So I don't own Twilight because we all know that if I did it would certainly be way more gay than it was. Let us not even get started on how different New Moon would have been because bet money it wouldn't have even been a thing. I think Edward would have made a good gay best friend though, but it's so much fun making him the bad guy. Maybe in another story at another time, but for this one nope! Anyway on with the story!
Side Note: I want to give a special thank you to Kage and Imouto for helping me with the idea for this chapter. For all the people waiting for a Bella and Jane chapter this is it!
Bella's P.O.V.
I've been in Volterra for a couple of days now, and so far I've only managed to begin my slow descent into insanity. I've been confined to this bed in a room that isn't even mine, but on the bright side I've been sleeping better than I have in a while. I originally thought it was because of the medication, but every morning when I wake up I can smell Jane's distinct scent still clinging to my clothes. I've just chalked it up to me missing the cold touch of a vampire, especially since the only vampires I interact with on a daily basis is either Jane or my great grandmother? I keep having mixed feelings for both of them because I'm not sure how to feel about them. God my life is just one weird turn after another...
I'm abandoned by one vampire family and also killed, just to be rescued in the nick of time, just to be essentially kidnapped by the royal vampire family. In what world does this happen? This is just one of the millions of questions I've managed to create in my time lying here.
I just wish they would let me do something or give me something to do instead of just lying here "resting". I hate not being able to do anything for myself, especially since I've spent most of my life doing that. It feels so foreign and almost too good to be true. It's most certainly too good to last. One way or another something is going to happen and all of this is going to end. History is always bound to repeat itself.
Every time I'm forced to interact either of them, I'm somewhat at peace, but the second they leave there's a constant pain that radiates within my chest that is almost impossible to bear. Even though Sulpicia's presence is admittedly helpful she also makes me so angry. Whenever she helps me she's gentle and loving and everything that Renee wasn't…
Jane is the same way, but she evokes different emotions within me that are becoming difficult to constantly ignore. At first I thought it was because it was her venom that saved my life, but since I have nothing but time to think it might not be.
See this is why I shouldn't be left to my thoughts. They just tend to spiral more and more, and I'm not really sure I like where mine are headed right now. Jane is always trying to get me to talk or engage with her, but she doesn't understand that I'm mentally not in the right place to make friends.
Even now I can feel her eyes burning a hole into the side of my head from her spot on the couch. That's her way of trying to give me space without leaving me too exposed in a castle full of vampires. Since I woke up while I was transforming she and Sulpicia are constantly worrying over me, which I must admit is kind of a nice feeling. It's almost like they care, but I can't trust that it will last long. It never does…
Although the fact that going in, Sulpicia already knew my secret, makes me feel conflicted. On the one hand she makes me feel better, but on the other she could turn on me at any given time. She might not think I'm a freak, but soon she'll figure out that I'm just as useless and worthless as Renee and Edward said.
I keep thinking about my bath last night though. Something Sulpicia said stuck with me and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
Flashback
I was sitting in the bath trying to cover as much of myself as I can as usual. Whether she knows about my appendage or not, it doesn't mean it needs to be on display all the time for her to see and potentially judge.
We were in a semi comfortable silence when out of nowhere Sulpicia blindsides me. "I think you should try talking to Jane. She really is a nice girl when you get to know her, and I'm sure she's trying to get to know you as well." I can tell that Sulpicia is trying to be casual, but the way she said it puts me on edge.
"No offense, but she can be as nice as she wants to be, that doesn't mean I have to talk to her." I say with more bite in my tone than necessary.
"Are you so against talking to her because of the Cullen's?" This woman really doesn't beat around the bush. Somehow I already knew that though. She really does remind me so much of my grandma, she was very outspoken and straightforward as well.
"They've reinforced my will to never trust anybody. I thought they cared and they proved they didn't give a damn about me. I'm sure once Jane fulfills whatever obligation she feels towards me she will change too. They always do." I hang my head trying to hide the fact that I can feel tears beginning to sting my eyes.
"I do apologize if this question seems a bit personal, but why are you so unwilling to at least give her a chance?" Somehow I don't believe she's actually sorry for asking that.
"I can't trust her. Even if I allowed myself to get close it would fall apart eventually. I'm just destined to be unloved and alone." I feel my muscles tense when Sulpicia releases an angry growl behind me.
"That's not true. I know I wasn't there for you and I should have been. I know your mother was horrible and your father never fought for you, but don't you dare claim that you are unloved. I love you more than words could even describe, and I know somebody else who loves you too." I can see that I've upset her which I never intended to do. I look back and see that her eyes are completely black and an angry frown has settled on her face.
