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Very Sassy Ladies

"You know that 'someone's walked over your grave' feeling?" When Sirius nodded James grimaced. "Right now I feel like someone's stomping on mine." Rubbing the back of his neck James couldn't shake the feeling that something very, very bad was coming his way.

"My money would be on Lily."

"I second that." Remus echoed, sharing a knowing look with Sirius.

"Damn, I wish I knew what-." Eyes widening James stopped walked, Peter backing into him from behind. Not that James noticed as Peter's fervently apologized. Hand slapping against his right cheek James could have sworn he'd just felt someone kiss it. Looking over at Sirius, who was walking on his right, James's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Did you just kiss my cheek?"

Raising an eyebrow Sirius patted James's shoulder, his expression lazily amused. "No, mate. I've better women to snog than you." Just the idea had his lips twitching with laughter.

"But I could have sworn… what the hell?!" Grabbing his butt James whirled around to stare at a very startled and apparently oblivious Peter. Opening his mouth to demand to know if Peter had just pinched his ass the words died in James's throat as he caught sight of his Lily, watching him. His girl was definitely wearing a cat that ate the cream smile, though she was too far away to have done any pinching or kissing. But still….

"Is something wrong, James?" Remus asked, his concern apparent as he looked his friend over critically.

"I think my lovely Lily is using whatever spell Prewett taught her." It was the only logical explanation. Peter would have seen someone pinch his ass, just like Sirius would have seen someone kiss his cheek. Neither would have done either of those things in public, if only for the gossip repercussions.

A speculative gleam coming into his eyes Sirius's interest was piqued. "Oh? How so?"

James was too busy dealing with the fact that he could literally feel lips kissing their way down his neck to respond. And they were very familiar lips too. The crowd around them had thickened, and he couldn't see her, but James could definitely sense her. How was Lily managing this from so far away?

And oh but what he could do with this spell once she taught it to him.

Talk about creative foreplay, James thought wickedly, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

The three other Marauders watched James with amusement for the next hour, not quite sure what to make of all his squirming and interesting facial expressions. None of them got anything out of their first class and were as disappointed as James when the spell apparently ended just before the class did. Even though they had the next class with Lily as well nothing happened and the boys were waiting at the door as soon as class ended for lunch.

Ignoring their eager questions Lily gently pushed her way through them, ignoring their many inquiries as she headed for the Great Hall with her head held high. She was a little disappointed that nothing she'd done had made James act really foolish, but at least a number of people were looking at him sideways now. She just didn't know enough to be bad, Lily thought with a dejected sigh.

But she could ask Jamie, Lily thought with a blooming smile. She had a feeling he knew how to be very, very bad.

"Does that smile mean you'll be using that spell again soon?" James asked, having finally managed to elbow his way over to her side.

"Don't know what you mean." Was her oh so casual reply. "Is something wrong by the way? You were acting a tad odd back there. For a little while there you looked rather like a landed trout."

"That would be when you used the spell to make me think you were snogging me, right?" James shot back, color high. She was going to pay for that one.

A devious look coming into her sparkling green eyes Lily smirked at him. "Well I guess you do sort of kiss like a landed trout."

An insulted look coming over his face James gave her a 'very funny' look. "You've never complained before." It was bad enough that Sirius had been there and had already given him a reenactment, so that he knew how stupid he'd looked.

"Well lucky you, I've always liked seafood." Laughing openly at his expression Lily teasingly hip checked him. "Now why don't you run along and sit with your little friends. I'm sure they have loads to tease you about."

"Thanks to you I'm sure they do."

"You're welcome."

)

And they did have loads of fun teasing him. Lily kept silent from her side of the table, a knowing smirk on her face as she watched and enjoyed. The embarrassment of it all had Lily feeling sorry enough for James that she willingly walked out with the Marauders. Walking side by side with James the five hadn't gone far before a loud bang sounded in the hallway, students separating to reveal two house elves standing in the middle of the walkway.

The first and oldest was dressed like a typical house elf, and nothing stood out about him. The same could not be said for the other elf. This one wore miniature biker boots and a leather jacket that reacted down to its knees. Multiple piercings decorated the house elf's ears, and around its bald head it wore a black bandana decorated with crossbones. On her back was a leather pack almost as big as she was.

The second house elf was obviously looking for someone, and everyone watched as the elf hurtled down the hallway towards Jamie, who had made his way through the crowd and had dropped to his knees by the time the elf reached him. Before their amazed eyes the elf threw herself into Jamie's open arms and began to cry, her words mumbled against his neck as she sobbed. From what they could understand, the house elf's name was Sassy, Jamie was her master, and she'd been very, very worried about him.

