All's Fair in Love and War

By: Soleia Nova

A/N: Okay, this chapter and the next are gonna be shorter than my other ones, but there's a good reason. You'll find out what it is soon enough. Anyway, thanks to all who reviewed, especially katterree for her more than enthusiastic reviews (you love me, you really love me!), also, much thanks to Diartemis (me likey your stories), hoheehum (hee.funny name), Nyxie (I've never gotten a review with a kudos in it. Yay!), Invader Kim (It rocks? Cool.), OJR (nice enthusiastic review, just how I like), and to her greatness, Amethyst Soul (It's good to hear from ya kiddo.). Anyways, I hope you all read this and Merry Christmas everybody!



Chapter Seven: Merry, Merry Christmas Baby...!



Paper airplanes flew through the air in room 202 as the last half- hour of the day began. Students rearranged themselves to be closer to their friends and couples stayed close together, the girls usually on their boyfriend's lap. There were, however, some exceptions, as in the cases of one Miss Vixia Helix and one Mister Dib Membrane. Even Zim and Xanade, who were prone to saving their PDA's (Public Displays of Affection) for when they were in private, were sitting close together, heads close and laughing over something Zim held open in his lap. Their teacher, Mr. Morrow, was currently attempting to get their attention. Finally, Vix got up on her chair and hollered:

"QUIET! MR. MORROW IS TRYING TO TALK YOU DUMBASSES!!!"

There was immediate silence.

"Thank you. Mr. Morrow sir?"

"Yes, uh, thank you Vix. Well, as you all know, Christmas is coming soon, and I thought it would be fun if, before Vacation, we had a little party and..." He pulled out a bowl. "Secret Santa!"

Faces all over the room lit up as the teacher passed around small slips of paper.

"After you all have written your names on the paper, Vix will come around and collect them. Before the bell rings, you will each come up and pick a slip of paper; the first paper you get is the person you have to get a gift for. Do you all understand?"

"Yes Mr. Morrow..." chimed the class innocently, knowing full well that all types of trading would be going on the second they left the classroom.



Vix was smiling as she collected the papers, and she seemed to linger at the desks of Dib, Zim, and Xanade, concentrating on the slips of paper she picked up off their desks. Xanade looked after her through narrowed eyes.

She's up to something. I can feel it.



Vix plopped back into her chair, then, almost as an afterthought, lay down across Dib's lap. The boy blushed, but didn't move her, and instead ran a hand through her dark, golden hair, grinning as she gave a mock purr and fiddled with the bottom of his shirt. Exactly ten minutes before class was due to end, Mr. Morrow started calling for people to come up and draw a name. One by one they all went up, a few groans ensuing from those who did not get anyone close to who they wanted. Vix grinned as she dug her hand into the bowl and within a second, the slip with Zim's neat scrawl on it was in hand. As soon as she sat down, Dib showed her that he had gotten Xanade, while a few tables away, Zim was fuming because he'd gotten Dib and Xanade had Vix.

"Well, I know what I'm getting her for Christmas." Dib snarled as he picked up his books. "Maybe I can rig up the gift box so that it slams a water balloon into her face when she opens it."

"Dib!" Vix said in shocked annoyance. "Where's your Christmas spirit? Is that how you would like to be treated by whoever got you? It's the time of the year when people forget their differences and enjoy their lives! So no you can't water balloon her."

"Not even a little one? I mean, I can make sure it won't hit" he made a line in the air around his middle. "Above that line."

"You keep that up and you won't be able to get your hands on any part of me below that line. Do you understand?"

Dib gulped and nodded his head, trying very hard not to grin at her ultimatum. She gave him one at least every other day, and though most were still standing, he was sure this one wouldn't.

"And I can tell by the look on your face that you think I'm kidding. I'm not, and if you try me, you're gonna be a very sad little boy during vacation."

"Uh-oh. You're really not joking huh? Well. I guess I can get her something that won't hurt her. What do you think?"

"I think that you and I need to go shopping tomorrow, 'cause I've got Zim. Now come on, we're gonna be late for our late lunch with your dad."

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Zim growled angrily as Xanade pulled him trough the human shopping complex, insistent on getting the Dib-human and his mate suitable presents for that stupid thing at skool. The worst thing was that, while shopping, Xanade acted like any other normal teenage girl. (I shudder to think.) This had so far resulted in nearly three hours of him being dragged through nearly every store in the mall, and yet she had found nothing she thought would make a suitable present for him to give the Dib-monkey. They reached a small store in a corner of the mall and Xanade immediately perked.

"That looks like the kind of place that sells stuff Dib would like" she said, and he had to agree. The windows were tinted and you could barely see the dark silver lettering that said 'Dark Spiral.' Dragging him inside, and through the aisles, she finally stopped in front of a shelf with a smile.

"I think this'll do," she said handing him the item. "Now why don't you go pay while I go back and get something I saw earlier for Vix." It wasn't a request. (More like a royal edict. ~snickers~.)



A few minutes later, when she didn't find him at the cashier, she headed outside and looked around until she spotted him heading into a place called 'The Mirrorball Arcade.' Sighing she followed him in, dropping the small shopping bag into her pack, looking to see where he'd gone. He was standing in front of a machine, putting in coins as if he meant to play. Stepping up next to him, she saw that it was a shooting game and put in her own set of coins to play. She couldn't grudge herself a small smile as she shot down strange, distorted creatures in the game. Now this was fun.



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Vix glared at the Vid-screen from under her eyelashes, feeling that, if she could, she would rip Professor Membrane's lungs out. The man had promised to be at the restaurant to have a late lunch with her and Dib, so he could 'get to know her.' Bullshit. By now she had almost come to expect it, and that just wouldn't do. Gathering all her nerve, she looked up, pretty smile blazing on her face.

