a hello to all my lovely readers out there! sorry for not updating sooner! i can't seem to write fast enough to satisfy all you people haha. but here it is, and i hope you like it. and as always please review! they really do make my day as all of you, being writers, will understand. :) so do leave me a note, and i promise the writing will be better!

The station house was silent the next day. Olivia just stared at her computer monitor, while Elliot threw a stress ball into his hand over and over. Wham. Wham Wham. The sound seemed to echo all throughout the room. Munch cracked the occasional joke, saying that working in a graveyard would be more cheerful. But without anyone to laugh or listen, the humor did nothing to alleviate the gloom. The door to Cragen's office creaked open and the squad cringed; fully expecting Cragen's voice, sharply telling them to get their asses moving, that they had other cases to investigate.

But when Cragen spoke, there was a sadness and gentleness that you didn't see a lot of in Captain Cragen. "Olivia, Elliot. Could you come here please?" Refusing to meet Elliot's eyes, Olivia pushed her chair back and walked to Cragen's office. Elliot's heart twisted; she hadn't looked him in the face since that moment in the ambulance. When he had kissed her, reaching through all her fear and desperation to the soul inside.

But after Liza had died, she had closed up more tightly than before; put the iron walls around her emotions that used to keep their partnership in check. However, now that he had broken through them, Elliot felt his own soul withering away without the contact of hers. He reached out to grab her wrist, longing to pull her back to him; make her look him in the eye until she couldn't hide anymore. He felt the shudder go up her arm before she twisted away and left him waiting and alone.

"So," Olivia said, arms crossed. She and Elliot were standing in front of Cragen's desk, a few feet between them; as if the connection that used to bring them closer was now pushing them apart. Cragen hesitated, choosing his words carefully. "It's about Liza." Elliot watched Olivia's face carefully, needing to see her reaction. The instant Cragen had said the name "Liza," tears had sprung to Olivia's eyes. But the next moment they had gone; replaced by a wall of indifference to keep her real emotions hidden. "What about her? Is there something that wasn't taken care of?"

There hadn't been much. Elliot and Olivia had ridden with Liza's body back to the hospital, seen the official death certificate signed. All that had been left to do was reserve the small plot of land beside her parents. It seemed like such a shame, that the brave little girl wouldn't even get a funeral; just left to vanish away into the ground.

"No, it's nothing like that." Cragen said too quickly. Both Elliot and Olivia had known the man longer enough to understand that they weren't gonna like what was coming next. "I know you've been through a lot, and this is probably the last thing you need to deal with right now, but you're getting psych evaluations. Huang is already in interrogation, waiting. And don't argue because I'm not about to change my mind." Elliot bit back his anger; he HATED psych evaluations. He had an annoying tendency to say too much and regret it later. After all, why did he need a shrink when he had Olivia? When it came to his emotional crap, Olivia knew more than anyone else in the world. She knew how to get through to him, and help him through the maze of pent-up emotions.

Well. She used to be good at that. Now, she wouldn't even look at him. "Who's up first?" Olivia's monotone voice, free of protest, shocked both men. "What!" Elliot exclaimed, at the same time Cragen replied, "You are." Elliot waited for an explanation, but he didn't get one. Carefully avoiding brushing against him on her way out, she opened the door and strode to interrogation. Elliot closed his eyes, letting the overwhelming frustration and anger go the best he could, before slamming the door behind him. Cragen leaned back in his chair and sighed; his worry for his detectives adding yet another line in his forehead. He could only hope for the best.

Huang gazed at Olivia's face. It was stony and passive, lacking its usual fervor and passion; she seemed to be looking past him to something only she could see. "Olivia?" he asked tentatively, watching her lifeless eyes zero in on him. "How are you feeling?" On any other day, this would've provoked a snort and some sarcastic comment about how much he sounded like a shrink. But today, she just replied, "Fine. But Cragen obviously disagrees." "Can you tell me what happened?" She didn't even flinch at his "oh you're so weak, let me help you" tone of voice, something she usually resented, being the only female cop on the squad.

