Meredith's POV

"Come on Zola, let's go swimming!" And she comes running out of the room with her favorite swimsuit on.

"I pretty mommy!" And she spins around.

"You're beautiful baby." I pick her and spin her some more.

Addison comes out with Henry in his little swim trunks and we head to the water.

I never thought I would adjust so well to the sun and water and staying with Addison and Jake. It's been two months and I'm actually looking for my own place close by and I recently started working at the hospital. Even though a hospital is a hospital not seeing your husband and sister at every corner makes a huge difference.

My therapy is going well and I'm happy but unsettled maybe? Like something is missing. Not the obvious, I know I miss Derek and Lexi and I'm learning to deal with it. I haven't told Sheldon, the therapist, about this because I'm trying to keep up the happy. And I know that's dumb but I let out so much of what I was trying to keep in it's almost like a control thing. I want to keep this one uneasy feeling to myself.

Addison and I talk and watch the kids play at the edge of the water. Zola and Henry adore each other. Then Addison gets called in and I agree to watch Henry for her. A little while later Jake comes out and sits with me.

"I know you're not completely happy here Meredith. And I know you're keeping something from Addie and Sheldon. I don't know what but I can see it. The dark look in your eyes when something crosses your mind. I don't even think you realize it sometimes and it passes quickly. You feel like you're happy but something is missing right?" I look at him like he's insane. Like can he read my freaking mind or something?

"That's exactly how I feel Jake and I can't figure out what it is. I didn't leave anything in Seattle except Christina and we weren't even that close anymore and we still talk sometimes. Maybe it's just knowing that Derek and Lexi are still there in a way."

"Or maybe it's Alex." He says and once again I think he's insane.

"What does Alex have to do with this?"

"You talk to him at least twice a day and I know most of the time you get a text it's from him. Meredith he took care of you until you came here. And I know you know you care about him but I think you might love him. You should see the ways your eyes light up when he calls or texts. No matter how many times a day it is."

Love Alex? Is that even possible?

"No that's crazy. I love Derek. He's only been gone a couple of months. Well a couple of months that I was aware of at least. So I can't possibly love Alex." I rationalize.

"Love doesn't work that way. I was in love with a drug addict, I didn't intend to fall in love with her. And maybe you loved Alex before, I know you care about him a lot. You can love more than one person. You know Addie loves Sam. She just had to make a choice. And I'm not entirely convinced she doesn't love Mark Sloane anymore. And that's OK as long as she controls it. And sometimes love for one person overshadows love for another. Love is crazy Meredith. But maybe it's not Alex. I'm going to take Henry in for dinner. You coming?" He stands up and offers me his hand.

"Actually would you mind taking Zola in for just a while? I just want to stare at waves and think for a while." He says of course and she goes running in.

I have always cared about Alex. Even when he was jerk I cared. I knew him being a jerk was to protect himself. What if I do love him? It's not like it would even matter, it's not like he would love me back.

Just then he texts me and my heart skips a beat and I think I notice because Jake just mentioned it but it's then that I realize I do love Alex. Maybe I always have.

And so I do what's totally logical for me, I ignore him.

As the months go on he tries less and less and throw myself more and more into my job and Zola. I find a nice little house just minutes from Addison and therefore the beach and I convince myself that this is the happiest I need to be.

A/N I know Addison knows Alex loves her but Jake's not the type to tell someone else's secrets so she doesn't realize Meredith loves him. Also I know Jake's past has something to do with a drug addict but I don't know the details because Private Practice kind of bores me but I like Jake and Addie!