Chapter 7 Visiting the Past

A/N Thanks so much to all who are reading and reviewing! Please review! It makes my toes curl! This chapter has a small drug reference. Just so you know. I need to send some love to Zephyersky who has been holding my hand on this. She is awesome. Check her out on . She is a super writer. Also, midnight serenade (Elizabeth Masen) started a thread for this little thing on the AH forum over at . I post teasers over there, so check it out!

disclaimer: I do not own. SM beat me to it!

BPOV

"Has anyone told you what to expect?" the nurse asked timidly as I followed her down the hall.

"Somewhat," I answered, not sure I was ready to hear the medical details from someone who might not state it as gently as Sam had.

"He's very swollen. He won't look like the husband you last saw."

My heart pounded against my ribcage. I was beginning to wonder how long I would be able to carry on this marriage charade. I wasn't sure I could stand to be referred to as "his wife" and "Mrs. Black" without completely falling apart. I also considered what implications that might give Jacob when he woke and realized I had allowed it.

"That will probably be the most noticeable difference. Most of the injuries are to his left side. His left arm is broken, his left leg is broken, his left lung collapsed last night, and four of his ribs are broken. His spleen was punctured and there are extensive abrasions and bruises. Have they told you anything about his surgery?"

"No." I was beginning to feel sick.

"When he arrived yesterday afternoon he was non responsive. A major head trauma accompanied by a punctured spleen was the most prominent concern. The surgeons removed his spleen, closed the lacerations, reset the broken bones, and ran tests on his brain activity."

I stopped and leaned against the cold wall for support.

"Oh dear. Are you okay?" She pulled a wheelchair from the opposite wall and sat me in it. "Let me get you some water." She walked briskly to the nurse's station.

My mind was racing.

I really didn't think I could endure this. Jake hadn't been in my life for six months. I couldn't lose him forever. I couldn't bear that. Although I knew Jake and I were not meant to be a couple, I couldn't imagine the world without him. I felt the flood of tears leaving my eyes.

I thought about everything Jacob and I had been through. The first fishing trip Charlie and Billy took us on. He was six years old. I was eight. It was the first time I met Jake and I hated him. He thought he was a pro and got mad when I caught the first fish. He pushed me off of the bank. I busted my lip on a rock and came out of the water swinging. That was our first fight. And our last one for a lot of years. Jake and I became best friends. We were inseparable. I ached to return to the moment we made the decision that took it all away.

The nurse returned with a cup of water.

"Are you feeling okay? I thought I was going to lose you for a minute there."

"I'm okay. It's just a lot to take in."

"I really didn't mean to overwhelm you. How about some good news?" she spoke sweetly.

"That would be great," I said knowing how badly I needed a glimmer of hope.

"The surgeons were able to patch him up nicely. His chances are very good considering his injuries. The tests they ran on his brain activity after surgery were positive. His brain was very active. That's a good thing. He is on a ventilator, but it was turned down this morning. He is doing most of the work. They will leave it on until he heals enough for them to be able to reduce the anesthesia. Breathing for someone in his condition requires a lot of energy and they would like for that energy to be available to aid in healing his head injury."

I felt a faint wave of relief.

"Now, please understand, things can go wrong. I don't want to lead you to believe they can't or won't. This is just the case right now."

"Thank you. Is there a time frame on when he might wake up?"

"He's in a drug induced coma now, in other words, the doctors feel it's best if he rests. He was quite agitated when he woke up after surgery."

"I see. How long will they continue that?"

"It really depends on his progress. I have a feeling he'll start healing a little faster now that you're here. He was very vocal about needing you here," she spoke with a wink and smiled.

I attempted to smile back, but I wanted to walk through those doors and throw myself into traffic. I felt terrible for not being here when he needed me. I couldn't allow myself to think about it any longer. My mind couldn't stand the thought.

"Are you ready to see him now?"

I stood to follow her and quickly prayed to every higher being I'd ever heard mention of that I wouldn't pass out.

"Here we are," she said as she opened the door. "We gave him a private room in order to accommodate his father."

We stepped inside. I was flooded with beeps and swooshes. Then I saw him.

