Part 7

I had taken the time to have a nice hot shower and wash my hair, and do all the other things girls do in the shower to make themselves beautiful. It felt good, like I was transitioning into a new day, even though it was now night, and quite dark out. Being by myself I chose to put on a pretty nightgown, with spaghetti straps, and an a-line form, which clung to me rather well. I certainly was no Jean; I didn't have breasts like hers, or hips like hers. I was a bit more stringy, and harder, especially now that I was taking out my frustrations by working out, or sparring, or flying about. You mightn't believe that flying takes any energy, but it does, keeping yourself level puts a great deal of strain on your torso, and on your legs so you don't just flop around, or end up not being able to steer yourself because you can't keep yourself aerodynamic. It worked a lot of different muscle groups, that was, if you weren't doing it with telekinesis.

I brushed out my hair in front of the mirror, trying to see something pretty in myself. I guess my hair was ok, the white stripe looked cool. With a little makeup I could make my eyes pop a bit, and my cheekbones look higher. I supposed that with some work I might be worth something. I smiled at myself in the mirror for being so melancholy. I mean, whatever their motives, there were two men in close proximity who found me attractive enough to sleep with; I couldn't be that bad right?

Perhaps that thought was more like a curse, because as I stood there contemplating the truth there was a very soft knock on my door. I froze for a moment, but then shook off the feeling of stupidity; after all, I thought to myself, what possible harm could there be in opening the door, it could have been anyone out there. So I opened it.

"Hi Rogue." The voice was rough, and he smelled of dust and asphalt, it was Logan, and he had obviously just come in from the motorcycle ride he had invited me to come along on. He stepped in. "I came to look for you earlier but I couldn't find you."

"Oh Logan, I'm sorry, I got so wrapped up in the prep work for the office I didn't notice the time."

"The office?"

"I told Scott I would help him redecorate, well I sort of told him off about it being too much like Xavier when I was yelling at him the other night, so he kinda challenged me to make it better." It was half-truth.

"And I know you can't resist a challenge, eh Rogue."

"Nope." I swung around, pretty much inviting him into the room, or at least not kicking him out.

"You look really nice tonight."

I remembered that I was in my lingerie just then, and I probably went a little scarlet at his words. He took off his leather jacket and draped it over the back of my desk chair.

"Thanks."

"Expecting company?"

I turned my 'nasty' face to him, "no." It might have been sharper than I had meant it to be.

"Then I guess it's my lucky night." His gloves joined the jacket and he crossed the room to me. His inherent strength, and healing power had always given him a brief immunity to me, and when he wrapped his hand around the back of my head and drew my face to his for a kiss I did not flinch. His mouth tasted like the outdoors, it was wild and strong, and insistent, for the ten or fifteen seconds he was able to keep it pressed to mine. When he let me go I sank to the bed, weak in the knees from the passion he was so well able to share in his kisses. He sat beside me, and ran a rough hand up the length of my dress, bunching it together towards my thigh. Oh God I wanted him. But whatever doubt there was that was fading in my mind towards Scott, was growing in Logan.

"Stop." I whispered.

"Why?" He kept moving his hand.

"Because I need to ask you something Logan."

"Ok." He really wasn't paying attention, and was running his nose and mouth along my hair, breathing into my ear, and nipping at my skin. It was so hard to focus.

"Logan, are you sleeping with Jean?" I could barely get my voice above a whisper, but I knew he would hear me, and I knew he had when he stopped moving suddenly, and I felt his chest shudder.

"I know I'm not the only one you're sleeping with Logan, it doesn't matter about that. You could have a different lover every day of the week, I wouldn't care."

"Then why does it matter if I am?"

"I need to know, to make my decisions."

"I asked you to come with me, I was sincere about that Rogue."

"I know Logan, but I also know that you love Jean, that you have loved her for a very long time, and I know that after Xavier died so many things around here changed." He looked at me quite closely as I spoke, trying to suss out exactly where I was coming from I expect. It was possibly the longest conversation we'd ever had, with one of us being mostly naked. I could see thoughts running around behind his eyes, as he decided what he would say, and could say. His response was elusive, but more thoughtful than I had expected.

