Taming Sasuke
Step Seven
"I'm sorry that it's messy," Naruto told Sasuke as he opened the door to his apartment. "I wasn't expecting visitors."
Sasuke shrugged, letting Naruto enter first and following him inside. He'd been to Naruto's apartment only once- when he'd had to drag him across town when he was drunk. He'd somehow coaxed the location of Naruto's bedroom out of him, practically throwing him onto the bed before turning to leave. Naruto had had other ideas though, stripping his shirt and pulling Sasuke back down onto the bed. He smiled slightly at the memory.
"There should be some fresh towels on the rack in the bathroom," Naruto told him, kicking his shoes off in the doorway.
"And where would that be?" Sasuke asked, taking his shoes off as well and shrugging the sodden coat from his shoulders.
"It's en suite to my bedroom. I seem to remember you knowing where that is."
He winked at Sasuke, who gave him a sharp glare in response.
"Just because I agreed to date you doesn't mean I'm still not angry about that," he admonished.
"Shut up and go dry off," Naruto ordered of him, shooing him with his hands.
Once Sasuke had followed his instruction, Naruto headed to the kitchen, searching through the cupboards with a frown. Sasuke's cooking was exceptional, and he knew he couldn't make anything even close to his standards. He also didn't have much in the way of real food- he made a mental note to go shopping and not live off his supply of instant cup ramen.
He turned, aiming to find the phone book and take the easy route of take-out, but stopped when he noticed Sasuke standing in the doorway, watching him impassively. He had a pastel blue towel around his neck, leaning against the doorway as though he was about to collapse.
"Don't worry about the food," Sasuke told him. "I so tired I can barely see straight. I'd rather just go to sleep."
"I'll go to the store and buy some proper food while you're sleeping," Naruto told him. "You have to eat something when you get up, alright? You can take my bed. I'll find some clothes you can wear since those are so wet."
Sasuke grimaced. "Do you have anything that isn't orange?"
Naruto sighed at him. "I'm sure I can find something."
Sasuke nodded at him in thanks, setting off back out the hallway and to Naruto's bedroom. Naruto watched him go, picking up his keys from his counter again. He figured he may as well go to the shop now while he was still wet from the weather.
-.-.-
Naruto was aware he was slightly tired. He was sitting at his kitchen table, a long-empty coffee mug in front of him as he stared into the darkness. It was only just gone midnight, but he wanted to be awake when Sasuke woke- he'd called Iruka and told 'I'll explain later but please cover us tomorrow morning'. Iruka, being the sensitive person he was, immediately sensed an actual problem and told him he could give them until two pm, and then at least one of them needed to be there.
He knew sitting with the lights off wasn't going help him stay awake, but he didn't move to switch them on. He'd been sitting at the table since he'd got back from the store and it was still mostly light, and hadn't motioned to turn the light on when the natural sunlight died away. He was thinking.
He didn't normally do much thinking. It wasn't that he was stupid- no, far from it. He just didn't like taking the time to sit down and just think, usually, since it ended up depressing him. Today was no exception.
He'd already made the decision to tell Sasuke he could live with him. That was easy enough, but he didn't know if his dark haired partner would accept. Their relationship was a strange one- Naruto would be asking him to stay to offer him a hand, but Sasuke would probably see it as "advancing" their relationship, even if Naruto offered to sleep on the sofa and never go anywhere near him.
They were definitely a couple- that was pretty established now. They kissed, they got a bit raunchy, and Sasuke was a not-so-secret sentimentalist who gave his boyfriend a gift every day. But they weren't very emotionally connected- all Naruto knew about Sasuke was he had issues with his past and had wild mood swings because of it, and all Sasuke knew of Naruto was… Nothing. He knew absolutely nothing beyond his name.
Naruto sighed, closing his eyes to the tears that formed. He wasn't the type of person to sit down and cry- he resented it, in fact, but he was tired and emotionally exhausted and the idea of trying to fight it when no-one could even see him wasn't very appealing.
