Chapter Six: "I'll Never Fall In Love Again"

Dammit, someone needs to explain how exactly I wake up on the ship with Rikku on top of me.

Either I am still not awake and in some unusually short fantasy (I prefer to say that over 'wet dream') or I just woke up in heaven.

I never knew heaven could be so hot.

OoO

An awkward silence insued as soon as Rikku scrambled off of me and I had jumped to my foot. (Rikku kicking me in my right ankle again was just sheer luck) Nobody was moving, not even an inch. Barkeep was shooting the three of us glances, Buddy was standing in the doorway looking like an idiot, his jaw basically hitting the floor, his eyes fixed on me, and Rikku was blushing in a corner, blocking her face from all of us with her arms. None of us spoke until I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know how the hell I end up waking to a bimbo sitting suggestively on top of me. I wasn't even sure how I even passed out in the first place, because I just remembered seeing Yuna, and then this incredible pain in my face, and then waking up to swirling eyes.

And then there was the distinct taste of shoe in my mouth...

I threw daggers at Buddy with my eyes, and he staggered back, his mouth still open. "H-Hey, I don't know what's going on here! I just walked in to tell you Yuna is somewhere in Besaid right now. I think I'll be leaving now..." Before I could send him more glares (If looks could kill, he would be dead right about now) he ran to the elevator, but not before tripping over his own foot and hitting his face on the elevator door.

Rolling my eyes in Buddy's direction, and ignoring the ignorant comments being made by Barkeep ("Yoo have anger ishues, Missh Paine?") and hopping over to Rikku, picking her up to face her in the face. (It is very hard to balance on one foot while holding a person, and I was wobbling quite a bit)

"W-What?"

"Rikku, what the hell is going on?"

She was biting her fingernails nervously as she looked me in the eyes. "N-Nothing, P-Paine..." Her voice seemed to fade out as I eyed her carefully. Guess I had to take a different approach than the one I was taking. I knew there was a big story behind all of this bullshit.

I dropped her to the ground and cocked an eyebrow. "Rikku, what happened in Luca? I don't understand how I could have just blacked out for no reason." Rikku's facial expression changed into shameful, or maybe that was embaressement, but whatever it was, she was trying desperately to cover it up. (And was doing a horrible job at it, too. Her face looked strained, like she was...er...constipated.)

"Rikku...come on. Tell me."

Her respect points were going downhill fast.

She looked up at me with that same strained expression. "Paine...I dunno how ta tell ya this...I don't want to...do I have to?"

Yevon, I didn't have time to deal with babies. My patience was expiring and I wanted to get off my foot. My eye twitched as I crossed my arms. "Yes. Hurry up." She took a deep breath. "Well...uh...remember, Yunie told us she was leaving everythin' else away for awhile? W-Well, she obviously was hidin' somethin', 'cause then she..." Her voice seemed to fade away again, into a whisper.

"What? I can't hear you."

"I said...Yuna knocked you out."

"What?"

"Yeah...and then I called Buddy and...uh...I dragged you here, and..."

"WHAT? Why didn't you wake me up first?"

"I didn't think o' that, okay!"

"What-I mean, Rikku! I have PRIDE-"

"Yeah, yeah, you have pride. But ya gotta admit, would Shinra or Buddy or BROTHER care about you being knocked out by Yuna and having this large footprint marked in your face? I mean...oops."

Footprint?

I touched my face and felt an outline. Oh Yevon. Yuna had kicked me in the face. And I was knocked out by that. No wonder I tasted shoe in my mouth. (Yes, I've had someone kick me in the face before. I can recognize shoe. Not that I'm proud of that...)

My pride has taken a serious beating today.

OoO

All of us were in the bridge, no one looking at anyone else. We had all decided that we would put off finding Yuna to tommorow because it was getting late. Also, Rikku had told me the rest of the story while I listened in shame. She told me about me talking to her while I seemed to be unconscious; she told me it was 'sleepwalking'. By the time Rikku finished talking, I had turned a dark shade of purple.

