A/N: It has been too long since I have updated anything. In fact, I have not posted anything since before I got married. Crazy. Anyway, I had half of this saved somewhere in a lost email. Hopefully I will be posting more in the future.

Harry and Dennis' Excellent Adventure

As soon as the flying car disappeared, recognition struck in the eyes of Dumbledore, Hagrid, Flitwick and Sinestra. "Time cop my ass!" They all yelled at the same time. The four of them eyed each other and nodded towards the door. They started to moved towards it when Gali yelled out.

"Hey! You four know something, don't you?"

"Yes. You should join us in a more private setting Ms. Gali. You too Mr. Creevy." Albus said to the two blondes.

The six of them left and whispering broke out amongst the rest of the student population. Nobody had any clue what the fuck was going on.

Nobody except Hermione Granger. She realized something the same time the four adults did. She just didn't show any sign of reaction. She knew what the teachers were going to be discussing. They were going to be discussing how Harry and Dennis were traveling through time. How they had met up with all of them at some point in the past and left them with a memory charm.

They had done it to Hermione.

She had met them the summer before she came to Hogwarts. She had met Him. Her first crush. The first boy who ever showed any kind of interest in her. Sure, it was a summer romance, but it was magical to an eleven year old Hermione Granger (who had just learned magic was real). When she found out he was magical too, she felt like it had been written in the stars. She told him that she was looking forward to seeing him at Hogwarts. This was what ended things. He told her that she wouldn't be seeing him there. At least, not for three more years at least.

Hermione didn't know when she forgot about him. It felt like she just lost track of him in the excitement of going to Hogwarts. But now she remembered. And she also remembered how she treated him before he left. She was kind of a bitch. She talked down to him, like he was stupid and didn't know anything. She was used to doing that with Neville, who just took it. Things would be interesting when the time travelers returned. Who knew what kinds of trouble they would be in.

"Oh Dennis." Hermione whispered to herself.

XXXXXXXX

"So, who wants to start?" Albus asked the assembled group. Everyone was sitting in the fruitiest lounge north of France, Al's special room. Nobody spoke up. The youngest two looked a little confused. Albus sighed. "Mr. Potter and the young Mr. Creevy are currently on a cross time training trip. They memory charmed anyone who might have known them in the present not to remember until they had left. They told me this would happen right before they hit me with it, each time."

"How many times did they meet up with you Headmaster?" asked Professor Sinestra. "I'm trying to recall all the one night stands with Harry. There were a few."

"About a dozen. Harry had a tendency to draft me into his 'fight against evil through time and space, and make me forget about it after each 'adventure'. Filius? Hagrid?"

"Just once headmaster. Mr. Potter took me out drinking after defeating me in a duel. I thought I had blacked out that night, but I now recall much more exciting events. Turns out we had to fight a small zombie outbreak. He told me about what he and his apprentice were up to. I woke up hungover dressed as a court jester in a muggle police station none the wiser."

"When was that?" Albus asked "And how old would you say Mr. Creevy was at the time?"

"What?" asked Colin.

Albus explained. "Their trip lasts a couple of years. The oldest I recall seeing Dennis was about thirteen or so."

"He was twelve when I saw them. And this was in 1969" Flitwick said.

"He was 'bout dat too when I saw 'em in 1946" said Hagrid.

"I never saw much of Harry's apprentice." said a star eyed Sinestra. "He wasn't old enough for our activities." She smiled to herself.
Albus looked at Gali. "Not upset?"

"At what? Harry and I's relationship is only monogamous in a cosmic sense. He can stick his dick in as many of you apes as he wants. I don't care. Besides, I'm not sure how much longer he'll have it. Must be why he was trying to get use out of it on this little trip of his."

"He got me laid." said Hagrid. The room got really quiet. "That's the one time I met 'em. 'arry took me to this giant brothel and paid for me to loose my cherry." Everyone looked uncomfortable at that knowledge.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was the next morning when the doors to the Great Hall burst open and in strode Harry Potter and his apprentice Dennis. They both looked to be a bit older then when they left the day before.

"We're back bitches!" Yelled Harry, who smirked to himself. Dennis just signed at his mentor. "Anyone miss us?"

The hall was silent. Everyone looked either confused or uninterested. The silence lasted a moment before students started talking amongst themselves again. Harry and Dennis made their way over to the Gryffindor table and sat themselves down.

Harry had half of his plate fixed up when he was yanked out of his seat by his ear. A very upset Gali had appeared out of nowhere.

"Harry James Potter, where have you been?" she asked in a dangerously calm tone.