"The machines are noisy, but a lot of families say it's comforting to hear them. It's a constant reminder that, although they might not be able to open their eyes or speak, they are still there."

There were tubes, bags of fluid, and wires everywhere.

I stepped closer to him.

He had a large tube coming from his mouth, which was secured by tape. His face was so swollen. My hand reached to touch his cheek. I noted that he wasn't as warm as usual. His skin still had its golden brown color, but was blotched with bruising and patched with stitches. His hair had been shaved on one side and what appeared to be a drain tube was inserted there. His chest was bare and covered in scrapes and bruises. My hand moved carefully to hold his.

The nurse pulled a chair to his bedside.

"Can he hear me?" I asked as I sat.

"Yes, he can hear you," she answered, gave my shoulder a slight squeeze and stated before leaving, "Talking to him is the best therapy."

I stood and whispered into his ear, "I'm here now Jake. Everything is going to be okay. Just hold on and get better." I pressed my forehead to his temple and prayed. I had never prayed so hard in my entire life. I opened my eyes to see my teardrops drifting down his face. I recalled the first time I'd seen Jake cry.

We were hanging out in his bedroom. Jake was sixteen and I was eighteen. Jake had a paper due in an English class I had already taken and I was helping him with the assignment. I remembered how close we were then. It was the best season of our relationship. The easiest by far. We were best friends. There was no fighting, no breaking up and getting back together, no physical relationship to complicate things. Just friends. Best friends.

He was sitting on the floor with the laptop and I on the bed.

Jake's cell phone rang. I sat quietly as the worst day of his life began.

I listened to his end of the conversation. It didn't last very long. Mostly just, "What's wrong? Is she okay? I'm on my way."

He sat stunned as he closed his phone.

"What's going on Jake?" I asked as I scooted to the edge of the bed.

"It's my mom. She was in a car accident. We have to go to the hospital."

I stood and followed him out of the house.

"Let me drive Jacob," I said as I realized I didn't think he was capable.

"No, we'll take the bike. It'll be faster. You're truck's a piece of shit." He tossed me a helmet.

I knew this was not the time to argue with him. I put the helmet on and got on behind him.

The ride was petrifying and I held on for dear life. Jake never stopped. He flew through every stop sign and every stoplight. I saw my life flash before my eyes several times.

When we arrived at the hospital Billy and Charlie met us in the waiting room of the ER.

"How is she?" Jacob asked.

I surveyed Billy and Charlie's faces.

Oh no.

"She's in surgery now. It's not good, son," Billy dropped his head.

"Is she gonna make it?" Jake asked.

"They aren't sure. The injuries are pretty extensive. If she makes it through this surgery they are hoping she'll be stable enough so that they can airlift her to Seattle."

Jacob's mom survived the surgery, but was never able to be airlifted anywhere.

She survived three days after the surgery.

I went everyday before school, to take Jacob and his family breakfast, and after school to eat dinner with Jacob in the cafeteria.

He was so sad and tired. He picked at his food and barely spoke.

The hug he gave me before I left each night told me how much he appreciated me coming.

I walked in to the hospital on the third day as I had the days before. Jacob was smiling when he met me at the waiting room door.

"Hey. You look like you feel a little better. How's your mom today?" I asked with a reciprocating smile.

"She has been really good today. She opened her eyes, Bells." I hugged him tightly.

"Oh Jake, I'm so glad."

"Yeah. She couldn't speak because she's still intubated, and it was only for about ten minutes, but we were all able to talk to her and tell her how much we loved her. It was so great. I wish she could've said it back, but I could see in her eyes everything she wanted to say." I pulled him into the tightest hug I could. He buried his lips into my shoulder and kissed me gently before pulling away. He smiled down at me and pulled me toward the elevator. "Come on. I'm starving. Let's go get some food."

Jake and I went to the cafeteria. We ate and chatted. I was so relieved to see him eating better. He devoured two plates of food.

After we ate, we walked back to the ICU waiting room. I always walked back with him and waited until it was his turn to go back.

