Carry Me Home Tonight – Chapter 7
Rachel tried to concentrate on her lessons that afternoon, but it was hard with the thought of Sam and Quinn in her head. All this time he had been lecturing her about being a cheerleader and it turned out he had dated every single cheerleader going. OK , maybe that was an exaggeration. But this girl from the other school and now Quinn. She didn't know if she was angrier about the way he was being a hypocrite or the fact he had kissed Quinn.
Quinn had always made her feel insecure anyway, she was beautiful. Every girl at the school wanted to look like her and every guy wanted to date her. There had even been a time when Rachel had considered having a nose job just so she could look more like Quinn.
So the fact that she had kissed Sam really bothered her. Everything Sam had said to her over the last few days had been a lie. What would he see in her after kissing someone like Quinn?
In the last lesson of the day, she asked the teacher if she could leave five minutes early to talk to Coach Sue. As she made her way to the office, she felt sick. When she walked in , Coach Sue was looking at her like she was a bad smell, but then, she usually did look at her like that.
"There better be a good reason you just walked into my office uninvited Berry."
Rachel took a deep breath and walked over nervously to the desk, putting her pompoms on the table.
"There is. I'm quitting the Cheerios."
She waited for the inevitable explosion. She kept waiting. And waited some more. When she finally realised that Sue had barely reacted and was jotting something down in her book, she felt annoyed.
"Aren't you going to say something?"
Coach Sue stopped writing and looked up at her coldly.
"It's about time. I want the uniform back tomorrow morning. Now get out."
Rachel nodded and hurried out of the office quickly. It had went better than she expected it to.
She groaned as the bell went , realising she now had to face detention with Figgins and….. and Sam.
It upset her when she thought of the reason why they had wound up in detention anyway, all because they were getting frisky at school. Now, she didn't even want to look at him.
When she walked into the classroom and saw Sam sitting at the front, she instantly made her way to the back. It was only her , Sam and some kid everyone knew as 'Stoner guy'. Stoner guy looked asleep already.
Sam's eyes pleaded with her as she marched past his desk. When she sat down, she frowned as Sam scraped his seat back and started making his way over to her. When he sat at the desk next to hers. She sighed, shook her head, stood up and made her way to the desk he had just been sitting on at the front of the class.
Luckily, before he could follow her again, Figgins came in and told them to catch up on any work they needed to do for the next hour in silence. She just decided to get an English textbook out and read that for the duration, all her other work was complete. She wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything else anyway. She could feel Sam's eyes on the back of her head throughout the session. When Figgins finally said they could go, she shoved her books in her bag and ran out of the classroom as quick as she could.
She should have known she wouldn't be able to outrun the quarterback. By the time she had reached the parking lot, he had caught up with her.
"You can't ignore me forever. We need to talk about this."
She laughed and shook her head as she unlocked her car. She turned around to face him, knowing that he had followed her over. She couldn't help thinking that yesterday they had been making out against the car, today couldn't be further away from that happy moment.
"Why do we need to talk about it? We managed just fine without talking to each other up until a few days ago, I'm pretty sure we can do it again."
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked gorgeous. And she hated herself for even thinking that.
"But I always wanted to talk to you. You were always on my mind. And now we've had these last few days, I can't go back to just… just nothing."
She shrugged, leaning back against her car. She felt weary and just wanted to get home.
"You don't have a choice in the matter. Maybe you should give Quinn a text. I'm sure she's more than willing to continue where you both left off. "
He shook his head and took a step closer to her. She wanted to back away from him but she had the small problem of a car right behind her.
"Don't. You have it all wrong. It's not what you think it is."
"You admitted earlier that you kissed her. It is what I think it is. You kissed Quinn. It really couldn't be any more simple."
He groaned in frustration.
"Why are you so mad? It was before I started talking to you. You and I weren't a thing. I was free to do what I want."
His words cut her like a knife. How could he not see what he had done wrong? It wasn't even the fact he had kissed her at all, it was the fact that he supposedly hated cheerleaders yet he was more than happy to make out with them.
"You have used the last few days to tell me what a horrible person I am. You have messed with my head and told me that I am an awful human being for wanting to fit in at this joke of a school. When all the time, you have been making out with and dating the thing you supposedly despise. You are a hypocrite Sam Evans. And you are still free to do what you want because we are completely done."