A tense awkward silence settles between us as she finished washing the places I can't reach. As she helps me get dressed after draining the tub, I feel like I need to say something to break up this tension.
"I'm sorry," I whisper softly knowing she can hear me loud and clear. "I honestly didn't mean to upset you." She ignores me until she finished cleaning up the bathroom and has me settled back into bed safely.
"I realize you've been through a lot. You have trust issues and abandonment issues and I don't fault you for any of that. What I do fault you for is that Jane and I have been nothing but helpful and yet you still feel the need to group us together with the Cullen's. Not only is that hurtful, but it's also insulting that you would belittle us in such a manner. Unlike those sorry excuses for vampires we don't abandon the people we call family. I realize I made a mistake when you were born, but that's what it was, a mistake. I'm trying my best to fix it, but you aren't even trying to meet me halfway." Sulpicia releases a sad sigh as she leans down to gently kiss my forehead before she starts heading towards the door.
I open and close my mouth a few times trying to think of something appropriate to say, but nothing comes out. I hear Sulpicia release another deep sigh as though she was waiting for me to say something. As she opens the door Sulpicia turns to addresses me one last time.
"I know you've always been alone, but that doesn't mean you have to stay that way." Sulpicia says as she turns around to leave, being sure to close the door behind her without giving me a chance to say anything. Honestly I don't even know what I would say that.
End Flashback
I've been thinking about that nonstop since yesterday, and I don't really know how to feel about that. I think she might have a point, but I don't know where to even start with trusting them. I'm just so used to being let down. I tried so hard to let the Cullen's in and they turned around and threw it in my face the first chance they got… .but in my heart I would like to believe not all of them were like that…
I must admit Sulpicia did make a valueble point. She and Jane aren't anything like the Cullen's. Even when Edward and I were doing good before he found out about my secret, there was always a thinly veiled level of hostility within the family. I don't really know how to describe it. I could have just been my imagination, but it always seemed like the Cullen's more tolerated each other than anything else.
I shake my head slowly as I try to clear my head of the Cullen's. I realize I won't ever be able to give Sulpicia or Jane an honest chance if I constantly compare them. As much as I hate to admit this, Sulpicia was right. She and Jane don't deserve to be grouped with the Cullen's, but honestly that's easier said than done at this point.
Though that does bring me back to wondering who Sulpicia was referring to when she said that somebody else here loves me. Was she referring to Jane? Do I even want her to be referring to Jane?
I glance over to the couch again and see Jane, still sitting there, staring at me with a level of intensity that sends a shiver down my spine. I wouldn't be able to describe in words the exact look she's giving me, but deep down I know I never want her to stop. Why do I always feel that way when it comes to Jane? I never even felt that way about Edward, and he used to stare at me all the time.
Our eyes lock and I feel such a deep seeded need to talk to Jane. Something about her eyes just makes me want to trust her and tell her all of my secrets, but for the life of me I can't figure out why. It's not only that though. I also feel as though I want to learn everything there is to know about her as well. I can't even say with certainty that I even felt that way about Edward, but why is that?
I look down at my hands when I feel my heart clench painfully. Just thinking about him still causes me so much pain. He took so much from me, and filled my heart with so much hope just to rip it out and stomp on it. I sigh softly when a few unwanted tears begin to cascade down my face. I try to wipe them away before Jane can see, but of course I was too slow for her enhanced vampire senses.
Before I have time to fully comprehend what's happening Jane is sitting on the bed in front of me with a box of tissues. "What's wrong? Are you hurt? Do I need to call the doctor?" Jane asks me softly, and I can see her resisting the urge to touch me.
"Jane, calm down, I'm fine, just having unpleasant thoughts." I say softly as I attempt to brush off her concern. I can see she wants to ask me more, but ultimately decides to leave it alone for now.
I watch as she shifts uncomfortably and starts to look around the room, not quite knowing what to do now that she knows I'm okay. "Are you really going to sit there and awkwardly avoid looking at me?" I don't really take Jane for the type to act awkward around anybody.
"Would you rather I go back to the couch and watch you constantly sigh for the rest of the day?" Jane fires back when a playful smirk that oddly makes me experience a tingling sensation across my whole body.