When we turned the corner we were hit with the tragic news. Billy, Rebecca, Rachel, and Sam were there. Rachel and Rebecca were sobbing; Billy was sitting quietly in his chair staring into space, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Jacob stopped and took my hand. "What's wrong?"

Sam turned first, "Jake, I'm so sorry."

"No. No. Sorry for what? She couldn't have. She was getting better this morning. The doctors said it was a good sign. What the hell happened?" His body heaved as the air left his lungs. I watched as my huge, broad-chested, emotionally concrete best friend fell apart. He fell to his knees and placed his hands on the floor. His body jerked as he cried. His sisters came to him, kneeling with him and wrapped their arms around his large frame.

My tears fell for them. I felt my heart breaking for what they were going through. Sam wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. "You should probably give Charlie a call, Bells. Billy is his best friend. He's gonna need him now."

"Uh, yeah. I'll step out and call him now." I shifted out of Sam's hug and felt someone grab my ankle. I turned to see Jacob looking up at me, tears streaming down his face. He moved from his sister's arms and grabbed onto my legs.

"I need her here. She can't leave. Bella, don't. Please don't leave." I nudged him back and fell to my knees in front of him. He wrapped his arms around me and held tightly.

I pulled myself from the memory and looked at Jake. I watched the slow rise and fall of his broad chest. More tears fell as I realized that Jake was not here. Jake, who was full of life, laughter, and spirit was missing. I cried as more memories assaulted me.

We were Jake and Bells. Until recently.

We had been through everything together. At twelve and ten we were each other's first kiss. At two am on a warm July night in the tree house we had built together we decided to find out what the big deal was. It was ridiculously horrible. We vowed to never do that again.

At fifteen and thirteen Jake taught me how to ride a motorcycle. We ended up in the ER. A two wheeled vehicle with a motor plus my bad luck and lack of coordination always equaled disaster. Charlie was pissed!

We had shared so many firsts. Driving, wrecking, drinking, smoking weed, kisses, and sex. None of which I regretted. I had only one regret with him.

The day we decided to take our relationship to the next level.

His theory was that we were already together all of the time and we loved each other more than anyone else, so what would it hurt to try. I was much more skeptical stating that what we already had was good, so why risk losing it if the relationship didn't work out.

He pushed me against my truck, kissed me and he won. We tried.

That was three years ago. He became super possessive and we fought all the time. I groaned at the memory. We were both in college. It was Jake's first year and he wanted to drink and go to parties. I had already experienced that and didn't care much for it. We started a trend of breaking up and getting back together. That went on for two and a half years. Six months ago I ended things for good.

He begged.

He proposed.

I said no and distanced myself from him.

It was too hard to be his friend. I had broken his heart.

I looked at him through the blur of tears. His body now matched his heart.

I made it to the bathroom just in time. I hit my knees in front of the toilet as I felt my body heave, expelling all the guilt and pain into the water. I cried and threw up until there was nothing left.

I picked myself up from the floor and made my way to the sink. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and splashed water on my face. I looked for the bag Alice had packed. I was relieved to find my toothbrush and cleaned myself up.

As I exited the bathroom I heard the door open.

"You have a visitor in the waiting room, honey," the nurse spoke softly.

I nodded and walked to Jake's side. I kissed his cheek and told him I'd be right back.

I saw Alice and Rosalie as I walked through the double doors.

"Hey," Alice spoke first then wrapped her tiny arms around me. I felt Rose's hands stroke my hair as she whispered, "How is he?"

"Not good," I whispered through cracked speech; the combination of crying and throwing up had made my throat sore. I forced myself to get it together.

"Oh Bella." Alice hugged me tighter.

I had no idea how long I had been here. It felt like ten minutes and ten days all at the same time.

The three of us sat in the waiting room. I filled them in on the details that I could recall about his injuries. They had brought a basket filled with snacks for his family and me.

My body tensed as the elevator doors opened and Becca stepped out. Alice and Rose noticed my change and turned to meet the glare that was upon us. Jake's sisters hated me. We had been very close for a long time, but when Jake proposed and I said no, they had to pick up his pieces. They listened to him cry, watched him get completely wasted, endured all the self-destructive things he'd done, and blamed me for all of it.

This would be bad.

