Chapter 7
Things happen, the way they often do in life, and Spock and Nyota's schedules keep them just busy enough over the next week that there is no time for spending time together alone. It nearly drives Spock mad, as all he can receive from her are gentle, loving glances in passing and occasional messages sent to his comm.
Thinking of you.
Missing you.
I love you.
All of his days have taken on new meaning. He feels complete. He feels downright elated at the thought of her, and he finds himself longing for the next moment he can hold her against him, and kiss her again. He reads and rereads her text messages saved in his comm, smiling as his eyes skim the tiny words written across his screen.
And so since he is used to receiving Nyota's words through his comm, he is surprised one day to find a message from an unknown identification come through.
Spock, I have some business on Earth and I would like to see you. I will be visiting soon. Respond back when you are available.
Frowning, Spock types back, Who is this? He is stunned with the reply.
T'Pring.
Naturally, his first thought is one of confusion. His second, of the woman he now loves, Nyota. They had just spoken of something like this happening, of the "what if's" of the past returning to haunt him, possibly Nyota, too. What business on Earth could she possibly have that would cause her to stop and see him? It sounds like fraud to him, except he knows that Vulcans do not lie. Still, he has moved on with his life. He is in love with someone else. He doesn't need to see her, not for any reason, so logically, he knows he should dismiss T'Pring altogether; yet, if he were accepting of the core truth of the matter...he was curious.
He knows one thing he will never do is lie to Nyota, so he calls her later that night to tell her about the message. "Hmm," Nyota says, and nothing more.
"Please elaborate on your feelings," Spock says, fearing anger. He waits a moment, then adds, "Perhaps we should discuss it in person?"
"I wish I could, but I have two study groups and a paper to finish. I wouldn't be free until after midnight," Nyota sighs.
"After midnight is acceptable," Spock urges.
She gives a tired chuckle. "I'd fall asleep the second I got there. It's been an exhausting eight days. Can you meet me for lunch tomorrow? Around eleven? I won't have long because I have to attend a lecture that afternoon, but at least we could talk then."
He has a meeting, but it should not be a problem to reschedule. "That is a suitable time. Where should we meet?"
They know that their relationship would be grounds for dismissal for him, being her superior, and possible suspension for her. They have made a promise to keep things as private as possible anytime they are near each other on campus or anywhere close by, which makes things all the more difficult for them to handle when they have been forced apart for so many days with school work.
"I could come there. It's probably safest for the middle of the day," Nyota says. "You could make that vegetable soup for me."
"I will do so."
"Great."
They hang up and Spock is left feeling satisfied until he finds himself looking back at T'Pring's message. Respond back. And say what? That he looks forward to seeing her? That he hates her? He does not hate T'Pring, but he certainly does not love her anymore. He has just decided that he will not send a response back when his comm rings, and the same number from whence the text came showed on the screen. It is T'Pring, but calling this time. He is trapped and though he knows in his heart he should just let the call go to voice mail, he finds himself pressing the "Accept" button.
"Spock?"
He draws a shaky breath. He has not heard her voice in five years. He no longer loves her, but yet and still she was the first woman he did love. In a way he unfairly can put into words, there is an obligation to speak to her. Somehow, someway, there is.
"Spock? Are you there?"
"I am here," he says, holding the comm tighter than necessary.
"Did you receive my earlier message?" T'Pring asks, as if they had just spoken last week, as if it hasn't been years.
"How did you get this number?" he blurts out.
"Your father gave it to me."
Spock should have known. His father appeared to be just as upset about the termination of the engagement as Spock once word had gotten out. "I fail to understand why you are suddenly attempting to make amends. My schedule is very busy so please state your business on Earth and your reasons for contacting me," he tells her stiffly.
"I wish to do just that—make amends. I have thought about the way I treated you, Spock, and the things I said and I feel sadness that I hurt you."
"Sadness that comes five years past its time? My partner certainly would object to your visit. I am certain she would."
T'Pring pauses. "You have found a Vulcan woman there?"
He knows where she's going with this question, planting her manipulative little seeds. "She is not of Vulcan decent."
"And what does your father have to say about that choice?"
"Rightfully, it should be of no concern to him at all as he himself did not choose a Vulcan woman when all was said and done. I am not in accordance with discussing my father or my relationship any further with you. I am beginning to find this entire conversation unsettling."
"As that is not my intent, let us meet in a common place. I will come to your office. You have one, do you not? Are you a Commanding officer in Starfleet? I will say what is necessary and the next decisions will be entirely up to you," T'Pring says, as if it's all been made up.
"I suppose my father has told you I am a Commanding officer with my own office as well," Spock says angrily.
"There is no reason for defiance. He and I are both on Vulcan, Spock. At one time, you were to be my intended. He has long forgiven me for making a different choice."
Spock has no retort, but waits on the line to see what she will say next. "I will be on Earth Friday. What time will you be available?" she presses.
He closes his eyes, the guilt already pouring in. Nyota. She would feel betrayed, so betrayed if she could see him now, debating whether or not to let T'Pring see him. "1600 hours is acceptable. I am on the third floor. My office is the fourth on the right," he finally says.
"Very well. We shall meet again soon," T'Pring says.
There is a sinking feeling in his stomach long after he has disconnected the call.
He tells Nyota everything shortly after she arrives. She has been quiet ever since.
"Please. I never wish to lie to you, or hurt you. Please tell me your thoughts," Spock implores, watching her poke the soup she was so excited about him making yesterday. She has taken two bites since he told her T'Pring is coming.
"Honestly?" Nyota sighs, dropping her spoon and looking up at him. "I don't want you to see her. At all. Why is she coming back after all this time? What does she want? She's still cool with you father? And why would your father tell her that you were working here? Have you told your parents about me?"
Spock isn't sure where to begin. Has he told his parents about her? Yes and no. He opens his mouth to answer when Nyota leans back in his kitchen chair and braces her hand against her forehead. "But I know that we can't have a relationship if there's no trust. And I don't have the right to ask you not to see anyone. You probably have some things you want to get off your chest with her. But it still bothers me to think about you being…alone with her. I don't know...maybe it's too soon for all of this. Maybe we should just give each other some time..." she trails off, looking hurt.
"The words we spoke to each other a week ago were sincere. I felt it through the little telepathy I allowed when I touched you. If you do not want me to see her, I will not."
"Do you want to see her?"
"She has no purpose in my life."
"But do you want to see her?"
Spock stiffens. "There is a part of me that is curious to know what she wants to say. I will not lie to you."
Nyota nods. "I understand. She broke your heart and you never got over it. Maybe, with the right words, she can convince you to take her back—"
His eyes widen in alarm. "You mistake my statements, Nyota. Yes, she did, as you say, break my heart. It did take me some time to move beyond her betrayal and her dishonesty. But it has been five years since that time. What you and I have discovered is greater than any moments of happiness I thought I had when I was with her. The love I feel for you is completely different. It is right, and true. It is a love I would fight for. One I would be willing...to die for." Nyota blushes as he reaches for her hands from across the table, brings them to his lips, kisses them. "I will tell her not to come. It is unnecessary, besides."
She shakes her head. "Don't do that. I don't want you to spend another five years wondering what would have happened if you had. I don't think I can be totally comfortable unless you see her and analyze your feelings," she says.
"Well," Spock says, "what can I do to ease your uncertainty that you are the one I have chosen?"
She smiles, but her smile is sad. "Talk to her then still choose me in the end," she says.
"It is not a competition," Spock tells her.
"Maybe it is," Nyota says. "And maybe it isn't." She takes her hands gently back so she can return to her lunch.