I was too embaressed to talk to anyone else. There I was, leaning on the stairway rail, my arms crossed, my face burning. The shame of being knocked out by Yuna still lingered in my chest. I am a warrior, I mean, come on. That's pathetic, being t.k.o'd by one foot. Also, I really wished that Rikku could be on top of me like that in a different situation. That was not the way it was supposed to be.

But worst of all, it seemed that Rikku didn't want to be in any kind of situation like that with me. The way she didn't look me in the eyes while she was talking, her body posture, her wobbling voice, the biting of her fingernails...thinking about that, that's more of a blow to my pride then wearing a frilly dress.

Dammit.

OoO

I was in a sullen mood as I went to bed that night. I refused to even so much as glance at Rikku, who tried to cheer me up, and at one point even said she would love to go on another date with me, (She didn't look too convincing) but I ignored it all and just slipped under my blanket, turning my back away from Rikku. I still felt her eyes lingering on me as she finally decided to go to sleep, and Barkeep turned off the lights, leaving me alone with my feelings. Why the hell was I hurting like I had an injury or something? This was getting ridiculous and I hate sulking as much as I hate the thought of Brother kissing Leblanc.

I almost turned around to see if Rikku was sleeping, but there was no need. A loud, deep snoring filled the room. The snoring was coming from Rikku's side of the room, and it wasn't getting any quieter. As Rikku's snoring progressed, I managed to hop down the stairs without being noticed. But I got lucky that Rikku didn't wake up when I got to the end of the stairs, because I landed on my right ankle again and let out a loud "OUCH!".

After walking out of the elevator, I made my way to Buddy's room. Without bothering to tell him I was coming, I barged into Buddy's room. A figure sat up in the bed and yelped. "Can't you at least knock?" I shushed Buddy as I turned on the light and leaned against the wall. "Oh. Paine. What do you need?" Rolling my eyes and pointing a finger at Buddy, I spoke. "You know and I know what I'm here for."

Buddy squinted in the blinding light. "What...Paine...? What do you need?"

I breathed in. "Buddy. Think."

His eyes got large. "Oh..."

"Right."

"Paine...I can't help you...not that again..."

"BUDDY!" I exploded.

He rubbed his eyes and pulled his goggles off of a nightstand, still trying to adjust to the light. "Paine," he said as he faced towards me. "It's not going to work. Really, it didn't work out that well the first time, so there is serious doubt that it's going to work again."

A vein throbbed in forehead. "It will, Buddy. There is nothing else to distract her-"

"There's Yuna..." he pointed out.

"We can get rid of her!" I blurted out without thinking, then slapped myself. "I mean," I started again. "I'm sure whatever she is hiding from us isn't that big of a deal. Rikku will notice this time, I promise! And she might, she might, you know, confront me! Then...then...then I'll..." I came back down to Spira and realized how stupid I had been this entire time. (So much for that pride thing. I'm insulting myself.)

Buddy sighed. "Then you'll what, Paine? It's kinda pointless."

I groaned and plopped down next to him on the bed. "Yeah," my anger dissolved along with most of my energy. "You're right. Trying to make her jealous would be pointless." Buddy nodded and gave me a tiny smile as I fell into the bed and wiped my face with my hands. "The entire 'Buddy and Paine dating' thing was pointless. Rikku never noticed, and she never would have. I don't even think she likes me in that way." Buddy laid down next to me. He had heard me complain about Rikku this way many times over. "Nah. There might be something there. You just have to tell her how you've felt about her this whole time."

"But I can't, that's the thing."

"I have the confidence in you. You can do it."

Buddy is too damn nice in my opinion. He was just humoring me, it seemed to me. He knew perfectly well that during the entire time from when I joined the Gullwings to right now I could never, ever admit to Rikku that she was the object of my affection. I had come up with the brilliant (High amount of sarcasm there) plan halfway through the 'look-for-Tidus' journey that Buddy and I would pretend to be, you know, together and maybe Rikku would notice, and in a flash, would admit she was jealous. But, of course, that plan sucked major ass, and the only thing that was ever admitted to me was from Buddy, and that was him saying he thought we should maybe really be together. (Eh.)

I turned towards Buddy. "Buddy, you idiot. I can't."

"Maybe not right now, but eventually, yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Shut up."

