I think I'm updating way faster than normal authors XD I can't tell if thats a good thing or a bad thing. Should I make a posting schedule? Or should I just stick to how I'm posting now? Let me know!

QuirkyKit: Yeaaaaah, I kinda stopped writing "The 8th Member" a while ago XD I was thinking about updating it. Thank you so much! I'll try to write faster!

Softball007: Thanks! And I guess you have to read to find out :D

Mina: Wow, seems like everyone was reeeeaaally surprised about what Estelle did XD Thanks, and I hope that this chapter answers everything!

Ellie Everdeen: Don't worry, don't worry, I wouldn't just leave a chapter hanging like that for longer than 3 days XD I know how it feels to read cliffhangers like that and have to wait soooooo long for the answers. Thanks for reading!

Une Fan: Maybe I should start adding more detail because everyone seems pretty surprised XD Thanks for the compliments! I'll try to keep Estelle's and Newt's steady, but it might be going downhill soon *hint hint* XD

Newt was always by my side. He would always ask how I was doing, if the nightmares were continuing.

I told him that they were slowly going away. I was lying. They were getting worse.

The more I started to care about Newt, the worse the guilt felt, the worse the nightmares got.

The moment I had stabbed Dylan, memories flooded back in. Not all of them, just a small portion of my life.

I stared up at the blue screen, examining their brains.

My eyes flickered to the screen where we were watching a group of girls.

I had been ordered to make sure that none of them got into any serious trouble.

There was a red button that was in front of me. If any trouble would start, I would have to press it. Simple enough.

A fight had started.

It wasn't an average hair pulling, a few slaps and punches kind of fight. Knives were involved.

One girl had a large wound on her stomach. The other was holding the knife.

The girls around them seemed too scared to interfere. The wounded one was on the ground was gasping for air.

I should stop them. I should hit that button now and put them all in a deep sleep.

But I didn't. The corners of my mouth lifted into a grin. Finally, I could see a real show. A real fight.

"Estelle?" a male voice said from behind me. I turned around. "Hey Dylan. Wanna watch with me?"

"What the hell? I thought you were supposed to make sure they didn't get hurt!"

He started for the button on the keyboard, but I blocked his way and pinned down his hands. "Dylan, you're such a mood killer. Let me see a little more"

His eyes went wide. "If you don't let me press that button, you'll be an actual killer"

I leaned into his ear. "Is there a problem with that?"

That girl that I had let die that day. It was Newt's sister.

It wasn't hard to tell that they were related. They looked almost identical. They both had an innocent look, the blond hair, the blue eyes. They had the same perfectly shaped nose.

And I had let her die. I had killed her.

"You alright love?"

I snapped out of my trance. "Yeah, just thinking"

Newt gave me a smile and sat down beside me. "About what, exactly?"

I bit my lip. About how I killed your sister. "About Dylan" It wasn't exactly a lie.

Newt sighed. "You gotta get over him love. What you did was an act of self defence. Besides, we've all done things that we aren't proud of"

"You've never killed anyone"

He didn't reply immediately. He inhaled. "Think of it this way. If you hadn't picked up that knife and uh...stabbed Dylan, he would've killed both you and Minho. You saved his life and you saved your own"

If I was never here, he wouldn't have needed saving. If I had just died like I was supposed to, none of the Gladers would be in danger.

"...why did you have to save me"

I had gotten in a lot of trouble.

My boss had given my a scolding as well as a small punishment. Just a night in a cell, nothing too big.

During those 12 hours, I had realized something.

I loved pain. I loved seeing that girl suffer.

It was wrong, I know that, but for some odd reason, seeing her in pain gave me a rush.

Why did I love it?

One thing was for sure. I was going to feel that rush again. I didn't care what the cost.

"What do you mean?" said Newt, confused. "I couldn't just leave you there to die"

"You should've. Thats why I was sent here. I was supposed to die. Now look what I've done" My breathing was speeding up. My heart was pounding.

Newt grabbed my hand. I flinched at the touch. His hand were cold, yet soft. His grip was strong, yet gentle. "wha-"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about Estelle? Have you gone mad? You're the only person in the camp that ever survived a whole night. You're the only person that is actually making progress with the Grievers. So what if you killed one person? He was going crazy anyways. You did him a favour" Newt had said all that so fast that I hardly heard what he had said.

One person. Wrong. I've killed so many more.

Should I tell him? What if he hates me? He was my closest friend. He was one of the people I truly cared about.

But...did I even deserve him?

I had gained the boss' trust again.

I was assigned to watch the girls. They had been punished to make sure that no one would ever hurt another girl again.

I was bored out of my mind. It was no fun. All they were doing was gardening food and building huts.

My eyes wandered over the keyboard.

The sides of my lips curved up. I found it.

The button that would open all four doors. The button that would keep them open for the night.

Now that would be a show.

Four dozen girls against a couple Grievers.

My fingers lingered over the button. I wanted to push it. I wanted to see their pain.

A shadow flashed by.

I spun on my heel and looked at the door. "Hey Tommy. What's up?"

Thomas gave me a suspicious look. "What are you doing?"

"Supervising the girls again" I said with a bored tone.

His eyes trailed down my arm and toward the keyboard. "Were you, uh, gonna click something?"