He wanted to sit with Sasuke and just talk, and for once not have to try and fix him. He felt selfish to think that- and it probably was, really. He'd never admit it to Sasuke though, and as far as he was concerned, he could feel however the hell he wanted as long as he didn't say it out loud.
He looked up, startled, as a loud crash in the hallway alerted his attention. He jumped up, flicking the lights on. He knew where the switch was in the dark, of course- it was his house after all.
Sasuke was lying in a heap in the doorway, looking up at Naruto with eyes that clearly didn't appreciate the sudden light, tangled amongst a floor lamp that had been placed near the door. He was wearing the clothes Naruto had picked out for him and left on the end of his bed- black pants and a pale blue shirt he'd managed to find amidst his wardrobe of bright colours he knew Sasuke wouldn't appreciate.
"Why the hell are you sitting here with the lights off?" Sasuke asked, pulling himself out the pile he'd fallen into and to an upright sitting position, pushing the lamp to one side roughly.
"Why are you creeping around in the dark?" Naruto countered, sitting back at the table and keeping them trained on the table, hoping Sasuke wouldn't see the tears in them.
"I didn't know where the light switch was to turn it on," Sasuke responded, folding his arms and not getting up from the floor. "And I was looking for you."
"Well, I'm right here," Naruto snapped before he could stop himself. He was feeling self-piteous, and besides, Sasuke had mood swings all the time- surely he was allowed to feel rough and take it out on him, too? "And now you're awake, you're going to eat."
Sasuke narrowed his eyes, getting to his feet. "What's wrong, Naruto?"
"Nothing," Naruto replied sharply, knowing Sasuke would see straight through him.
Sasuke did- he walked across the kitchen, sitting across from Naruto at the table with a soft sigh. "This isn't like you, Naruto. What is it?"
"You need to eat," Naruto answered swiftly, not wanting to engage the conversation.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to avoid the subject. What's wrong?"
Naruto looked up at him, giving him a bitter smile, realising he wasn't going to be able to get out of this one. "I'm a selfish moron who shouldn't be allowed to think. It's nothing, really."
Sasuke gave him a curious look. "Selfish? Where'd you pull that from? You're the one who's been kind enough to let me stay here tonight. You're the one who offered to give me a hand with Pakkun when I was a complete stranger."
"Those things don't mean I'm not selfish," Naruto reasoned. He clasped his hands together, looking down at them and trying to make it clear he wasn't going to elaborate.
Sasuke looked like he wanted to push it, but chose not to.
"How are you feeling right now?" Naruto asked, changing the subject again.
"Better," Sasuke admitted. "More rational, at least. I'm going to have to hire a locksmith to get back in my house, though."
"You're going to go back?" Naruto asked, trying to stop from sounding disappointed.
"I have to," Sasuke told him. "I can't stay here."
"Why not?"
Sasuke blinked, confused. "What?"
"Why not?" Naruto asked again. "You can stay with me as long as you need."
Sasuke gave him an awkward smile. "That's not a step I was planning on taking yet."
Naruto gave him a glare. "I knew it," he said, his voice harsher than intended. "I knew you'd see it that way. I'm not offering because you're my boyfriend, I'm offering because I'd rather not see you go back to that house, and I know you don't really want to go back, either."
There was silence for a moment, which Sasuke broke.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I'll stay."
Naruto looked up at him, shaking his head slightly. "Don't stay to make me feel better. If you'd rather go back there, then go."
Sasuke shook his head as well, reaching out and pulling Naruto's hand across the table slightly towards him, holding it tightly. "I want to stay," he said quietly. "I'm just scared, Naruto. I'm not too good with this relationship stuff, am I?"
"I don't think you're doing too badly," Naruto admonished. "After all, what other guy gives his partner gifts every day?"
Sasuke blushed slightly, giving Naruto a 'I thought we had an unspoken rule not to mention that' look.
"Besides, it doesn't have anything to do with our relationship," Naruto continued. "I'm not suggesting we start sharing a bed and you move all your stuff in. I'm just saying, you can stay here while you sort out what you're doing with your house and all that."