I give her a challenging look before I decide to put my attitude aside for the moment. I look at Jane thoughtfully and honestly it feels as though this is the first moment I've truly bothered to look at her. She has radiant golden hair that she constantly keeps in a tight bun. The only time I've ever seen it outside of her classic bun was during the first time I woke up and she was coming out of the bathroom after taking a shower. I shake my head slowly to get my thoughts back on track before I end up disappearing down the rabbit hole, thinking about Jane in only a towel.
I study her profile as she continues to look away from me. Of course she's unnaturally beautiful just like all vampires, but if I'm being honest with myself I believe Jane is far more beautiful than Rosalie ever was. Jane is more of a youthful beauty with strong cheekbones and she usually has a slight smirk on her face like she knows something, but won't share her knowledge.
"Jane, look at me for a moment." I say softly, catching myself off guard. I honestly never planned to say that out loud. I can't really complain about my verbal slip when my eyes connect with Jane's blood red orbs, eyes that should invoke fear within me because she could technically kill me at any given time. Except when I look into Jane's eyes I don't feel fear. I feel what I can only assume the feeling of finally being safe would feel like. Why is that?
I lick my suddenly dry lips as I continue to stare into Jane's eyes, silently asking myself more and more questions that I can't even begin to answer. "Why do you care about me? When you thought I was hurt you reacted so quickly. Why?" I ask softly as I rest against the headboard heavily.
"Anima mea," Jane whispers equally soft as she continues to stare at me. I feel like I should break this intense staring contest, but for some reason I just can't.
"What does that mean?" I ask as I feel my heartbeat begin to speed up. In my head I try to think of what that could possibly mean, but I come up blank. I've never heard the words anima mea before.
"It means that like Sulpicia, I too share a connection with you, but ours isn't a familial bond. Our bond is different. Basically it means that no matter what happens or what you might believe I will never hurt you. I will always care about you even when you believe I don't or shouldn't." The seriousness in Jane's tone leaves me breathless as she says all of this without breaking eye contact or wavering once.
It takes a moment for me to finally find my voice. "Does this kind of bond happen often? Have you ever felt it before?" I ask both questions still trying to catch my breath. I'm really going to need her to stop looking at me like that if I she plans for me to participate in this conversation.
"This kind of bond doesn't happen very often and I've never shared it with anybody else. You are the first." Once again I can see the raw honesty in Jane's eyes that leaves me completely speechless.
"I… ummmm… I'm not really sure… what?" Clearly I've lost the ability to even form a coherent sentence. To say I'm caught completely off guard would honestly be the understatement of the century at this point.
"Are you saying what because you require further explanation or because you are trying to process what I have just said?" Jane asks thoughtfully as she continues our staring contest with a soft smirk on her face.
"Processing," I say as I'm finally able to pry my eyes away from her long enough to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. That might not have been the best idea with her sitting so close to me. Since my sense of smell is a bit better than before I got lungs full of Jane's intoxicating perfume that does little to help me focus.
"Why didn't you tell me about this bond sooner?" I ask with my eyes closed trying my best to keep the edge out of my tone. I don't feel like she deserves my hostility, especially when I can feel the honesty in her words.
"I didn't really ever plan on telling you because you have been dealing with so much. Plus I can see you're struggling with the bond you share with Sulpicia. I didn't want to make it worse by adding more on you. I'm only telling you now because you keep asking, and you wouldn't accept any of my previous answers." Jane says simply. I enjoy the fact that she doesn't try to stall for time or attempt to tell me what she believes I want to hear.
"Is that why you offered to be my friend?" I ask, still trying to fully comprehend what she's told me. It's like I've been sleep for the past week and I'm finally waking up.
"Partly yes, that was my way of trying to come off as normal. I didn't think you would appreciate me coming off as over hostile towards people who attempted to get to close to you. You might not have noticed, but I feel extremely protective of you, that's one reason Sulpicia has released me from royal guard duty. I'm unofficially assigned to be your own personal guard." I open my eyes and see Jane smiling at me shyly as though she's waiting for me to say something.
"So all this time you've been genuinely trying to be my friend, and I've been nothing but an asshole to you since day one. I'm sorry," I say as I hang my head truly feeling ashamed of my behavior.
"Please don't apologize. I completely understand why you would be suspicious of me and my intentions, and I know that won't change overnight. Even though you know about the bond, I still suspect that you will question my intentions and motives frequently." I can only nod silently because what she said is right. While knowing about the bond does put me a bit at ease, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't know if I can trust her.
