BFF: Please, I just want your autograph!
Orochimaru: BUT I'M NOT MICHEAL JACKSON!
Author: Ok, I like a good funny, but this is getting rather old.
Orochimaru: *turns on me* WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE DECIDED THIS THREE HOURS AGO!
A/N: ... *thinking* Because it was still funny then.
Orochimaru: RAWR!
A/N: AHHHH!
BFF: Hey! Back off of my best friend! RAAAWWWRRR! *lunges*
Orochimaru: Wait, what are you- OH DEAR KAMI-SAMA! NOOOOOO!
A/N: Oh, my gawd. My BFF is scary when she's protective!
What a scary, scary man.
No, I'm not back with the Akatsuki, but rather with the Konoha interrogation sqaud... AKA Ibiki Morino.
Why are they so mad at me! I mean, sure I might of let some choice information about the Leaf Village slip, but I'm a fan of the show!
"For the last time, how did you know about what went on at the chunin exams? You weren't there and have no ties to it! Plus the village kept most of what went on under wraps! Then you spoke to most of the ninja in the village by name, and they have no idea as to who you are! What do you know and how!" God, what a creeper.
"For the last time, creeper, I have no frickin clue as to what you're going on about!" I glared triumphantly... For about a minute.
"I have about fifty confused ninja who say otherwise!" Ibiki sighed and leaned back slightly from his position of sitting across from me on the other side of a metal table.
"You leave me no choice." Ibiki gestured to a chunin level ninja (I could tell what rank from his vest).
"Bring me the box." Wait, what?
"What box?" My question was answered when the chunin came back with a big, black box. Looked normal... Until Ibiki open it.
Inside was a stunning array of torture devices. Ibiki seemed to pause for a moment to let me take it in, then he took out a senbon.
I was confused for a moment as to why out of all the torture devices in the box of pain and horror, or the bopah for short, he chose a mere senbon.
That cunfuzzledness was cured when he gripped my hand from across the table and put the edge of the senbon under the tip of my nail.
HE WAS GONNA SHOVE A NEEDLE UNDER MY NAIL!
Now under normal, medical circumstances I react badly to a needle. But under unnatural, torture circumstances, I react much more logically.
"NO PLEASE! DON'T SHOVE A-A NEEDLE UNDER MY NAIL! I HATE NEEDLES! NOOOOOO! I'LL SPEAK, I'LL SPEAK! I CAME HERE FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION WHERE THIS IS ALL JUST A SHOW SLASH MANGA SERIES AND I'VE SEEN ALL THE EPISODES OVER FIFTY TIMES AND KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU PEOPLE! THEN ONE DAY MY T.V. SUCKED ME IN AND I WAS STRANDED IN THE AKATSUKI BASE AND THEY WERE ALL SPEAKING JAPANESE AND IT WAS FAST LIKE BLAHBLAHBLAH INSTEAD OF BLAH BLAH BLAH LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE SO I MADE A WISH THAT I HAD A SHIELD AND THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND THEM AND IT WORKED! SO THEN AFTER BEING PHYSICALLY ASSULTED BY THE LEADER I MADE A WISH THAT I WOULD BE RESCUED BY KONOHA ANBU, 'CAUSE IT SEEMED LOGICAL, I MEAN KONOHA IS THE MAIN HERO CITY IN THE SERIES! I WAS AND THEN I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU THIS BECAUS EIT MAKES NO SENSE AND IT COULD RUIN THE STORYLINE AND STUFF, BUT YOU'RE A CREEPER AND SCARED ME INTO IT! DON'T TORTURE ME!" Hey, it's logical to freak out before being tortured brutally, right?
"Uh, that has to be a lie, a very stupid lie, so lets try this again." Ibiki, otherwise known as Creeper Dude, prepared to shove the needle again.
"NO! No, I swear it's the truth! Please, I know so much that it has to be true, ask me anything about anyone and I can tell you if they're main characters or even characters who are mentioned in the show!" By this time I was halfway across the table and holding onto Creeper Dude's shirt and bawling pathetically.
Hey, I hate needles, I'd been sucked into my T.V. and thrust into the arms of crazy phsyco ninja, and then just when I escaped I was taken into interrogation from one of the scariest people I'd ever met. It was all crashing on me at once, all of it triggered by my small phobia of needles. I think I deserve some empathy here!
"Uh, calm down there, I wasn't really gonna hurt you, it was just show." Ibiki was patting my head rather akwardly, obviously not used to crying girls.
"Oh, please. You're Konoha's top interrogator! Like heck you wouldn't hurt me! You've endured so much torture yourself, your scars prove it, that I'm sure a couple of nedles seem hardly harsh to you." I sniffed as my tears ran out, my emotions quick to come and go.
"You know about my scars?" This obviously surprised him.
"Ya, I told you I wasn't lying. In my world this really is just a show. Before you get any ideas about me telling you stuff that's gonna happen, let me tell you it ain't gonna happen. I just want to go home without screwing up the path this worlds going to take." Ibiki leaned back, slightly stunned, and I saw the gaurds and chunin in the room reacting similarly.
"Well, personally I think none of this should leave this room, not just for our sake but yours. You have an exceptional knowledge if this is true, and most would do you great harm to get it. Not to mention whatever that wish thing was that you mentioned earlier, but I must consult the Hokage on this matter. But until I get back to her none of this is to leave this room." At this Ibiki looked pointedly at each of the gaurds in turn, waiting for them each to nod.
"Also, while I wait for a meeting with Lady Tsunade, I will assign a team to watch you, but who to assign to something so important..." Ibiki mused slowly to himself.
Deciding to test the waters a little I offered up a suggestion.
"How about Team Kakashi?" Yeah, its an obvious choice, but who doesn't want to meet them?
"Hmm, that's actually a good suggestion. With both Kakashi and Yamato it should make a good choice for this job. I'll call them up now." Ibiki patted my head slightly as he walked out of the room.
"Thanks, Ibiki! You're not such a creeper after all!" I heard him chuckle at my call just before the door closed.
Ibiki: Why'd you keep calling me a creeper? I'm not that bad am I?
A/N: *eating popcorn while watching Orochimaru get beat up* Nah, not all of the time. You're just kinda intimidating.
Ibiki: Huh, I guess.
Kisame: Hmm. What did I miss while I was gone?
A/N: Ah, just me calling Ibiki a creeper. Where were you anyways?
Kisame: I went to the ocean to visit y family.
A/N: ... HAHA! I KNEW IT! YOUR MOTHER IS A DOLPHIN!
Kisame: WHAT? NO! My parents just have seaside home!
A/N: Ah huh, suuuuuure they do Kisame. In fact, they're so close to the ocean that THEY LIVE IN IT!
Kisame: NO!
A/N: YES!
Kisame: NO!
A/N: YES!
Kisame: NO!
A/N: YE-
BFF: WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP? *breathing hard from anger*
A/N & Kisame: MEEP!