She climbed in her car and shut the door before he could say anything else. She took one last look at him before driving away.
When she got home , she had to turn her phone off. Sam kept phoning her. She ignored the first six phone calls, and when she realised he wasn't going to give up, she turned it off and sat on the sofa watching TV , waiting for her Dads to get home from work.
Twenty minutes later, she heard knocking at the door. She rolled her eyes, her Dads forgot the house keys at least once a week. It was the most annoying thing.
She opened the door ready to give them another lecture about being forgetful when she gasped. Instead of her parents, Sam was standing on her doorstep.
"I just want to talk to you. You're not answering my calls."
She glared at him.
"Me not answering your calls should have been a big indication that I don't want to talk to you. And how the hell do you know my address?"
"I asked Brittany. Well… I sort of tricked her into telling me, it wasn't hard."
She should have known. Brittany would give anything away to anyone.
She made a move to shut the door in his face, but he put his foot against it. She couldn't budge it no matter how hard she tried.
"I kissed Quinn because of you."
His voice sounded cold when he spoke. She creased her eyebrows in confusion.
"Excuse me?"
He relaxed his foot against the door. His eyes were staring into hers, making her legs feel like jelly.
"Quinn has hated me ever since I turned her down. She is always making sly little digs at me. When I joined the Glee club… I guess it just set her off even more. I bumped into her in the parking lot and I tried to ignore her but she kept telling me how pathetic I was and how I wasn't a man because my family are so poor and all that shit."
Rachel shook her head, staring at him blankly.
"So how did you end up kissing her and why was it because of me?"
He sighed, and looked at the ground for a second, his cheeks turning pink.
"When she realised I was ignoring her, she said that she had seen me looking at you. That she knew I had a thing for you."
Her heart leapt as he looked painfully shy . She waited for him to carry on with the story.
"She said that she was going to tell you I was into you and I freaked out. This is the part where I admit I was a jerk and all I can say is I'm sorry for what you are about to hear."
She relaxed the frown on her face, this was obviously hard for him, admitting all of this.
"I'm listening."
He took a deep breath, then looked at the floor again, clearly not wanting to look at her.
"I begged Quinn not to tell you. I didn't want you to hear it second hand . I didn't want to come across as typical jock just wondering which cheerleader he could get with next. I didn't want you to know at all. I have always been in awe of you, despite the fact you ditched all your friends to join the cheerios. I still look at you every day and admire you because I know that you are special. You are one of a kind Rachel, and I'm pretty sure every guy at that school fancies you, they just don't want to admit it. Quinn just kept laughing and saying she would tell the whole school and then I …. I…. I kissed her. I was an idiot."
She shook her head feeling more confused than ever.
"It still doesn't make sense. I'm even more confused now than I was at the beginning of the story."
He looked up, pain and regret clearly evident on his face.
"I kissed her to try to make her see that I didn't like you even though I clearly do and it was all just ridiculous. I told her straight away that it didn't mean anything. I told her I was sorry because I shouldn't have played with her feelings like that. I was a jerk. I fully admit that. And that is partly the reason I've started speaking to you this week. That kiss made me realise that I can't hide from my feelings. It was a mistake, but it was a mistake that brought me to you."
She didn't really know what to say. What could she say? She didn't know him well enough to know if he was lying or not. He looked sincere. He started speaking again.
"Look , I'm going to go now. I just wanted to explain to you. It wasn't a kiss. Well, it was… but it didn't mean anything. It was a kiss meant for you and I know that makes me a complete douche bag and I really am sorry. I'm also sorry for nagging at you this whole week for being a cheerleader. You are amazing Rachel. And no matter how stupid I was with Quinn, I'm kind of glad it pushed me to spend time with you. I'll let you think about things tonight and I'll see you at school tomorrow. If you decide you no longer want anything to do with me, then I will respect that. But just…. Either way, let me know. I'm sorry for everything."
He turned away from her and walked towards his car. She shut the door after he had driven out of view and went straight up to her room. Thoughts of Sam were in her head all night. What kind of a guy would kiss somebody just because they were too scared to admit they had a crush on somebody else? She couldn't figure out what he was all about.