Sasuke gave him a nod, acknowledging what he had said. "You've done a good job of changing the subject," he said instead, giving Naruto a slightly amused smile.
Naruto glared at him, pulling his hand away. "Take the hint that I don't want to talk about it, then," he said, not caring that he sounded slightly sulky. "You ask I don't make a big deal when you get upset, so try applying that to me, alright?"
Sasuke shrugged. "When you word it like that, I can't refuse can I?"
"Speaking of you and getting upset," Naruto said after a moment. "You need to see a shrink."
Sasuke opened his mouth, looking slightly offended, but Naruto put a finger out to his lips and shushed him.
"I'm serious," he continued. "You need help dealing with what happened to your family. I know you warned me about it all, but it's painful to see you react the way you do. You don't know anything about me, Sasuke, so it might surprise you if I told you I know how it feels to lose your parents."
He ignored the surprised look his boyfriend gave him, continuing his small, but heartfelt, rant.
"Two years after mine died, I'd begun to move on from it. I didn't have the nightmares anymore, I didn't get upset about it all the time, and I was able to function as a reasonable human being most of the time."
He glanced at Sasuke, who was now staring at the table. "Basically, the opposite of you," he concluded. "And that's why I know you need to move out. My parents didn't even die in my house and I had to get out of it after about six months- Iruka came to live with me, and I asked if we could find a place together instead. I couldn't stand to live there, so I can't possibly see how you've managed to stay in the place yours died in for two years."
"I already said I was going to sell it and move out," Sasuke snapped, the truth grating on him slightly. "I'll do that before you go making me appointments with a psychiatrist."
Naruto nodded. "I can accept that. Now, we've got the morning off, but Iruka needs at least one of us in at two pm. We can either both go, or I can go."
"Wait, why can't just I go?" Sasuke asked, narrowing his eyes and sounding offended.
"Because you're the unstable one," Naruto said bluntly, giving him a smile to show he didn't mean it harshly.
Sasuke sighed, folding his arms on the table. "Point taken, I suppose."
"So, if I'm going to be the one to go in, I need some sleep. You're welcome to join me at work depending how you feel tomorrow."
He stood from the table, not even waiting for a response or saying goodnight. He was tired, and the day and previous night had worn on him considerably. He hadn't slept well when he'd arrived home from being thrown out at Sasuke's house, he'd worked all day, and then found Sasuke developing an anxiety disorder on his own doorstep. It had been a trying day, as an understatement.
He'd barely had time to close the bedroom door and get changed for bed when he heard a soft knock at it.
"You don't need to knock," Naruto sighed, rolling his eyes and getting into bed.
Sasuke pushed the door open, looking a little sheepish. "You might have been changing."
"Even if I was, I'm your boyfriend aren't I?" Naruto told him.
Sasuke thought about that for a moment before shrugging, leaning on the door frame, looking awkward.
"Make yourself at home," Naruto told him. "And feel free to wake me up in a few hours, I just need some rest now."
Sasuke stayed in the doorway, still looking awkward.
"My home isn't going to bite," Naruto reassured him.
"I think I worked out why you think you're selfish," Sasuke said after a moment, giving away the reason for his presence. "You want more relationship-stuff going on between us and less being my unofficial counselor don't you?"
Naruto shrugged, knotting his hands together under the bedcovers. "You told me yourself not to expect too much," he replied.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting that," Sasuke replied, sighing and leaning his head back on the wooden door frame. "And I'm sorry I'm screwed up. I'm not going to keep you awake any longer with this, Naruto… I just wanted to make it clear that if that's what the problem was, then you're entitled to feel that way."
He left before Naruto could say anything else, pulling the door closed and leaving the blond to staring at the oak door, a sad smile on his face. He was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open, but it still took him a while to fall asleep, cursing his mind for daring to do more of that 'thinking' thing he hated so much.
-.-.-
"Hey."
Naruto awoke to Sasuke shaking his shoulder gently, sitting on the bed next to him. He looked up at him sleepily, noticing light was starting to flit in behind his curtains.
"What time is it?" He asked, clearing his throat as his voice came out rough.