She walked straight to the nurses' station. The nurse shot a quick glance in my direction. I said a silent prayer that she wouldn't mention anything to Becca about the wife thing and thanked Him graciously when she led her through the doors.

Alice squeezed my hand.

"She better not start any shit or she'll need a bed back there too," Rose threatened.

"Rose," I reprimanded.

"I swear Bella. If she does." She stopped as I held my hand up.

"I'm sure it'll be okay."

I pray it'll be okay. My relationship with God had never been a prominent part of my life. That was beginning to change.

"Let us take you to dinner while she's here," Alice said attempting to change the subject.

"I can't eat, Alice," I said truthfully.

"Bella, she'll be back there for a while. There's no need for you to sit here and wait. You have to take care of yourself."

I knew she was right. And more than the nourishment of the food, I needed the nourishment of my friends.

They had always been there when I needed them. Sometimes I didn't even realize how badly I needed them until they were there. They had been through all of the ups and downs of my relationship with Jake and were the ones who encouraged me to end it when it became unhealthy. They picked up my pieces as Jake's sisters had his.

I took the basket to the nurse's station and asked her to take it back for the family, made a call to Sam to let him know Rebecca was there and that I was going to grab a quick bite.

I followed Alice and Rose to the cafeteria. Alice scowled at the idea of eating in the cafeteria, but gave in when I refused to leave. We made our selections and sat.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Yeah, Alice. I mean, no, but I have to be."

"Promise me you won't let yourself feel guilty about this. I know how you are and you need to know that this is not your fault." She emphasized the not.

"I know. I should've been here though. He asked for me when he woke up. Now he's lifeless. He doesn't even know I'm here."

More damn tears. I pushed my tray away.

"He's strong, Bella. He's a fighter. He will pull through this. In the meantime, you have to take care of yourself," she said as she pushed the tray back to me. "I simply will not sit by and let the guilt turn you back into the skeleton you were when you two broke up. It's not attractive at all."

Rosalie began rummaging through her bag and cursing its untidiness as her phone rang. She checked the caller ID. Alice and I were silent as she talked. "Hey baby... Of course I miss you... How sweet of you." She gave us the "be right back" finger and slid out of her chair.

"Emmett," Alice answered my questioning look.

"Oh, wow."

"I know, right? I told you I had a feeling about them."

"Um yeah. I guess you were right about that one," I said as I momentarily considered changing the subject. I knew I should ask if she had talked to Jasper. Once again, turning to God, I prayed that she wouldn't bring up Edward, "So, did you get a chance to talk to Jasper?"

Her face lit up.

"Yes. He called to make sure we got in okay. He's such a sweetheart. He asked how everything was with Jake."

"That was nice of him."

"Yes, he's very thoughtful. We also talked about when we'd see each other again. I think he and Emmett are going to fly to Seattle next weekend," she said as she evaluated my reaction.

"That's great Alice. He really seems to care about you. I'm glad you guys are gonna give it a shot. I'm sure Rose is excited too." I tried my best to sound happy for her.

"Have you heard from Edward?" she asked looking anywhere but my eyes.

Damn unanswered prayers. Here we go.

"No Alice. Why would I have heard from him?" I asked trying to keep my tone a level below angry. I knew I'd here it from her sooner or later. She had already made the "there's something there" remark. It's coming. I didn't think it would be so soon.

"Jasper mentioned that he was going to text you. I just thought maybe…" she trailed.

I huffed as I said, "I see. Well, he hasn't."

I mentally noted to check my phone when I was alone.

"Have you checked your phone?" she asked, looking away again.

Damn it. I was beginning to think she had psychic abilities.

"No Alice. Look, I really don't have time to deal with that right now. I'm barely coping with what's going on with Jake. Did I mention I'm pretending to be his wife?" I emphasized wife as Rose rejoined us, "just to be able to go back to see him. Now his sister, who hates me, is here. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to deal with that. Hell, I don't even know if she knows Sam planned on telling them that. I can't deal with Edward and our stupid Vegas wedding." I stopped as I noticed the look on Alice's face.

"What?" I spat.

I turned to see what she was eying behind me.

Oh hell.