I sit in silence for a while just staring at her thoughtfully when I remember that she told me a little bit about her life and I completely brushed her off as though it was nothing. Oh this is fantastic. I've gone from being an asshole to being a straight up bitch. I sigh deeply as I rub my hands across my face in frustration.
"Is something bothering you, Bella? You know you can talk to me right?" I nod silently as I rest my head against the headboard and stare at the ceiling for a change. I'm not really sure if I should take her up on her offer or not.
"Surprisingly I do know that. I just have a lot on my mind and I keep managing to run myself in circles. Also I realize that not only am I an asshole, but I'm also a bitch. You were trying to reach out and connect by telling me a bit about your past and I pretty much completely dismissed you. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that." I look at Jane and see a haunting sadness in her eyes that sends a shiver down my spine for a completely different reason.
"I can't really say it's okay because I'm very guarded when it comes to my past, but at the same time I can't hold you completely at fault. I probably came onto the whole friendship thing too strong. Would it be possible to start over?" Jane asks completely catching me off guard.
"I would really like that actually." I say with a soft smile. I pat the spot next to me gently. "Come sit next to me. If we're going to be friends I'm going to need to get used to you being close to me while I'm awake." I watch her eyes widen in shock.
"I don't know… " I cut her off before she can even fully prepare to tell me that lie. I don't want her to feel like she has to lie to spare me.
"Please don't lie to me, Jane. I would like to get this friendship started off on the right foot and that's not the way to go. I know you've been keeping me company at night because I've been able to sleep, and even drug induced sleep doesn't keep the nightmares away. Since you're usually the only one in here while I sleep I feel like it's a safe assumption. Plus your scent lingers after I wake up. Your perfume is very distinctive." All she can do is nod silently as she stands up and walks over to the other side of the bed and climbs in. She makes sure to leave a comfortable amount of room between us.
We both sit there waiting for the other to say something, but after a few minutes I become increasing bored. "I want to thank you for being so patient with me this past week. You've been nothing but respectful given the situation and all of my oddities." I say softly as I turn to look at Jane and see that her eyes are closed. If I didn't know better I would think she was asleep since she keeps taking deep breaths exhaling slowly.
"I treat you the way you deserve to be treated, Isabella." Usually when somebody calls me Isabella I feel irritated, but it would appear that Jane is the exception to that rule, just like Sulpicia. "Did you know that you sigh a lot when something's on your mind? You've been sighing all week." She says this while still keeping her eyes closed.
"That's because I've had so many things to think about, but can't seem to find any of the answers I seek. I think it's more inner turmoil than anything, but I'd rather not talk about that right now if you don't mind." Finally she opens her eyes to look at me, and I see nothing but understanding.
"We can talk about anything you desire, Bella. Or we can just sit here in silence and just be." Jane says allowing me to decide. I honestly can't remember the last time I was allowed to make a decision for myself. Edward never… wait… no I'm not going there again.
"Why don't we play a game to get to know each other better?" I suggest trying to lighten the mood and distract myself from thinking about him.
"I am unfamiliar with any kind of games humans play nowadays. What did you have in mind?" Jane asks as she looks at me intrigued.
"It's called 20 questions. Basically we take turns asking each other questions as we get to know each other better. You are allowed to pass if the question makes you too uncomfortable." I watch as she nods slowly.
"It sounds simple enough. Would you like to start or should I?" Jane asks as she angles her body to face me more.
"You go first," I say with a shrug as I settle down lower in bed trying to get comfortable. I look up and see Jane staring at me with a soft look in her eyes that makes me smile.
"Wait before I ask this is there any specific topic I should avoid?" Jane asks being extremely thoughtful, but at the same time this makes me wonder what she's planning on asking me.
"If it's okay with you I would like to stick to lighter topics for today while I work on trusting you more, no offense." I say as I roll on my side to face her.
"No offense taken. I just appreciate the fact that you're trying. That's all I can really ask for at this point. Now first question, what's your favorite color?" I didn't see her going that route but I'll bite.
"I don't really have a specific favorite color. I like all the royal colors like sapphire, ruby, emerald, etc. Just really rich deep colors though currently my favorite is ruby." I say with a soft smile.
"It's my turn then, how old are you?" I can tell that she was turned when she was young, but I can't pinpoint exactly how old. I think it was around 12 or 13 maybe.
"I was 16 years old when I was changed back in 800 A.D." Wow, really? She's older than I thought both in the human sense and the vampire sense.