The next morning as she got ready for school was weird for her. She folded her cheerios uniform up neatly and picked out a navy cardigan and white t-shirt, with a mustard coloured skirt, knee high socks and pumps. If she was no longer a cheerio, then she had to be herself. And this was who she really was. She left her hair loose , tumbling over her shoulders. It was a relief to have something other than the high pony for once.
When she pulled into the Mckinley high parking lot, she was stunned to see Sam waiting for her. She felt shy as she climbed out of the car , knowing that everyone was looking at her.
Sam stared open mouthed as she walked over to him.
"Wow. Rachel… you look…."
She blushed under his gaze.
"Dorkish? Out of place?"
He shook his head and reached out to touch her hair. He gently tucked it behind her ear and smiled at her.
"I was going to say beautiful."
She couldn't help but grin at his words. Her heart was racing at the way he had just touched her.
"Are you waiting for my answer?"
The smile on his face was replaced with anxiety. He nodded slowly and she took a deep breath.
"Here's the thing Sam…. You are confusing. I have never met anyone who has made me feel the way you do. One minute you make me feel like I'm dancing on clouds, but the next minute I feel angry and frustrated."
He sighed and took her hand in his.
"I'm sorry."
She squeezed his hand in reassurance.
"You don't have to keep apologizing. I just needed to explain the way you make me feel. And after spending all night thinking about it , I realised that you were probably telling the truth about the kiss with Quinn. I can tell you don't like her, which is why the kiss was so weird to me."
He nodded, and she couldn't fail to notice the hope on his face.
"So are you saying that you forgive me? That we can carry on with whatever we've got going? Because I feel like I haven't kissed you in forever and all I can think about is…."
"No Sam." She cut him off before he could say anymore. He frowned and let go of her hand.
"I'm sorry. I can't carry on with whatever this was. I am still trying to figure you out."
He shrugged sadly and looked down at his feet.
"There isn't really anything to figure out Rach. I'm an idiot who has clearly just screwed up whatever we had. Shit."
She put her hand on his arm gently and he looked at her in surprise. She plastered a smile on her face , trying to look and sound braver than what she felt.
"Just listen to me. I can't be with you until I can work you out. But it doesn't mean I don't want you in my life. The thought of acting like none of this ever happened is awful to me Sam. I would hate it. So… if you are willing, I want to be friends. You are a good guy. And we are in the Glee club together. It makes sense for us to just be normal around each other , don't you think?"
He sighed and took a step closer to her, cupping her cheek with one of his hands.
"What I think is that every minute of being friends with you is going to suck. Because I want you. I want you to be my girl. I want to be with you. But the thought of not speaking to you at all is way worse. So if you want to be just friends, then fine. We can be friends."
She felt like she was trembling all over, and she knew for a fact that her heart was racing. When he said he wanted her to be his girl, her belly somersaulted. She wanted to take the friends thing back, but she couldn't now. She knew it was for the best. Or did she? The way he was looking at her right now made her want to kiss him. She tried not to stare at his lips. Now she knew how good they felt against her own, it was hard to not imagine them. She smiled weakly, knowing that if she stayed here any longer, her resolve would weaken.
"Let's hug it out then 'friend'."
He smiled back and held his arms out. She stepped into them timidly, wrapping her arms around his middle, relishing how comfortable he was. When his grip tightened around her , she sighed contentedly and nuzzled into him. Could she really be just friends with him?
She shivered slightly as he bent down to whisper in her ear.
"This is torture. I can't just be your friend."
She closed her eyes and squeezed him even tighter, not wanting to let him go.
"You are so beautiful Rach."
His voice was soft and low as he murmured into her ear. She pulled away from him slightly, looking up into his dreamy eyes. His lips were just inches away from her own. She didn't know what to do. He was looking at her so intensely, and he looked so gorgeous that she nearly crumbled. Luckily for her, the school bell rang, making them jump apart.
He sadly smiled at her.
"I'll see you in Glee club then?"
She nodded in answer to his question. She didn't trust herself to talk. She didn't trust herself to do anything other than reach out and kiss him. She had to walk away before it was too late. After a while, she realised she needed to snap out of it and say something.
"Yeah. See you later Sam."
She felt his eyes on the back of her head as she hurried into the school.
Now she had finally made her choice, she was almost certain it wasn't the right one.
Being friends with Sam was going to be hard.