Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.

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Vodka and Nicotine

Chapter Seven

Renounce: verb - To give up or put aside voluntarily.

My foot was heavy on the gas peddle, only letting up to slow for traffic every now and again. Mostly I just drove, mindless and numb. I didn't know where I was going, didn't even care. The music coming from the stereo was far too loud, yet it wasn't loud enough to snap me out of this trance.

It was dark out now, a quick glance at the clock on the dash told me it was quarter past eight. I had been driving for nearly an hour. I blinked. Where the fuck was I? A sign up ahead told me I was on the I-80 west to Joliet. Why in the hell was I driving to Joliet? Jasper was screaming beside me, how long had my phone been ringing without me noticing? I ignored it, only picking it up when it was silent. I had thirty-two missed calls all from Jasper. Shit.

I took the next exit, pulling up to the first curb I found. I took a deep breath and then cut the engine, I felt exhausted. My eyes stung, my back and neck hurt and I was scared. I had never ever driven under the influence of drugs before, it was stupid and reckless and so very selfish. I didn't know why I had done it.

Edward.

Okay maybe I did know why but the reasoning behind it, I wasn't so sure. I didn't know what was going on with me lately; it seemed my emotions were all over the place because of this boy. I was acting stupid and irrational for no apparent reason. So what if he didn't like me the way I liked him. So what if he was cryptic and bipolar. Why did it upset me so much? Why was he so important to me?

Jasper was screaming again and this time I couldn't ignore him. I answered.

"Bella? Bella, what the fuck man? Where are you? Are you okay? What happened?" Jasper blurted out without so much as a hello.

"I'm okay, I'm in Joliet, I just freaked out Jaz, I'm really sorry, I was high, I wasn't thinking. Jesus I'm shaking." My hand trembled uncontrollably, shaking the phone violently.

"Why the hell are you in Joliet? Bella, you scared the shit out of me, running out screaming at Edward like that, we heard you all the way down the fucking stairs! Then he stormed back in screaming some shit about keeping you the fuck away from him, he said you took off in your fucking car, I almost punched that dick in his goddamn face, letting you drive high? What was he thinking? What were you thinking?" He was angry, I could tell but he was worried too.

"I wasn't thinking, Jaz. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, I really didn't," I sighed, running a hand through my tangled hair. "I was high, I just got really mad. I don't even know how I got here; I don't really remember much of the drive…" I trailed off.

"Shit, Bella… What can I do?"

"I'm just so tired, Jasper. I don't want to drive all the way back to Chicago tonight."

"Do you want me to come get you sweetie? I can hitch a ride and drive you back."

"No, no, don't be silly. I'll be fine. I can sleep in the car…"

"You will not!" Jasper interjected loudly.

"Well you aren't hitching a ride all the way out here just to drive me back. I'll be okay, I'll just get some coffee and then head back, I'm clean now. It'll be okay."

"No. Bella. No. I'll come get you. I'll get Edward to drive me out, fucking asshole owes you that much."

"NO! Jasper, no. Don't get Edward involved in this." I begged.

"Why the hell not? He never should have let you get in that car."

I sighed again.

"It doesn't matter. I never should have got in the car, it's not his fault. It's cool. Don't worry."

"No, it's not cool. You're in frigging Joliet, Bella." He sounded angry again.

"Jaz…"

"No. I'm coming to get you. Go get some coffee I'll be there in an hour."

"Jasper no, please…" I tried but it was too late, he had already hung up. "Shit, Jasper!" I swore. He was so goddamn stubborn.

I started the engine then headed toward town to find some coffee. I found my coffee ten minutes later in a little twenty-four hour diner in town. I drank two cups; black, no sugar before I started to get nervous. It felt like someone was watching me, the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up, my skin felt like it was crawling. I rubbed my bare arms, wishing I had bought a jacket with me, I felt too exposed.

"Hey, baby."

I looked up to see tall man in his late forties standing over me. I shivered.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"I sure hope so." He leered at me like a big disgusting pervert and I wanted to throw up.

"I don't think so asshole, go hit on someone your own age." I growled at him, I really didn't need this bullshit right now.

"You watch your mouth bitch."

I recoiled slightly, the place was deserted apart from the girl behind the counter but she had her back to us, busy with something. I thought about calling to her but I could handle this idiot on my own.

"Excuse me?" I asked him. "

"I said, watch your mouth bitch." He repeated.

I stood up, facing him full on. He didn't back down, just grinned exposing a set of disgusting brown stained teeth.

"Back off." I said lowly, he was going to loose his balls if he wasn't careful.

My father had been a police officer; he was very big on the whole self-defence thing, making sure I knew exactly how to take care of myself. I had complained at the time but now I can't tell you just how grateful I was for it. It had come in handy on more than one occasion.

The guy didn't back off, I saw what he was planning to do the second he reached his hand towards me; I grabbed it roughly twisting it behind his back. I pulled it high until he cried out in pain, if I wanted to I could pull his arm from its socket and I was tempted to but the girl behind the counter was paying attention now and I figured dislocating someone's arm wouldn't go down too well with her.

"Hey!"

I let the idiot go; he backed off now, cursing me all the way out the door, his tail between his legs.