"Nearly six," Sasuke said quietly, keeping his hand on Naruto's arm.
"You didn't need to leave me that long," Naruto told him, sitting up and leaning on the padded cream headboard, yawning.
"It's alright, I found stuff to do," Sasuke shrugged. "I'm glad you went to the store though- I had proper food to make a meal with. You know you can't survive on cup ramen, don't you?"
Naruto glared at him, looking mock-upset. "I like cup ramen."
"And I don't. If I'm going to live here, we're going to have to come to some compromises."
Naruto pouted. "Next you'll be trying to make me eat real food."
Sasuke grinned slightly at him. "You enjoyed my cooking, didn't you? I'm sure I can make something interesting out of 'real' food."
Naruto stretched lazily, sitting on the edge of the bed to get up. "And that's why I love you. You can do stuff like that."
He caught the look Sasuke was giving him, and thought for a moment what he had said that would warrant the 'deer in headlights' response he was getting. He realised after a moment though, his own eyes widening.
"Ah," he said. "Ignore that. I didn't mean- ah, not that I don't mean it, but… I…"
Sasuke wasn't listening to him- he was too busy trying to bolt out of the room. Naruto's reflexes were fast despite his sleepy state, and he blocked the doorway bodily before Sasuke could make his exit.
"Don't run," he begged as Sasuke attempted to shove him out the way. "Please don't run away."
Sasuke stopped, giving Naruto an anguished look of confusion.
"Look, even if I don't say it out loud, I'm going to still feel it," Naruto told him evenly, having learnt that being firm was the only way to knock Sasuke out of his strange moods. "And you'll have to learn to deal with that. Because as you are right now, you can run away all you like- it'll still scare you. And it'll still scare you in six months, or even six years."
"I told you I was going to move out of the fucking house," Sasuke snapped at him, leaning against the wall with one hand. "Why are you still-"
"Did I say anything about your house?" Naruto interrupted. "I meant your mental state."
"The 'mental state' I warned you about," Sasuke raved back. "If you have such a problem with it, we don't have to do this!"
Naruto sighed, shaking his head slightly. "Sasuke, don't you get it? You can give me all the warnings you want, it won't make a difference. I'm not going to just walk away because you have problems. But, they're problems that can be fixed, so you should try."
"Are you done talking about me like I'm inanimate?" Sasuke continued to rave, his voice rising.
"I didn't mean it like that!" Naruto tried to reason, unable to keep his voice from rising in pitch as well.
"I told you relationships scared me, Naruto, and I made it clear you'd have to accept that! People that get close are people that can be taken away!"
His voice cracked, and Naruto averted his eyes as Sasuke stopped and leant his arm against the wall, resting his head in it.
Naruto felt guilty- he understood how that felt. He'd pushed Iruka away for a long time, never saying 'I love you', never accepting him as his legal guardian- all because he was frightened that he, too, would be taken from him like his parents had.
He'd only been ten at the time, but he had grown up awfully quickly. Over time, the mental wounds had faded, and he found himself able to smile again. Able to accept Iruka as his new family. Able to love people again. The counselor they had sent him to had done a good job in helping him sort his emotions out, that was for sure.
He wanted to help Sasuke. He had felt how he did- though Sasuke seemed worse for it. He imagined the shock of having your parents murdered by your brother was a lot worse than the shock of being told they'd died in road accident- if you could compare such things, at least.
"Where were you when he killed them?" He asked suddenly.
Sasuke turned to him from his spot still leaning face-first on the wall, narrowing his eyes. He looked a little less angry, at least.
"What kind of question is that?" He spat.
"Just answer me."
"I'm not going to," Sasuke told him defiantly, trying to push him out the way again. Naruto blocked him with both his arms, wrapping his arms around him and sweeping him to the floor with his leg. Sasuke fell to the floor, dragging Naruto down with him.
Naruto was quick to pin him, straddling his chest and pinning his arms up by his head onto the floor. Sasuke tried to push him off, but failed to do so.
"What are you doing?!" He yelled.
