PESTILENCE THAT WALKETH IN DARKNESS
PART I: SCHISM
CHAPTER VII: IN THE MOMENT

-- -- -- -- --

Chris looked up from her book as she heard a light tapping at her bedroom door. She had been wondering all morning when she would get the company she expected, and it would seem that Draco had found her when time was nearing on midday.

She put her book face down on the coffee table and got up off the couch, heading for the door. She pulled it open and them smiled, for she had guessed correctly. "Good morning."

"Morning," he returned her greeting with a nervous smile. He had been working himself up for this ever since he had awoken, pushing himself to come to her room and talk to her. "How did you sleep?"

Chris opened the door and let him pass her. "Great! It was probably the best sleep I've had since I went home for the Easter holidays. And you?"

He paused, sitting down on a chair in her alcove and waiting for her to resume her seat. "Not very well, to tell you the truth."

Chris' smile slowly faded. "How come? Lumpy bed?"

"Not exactly," he leaned forward in his seat and forced himself to look at her. "I was up most of the night thinking."

"Thinking?" Chris repeated, pulling her legs up onto the couch. "Thinking about what?"

"About - er..." he hesitated, and then decided that he hadn't drug himself there for nothing. "Thinking about us."

Chris stared at him, and Draco could see a cold shift in her eyes. "Us."

"Yeah," Draco carried on when he realized that she wasn't going to. "About what happened a year ago-"

"Draco, if you don't mind, I'd really rather not talk about it," Chris leaned back in her seat and looked at the floor, her cheeks burning in embarrassment. "It was a huge fiasco, and I would rather we just moved on and forgot about it."

"I would like that just as much as you do," Draco nodded in agreement. "But it's going to stay there in our history like a sore if we don't discuss it, and soon."

"What good do you think will come out of us talking about it?" Chris asked him, pulling her legs against her body and resting her chin on top of her knees. "What do you expect to gain from it?"

Draco shrugged. He would say anything to avoid admitting the truth. "I need some answers from you, and I know that you need some, too."

She averted her gaze when he brought his to meet hers. Draco didn't know if this was beneficial for the sake of his argument or not. "Admit it. You've wanted answers. What about those times that you cornered me in an empty corridor and tried to talk to me about it, but then just moved along when you couldn't find the words or the courage?"

Chris nervously bit her bottom lip. He spoke the truth - she had tried to ask him for answers at various times in the past year.

"Chris," he spoke her name, forcing her to look at him. "We had been friends for two years before that, and even though we've lost contact in the past year, that doesn't mean that we can't have some form of friendship in the future. I want to be friends with you, and I know that you want to be friends with me. Don't let this be the end."

Chris stared at him, thinking long and hard. Draco did not push her for a decision. He knew that she was considering his words with utmost caution. With a sigh, she looked away from him, and Draco thought that she had decided against it. But, then, she started to speak.

"Draco," her voice had almost dropped to a whisper. "Do you even know what you took from me that night?"

Draco struggled to remember, but then shook his head. He had a shrewd idea, but he didn't want to be the one to vocalize it.

"You took my virginity," she spoke with difficulty. "And I'll never be able to forgive you for that."

Draco looked at her, and then nodded in understanding. He had seen that coming.

They were silent for a moment, and then Chris began to speak again after subtly shaking her head. "Don't think that it was because you took it from me, Draco. That's not exactly what I meant. What I meant was the manner in which you took it, and the way in which I lost it."

Draco tried to think of what she meant, but he drew a blank. He asked her to go on.

"Well, go ahead and call me a typical girl," her cheeks turned an even darker shade of red. "But I wanted my first time to be just right. I wanted it to be with a long-time boyfriend, or maybe even with my husband, right after we had just gotten married. I didn't plan on having sex with a casual friend. I know that it was more than that for you, but - for me, I didn't wish for or expect it to happen between us."

"You're saying that I pressured you into it?" Draco stared at her in disbelief. She was just as guilty as he was in the entire situation.

She shook her head. "No, I'm not. Listen, when I was angry about it, I was angry with myself. I didn't understand how I, who I thought had a respectable amount of will power, could end up in such a sordid position."

"But, then, why didn't you tell me to stop when I asked you if you were all right with it?" Draco asked, confused. "As I recall, I asked you quite a fewtimes."

"Yes, you did, and I appreciate that," he received the first hint of a smile since the beginning of their conversation. "But - oh, this is embarrassing..."

"It's Ok, you can say it," Draco told her. "I won't laugh, or anything."

"I know you wouldn't," she nervously spoke, toying with her hair in an attempt to distract herself. "I just don't want to say it."

"Come on," Draco pestered her. "Please?"