"I shouldn't be with Jean, she's married, and we are two very different people."

"The heart wants, what it wants Logan." Damn, I could be really philosophical sober, I was amazing myself.

"I should be with you Rogue, you and I are the same, hard, powerful, passionate. We don't give a damn about how much we hurt, we just keep going."

"We shouldn't just keep going if we hurt Logan, and you shouldn't be with me because it's what your brain tells you is right. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to choose me, or to love me, or anything like that. But you are my friend, and I want you to be happy, whoever it happens to be with, and wherever it happens to be."

"I don't understand all of this Rogue, why does anything have to change?"

"Maybe it doesn't Logan, and I know that's a useless answer, but it's the only one I've got. I do understand about you Logan."

"How so?"

"You are wild, and passionate, and strong, and it isn't any wonder that Jean would come to you, just as I did, to find some kind of respite from her misery at losing Xavier. Of all of us, she was most like him, she lost part of her soul that day."

"She should have gone to her husband."

"Scott wasn't what she needed, he's a reminder of Xavier" I smiled at the thought, "while you are pretty much the exact opposite."

"I had wanted her for so long, to have her seek me out Rogue,"

"I understand, you don't have to justify or explain yourself to me Logan. But I think we all need to figure out who we are going to be now that he is gone."

"So you won't be coming with me?"

"I don't know Logan, but I promise you, I am thinking very hard about it. I know we could be really good together."

"Yeah darlin' we could." He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, no passion, just comfort. "Is this why you are helping Scott with his office, to set him on his own path, so maybe he and Jean can work things out?"

"No Logan," I couldn't tell him the truth yet, that what I wanted was to get close enough to Scott to figure out what was real, and what was a construct in my mind, I wasn't as noble as he was giving me credit for. "It isn't any of my business how they choose to proceed, or who they choose to do it with, and I certainly would never consciously do anything that would pull her away from you; not knowing how much you truly love her. I think I'm just jealous of what she has in you and Scott."

"If you come with me, I will leave her behind."

"I won't do that to you Logan, I love you too much for that. I cannot bear the thought of you ever coming to hate me for having you make that choice. I will be here for you, in some way, forever, no matter what."

He knew I didn't mean that I was in love with him, he knew my honesty, and he trusted me. I hated bringing this out into the open, but it would be the best thing for all of us. I hated that I was going to send him away that night, when all I wanted was to be able to touch someone, and kiss someone, and feel something besides the confusion and grief. He was the only one I could be with safely. The feelings his kisses brought me shook me to my core, and I could have been happy with them, superficially at least. Certainly my body would have been. He seemed to understand, and bent his head to kiss me again, and push his tongue into my mouth again, and make my heart race again.

"Never doubt that you make me feel," I touched two fingers to his lips, to stop him; I didn't think I could stand to hear how he was going to finish that sentence.

"I'll see you tomorrow Logan." And I gave him his coat and gloves and ushered him out my door. He had become my best friend, and I had been honest in saying that I would be with him forever in some sense: companion, lover, or confidant. He had given me the only respite from my sorrow when I was in danger of being consumed by it; and perhaps I had given him something too. A relationship that had no strings, or baggage, but was simply for the need to be together and not alone. What he had said, about my motives for helping with the office had made me think. I could do him a great favor, and drive a firm wedge between Scott and Jean, if it was not already present. I could drive her into Logan's arms, and she would be happy to go. Perhaps I could even do it without Scott coming to hate me, there was no question that she would hate me, but Logan would calm her, and take her away. I wondered if I would dare to do something like that for the man who had found me on the roof, and brought me back inside, in more ways than just literally.

It was only a few moments later, as I was turning on my computer, and diming the lights in my room, when there was another soft knock at my door.

"Logan," I spoke out loud, "I can't do this tonight." I opened the door to confront his persistence, but instead found Scott staring at me, and smiling. "You need to go home." trailed out of my mouth before my brain registered that it wasn't Logan I was speaking to.

"Hi?"