"He was about to molest me." I explained to the waitress.

"Don't worry about it honey, I say good on you. That guy's a complete pervert."

"Yeah I figured," I smiled at her. "Any chance I could get a refill?" I asked.

"Sure, this one's on the house."

She went off to retrieve me a coffee, coming back a moment later. I thanked her, sipping the hot beverage slowly. It warmed me, the caffeine making me feel a little better, more alert anyway. I had finished it by the time Jasper called again.

"Where are you?" He asked me softly.

"I'm in a diner on Jefferson, urm… Kim's Diner, I think it's called."

"We're almost there, are you alright?" Jasper sounded so concerned, it humbled me. I really never gave him enough credit; he really was an amazing friend.

"I'm okay, thank you for doing this. I don't deserve a friend like you." I felt tears in my eyes, god I was such a baby.

"Anytime. See you in a minute."

I rubbed my eyes, getting to my feet to meet him outside. I got to the door just as Edward's Volvo pulled up to the curb. I couldn't actually believe he had come, why would he after telling me to leave him alone? Why not just tell Jasper to go to hell? Was it guilt? Pity? I didn't want his pity.

I could hear them arguing from the sidewalk.

"You're not even going to see if she's okay?" Jasper asked angrily.

"Get out of the car, Jasper." Edward's voice sounded strained.

"What the fuck man? I thought you liked her."

"You asked me to give you a ride, I did. End of story."

"You're a fucking asshole, you know that." Jasper said before getting out of the car, he slammed the door forcefully before coming to my side. Edward drove off without so much as a look at me; I felt a stab of pain at his lack of concern.

"Hey, Jaz." I smiled, swallowing the hurt down.

"Ready to go home?" He asked only managing a half smile. Clearly, he wasn't happy with the whole situation.

"Yeah, thanks." I handed him the keys to the impala, something I had never done before but I was too tired to care. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

"How come Edward came?" I asked when we were back on the I-80 headed back to Chicago.

My eyes were heavy, so I let them fall closed, it felt as though I hadn't slept in weeks.

"I don't know… I called him, told him where you were and demanded he drive me to you and he said okay. You'd think after driving all the way out here he'd at least say fucking hello. Seriously, Bella the guy's a jerk. I asked Alice what the hell was going on and she got all cryptic on me, she said he was going through some stuff and he wasn't himself. Whatever that means," He sighed wearily. "I don't think you should see him again."

I didn't bother to open my eyes. As much as I hated it, I knew he was right. Edward and me, what we were doing… it just wasn't working. It just seemed like it was fucking us both up and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I just knew that this wasn't me. Driving almost fifty miles, high, for no particular reason. My emotions were all over the goddamn place and I really didn't like it. I just wanted things to get back to normal.

"Bella?"

"I know." I whispered.

"Good. He's all wrong for you, sweetie. You know I love you like a sister, I won't let some fucking jerk use you and discard you whenever he wants."

I smiled.

"I love you too Jaz. Thanks for being awesome."

"Well awesome is my middle name."

I laughed with him, truly grateful for everything this boy did for me, which was a lot more than I had ever realised. The car grew silent after that, the only sound was the steady hum of the engine as we powered down the highway. My mind had grown hazy with lack of sleep.

"Bella, wake up." Jasper was shaking me lightly.

I blinked, groggy and disorientated. When had I fell asleep? A quick look at the dash told me it was ten to eleven. Jesus this felt like the longest day I had ever lived through.

"When did I fall asleep?" I mumbled.

"Not that long after we left Joliet. Come on, let's get you to bed."

Jasper helped me up the stairs and into my room. It was dark and quiet which meant; either my mom wasn't home or she had already gone to bed, I would put my money on the first one. Jasper handed me a pair of pyjama bottoms and a tank top to sleep in.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow, get some rest."

"Jaz, stay. I'll take you home in the morning."

"Sure, beat's getting a cab." He smiled before undoing his shirt and pulling out of his jeans.

It wasn't the first time Jasper had stayed over, after all he was my best friend. After many a night of alcohol and marijuana, my room was pretty much Jasper's second home. It wasn't weird or uncomfortable that I had a half naked boy in my bed, because in all honesty his presence comforted me more than any one else ever had, other than my father of course.

I changed quickly after he'd settled himself under my covers before crawling in next to him. The soft mattress felt like heaven to me, my head hit the pillow and I was instantly pulled towards unconsciousness.

"Bella?" Jasper whispered softly.

"Mhmm?"

"You and Edward, it was just sex right?"

I paused, I hadn't been expecting him to ask me something like that and it was something I wasn't exactly sure how to answer. It was just sex, we didn't have conversation or diner or anything like that but the way I felt about him… I was absolutely certain he was more than just some fuck buddy to me and it was totally absurd. I had known him for nine days. Nine frigging days! We had only had sex twice, did we even count as fuck buddies or was it just a one night… twice? I really didn't know.

"Yeah, it was just sex."

There was no point worrying about it now. Edward had made his feelings perfectly clear. He didn't want to see me anymore; there was nothing else to it. I would just have to get the hell over it.

"Night, Bella." Jasper yawned.

"Goodnight." I murmured back and then I was asleep.

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