He laughed and tugged my spike gently. (He is also too damn affectionate.) "You know, if you don't tell someone your feelings before it's too late, that moment might just slip from your hands, and then you'll never be able to do it. So do it while you have the chance. Or Rikku might be taken away by someone else." I rolled my eyes. The last thing I needed was words of wisdom from a dumbass.

Buddy (To my horror) kissed my cheek before pushing me off the bed and shooing me out the door. "I believe in you." Then the door closed behind me.

And I was face-to-face with Rikku.

She looked at me with wide eyes, then glanced at the door, then her gaze shifted back to me. Then, I think she was trying to say something, and she stopped. Her lower lip trembled (Why?) and she ran off.

I think she only saw him kiss me.

Damn IT.

OoO

Early the next morning, Rikku and I were dropped off at Besaid. We were basically silent as we looked inside each of the houses, except for the one time that Rikku thought that a Blitzball player was Yuna, because they had a long braid and was rather big chested. (Hey, don't ask me.) Through all of this awkward silence, I was trying to think of the best way to approach Rikku.

Oh yeah.

Explain.

But I did not want to do that. Remember, (I constantly am telling myself, it seems like) I have PRIDE. A little too much, I suppose.

Two hours into the search, I was beginning to think this was ridiculous. There was no sign of Yuna, and we had just finished searching the cave. It seemed the fiends were really angry today, because around every corner there had to be one. By the time Rikku and I got out of the cave (Really, we were thrown out of there by a gang of fiends) we were out of energy and had no desire to go on. Rikku was mumbling how "this was a major pile of poopie" and I was thinking how unfair it was, that, after I tried to cure my ankle multiple times, it didn't work. And the ankle was bitten and/or slashed or even banged. I was in such bad condition that I didn't even notice that Rikku had collapsed into my lap. Nor did I notice that Yuna was standing at the edge of the beach, looking off into the distance. Fortunately, Rikku did notice, and she immediately jumped up and ran towards Yuna, who saw Rikku right away and began fleeing to the dock. They looked like two little kids, playing a game of tag. Rikku had her arm stretched out, screaming "Come over here!" and Yuna was screaming like a maniac, avoiding Rikku at all costs.

Eventually they both got out of my sight, so I limped over to the dock and found a strange scene: Yuna laying flat on her stomach, pinned down to the ground with her hands behind her back by Rikku, who was sitting on Yuna and struggling to hold her down. (Yow...sweat glistening Rikku.) I limped over there and pulled Yuna up, holding her by the back of her shirt. A look of frustration crossed Yuna's face, and she pouted.

"Alright," Rikku began to pace back and forth. "Spill it, Yunie."

"Spill what?" Yuna looked around innocently.

"What didn't ya tell us yesterday night? I know that there was somethin' important ya had ta say."

Yuna said nothing. For awhile there was nothing but silence, except for the sound of Rikku tapping her foot impatiently on the dock wood. Finally, I dropped Yuna to the ground and pulled out my sword, placing it right next to Yuna's horrendous braid. She stopped dead and her eyes shifted to me.

"If you don't tell us," I smiled evilly, "Then I will cut this entire thing off."

Rikku caught on quickly. "Oh yeah, she will." She grinned, but didn't even give me an appreciative nod or anything.

Yuna swallowed. "Uh...oh...fine! I didn't want to tell anyone yet, because I wasn't ready, and I'm scared, but...ooh, fine! I'm pregnant with Tidus' baby!"

Rikku and I froze in our places. Rikku's mouth trembled in shock, while I dropped my sword to the ground. As Rikku spoke, her voice broke.

"What?"

OoO

Well, that wasn't as humorous as other chapters, but it was a major part of the story. You weren't expecting that last part with Yuna, were ya? Ha. Nor were you expecting that Paine has been feening for Rikku for a long time, huh?

So what will Rikku be thinking about the kiss Buddy gave Paine? And what about Yuna's situation? And will Paine ever get together with Rikku? Will Paine ever confront Yuna about the foot? Dammit, why are there so many questions?

(This chapter was named after Elvis Costello's "I'll Never Fall In Love Again")

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