Then, if that wasn't shocking enough, the elf suddenly stopped crying and started beating at Jamie's head with her tiny fists, railing at him for worrying her. She had a very good command of several four letter words too.

A house elf laying a fist to its master. Now they'd seen everything.

Also having made his way through the crowd Dumbledore raised an eyebrow as he watched the show. He'd certainly never seen the likes before, which was saying something.

"Can you not behave for even a minute?" The old house elf snarled, drawing the other elf's attention away from berating her master.

"Quiet you." The elf sassed back, jumping off Jamie to confront her criticizer. "I can yell at him if I want. He's MY master after all."

Lips twitching Jamie held up a hand in the old elf's direction. "No worries, I actually encouraged this. As everyone likes to remind me, I brought this on myself."

"Did you now?"

Sassy turning her head to see who had spoken the house elf's already bulbous eyes went even huger. Snatching her bandana off her head Sassy started forward, executing a perfect bow in Dumbledore's direction.

"Headmaster Dumbledore. Sassy is so very sorry for the inconveniences Sassy's master has no doubt caused you. Sassy is ashamed that she was not here sooner to make sure your greatness was not troubled by him."

Both eyebrows winging up Dumbledore stared down at the little elf kindly. "You have no need to trouble yourself. I assure you he has been on his best behavior."

"You are truly as great and wonderful as master's father said you were, to lie to Sassy for her sake. Sassy is so unworthy of such kindness."

Rolling his eyes Jamie walked over to stand at Sassy's side, placing a restraining hand on the house elf's head. "It's okay, Sassy, really. I've been on my best behavior, just for you."

Crossing her arms Sassy looked up at Jamie, clearly not buying that for a minute.

"We need to get going." The unknown elf pointed out impatiently, having bowed politely to Dumbledore while his junior disgraced their entire race.

"We're going now?" Jamie asked, his whole face brightening. Yesterday there had seemed to be no hope, now here his Sassy was, to take him home. How excellent was that? He wished he could have had more time to get to know the people that had shaped his father's life, but it was better if he did nothing more to shape their lives.

"Not you, Master. We can't take you with us. We're just here to deliver a message to you." Unslugging the backpack from her back Sassy held the sack up to Jamie. "We can't come get you until the next full moon. Inside are instructions and notes from everyone. Your grandmother put in some of your favorite cookies too. I came along to make sure you got it and that he wasn't just cheating us out of all that money." Here she aimed a dark look in the other elf's direction. "You wouldn't believe what HIS master charges. Highway robbery, it was."

The old house elf simply sent her a dark look, his dislike obvious.

"Well thanks. I guess you guys got the letter I sent?"

"We did, we did. Just after your brothers got done beating the hell out of that stupid Chaser guy. His parents had to have him transported to another country; he was getting all sorts of death threats for what he did to you. Roxie got the whole beating on tape; a copy is in the bag too."

"Sweet." He was definitely going to enjoy watching that.

"We must go now."

Glaring at the other elf Sassy grabbed Jamie's hand and tugged hard to make sure she had his full attention. "Master must promise Sassy he will be on his best behavior. He must not do anything to cause trouble or change what should not be changed. Understand?"

Saluting her Jamie reached down and picked her up, hugging her tight as her arms came around his neck. "I promise. I'll do my very best."

"You better."

After more hugs Jamie set the elf back on her feet, watching as she went over and reluctantly took the scowling elf's hand. While he watched the two poofed, Jamie did his best to keep a smile on his face. He didn't want her to worry after all.

When she was gone Jamie looked over at Dumbledore questioningly, silently asking why it was that he couldn't have gone with them.

Coming over Dumbledore leaned over and spoke into Jamie's ear just loud enough for the younger man to hear alone. "Elves of advanced age can travel back in time for very brief moments, no more than ten minutes at most. Very few know how to do it, and its very magically draining for them. They can't take humans or any species other than their own with them. Passengers shorten the time even more."

"Ah." Clutching the bag against his chest Jamie reminded himself that he had a little less than a month before going home. At least his family knew where he was and what had happened. That was more than he'd felt safe to hope yesterday.

"A most interesting house elf you have there." Dumbledore commented, aware of the curious ears all around them.

"Yeah. You'd never believe she used to jump at shadows." A genuine smile crossing his lips Jamie grinned up at the old man. "Her previous owners just called her Elf, and she was the model of what people think house elves should be. I named her Sassy in the hopes that it would inspire her to grow a little personality and backbone. She did, obviously."