"So, Professor, you will be home for Christmas, right?"

Dib gave her a sideways look and shook his head.

"No, I don't think so. I have a new energy source to create by Christmas Eve and I'm not even halfway done."

Something snapped.

"What?" Vix snapped, standing up out of her chair and leaning her hands on the table. "You won't be home on what is probably the biggest family holiday of the year? (Next to Thanksgiving of course.) You're not even going to be there when your kids open their presents?" By this time she had gotten hold of the floating Vid-screen and was shaking it for all it was worth. "How can you possibly do that? How can you not come home for Christmas?"

Nervously, Dib grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down into her seat. She sat there huffily, arms and legs crossed and face turned to the side, away from both Dib and the Vid-screen. Dib shrugged helplessly at his father, who looked like he was trying to stifle a laugh. Dib raised an eyebrow but didn't ask.

"Regular spitfire isn't she son? Just like your mother. She refused to let me get away with that as well."

Dib's eyes widened. His dad never talked about his mom.

"So does this mean you'll be home for Christmas then Professor?" Vix asked, turning slightly.

"How about a compromise. Let's say I. work all Christmas Eve, but I stay home all Christmas Day?"

"Really Dad? You mean it?"

"Yes son, I mean it."

"Alright then Professor, and so you know, you're all coming to Christmas dinner and there's nothing you boys can do about it."



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Friday, December 21st



"Alright kids, it's time for the gift exchange, so everyone get up and give your person their gift and then we can start the party."



Dib stared fearfully as Zim approached him and tossed a nicely wrapped present in front of him. Zim seemed surprised however, when Vix stopped him with a little smile and handed him his present, which was just as neatly wrapped as the one he had given Dib. Raising an eyebrow Zim took it and sliced the paper off neatly with one sharp claw. Inside was a small black palmtop with the Irken symbol emblazoned on the back. He gave Vix a quizzical and slightly amused look and the girl just shrugged modestly, a smile playing on her lips. Xanade approached, knocking Zim in the back of the head playfully. Xanade grinned and handed the human girl her gift, which was wrapped in paper that looked oddly like the little Gir creature had picked it out, for it was composed of piggies with fake antlers on. Vix grinned back and prodded Dib to give Xanade her gift, which was wrapped in pale green with holly berries and silver bells. Both girls opened their presents at the same time and made impressed little noises as they did. Vix's gift was a small, silver edged, crystal cube with an ever-changing mist inside, hanging from a thin silver chain. Xanade's gift was something similar, a thin hard crystal circlet that went around her neck and was obviously full of mercury, because the liquid floated along inside like silver, sometimes gathering in the attached blue glass orb on the front.

"Oh it's so pretty..." Vix breathed softly, fingering the cube, the inside of which immediately turned a light, sparkling blue.

"I'm afraid I must agree" Xanade said, fastening the circlet around her neck by the solid silver clasp.

"Yeah, well... I suppose this isn't too bad. For a human that is..." Zim admitted, sliding an arm around Xanade.

Vix grinned and looked up to find a branch of mistletoe floating in the air above them. She pointed at it, and with sly smiles, all four followed tradition and each kissed their own boyfriend or girlfriend.



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Vix looked out the side window as the bell rang and nervously adjusted the hem of her Santa dress. Along with it she wore red felt boots with white fur trim and one inch heels, along with black leggings that went under the dress. With an only slightly nervous sigh she opened the door to greet Dib, Gaz and the Professor. With a finger pointed up at the mistletoe over the doorway, she gave Gaz and the Professor each a peck on the cheek and gave Dib a short, sweet kiss on the lips. Everyone hung their jackets next to the door and Dib noticed that there were two jackets more than there should have been.

She couldn't have... he thought as he entered the dining room and saw both aliens sitting at the table, smiling jovially. He stopped short and pulled Vix back into the entryway for a 'private word.'

"What are they doing here?'

"Well I couldn't very well have left them to sit at home alone like they were planning to!"

"'...And you know this how exactly?"

"I just do Dib... Now come on, the food's getting cold. And I don't want to hear a single alien comment during dinner, okay? We're all here to, for lack of a better expression, eat, drink, and be merry."

"Alright, but you're gonna owe me big time for this..."

"I know... and don't worry, I'll try not to hurt you too bad when I pay ya back...."

Dib sighed. With her that could be either a good thing or a bad one...



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"Goodbye Professor, goodnight Gaz..!" She paused to give Dib another kiss. "Goodnight suga'-doll, and thanks for keepin' your promise."

"Anything for you Baby Girl, anything for you..." Dib replied, kissing her forehead and starting home, looking back once to wave goodbye.

Zim and Xanade came out of the house, for her grandmother had insisted on giving them a couple of plates of leftovers. Vix smiled cordially and mock curtsied.

"Later guys. Hope you had a nice time, and it was really nice to have you over." She then actually had the guts to lean over and hug them both. "Merry Christmas you two..."

Dumbstruck, both aliens said goodbye dazedly and headed down the block, Zim's arm around Xanade's slim, leather-clad shoulders. With a smirk, Vix headed inside, and closed the door, muttered a victorious:

"Yessssss..!" and pumped her fist into the air.





Awww... The fluffiness is killin' me people. I almost forgot at the top but also thanks tons to Dara, Jen and Cicero (you guys are hilarious), Ztarlight once again (you so rule), Payne (The freaky shit part was pretty funny wasn't it?), and Katterree thrice more for her majorly hyper and happy reviews. 'Till next time my dilated peoples (Rap band reference, sorry.)!!!