"Did you have fun last night?" Collins asked standing in the doorway of Roger's bedroom in the loft.
"I wasn't out to have fun Collins. I just needed to clear my head before I had to go downstairs and clear out my life with Keira." he told him swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
"I'm sorry Roger. I know it's gonna be hard for you, but do you remember the last time you got piss ass drunk?" he asked looking over at him.
"Yes Collins, I do. I'm not gonna get drunk like that again. I just needed to get it out of my system before I have to go downstairs tonight and get rid of any trace of my wife that I have left." he said walking past him on his way to the kitchen.
"Kylie wanted me to remind you to take your meds." Collins said looking up at him.
"Yeah, thanks." he said taking his pill bottle out of the cabinet and placing a pill on his tongue before running the sink water and taking a small amount into his hand to swallow down the pill with.
"Roger, if you're not ready to go through Keira's thing, I'm sure Benny will give you more time." he said looking over at him.
"It's not that I'm not ready. I am. I need to do this for my girls. It's just really hard for me to say goodbye to the life I had with her. It was hard enough saying goodbye to her the first time. I feel like I have to do it all over again." he said standing at the counter.
"I know Rog, but just like last time, you don't have to do it alone. We're all here for you." he told him going towards him.
"No. This is something I really need to do myself. I need to finally say goodbye to her so I can give my girls the father they deserve." he said looking up at him.
"You are the father they deserve. You're the greatest father to those girls. If any of us had a father half as loving and supportive as you, I highly doubt we'd be living in glorious bohemia." Collins said looking over at him.
"Yeah but, I haven't been fully there for them since Keira died. They deserve more. I need to do this Collins. So my girls can have a normal life. So Kylie doesn't have to worry about me calling out Keira's name in the middle of the night waking her up, or that I'm gonna stop taking my meds to be with her." he said looking up at him.
"Yeah, that little girl has the weight of the world on her shoulders, doesn't she?" he asked looking over at him.
"Yeah, some trait for her to inherit from me, huh?" he asked walking away from him.
"I bet you wish she inherited your musical talent, huh?" he asked looking over at him.
"I just want her to be a kid, you know? Just a normal kid. But how could she be? By the time she was 6, she lost both of her biological parents and was living with the knowledge that she's gonna lose you, Mimi and the only father she's ever really known. All to the same damn disease." he said sitting on the window seat.
"Roger, none of us can change any of that. All we can do is make her time with us memorable and happy." Collins told him as he sat down next to him.
"Yeah well, it doesn't make it any easier." he said getting up to pace around.
"She's never gonna get her innocence back as far as that's concerned." he said looking up at him.
"Yeah and that's my fault. I shut down when Keira died and I should have been there for her." he said looking over at him.
"Well you're here now Rog and that's all that matters. You're working again and you moved out of the apartment. That's a start." he said getting up from the window seat.
"Little too late. She's already taken charge of my meds and making sure I don't try to kill myself. What kind of life is that for a 9 year old?" he asked looking over at him.
"She loves you Rog. She just doesn't want anything to happen to you. She may have us, but you're really all she has left." he said looking over at him.
"Yeah, I know." he said looking up at him as the loft door opened.
"Hi daddy. Me and Aunt Mimi picked out the coolest coat." Riley smiled seeing Roger standing in the middle of the loft.
"I can't wait to see it little one. Come here." he smiled looking over at her.
"What's the matter daddy?" she asked looking up at him.
"Nothing little one. I just need a hug from my baby." he smiled leaning down to pick her up.
"OK daddy." she smiled leaning in to hug him.
"How was last night?" Mimi asked putting the shopping bag down on the couch before taking her jacket off.
"It was OK. I just needed to de stress a little. I'm fine." he said looking over at her.
"Riley honey, why don't you go in your room and play with your dolls, OK?" Mimi asekd looking over at Riley.
"OK Aunt Mimi." she smiled as Roger let her down.
"Mimi, I said I'm fine. I just needed to let loose before I have to go through mine and Keira's stuff later." he said looking over at her.
"I understand that Roger, but do you remember what happened when Keira died. You were MIA for 3 days. You stopped taking your meds and you scared the hell out of everyone. Kylie couldn't sleep the whole time without having nightmares that you were gonna die too and we were all scared to death that we were gonna find you in an alley dead of an OD." she said looking up at him.
"I know Mimi. I just needed to clear my head. I have to go down there and relive my wife's death all over again. Excuse me if I needed to maybe get a little drunk. But I'm here. I didn't go on a binge and disappear again. I'm here and up before noon by the way. Is this why you wanted us to move up here? So you can ride me?" he asked walking away from her and going into the kitchen to make coffee.
"I know This is hard for you Roger. I understand, but you promised Kylie you were gonna try and move on with your life and you're gonna go out and get drunk the first time things get rough?" she asked looking up at him.
"Not the first time Mimi believe me. Things have been rough for 3 years. I know everyone thinks I've been hiding from my life, but my life has been staring me in the face for years. So many years that I don't remember living any other way. My wife died from the same disease that you, me and Collins are gonna die from. How do you think that's gonna effect my girls? Losing 4 of the people they love most in the world to the same fucking disease. And Kylie's gonna lose her mother, both of her fathers, her aunt and her uncle to it. So pardon me if I needed one night when that wasn't plaguing my life." he said looking down at her.
"I'm sorry Roger. You're right. I don't know what it's like to have to outlive the love of my life. I'm never gonna have to worry about that. Mark's gonna outlive all of us. I just don't want to see you join her too soon. Those little girls need you more than you need them." she said looking up at him.
"I know that Mimi and I'm trying, but what does everyone expect from me? To just forget she ever existed just because she's gone? I can't do that. She was my life Mimi. I was sitting in this loft the day I heard that damn song blasting from downstairs and I went down to see who the hell was responsible for it. I climbed down that fire escape and saw the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my life. She was dancing around the apartment like an angel, you know? And now she's gone. That girl who was so full of life when I met her is gone and I just can't handle it sometimes." he said looking down at her as he drank his coffee.
"I know Roger." she said as he put his coffee cup down and walked to the other side of the loft.
"Where are you going?" she asked looking up at him.
"I'm going to check on my daughter." he told her going into Riley's room.
"Do you think he's gonna make a habit of getting drunk?" Mimi asked looking up at Collins.
"I don't know. I hope not. But he just decided to move on with his life. That takes time. Especially since he's been living with her ghost the last 3 years." Collins answered looking down at her.
"Yeah well, I don't want him to disappoint those girls. They've waited for him for too long." she said looking up at him before going into hers and Mark's room.
"Riley sweetie, come here a minute. I wanna talk to you a minute." Roger said looking over at her as he sat on her bed.
"What's the matter daddy?" she asked putting her doll down and joining him on her bed.
"Daddy has to go out in a little while and do some things so Aunt Mimi and Uncle Mark are gonna be here with you and Kylie, OK? So don't give them a hard time." he said looking down at her.
"OK daddy. What do you have to do?" she asked climbing onto her bed.
"Just something I should have done a long time ago little one." he said looking over at her.
"Is it for mommy?" she asked looking up at him.
"Yeah little one, it is." he said putting his arms around her and bringing her onto his lap. "I love you Riley." he smiled looking down at her.
"I know daddy. I love you too." she smiled wrapping her arms around his neck to hug him tight.
"Hey, why don't you show me your new coat." he smiled looking down at her.
"OK daddy. I'll be right back, OK?" she smiled looking up at him before hopping off of his lap and running into the living room.