"Answer the question!" Naruto snapped, raising his voice. His tone of voice suggested he was really going to lose his temper if Sasuke continued his refusal to answer.
"Why?" Sasuke snapped back. "If you're trying to upset me, it's not working- you're just pissing me off!"
Naruto growled angrily at him. "I'm not intentionally'trying to upset you', why the fuck would I want to do that?"
"Oh I don't know, how about when you asked me questions about then that you should know aren't the type of thing you ask someone?!"
"You're right," Naruto told him, readjusting his position on Sasuke's chest slightly, but not letting him up. "It's not my place to ask these questions, but you won't go and see the people who should be."
Sasuke didn't have a response for that, trying to struggle free again.
"Sasuke!" Naruto snapped, his voice loud enough to deafen. "Answer me!"
Sasuke stopped struggling finally, and Naruto instantly felt bad for pushing it so hard. But, he had what he felt were valid reasons, which he would explain to his angry boyfriend if he'd just answer the damn question already!
He still didn't get an answer, so he stood, releasing Sasuke with a sigh. "Alright. How about some toast?"
Sasuke looked up at him from his spot on the floor, eyes anguished and confused. "What…?"
"I said do you want some toast?"
"I don't understand…"
"Do you want some toast or not? You're not going to talk about it, so I'm done with the conversation, Sasuke."
Sasuke stared up at Naruto as he left the room when he didn't get a reply, unable to quite comprehend what the hell had just happened.
Naruto made his way to the kitchen, closing his eyes sadly. He was concerned for Sasuke's mental health to the point where he was tempted to physically drag him to the doctor and force every last detail about how he felt out of him. But, he wouldn't. He needed Sasuke to see why it was important he do it himself.
He had his reasons for asking that question. Conversations he'd had with his counselor after his parents deaths had come flooding back- questions which he knew weren't heartless attempts at upsetting him, but questions to try and make sense of what was going on inside his head.
He set about making some toast, closing his eyes as he heard the kitchen door open. He didn't turn around, waiting for Sasuke to speak.
He did, though he didn't say what Naruto had expected.
"Do you have any strawberry jam?"
-.-.-
Sitting at the table over breakfast- which Sasuke had decided to forgo since Naruto couldn't find any jam- was awkward. Sasuke was clearly upset about their conversation, and Naruto found it quite cute that he opened and closed his mouth about eight times to ask a question he eventually chose not to.
"You want to know why I asked, don't you?" He said as he finished his toast, deciding to put his partner out of his misery.
Sasuke opened and closed his mouth again before settling with a nod of agreement.
"I think you have post-traumatic stress disorder."
Sasuke stared at him, eyes wide in shock. Apparently, he hadn't been expecting that answer. He recovered quickly, narrowing his eyes again.
"PTSD? That's quite a large claim for someone who isn't a doctor."
"You won't talk to your doctor about it though, will you?" Naruto said rhetorically, knowing the answer. "So someone has to try and get it through to you that it's important you talk to someone. Even if it's just me."
"I thought you were fed up with being my counselor."
"Those were your words, not mine," Naruto reasoned. "I'm not 'fed up' with it, I just want to help you, and I can't without you trying to help yourself. So, I'll ask again- where were you when it happened?"
Sasuke took his time in answering- but he did at least actually answer.
"Asleep in bed. I woke up when I heard screams."
"So you were in the house? Did you see what happened?"
Sasuke shook his head. "Not that."
"You saw something else?"
Sasuke looked away, visibly trembling, closing his eyes as tears filled them. "My brother."
He didn't elaborate- Naruto was confused for a moment before remembering Iruka's words. His brother had killed his parents, and then… He had killed himself. He sighed heavily, shaking his head and suddenly instantly understanding the situation better. Sasuke had watched his brother kill himself.
"I'm not giving you pity," he began, watching Sasuke fold his arms on the table and bury his head in them. "I mean it when I say I'm so sorry to hear that."
If Sasuke could hear him past his harsh sobbing, he didn't answer. Naruto watched him, feeling tears prick the corners of his own eyes. He blinked them back- getting upset as well wasn't going to help the situation, especially if Sasuke interpreted it as pity.