"Hi Scott, I'm sorry, I didn't expect to see you here, again, tonight." I stumbled over my words.

"I guess not." He took in the view of me in my gown, fortunately not nearly so transparent with the lights out behind me.

"Is something wrong?" I stepped back from the door and let him come in, figuring it would be his choice how to proceed. He did come in, and closed the door behind himself.

"It seems that some of the students have fallen ill, something about funny tasting wings Jean tells me."

"Food poisoning? Do you need me to help with anything?"

"No, Jean actually shooed me out of the infirmary. She said I'd just be in the way. I took it as providence that I was meant to be somewhere else tonight."

Providence eh? Hormones more likely. There was likely something else besides salmonella in the food around here, I thought to myself.

"You look really beautiful tonight." Now where had I heard that one before, oh yeah, the last man who tried to get into my bed. But I was slightly more inclined to treat this line favorably for some reason.

"Thank you." I averted my eyes demurely from his face.

"Can I stay for awhile?" I took a deep breath; the choice was here. I had sent one man away, and the other stood before me, and I could feel in my chest what would happen if I said the word, and I was frightened of how my heart had turned so quickly, and I wasn't even sure what word would come out of my mouth when I opened it.

"Yes."

"I'm not interrupting anything am I, it sounded like you were expecting someone else." He had taken a few steps towards me, and brushed his fingers down the side of my face, tangling them in my hair. I raised my own hands and held them against his short hair, I felt almost drunk, and it was so hard to focus on anything but the butterflies in my gut.

"Not expecting anyone," I was hesitant to elaborate, but I did anyways "Logan stopped in, I asked him to leave."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

"Because, I guess, for now, I have chosen you Scott, and I may be damned for it, but I need to see where this will go." The truth will set you free? I highly doubted that line just at that moment; it seemed more like the truth was going to drag me under.

"You want me?" His voice seemed shocked; his hands had stopped twirling my hair. I was even a bit stunned at the words I had uttered, it would have been easier for me to believe if I had been drunk, but I wasn't.

"I want you desperately Scott." The smile on his face was broader than anything I had ever seen before, and he repeated his own words.

"You want me?"

"Just make love to me Scott, before I come to my senses, and before I decide to run."

"Oh God Rogue." His voice was wavering, just like my knees. "I don't know how much time I have." He sounded desperate.

"Give me whatever you can Scott. I just need to have you."

Lost, oh damn, I was lost, and this was well beyond my control anymore.

I drew him back to my bed, holding onto his wrist where his sleeve still covered his skin; he followed willingly. As I laid myself back he reached into the pocket of his pants and drew out a crumpled handful of something. When he pulled the first onto his hand I recognized them.

"The painting gloves." We'd bought two boxes, one large for him, one small for me.

"I stopped by the office on my way." He smiled, "hoping that you would be awake, and alone."

"Part of the fantasy?"

"Nope, just winging it right now." That made me quite happy for some reason.

His hands, now protected, began to slide the gown up my legs, slowly as we breathed in time, both in anticipation. His fingers reached the top of my legs, where he paused for a moment, to look at me, as if asking for approval. I did nothing, save close my eyes, waiting to see where he would take me. I felt the tremble in him as he shifted his weight a bit, beside me on the bed, pulling closer to me, and then his fingers slipped in between my legs.

He moved his hands so gently, not at all rough, or insistent, but in a glorious caress that at once relaxed me, and yet began building the tensions in me. I could not stop myself from moaning out loud in satisfaction as his fingertips ran over me, and I know that I began to tremble for him.

"I want to," he began to speak.

"Yes." I wouldn't even let him finish.

His movements became more insistent, but yet gentle, and I was so willing to have him. He slid two fingers inside me, and began to caress me more firmly so that my whole body began to writhe with each thrust. His thumb continued to tease the center of my pleasure and I tensed every muscle against him, effortlessly, and unconsciously until I could wait no longer, and I gave myself to him with a desperate cry of pleasure. He continued his ministrations to my quivering body as I rode through the waves, finally relaxing into his arms. It was glorious to be with him.