"911 responded to a call about a husband and wife killed in their apartment." She was using her factual tone of voice, as if she were speaking about a case." "Fluids and bruising were evident on the woman's body, so it was deemed an SVU case. Arriving on scene, a little girl jumped out of the closet and into my arms. It was later discovered her name was Liza, and she was the daughter of the two victims. After further investigation, an eyewitness described a heated argument between the victims and an unidentified young man just before the time of death. Returning to the station house to check for any additional forensic evidence, instead we found a note from Cragen saying Liza had been taken hostage and that the situation was urgent."

The hostage taker demanded that only Detective Stabler and I could negotiate, so we proceeded with the usual standards. However, as our Captain announced he had a clear shot, the hostage taker realized he was being surrounded by sharp shooters, and used the hostage as a shield. He, however, didn't realize there were shooters on the other side as well so he was shot and killed. Liza was shot in the shoulder, and I tried to staunch the wound by applying pressure. But by the time the ambulance arrived, she had already lost too much blood. There was nothing more I could do."

Huang thought for a moment before asking, "There was nothing more YOU could do? What about Elliot? He was there too, wasn't he?"

Olivia bit her lip unconsciously as she fiddled with her hands in her lap. "I didn't mean to say I; what I meant to say was Detective Stabler and I. He did more than his share of the work."

Huang noted the careful avoidance of the word "we." He could sense her whirling emotions underneath the tough surface, and he was determined to break through. The most imminent emotion was guilt, he could tell. But what that guilt was for, he still had no idea. "Do you think you did you share of the work?" Olivia's eyes flashed in anger, the first real sign of emotion. "A sweet innocent little girl who witnessed her parents' brutally murdered, got taken hostage by her older brother, had a gun pointed to her head, then got shot and bled out for at least fifteen minutes before dying. Do you THINK I did my share of the work?"

"You have a lot of anger towards yourself. Do you have that same amount of blame towards Elli…?"

"No." Olivia cut in sharply. "I don't blame Elliot for any of this. He loved that little girl like she was his own, and he fought like hell to save her."

"I listened to the tapes, Olivia. You loved her too."

Tears had welled in Olivia's eyes as her denial began to waver. "You don't understand. Elliot…it's personal for him, more than it is for anyone else. The first lesson they teach you is to not get attached but, to him, losing Liza was like losing Maureen or Kathleen or Lizzie or Dickie or Eli. He's so strong, but I don't know if he'll make it through this one…" Her voice started to shake, and she visibly shrank before his eyes; Huang was suddenly reminded of a small child curled in a corner. "God I'm such a failure…" "How, Olivia? You did everything you could…"

"NO I DIDN'T!" The force of her rage seemed to rebound off the desolate gray walls. The lights up above shuddered, as if even they were cowering from her anger. "Elliot was counting on me, and I let him down! And now he has to suffer…he should've never trusted me! He's too good to me, always making excuses. No matter when and how much I screw up, compromise a case, get him in trouble with Cragen, he just keeps coming back. He's never been anything but there for me, and I fuckin' screwed that up too."

Then in a voice so soft Huang had lean forward to hear, she added, "And I fell in love with him too. It would make this a hell of a lot easier for both of us if I didn't care so much." The tears spilled over and she let out a single sob.

Suddenly it all became clear to Huang. She wasn't shutting down emotionally over the death of Liza. Rather she was overcome with her love for Elliot, and guilt that she hadn't been able to save him from the sorrow they were both experiencing. "And does he feel the same way?"

He waited for a long time, but she didn't look up. She just pressed herself closer to the chair, as if she wanted to disappear into it. Finally he sighed, and left for Elliot's evaluation. What he couldn't see was Olivia's lips moving soundlessly, repeating the same phrase over and over. "I failed you, I'm so sorry, forgive me…"