"Have you ever told anybody that?" He asked, reaching out and nudging Sasuke's arm gently to get his attention.
Sasuke looked up at him, and Naruto's heart almost broke. He looked so… Broken. That was the only word Naruto could find that fit the description of what he was seeing before him. It made his chest ache, and it took all his restraint not to get up and wrap his arms around his hurting partner.
"Have I what?" Sasuke asked him to repeat, his voice tight and shaking.
"Have you ever told anybody that before?"
Sasuke shook his head, returning his head to his arms.
"Not even your doctor?"
"No," came the soft answer.
"Then you need to."
"I know," Sasuke replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
They sat there for a while, Naruto staring down at the plastic tabletop and Sasuke sobbing quietly into his arms. Naruto really had to wonder how Sasuke had stayed as sane as he was keeping that knowledge to himself, and wondered what other details he'd covered when talking to the doctors. If they knew what he'd just told him, he would have been referred straight to a psychiatrist. But, as it was, it seemed whatever Sasuke had said was no-where near the truth, since he was on a prescription for mild sedatives and that was it.
When Sasuke finally calmed down a bit, Naruto reached across and pulled his hand out from under his head, holding it tightly.
"You've been really brave," he said quietly. "I can't imagine how hard that was to admit. But, I'm right by your side, you hear me? I'm going to help you get past this because no matter how much it scares you, I love you, problems and all."
Sasuke looked up at him, cheeks streaked with tears but a small, sad smile on his face. "Thank you."
Naruto squeezed his hand before letting it go, standing up from the table. "Would you feel up to going out soon?"
"I could do," Sasuke responded, running a hand across his eyes and sighing, coughing slightly. "How come?"
"Well, you keep complaining about how much my kitchen sucks," Naruto told him. "So how about we go shopping?"
Sasuke stood as well, giving him a nod of agreement. "Alright. I think I can manage that."
He surprised Naruto by grabbing his hand, pulling him around the table and capturing his lips in a kiss. Naruto melted into it, wrapping his arms around Sasuke shoulders as Sasuke pushed him back onto the table.
"What are you-"
"Shush," Sasuke hissed gently, pushing him so far back onto the table that he was lying down. "How strong is your table?"
"I don't know, pretty strong I thi-"
That was enough for Sasuke- he jumped up on top of Naruto, straddling his waist and leaning down to kiss him again. Naruto closed his eyes, Sasuke's bangs tickling them as he leant over. He pushed them up, prying Sasuke's lips off of him- with a hint of regret- and shook his head.
"What are you doing?" He asked again.
"You don't like it?" Sasuke queried, unbuttoning Naruto's shirt as tracing a hand down his chest.
"I do," Naruto replied, shuddering slightly as Sasuke's hand continued its downward descent on his torso. "But, is right now… I don't think now is-"
Sasuke held his free hand up to silence him. "Stop telling me what is or isn't good for me. I'm not a child."
"It's just sudden," Naruto continued, but not stopping Sasuke's wandering hand.
"I've never heard somebody complain so much about a pleasurable proposition," Sasuke sighed, finally stopping what he was doing and jumping back down off the table. "What's the problem?"
Naruto sat up, pulling his shirt back together. "Only five minutes ago you were crying so much I'm surprised you can even talk. And now you're horny?"
Sasuke shrugged awkwardly, blushing slightly. "It's… That happens."
"Eh?"
"I get like that," Sasuke responded, cheeks flushed even redder.
Naruto couldn't help but laugh at that. "You girl. You have more hormone switches than a PMSing woman."
Sasuke jumped back onto the top, climbing back on top of Naruto's waist again. He pushed Naruto down against the table, effectively pinning him down by his shoulders.
"I think you should shut up and kiss me," he told his boyfriend, his hand returning to its wandering status.
Naruto licked his lips and let Sasuke capture them once again. That was certainly one order he could comply with.
-.-.-
Author's Note: Not much to say here, really- I hope you're enjoying:)