"With spine to spare."

"And how."

)

Later, when he was alone, Jamie opened the sack, drawing out the cookies his grandmother had baked for him. Popping open the container Jamie helped himself to a cookie as he opened the first letter, which was from his father. According to the letter they'd figured out his situation from the device that had brought him to his present situation. They had simply had no idea where in time he'd ended up. Now that they knew the when they knew where to send themselves to pick him up. His parents were coming to get him as soon as possible, which was apparently at the start of the next full moon. He was to be waiting for them at the spot he'd been dropped off at.

Breathing a sigh of relief at the concrete plan Jamie felt weights lift off his shoulders. Now that he knew what was what things didn't seem so bad, all things considering.

The rest of the letter was dedicated to his father reminding him that he must not do anything to change the time he was living in. Reading the words, Jamie wondered how hard it had been for his father to write these words, to essentially ask his son not to save the lives of his parents, godfather, Dumbledore and everyone.

Jamie thought not for the first time that his father was the strongest man he'd ever known.

The rest of the letters from his family members were like his father's, love expressed along with reminders that he was not to change the past under any circumstances. Dromeda, his grandmother, even Uncle George, they all said the same thing. That they'd accepted what had happened to their loved ones and it was far too dangerous for him to try and interfere. Anything he did might change everything for the worst. They weren't willing to risk that for their own selfish reasons.

But he was willing to bet they wished they could. He wished he was that selfish, so that he could save them for them.

)

The next couple school days were pretty run of the mill, everyone still talking about the behavior of Jamie's house elf. There was also some talk about James Potter's weird, recent behavior, but even that was overshadowed by the exaggerated descriptions of the elf's clothes and attitude.

Sitting on one of the castle walls Jamie turned his head when he heard his name being called, raising a hand in Lily's direction as the fellow redhead headed towards him. "What's up?" He asked as she boosted herself up to sit beside him.

"Nothing much. You? Been attacked by a house elf lately?" She asked teasingly. It was her spare and she could think of no way she'd rather spend it then talking to Jamie. There was just something about him that reminded her of a big brother. She felt so comfortable around him; like she could tell him things she didn't even feel comfortable telling James. It was really weird, but nice too.

"So far, so good. Been torturing James lately?"

"Not so much. I think maybe I should have tried something else. I think that spell is really for someone more like you or Sirius. I just can't seem to make him squirm that much." Lily blamed her Catholic upbringing. Well that and having Tuney around as a living conscience and tattletale. Not to mention that by the time she'd been old enough to date she and Sev were on the outs and James was still an ass. Lily considered herself outgoing and spunky, but she had to admit that the idea of more than second base had butterflies exploding in her stomach.

"You're probably making him squirm more than you know." Jamie assured her, patting her shoulder comfortingly. "And hey, I'm sure it really puffs up his ego that you don't have a lot of experience. Trust me." She looked so skeptical, Jamie thought in amusement. "Seriously. We men might sleep with the occasional school broom, but we don't get serious about them. At least not the smart ones."

"School broom?"

"Someone that's been ridden by everyone."

Face going as red as her hair it took Lily a good four minutes before her color went down enough for her not to feel the need to hide her face. She'd amused him greatly, it was written all over his face. Annoyed by that Lily did her best to calm down and appear unruffled. "And just how many school brooms have you ridden?" She asked, trying to sound as sassy as possible.

"One of the human sort, but that didn't last long. I like to think I would have chosen better if I hadn't been on the rebound." The sex had been great, but the guy had had the brains as well as the libido of a rabbit. Stupidity was so not sexy. "Real school brooms, more than my fair share."

"Yeah, I got that from your training session. I bet you were majorly popular with the girls when you were in school. Somehow I doubt only one school broom chased after you."

"I was pretty good at not getting caught." A rakish grin crossing his face Jamie winked at her. "And I've always preferred to do the chasing."

"Like your Muggle Studies professor?"

"A good example, yes."

Lily told herself it was wrong to ask. It was none of her business and she would never want to admit it if she were in his place. But he was a guy, and guys liked to brag about this sort of thing, didn't they? She couldn't imagine having an affair with any of her teachers, but then again none of them were appealing that way. The teacher would have been fired if the affair had been found out, had she thought Jamie worth the trouble? Looking Jamie over, Lily could see how a woman could fall so hard she'd risk that for a chance with him.

"Do I want to know what you're thinking?"

"Uhm…well…I was just wondering…"

"Yes?"

"Did you really sleep with your Muggle Studies professor?"