"I could have sworn you were like 12 or 13. Clearly you have really good genes." I frown when I hear Jane release a dark chuckle as she slides down in bed beside me. She sighs as she rests against the pillow heavily.
"I should have died when I was 12, but I was able to buy some more time for me and Alec." I don't quite know what she means when she says she was able to buy time, but whatever it is I know I don't like it. I really want to reach over and pull her into my arms, but I know we're not at that stage in our friendship yet.
"I meant that as a compliment. What I meant, and probably should have said, is that you are beautiful." Finally I see the soft smirk return to her face which, oddly enough, fills me with joy.
"Thank you, Bella. You are quite beautiful yourself. Now, if you have a middle name what is it?" Jane asks with a gentle smile.
"My middle name is Sulpicia." I watch Jane's eyes bulge and I can see the question in her eyes so I decide to answer before she has time to ask. "I'm sure Sulpicia has already told you that we share a blood connection. I was named after her daughter Isabella as a way to keep family tradition, but my mother decided to take it one step further and gave me the same middle name as Isabella's mother who one day mysteriously went missing never to be seen again… well until now that is." I see a look of realization cross Jane's that peaks my interest.
"That would explain why should told you so soon." Jane says more to herself as she nods in understand. I just continue to lie there staring at Jane. "Have you two talked about it anymore since that day?" She asks, forgetting that it's my turn in the game.
"It's my turn, but I'll be nice and answer. No, we haven't really talked much. I don't really know what to say to her right now so I've just decided to say nothing." Again Jane just nods in understanding. I can see she wants to ask me something else. "You can ask me whatever's on your mind after my question since it's my turn." A guilty smile graces Jane's face as she nods against the pillow.
"I'm sorry. I just find you very fascinating and desire to know as much as I can about you. Please ask away." Jane says as she moves a little bit closer. I don't know if she did that on purpose or by accident, but I've decided not to comment about it right now.
"What's your middle name?" I watch silently as Jane sits up sighing heavily.
"Honestly, I don't have a middle name. Jane isn't even the name I was given at birth. From a young age Alec and I were called so many different names like "freak" or "witch" we soon forgot what our actual names were. Jane seemed like a good name." I see her shrug as she starts to stare off into space.
"I don't think we're doing a very good job of keeping this game light." I sigh as I sit up as well. I don't really know how to make her feel better right now. I'm not well versed in comforting people, especially since I never really had too.
"I'm sorry. You will soon learn that I'm not really known for being light or friendly really. I tend to keep my distance from people for that reason." Now it's my turn to nod in understanding. While we keep our distance for different reasons, it's essentially the same thing.
"I can understand that feeling of wanting to be distant because you believe you're sparing people. I'm sure you'll try to say it's different, am I right?" Out of the corner of my eye I can see Jane nodding her head silently.
"Bella, I'm sure when you leave this room you will hear things about me and my brother. Around here we are known as the Witch Twins." Where is she going with this?
"So? I'm not really known to listen to rumors. Besides, regardless of what I might hear, I'll remember this past week. You know what, you were right. I could really use a friend and so could you clearly." I hear Jane release a dark chuckle that makes me smile as I slide back down in bed, suddenly starting to feel exhausted.
"Are you tired, Bella? Would you like to take a nap?" Jane asks as she adjusts to look at me.
"Kind of yeah, I'm suddenly really tired." I sigh as I settle into my pillow and stretching out. Jane's bed is so comfortable.
"Would it be okay if I ask you one more question before you sleep?" I nod silently as I look up at her. "Why were you so against accepting my help?" Jane asks in a tone that I can only assume to be sadness.
"I'm used to dealing with pretty much everything on my own. For the most part people usually didn't want to be bothered with me or any of my problems so I'm always reluctant when somebody offers their help." I hear Jane sigh softly at my admission.
"I realize me saying that you should never be afraid to ask for help won't suddenly change what you've been conditioned into, but I do want you to know that I will be here to help whenever you need it." All I can do is hum softly as I begin to fall asleep. I feel Jane slide out of bed, and walk around to the side I'm lying on.
I feel more than hear her lean down close to my ear. "Oh and by the way, I don't wear perfume." She whispers before I feel her presence disappear from my side as sleep finally consumes me.
Okay so I have changed Jane and Alec's age to 16 because 12 or 13 is kind of creepy. In this story Bella is 17 and Heidi, who is mated to Alec, was changed when she was 26. This way for me personally it feels a lot less statutory rapeish. I realize rules like that really wouldn't apply to the supernatural world, but still for my own sanity.