She looked back up at him, and it was a long time before she finally nodded. "Draco ... in the heat of the moment, I wanted to do it. I don't know if it was the Firewhisky you had nicked from the kitchens or not, but I wanted to be with you, and the thought of that almost scared me. But, I weighed the odds. Honor and self-respect didn't seem to matter anymore; they were only trivial things. Hell, I don't even think that I would have cared if my friends found us in that position. The weight of your body on mine, your movements against me - not to mention the way that you were kissing and touching me - just ... overpowered me. I was all yours."

Draco didn't know what to say. He remembered being nervous about the entire situation, but he didn't think that he'd had that much of an affect on her.

"It just felt ... good, you know? Not just the act itself, but being there with you. It felt ... natural. And I liked that," she continued on, determined not to look away from the window that she was now gazing out of. She added the last sentence in a whisper. "I liked it a lot."

"So, then," Draco slowly spoke, though he figured that he already knew what the answer to his question would be. "Why did we have that fight about it a few days afterward?"

She still refused to look at him. "I began to think about it, and especially about what you had said to me when we had finished. Do you even remember what you said?"

He nodded, but did not wish to repeat it.

Neither did Chris, it seemed. "I began to wonder if you really meant it or not, or if it was just the Firewhisky talking. No matter which way I looked at it - whether you meant it or not, whether it was what we had drank or not - I worried. If you truly - and I mean truly - meant it, then that meant that our friendship had been taken to a whole new level: one that I wasn't sure I wanted to go to or not. However, if you didn't mean it, or if it was just the Firewhisky, then I was just another one of your regulars. I figured that you said that to all of them."

Draco was silent, but his mind raced. Should he tell her the truth? Yes, he definitely should. "Chris, I didn't drink that much of it. Not enough to make me careless about hurting you. When I spoke to you, I spoke straight from the heart. To this day, you remain the only person that I've ever said that to, and was completely behind it."

Chris began to bite her bottom lip again, and she looked at him. She had to look at him. She wanted to know whether or not he was serious. She searched his eyes, and found that there were no fallacies to his words.

"So, you weren't lying when you told me that you loved me?" she whispered.

He shook his head, and replied in an even quieter voice. "No. I would never lie to you about something like that."

Chris felt her cheeks tinge again, but this time, it wasn't from embarrassment. "So, you were telling the truth. I still worried about what that meant, Draco. I didn't know if you expected me to feel the same way-"

"I did expect you to feel the same way," he admitted in no more than a mutter. "And, at least, I thought you felt the same way that I did-"

"Let me finish, Draco," she calmly spoke, holding her hand up to stop him. "Even if I did feel that way towards you, there was no way that we could have ever become a couple. The Gryffindor-Slytherin Rule, remember? We would have been on top of everyone's hit list; been public enemy number one. It would have never worked out. I'm sorry."

Draco nodded with pursed lips, understanding what she said to be true. "I wouldn't have thought that that would stop you, though. I figured you'd have more courage than to just abide to that."

Chris furrowed her brows in confusion, waiting for him to go on. "What?"

"I wouldn't have let that dumb rule stop us," he shrugged, glancing furtively at her. "I thought that it'd be neat to break the rule, you and I. Maybe they would have gotten rid of it."

"After beating us to a pulp, you mean?" Chris shortly asked, but then shook her head. "Sorry, I don't even know what I'm getting at. Draco, it's not the rule that stopped me. If I felt that way for you, I wouldn't have cared about breaking it, either."

Draco averted his gaze. "You didn't feel that way towards me?"

Chris shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's all right," he responded. "And you ... still feel that way?"

Chris didn't answer, but brought herself to look at him. "Why?"

"I'm just wondering-"

Her eyes grew cold again. "You still feel the same way, don't you?"

"Maybe, I don't know-"

"I have a boyfriend."

Draco stopped speaking, but did not pause for long. "I've seen you two together, Chris. In the hallways, in the class, and on the train. He doesn't appreciate you; he takes you for granted-"

"Get out," Chris snapped, narrowing her eyes and cutting him off. "I want you out of here, Draco. I don't want to talk about this anymore. If all you came here for was to find out whether or not I felt anything towards you, then you got your answer. Get out."

"But, Chris-"

"I said get out!" she hollered, standing from her seat and pointing at the door. "You see? This was why I haven't talked to you since it happened! I knew that this was what you'd be after! Get - out!"

Draco stared at her, and then stood as well. He didn't want to make her any angrier with him than she already was. "Fine. I guess I'll - I'll see you around."

Chris watched him with piercing eyes as he made his way towards the exit. When he reached her bedroom door he glanced back, and it appeared as thought he wanted to say one more thing. However, when he saw the look that he was receiving from her, he continued on, his words unspoken.