didn't want to talk about something, he didn't bring it up. Perhaps tonight he was just going to be an ass about it.
For the rest of the ceremony, Kagome sat and brooded over the coming conversation that she was sure she would have to endure. She could picture his disdainful gaze as she tried to make up something plausible about her lie. She could hear his derisive snort and his cold reply, that would force her to tell the truth. She could see him toss his hair like some popular girl in high school that knew they were too good, that they didn't have to listen to this. With a frown, Kagome realized that she and Sesshomaru were the only ones still seated.
Suddenly realizing that the ceremony had ended, and the reception was well under way, Kagome sighed. Her further realization was that Sesshomaru wasn't looking at her, neither was he complaining about their sitting together. It's the silence, she decided to herself. He hates it when I speak. The self-loathing thoughts that followed made her face sour and she looked down at the grass beneath her feet. She eyed her feet warily, and found that they gave her no solace either. In her teenage years, they had been petite and soft. Now, after she had failed to find a way to make shoes like her time, she made due with sandals, and they were rough and callused...
Like her hands. Her gaze shifted upward, and she turned her palms towards the sky, hatefully gazing upon her weathered hands. Everything she handled nowadays was made of wood, leather, or stone, causing her hands to build thick skin everywhere; the pads of her fingers, the groove between her thumb and forefinger, and the heels of her hands. She closed her eyes and, not for the first time, was glad that she no longer had frequent access to a mirror.
If her feet and hands were this bad, there was no telling what her face looked like. She imagined herself looking like Kaede – wrinkled, weathered, and ruddy. She felt hot tears rise, making her throat thick.
"Why do you lie to this Sesshomaru?"
His demand caught her off-guard. He was usually stoic and silent whenever she cried, as if pretending that it wasn't happening at all. Or ignoring her, which was the more likely option, now that she thought of it. Her tears disappeared in short order, and she cleared her throat to reply, "I didn't..." She knew she was only lying to the both of them now.
Faster than she could follow, Sesshomaru had stood and hauled her to her feet as well. Looking at her with more emotion in his face than she had previously witnessed, he told her, "You will not lie any longer. Do I make myself clear?" His voice left no room for argument. Despite her stubborn nature demanding that she protest and tell him off, she just nodded her head.
"Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin shouted from the reception excitedly. Kagome thanked herself again for giving Rin the idea of the father-daughter dance. Sesshomaru hadn't been able to decline when she, Rin, and Atsuko ganged up on him to demand it, even though he said that he did not dance. She broke his gaze first, and he followed, seeing Rin beaming at them obliviously and holding out one hand towards Sesshomaru in appeal. As if knowing the time had come, Sesshomaru just nodded his head and released Kagome, moving towards Rin with purpose.
The villagers were mostly still afraid of him. They cleared a path for the two onto the makeshift dance floor. Kagome sat back down and watched in awe as Sesshomaru didn't miss a step in the short dance. Of course his dancing would be perfect as well, he was technically nobility. He had to have been to some sort of ball at one point. Kagome scowled and shoved aside her western princess ideals, looking past them and to the villagers. They were slowly smiling and dancing along with them, though none of them were near as graceful as the dog demon and his daughter in the center. Absently, Kagome wondered if Rin appreciated the gesture for what it was – lowering himself to their level.
Atsuko made a beeline into her line of vision. After establishing that nothing was immediately wrong, Kagome listened to her daughter's excited chatter, and agreed that they should dance too. For the rest of the night, Kagome forced herself to dance with her daughter, talk to the villagers, and be happy. She also avoided the taiyoukai.
The next morning was stifling hot, in accordance with late spring. Kagome found that she had thrown away most of her bedclothes and was lying in just the threadbare pajamas that she had left. She rarely wore them anymore, and found her memories of the previous night too fuzzy to remember why she decided on wearing them last night. Regardless, she rolled out of her bed and changed her clothes. She tip-toed past Sesshomaru, more for her own benefit than his, and sat heavily on the porch.
Though her modest hut had an awning over its porch, it didn't offer much sanctuary from the heat. She didn't know how Sesshomaru was putting up with it inside. She frowned, finding that she felt too lazy to get anything done today. She looked up at the herbs that had dried over the past month or so, knowing that if this heat continued, she would have to jar them early to keep them from losing all of their nutrients. She leaned her head back against the front wall and didn't bother to acknowledge it as Sesshomaru exited the hut and sat beside her.
For a long time, they remained silent. Kagome kept one ear on Atsuko, but was otherwise silent, enjoying the quiet village morning. Suddenly, she told Sesshomaru, "I wish I had coffee in this era." She knew it existed in Europe, but also knew that it was still considerably expensive and hard to obtain. She would have to make do with tea, as she normally did, but always wished for coffee. The smell of it woke her up most mornings that she wasn't in the feudal era, back during the fight against Naraku. She rubbed her eyes and forced the memories from her mind again. She didn't want to dwell on that anymore, nor did she want to think about how much she honestly missed the old Inuyasha. She looked at Sesshomaru, staring intently at his face and waiting for him to look at her.
Sesshomaru was aware that he was being stared at, but was stubbornly refusing to give in and look back at her. He didn't know why. No, he did, he just didn't like it. He liked seeing Kagome angry, he liked seeing her disheveled. He couldn't make her happy without raising all kinds of questions about his sanity, so he settled for irritating her instead – it was better than seeing her saddened, as was a common occurrence.
As it became clear to him that she wasn't going to look away any time soon, he rolled his eyes skyward shortly and turned his head to look at her. He wished he hadn't.
"Am I ugly?" she asked him.
He raised one regal brow by a quarter of an inch, and she suddenly felt stupid. She pursed her lips and looked away. "Never mind. Like you'd ever look at me that way anyhow..." she grumbled. Sesshomaru looked away as well, enjoying his inner commentary that was declaring quite the contrary to her statement. He had looked, thoroughly, not that he would ever admit it out loud... or to himself, really. She continued, "It's just... I'm the oldest one in the village that's not married. I don't even have any suitors... I know I'm a priestess, and I know I've got Atsuko, but I must admit, I miss the attention I got as a teenager... Between Inuyasha, Kouga, and sometimes even Miroku, I never went a day without feeling somehow flattered."
Sesshomaru's inner commentary turned sour as he realized that he had suddenly thought of a thousand ways in which to flatter the priestess beside him. He supposed that proximity had allowed him to become tolerant of her, but he would not allow it further. Sometimes she gazed at him as if she were wishing, but he would not make the same mistakes as his father. He was here for his niece, and that was all. He realized she had continued to speak, and his mind stumbled in efforts to retain his composure and somehow regain what he had lost of the one-sided conversation.
She sat forward and began weaving her fingers through her hair, hacking away at the tangles. "I'm old. Sure, I'm only 24, I've still got a good-sized chunk of life ahead of me, but I'm not married and the horizon is doubtful in that aspect, besides." She was quiet for a few minutes as she combed her fingers through her hair and then carefully braided it. "I'm just afraid of spending my life alone," she whispered at length.
That was something Sesshomaru could empathize with, and he became frightfully aware of how close he was to saying something he may regret. As he carefully decided what words he would allow to fall from his lips, Atsuko let out a sleepy yawn. Footfalls from inside the hut signaled that she was awake. Kagome got to her feet and went back inside to attend to the child. Sesshomaru's words were never allowed to come to the surface, and he reprimanded himself for getting caught up in the human woman.