I scoffed. "I learned my lesson. Don't worry, I won't hurt the girls"

Thomas approached me. "If you do anything to hurt them, boss is going to kill you. Literally. Stay out of trouble"

I let out a small laugh. "You really don't trust me, do you? I thought we were friends"

He sat down in a nearby chair. "Friends? We are. Its just..."

"Its just what?"

He wouldn't meet my eyes. Something was wrong. He was hiding something.

"Tommy" I lifted his chin with one finger, forcing him to look me in the eyes. "What are you hiding from me? I thought we agreed that there wouldn't be any secrets"

"...I found a file with your name on it...you might want to take a look"

I smiled. "I will. Thanks"

He leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek. "I think I should go. I'm not even supposed to be here"

I shrugged. "Stay out of trouble. They might start hating you as much as they hate me"

He laughed. "See ya"

The moment he left, my eyes darted to the button.

I had to click it. I had to.

My hand moved on it's own. It pressed down on the holographic button.

I looked up at the screen. The doors opened. All four, one by one.

I grinned. Their reactions were priceless.

Soon enough, the Grievers would come out.

I sat down in a chair and stared at the screen.

Group C was officially done for.

~o~

I had wrote a couple jot notes on a scrap piece of paper.

They summarized what I remembered.

-I had watched Newt's sister die

-I had opened all four doors and watched every single girl get eaten by Grievers

-Whoever I worked for hated me

-I was constantly causing trouble and being punished

-I was in a romantic relationship with someone by the name of Thomas. The relationship had ended before I entered the maze

-Minho was my brother

There was one more thing I was missing, although I couldn't remember it.

I rubbed my temples.

Overthinking always gave me a headache.

I looked out my window and saw Minho. I couldn't remember him in any of the flashbacks that I've had.

Why? I know for sure that he was a part of my life.

The sun had set.

The Gladers were preparing to sleep when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in"

The door opened and Newt walked in. "Need some company tonight love?"

I grinned. "Make yourself comfortable"

He sat down in a large pile of softened hay that was covered with fabric. "Mind if I sleep here? The other Gladers smell horrible. They haven't bathed in days. Bloody days!"

I laughed. "I don't mind. I'm going to sleep now, though"

He shrugged. "I'll try not to bother you"

Sleeping always brought back some memories. Each night, I would gain a little more.

Its been going on like this since I had killed Dylan. That was nearly four weeks ago.

Everyone thought I was recovering. In reality, everything was going in the opposite direction.

I lay in my hammock and closed my eyes. Falling asleep was never a challenge.

Each day left me exhausted.

Soon after, I had fallen into a deep sleep.

The memories that came back made me feel as if I was in a nightmare.

The worst part was the person causing the whole nightmare was me.

No one had found out who caused Group C to be killed by the Grievers. They would find out it was me soon enough, though.

Right now, I had to find the file that Tommy told me about.

I snuck past a security camera that watched the door of the boss' office.

Just as I was about to open the door, someone grabbed me and pulled me into a nearby closet.

I turned and saw Thomas. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing" his voice seemed bitter. "Or should I ask if it was you"

He wasn't an idiot. He knew I had clicked the button. He knew I was responsible for all the deaths of Group C.

I sighed. "It's not a mystery, is it? Yes. I hit the button. Group C is dead because of me"

He let out a frustrated groan. "Why would you do it? I just...what happened to you? Ever since he was sent away, you've been different"

He. He meant Minho. "Why I did it is none of your concern"

Their pain gave me joy. Their suffering made my life seem better. "Now, I'm going to go find the file you were talking about. Rat me out if you want. I don't mind"

"I think we should end this"

I stopped. "End it? You mean us?"

Even in the dark, I could see the sorrow in his eyes as he nodded. "I just feel like-"

I raised up a hand to silence him. "I get it. I've changed. Maybe we can try being friends. Teresa seems like more of your type anyways"

I opened the closet door and slipped into the boss' office.

There was a shelf full of files. One of them had to be mine.

I flipped to the 'K' section.

"Kwang Estelle" I mumbled as I looked for my name.

Finally, I found it next to 'Kwang Minho'

I flipped it open and found pages filled with notes.

I skimmed and scanned for something important.

Then, I found it.

A picture of a electronic chip was at the top, followed by a full page of words that I didn't read.

After I skimmed the page, I found out exactly what I needed to know.

That chip was implanted in my brain.

What it did was observe my brain activity. Considering what the company did, I didn't find that odd.

The only thing that scared me was the other thing it was capable of.

Erasing memory and controlling movement and thoughts.

~o~

I was awaken by a sharp sound.

I wasn't sure exactly what the sound was, but the moment I turned to Newt, I had a good idea of what it was.

Newt choked back a sob.

He was reading a paper. A scrap paper. The one that had all my memories on it.

I couldn't speak. He knew that I was responsible for his sisters death.

The worse part was I didn't write any detail, so it seemed as if I had stabbed her to death or murdered her with my own hands.

Even though I didn't kill her with my own hands, they were still stained with her blood.

I opened my mouth to say something, but his eyes stopped me.

They looked right into mine.

They flared with such hatred that if the saying "looks could kill" was real, I'd be dead on the spot.