"Training my apprentice. I had to get him up to snuff in a short amount of time. Sorry about that my dear. How comes the pregnancy?" Harry threw the girl a sexy look, which she melted at. All was forgiven in her mind.

Such are Cosmic beings.

"Potter!" yelled/snarled the castle's Potions master. Harry took one look at Snape and raised an eyebrow.

"Dennis, you know the teachers here best. Take care of this. I have to make up for lost time with my lady here." Gali giggled at this.

"You're not going anywhere Potter." said Snape as he raised his wand. As Harry turned and left with his already de-robing girlfriend, Dennis held out his hand and summoned Snape's wand into it. Everyone nearby gasped. "Give. Me. My. Wand. Boy!"

"You just attempted to curse in the back my Master. A person whom you may or may not owe a life debt. But as he asked me to handle this, I will. Severus Tobias Snape, I challenge you to a duel over my Master's honor. You may decide the terms, sir." Sir being said with as much drawn out sarcasm as a thirteen could handle.

Draco was impressed.

"Give me back my wand and I will show you no mercy Creevy." Dennis shrugged and tossed the greasy man back his wand. As soon as Snape had wand in hand he fired off a silent and very dark curse at the boy. He smirked as the teen made no move to dodge the curse.

Dennis reached out as if to grab the curse, which he did as he pivoted and spun to throw it back at stunned looking Snape. So stunned was he that he didn't block or dodge his own curse.

Which was a testicle exploding hex.

But, as he would tell the Aurors, Dennis had no way of knowing what kind of spell was actually shot at him. He just redirected back what was sent at him by a Professor. There was a lot of confusion over this case, and in the end nobody remembered to really fix the problem.

As the bloody greasy git was carted off, Dennis was hounded by his housemates with questions. Where he'd been? What kind of adventures had he been on? Did he really travel through time?

"Yes, I really traveled through time. We traveled through time like people travel countries. We went all over the place. I have learned a lot about magic. What it is, what it was, what it will be." Somebody had to ask the stereotypical question of did they travel back and meet the school founders. "No, but I did meet Rowena Ravenclaw in the future." This confused a number of people. "She was also traveling through time trying to answer a question which was essentially 'what happens when clarke's law applies?'" Many were confused, but there were some who understood what he was saying.

"What are you babbling about Mudblood?" asked Draco as he sauntered over like he was on set for a gay porn.

"Basically, I saw the future where the purebloods win."Draco lit up at this.

"Really now? Do tell!" He seemed very happy with this.

"Well, at some point in the future, there will come a time when no more muggle borns enter the Wizarding World. And because of this, there are no more half bloods. Only purebloods."

"We finally got them to realize that they don't belong in our society?" Draco was all smiles.

"Not exactly. You see, eventually muggle technology will get to the point where they can use it to do just about everything we can do with magic. and in some areas, they will even be able to do things Wizards never dreamed of. When it gets to this point, children raised in the muggle world don't see the point of taking the time to learn magic when they can learn science and do more with it in the real world." Draco now looked a little confused.

"But we still win, you said?" Dennis shrugged and nodded.

"You get what you want, if that's what you mean. But you know how the old saying goes."

"What old saying?" Draco really was sheltered. He was raised very much like the Water Boy, except replace Momma with Father.

"The one about me and your mom when she was a teenager. Want to see the pictures?" Everybody laughed and the blonde huffed off like the bitch that he is. "I was serious, does anyone want to see pictures of me putting it in Malfoy's Mum's arse when she was young and less of a bitch?"

Dennis led a parade to the boy's bathroom. Neville only got to go because Hermione tagged along and let him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Harry and Gali lay naked and sweaty on top of Albus' desk. Everything in the room was trashed. Even the trinkets Dumbledore knew were indestructible. The old man himself stood in the door way, mouth gaping open.

"Hey Al, how long you been there?" asked Harry.

"Long enough to ponder if heterosexual sex is like that, maybe I made a hasty decision..."

"Nah, sexual orientation has nothing to do with getting the naughty on like that. It has more to do with having ungodly amounts of power. And flexibility, that helps too."

"So does having a penis that large I can imagine." said Albus.

"Thanks for noticing." replied Harry. "Sorry about your office, I'll get it fixed up better then new in the morning." Harry pulled Gali up on all fours. positioned himself behind her and got back to it. "By the way, you may want to rethink whatever it is you have planned for the tasks. I'm not saying I know, but Dennis was really inspired by Back to the Future two when I showed it to him." Albus had no clue what Harry was talking about, but he would bring it up with Doom next chance he got.

Albus turned to leave, and noticed that his phoenix was hiding in the corner. If Albus didn't know any better, he would say that Fawkes was a voyeur.